I don't like the chapter I got a bid from... Please help!!!
 

Okay, so my first choice was ABC, and I was (still am) absolutely in love with them. While waiting out in front of the house for the girl to call my name, I was so excited to be back, and couldn’t wait to go inside. I got the same girl for prefs that I had for round 1, and she said she was so excited to see me again, and that she really wanted me for prefs. We had probably the best conversation I've ever had in my life, it felt like it was only 5 minutes long instead of 40, and I wanted to keep talking to her for hours. After both round 1 and prefs, she said to me, "I really enjoyed talking to you, I hope I get to see you soon." I honestly want her to be my big, we clicked so well. While they were singing their song during the prefs ceremony, I looked around the room and started to cry, because I felt like I could picture myself there for the rest of my life. And now onto my second choice, the one I got a bid from... XYZ. I was not really a fan of them at all, I repeatedly tried to drop them after round 2 and 3, but they kept asking me back. My round 1 girl was really cool, but she's also my friend's roommate (which I'm afraid is the only reason I liked her). My round 2 and 3 girls were really boring and I couldn't wait to get out of the house. The girl I had for round 3 was the same girl I had for prefs, and I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty disappointed. That conversation was just as boring as the last one. During their song, I felt weird, and that I didn't belong, and I couldn't wait to leave. And now comes Bid Day. The whole time I was waiting to find out, I was singing ABC's song in my head, and numerous people had told me they could picture me as an ABC, so I thought I had it in the bag. Then, I opened my envelope and my heart dropped... it said XYZ. I was so sad, I wanted to cry. I figured I should just try it out though, so I went to the Bid Day party expecting it to be fun, but nope, it was so boring! The whole time, I was just standing there thinking, “ok can I leave now?” Now I'm 2 weeks in, haven't made any new friends, and I don't really like either buddy that I have gotten. The only people I know in this chapter are 2 of my close friends from high school, and I'm scared that the only reason I got in is because I know them. I don't feel like I fit in here, I'm too girly, and I don't really have the same vibe/ interests as them. Also I'm a sophomore, so I haven't really made any friends with my pledge class because they’re all freshmen. And still to this day, if I hear anyone mention ABC or I see their letters, I just want to break down into tears because I love them so much. I kind of want to drop out and try again next year for ABC, but I'll be a junior by then, and will probably have a really small chance of getting a bid from anyone at all. But at the same time, I do want to be in a sorority, so I don't know if I should just get over it and power through, or if I should drop, because I'm not happy with it, and I feel like I don’t fit in. Please help me I don't know what to do!!!

Having no idea what campus you are on, I still feel pretty confident that this is your only chance. Juniors no matter what campus have a really, really hard time. So, the question is would you rather not be Greek at all than a member of this group? Because, that's probably the reality of your situation. Also, ABC is history for you. If you weren't high enough on their list this year, you won't even be on it next year. So that train has left the station. So, if I were you, I'd power thru for several reasons: no other options in Greek life, 1/4 of the chapter at least will change by next year, you will only be there for 3 years but an alumna for life, the networking opportunities for you down the road -employment, help in a new town, etc. and many more. Be the change you would like to see - reach out to them - don't wait on someone to become YOUR friend. YOU be a friend to SOMEONE ELSE. You'll be glad in the long run. These women wanted you. The least you can do is give them a proper chance.

Not my lane, but Try not approaching this sorority the same way my 75 year old father approaches eating sushi. If you've decided that you don't like it before you really experience it, that'll be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Do your best to meet people, make friends, and go to events with a positive attitude. You are bound to your chapter until the next formal recruitment, regardless of when you drop, so you might as well stay until initiation and drop out the day before if you still aren't happy.

NCIS, reference, using The GIBB's GUT, if it don't feel right, then do not go there!

While you Could be Unhappy, but could become Happy is it worth the risk? But, NO ONE can make the final call but you!

You seriously need to decide if you will be happier with NO sorority or life as an XYZ... because THOSE are your choices. You need to put ABC out of your mind. They are not an option for you. I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but that is truly where you are. If you really are unhappy and don't think you can change your mind, then drop. Just understand that that decision is probably your last for Greek life. It is just up to you.

Words of wisdom and truth thetalady.

Carleydaniel11, I encourage you to hang in there at least through your new member retreat. If you do not bond with your other pledge sisters at that time, then you will know it is time to move on.

Why can't sophomores be friends with freshmen? I never understand this mindset.

Are you going to all the chapter events? Are you hanging out at the house? You have to make an effort to try.

Also...what that girl at ABC said to you after your conversations? I would bet anything that she said the exact same thing to every single girl she talked to at every round. It's her job to get you to want her chapter, and she did it. But there were other girls the chapter wanted more. Harsh, but true. They don't exist for you anymore. You need to realize that and get past it or you'll never be happy.

I don't know what campus you're on, but based on the fact that you're already two weeks in, I would guess that it's a school with a large Greek scene with large chapters. This also makes me think that your entire chapter can't be boring.

Keep in mind that recruitment can be a weird time. Certain chapters have it DOWN and other chapters struggle a bit making connections. But remove yourself from that insanity and look at the actual chapter. Have you reached out to anyone to try and connect? Have you asked some of your pledge sisters out to lunch? You may be surprised to find that there are other new members who are feeling the same way as you. There are others who are struggling to find their place and be happy.

Hang out with as many sisters as possible, go to as many events as you can, find sisters who share your major and ask them for help or to study with them, and completely immerse yourself in all things sorority. As others have said, I would encourage you to stick it out, at least up until initiation, and if you're still not feeling it, then drop. Because you can't argue that you're not enjoying yourself if you don't at least try.

Just keep in mind that membership is for a lifetime. You're a sophomore now, so you have only three years as a collegiate member. I know you can't understand it now, but membership as an alumna is such a rewarding experience, and many will argue that it's better than membership as a collegian.

And the one thing that always holds true with sorority membership, whether you're a collegian or an alumna, is that you only get out of it what you put into it.

Not getting first choice has been discussed before on this site. Be sure to look at those threads. You've been given very good advice by the prior posts.

1) Some people (and groups) are very talented at recruiting and selling. Doesn't matter what they sell. They can sell. They can even sell an image. They are good at it. But in reality, what they are selling is usually not any better than the groups they compete against. Sometimes their product is the same thing. Sometimes it is worse. Rarely, if they put so much effort in selling, is it actually better. Keep this in mind.

2) Good sales people may or may not be good friend material. Even if you joined ABC, the people you conversed with during rush may not be as currently involved in ABC as indicated during your recruitment. The odds are that it would be unlikely that they would ever become your best friend. In any event, if you really hit it off with someone in ABC, there is nothing keeping you from seeking her out and becoming friends with her.

3) Being bored? That's why you don't like XYZ - you were bored? Really?

4) Yes - everybody has had a crush on someone that was not reciprocated. Unfortunately, this is one of those disappointing times. You are understandably heartbroken. But, as advised above, the reality is that, if you want to be in a sorority, you better get over this quickly and try to move on with the single opportunity that you actually have in front of you. (You are not alone here - I suspect that a big percentage of PNMs don't get their first choice.)

5) XYZ likes you. They may even have plans for you of which you may not be aware. I say that you try to give them a chance. And don't ever tell them what you wrote above.

6) Delete this post (or have it deleted) if this is your real name.

If you'd like the thread deleted, I can do that.

This is a REALLY good point and one I don't think has been brought up before. Sometimes the super duper skilled rushers are also the ones involved in everything under creation and rarely just hanging out with the sorority...sometimes they're seniors who can kick this into high gear because they know this is the last time they have to do it.

Carly, if ABC had loved you as much as you loved them, you would've been high enough on their list to have received a bid from them. Had all the chapters you ranked as 1 on days 2and 3 invited you back, XYZ would have dropped off your list. Those things didn't happen, and you are now a new member of XYZ.

Imagine how you would feel if one of your best friends had just joined XYZ chapter-the chapter you love- and proceeded to dislike everything about it; felt the chapter was beneath her. How would your feel? Do you think your friends might be feeling that way?

You are a sophomore. You have the best chance of getting your desired chapter as a freshman. Your choices narrow as a sophomore, and get to the " you should be grateful for any bid" as a junior at many schools. You need to give it more time. You won't be best friends with everyone in XYZ ( or ABC had you joined there), but it will be hard to make any close friends if you don't make a concerted effort. It there is a house, go over daily for lunch and dinner. Introduce yourself to your sisters. Sit with different girls every day. Sit with pledge sisters in class. Walk with them over to the house. Ask some pledge sisters to go get coffee or ice cream. Put yourself out there. Make it work.

And I can tell you there is a very strong tendency for girls to be disenchanted when they do get their top pick. The singing and weeping at your feet stops and it quickly becomes a house with a bunch of girls who live there. That is not to diminish the value of sorority membership, but that OMG you're the greatest thing that has ever happened to us! thing goes away. And then it's time to make friends and make your path. Wherever that path may be. So being more than a little mean I say suck it up buttercup. You'll be fine if you decide to be. Or you can be miserable and know you were never good enough for that different group. And that's ridiculous. Once rush is over all of that best and worst business goes away. Rush is a bubble of non-reality. Now is the time for real life, real work, real friends, and a future you can work with.

Been thinking about this, a lot. Probably already been said (and probably better said as well) by my Panhellenic sisters, yet somehow I feel compelled to type this out.

It boils down to one of two things:you will fall in love with your second choice, and you'll make friends, and in a year you'll wonder what you saw in the other chapter. You'll go on to be a leader in the chapter. You'll have a lifetime of great experiences with like-minded women who wear a variety of letters, not just your own.

OR, you will continue to pine for the one that got away, and you'll be miserable, and you'll drop. And your chances of landing any bid as a junior are essentially those of a snowball in hell. Harsh? Perhaps. I agree with thetalady's assessment.

I see this often. Young women think that being in XXX or YY is the only right fit and the only chapter that they can possibly be happy in, and why oh why did they get a bid from ZZ or EEE? Trust us, there are valid reasons you didn't get what you thought you wanted. And trust us, we ALL felt like "I don't fit in". Anyone who says otherwise is lying to you. It's all part of the process. The sorority is where I learned to get along with all kinds of people. Give time time. This "I don't feel a connection" stuff drives me insane, frankly.

Did my best rushing as a senior (for reasons pointed out by 33 & PhilTau). I am still in contact with a Theta who "fell in love with me" and pledged Theta as a freshman. She was upset when she learned I was graduating, but she got over it. She had to! I was her unofficial "big", which worked for both of us. She bonded with her pledge class, she got a terrific "big", and she is still an active alumna. AAMOF my "big" was a senior when I pledged; I had one very close year with her, and she graduated. Yes we are still in contact. I missed her, and I survived without a "big" just fine. My point? You are constructing artificial barriers to developing great friendships.

Please think long and hard about what you want to do. I would hate to see you miss out on a lifetime of membership benefits. There's an instant connection when another woman discovers that we share a sorority membership experience, regardless of what chapter letters we wear.

This is way out of my lane, please stay with me. You were given a bid to a group that wanted you. Yes, THEY WANTED YOU. This group saw something in you that the others did not see. They can see you as a valuable member. Others have told you this, you have two choices, stay or go. If you stay, thrive where you are planted.

When dirt was new, I went through Rush. I wanted to be a member of Phi Delta Theta, I was not given that opportunity. I was a grade risk for the chapter. Later I was given a bid to SigEP. They saw my qualities and guessed I would be a good member. Years Later I am an sort of active alumnus.

Just completely spot on advice, and I'm not just saying that! I really hope the OP is reading all of these pearls of wisdom.

Years ago, I joined my second choice. Yes, it hurt not to get my first choice, but I put my big girl pants on and enjoyed the sisterhood that chose me.

It was a good decision. I just came back from my annual reunion with 5 of my pledge sisters (and very best, closest friends). We have been getting together every year since we graduated. Not bad, considering we met 40 years ago.

Interesting timing. One of my sorority sisters just shared this quote on Facebook:

"It's easy to join a sorority. It's not easy to stay. We need to stop minimizing our expectations of our members. Like all relationships, if it is going to have meaning, it is going to take work." - Mari Ann Callais

You can always count on MAC for great words of wisdom.

I joined my only choice. I rushed back when there were five rounds (and pre-RFM so no guaranteed bids or even guaranteed invitations to "Open House") and for the first three rounds, I had a perfect rush going. The fourth round, I went from 6 (?) invitations down to 1 and it just rocked my world. I didn't mourn the loss of one chapter like OP but all of them. The chapter I had left was strong and a "contender" (in my naive little pnm brain) but I didn't have my heart set on it, but with a perfect rush up to that point, it had never occurred to me that I wouldn't be choosing which sorority I wanted.

Luckily I finished the week and got a bid after all. But I still wasn't sure on Bid Day nor for the whole first year really. My big sis was a junior and that didn't help make friends in my pledge class where almost every other girl's big was a sophomore and they would hang out in groups together. I went ahead and initiated because 1) sophomores didn't stand a chance at re-rushing at my campus and 2) I knew DG was well regarded both on campus and nationally. Yes, it never occurs to PNM's that even new members in "selective" chapters feel unsure and like they don't quite fit in.

So what changed? I made a last minute decision to apply to live in the house as a sophomore. It.Changed.Everything. When you live, sleep, get ready, leave for class, watch tv, etc with 50ish sorority sisters, you just make friends. At the urging of some of the seniors, I ended up running for an office and later went onto our exec board my junior year. By my senior year, I was the "go to" member to counsel anyone who was considering resigning. I never considered resigning myself because my parents strongly believed in the lifetime membership benefits but I definitely was the poster child for going from "wallflower" to "super DG."

Hang in there, OP! It may feel like everyone already has a group but many are just "faking it until they make it." My advice is to sign up for everything you can within your chapter (intramurals, volunteer work, painting banners for homecoming, lunch at the house, a low-level officer position, etc) even if you don't know how to paint or play dodgeball. Just GO! And be friendly and positive once you're there. Eventually you'll find your place. Chapters are pretty good at identifying the types of girls who will be successful members so take comfort in knowing the older girls in your chapter think you're 110% going to make a great member!

Golly gee whiz, did not get favorite choice. Being a bit sarcastic here of course, but there was a group who really wanted you which to me is important!

Not every GLO is good on all campuses but strong on some. Some as Nationals are bigger and older than some.

Question, is the GLO that offered a bid a good group of girls? Did you enjoy being with them? Are they a good National?

While I am guy, the local I started in 1965, 7 of the of the original (16) guys were from other GLOs, but did not work out so, they came to find a new group. Today, we have the best GPA some years running, the largest house building, more active than any other GLO on campus, strong in campus activities and leadership. We also have a very strong Alumni group who gather for many events through out the year either on campus or where we live. Each game has a gathering of Alumni with a tailgate at the Stadiam (?) with a BBQ on real big grills.

Hey, you really find out that this is the path you should follow! The key would be if you are happy!

This is my favorite piece of advice on this forum yet :)