Were YOU miserable, too?
 

So I'm leaving for UCR in a little less than two weeks. I'm so incredibly nervous its not even funny.

Most of my friends have left for their respective colleges already and are totally MISERABLE. I have friends going to LMU, San Deigo State, UOP (boyfriend), and several other smaller private schools you may not have heard of...

They're all extremely wonderful, outgoing, social kids and they say that they've never been more lonely. That's really freaking me out!

Is this the way it is for everyone when they first start out in college? I'm living in "suites" which I heard are super-unsocial (wish I knew that before I signed up!).

Anybody have any tips for making the first few weeks more bearable? Should I avoid constantly calling home, boyfriend, friends, and attempt to make random friends around campus?

Thanks for bearing with me... I know this is a really long and rambling post.

XOXO,
Annie.

From a fellow UC student I'd like to just say go and meet people. The first couple of weeks were great for me last year since I went out beyond my cirlcle of high school friends. Most of my HS buds (20 ish) got into UCI and I didn't want to stay within that circle and miss out on other people.

Oh yeah if ur boyfriend is going to UOP you guys can meet up during basketball games since UCR and UOP (along with UCI) are in the Big West conference.

My 1st two weeks at UBC I came home and cried everyday - I didn't want to be there, it's such a huge campus so I wasn't meeting anyone. Then I went through rush and the rest of my time at UBC was a blast.

Don't go home for at least a month.

Don't stay in your room.

Talk to random people in your classes.

Remember that whatever your rep in high school was, good OR bad, it is GONE. Unless you are going to a teeny school that is full of people from your high school, you have a fresh slate - no one knows or cares that you were the class geek or homecoming queen. People in college who try to live off their high school triumphs usually get laughed at big time.

Keep in touch with your family, friends and sweetie, but don't call them every night as a substitute for making new friends.

I went to a small school & they actually had freshman orientation week. The whole week was a blast and you met so many people!
I also lucked out and really got a long with my roommate, the girls across the hall from us, and several people from my orientation group. Many of those people turned out to be some of my best friends throughout college, and even now.

The people that seemed to have the hardest time adjusting and meeting people were the ones who had to be in their room EVERY NIGHT to call their girl/boyfriend back home (or at another university). They'd stay on the phone for like 2 hours. They missed out on a lot of the random things that drew people closer together & just hanging out with new people.

It was also completely acceptable to go up to someone you hadn't met and introduce yourself (I really like that _____ you're wearing. I think I saw you in my math class... etc.). Especially that first semester. Remember that everyone is surrounded by new people & they want to meet people, too.

Miserable? Oh, yeah...
 

I won't lie to you--my first semester at college was awful. I hated it. I hated my classes, I hated the school, and I hated the people. OK, maybe hate's a strong word, but I was miserable. I went home not only ever weekend, but every chance I got.

I don't know what to tell you--some people take the transition better than others. But I will tell you that things got infinitely better when I joined my sorority, and I'm not just saying that! :p I still don't like the school all that much, and I definitely don't like the town it's in, but my sisters make my days a little brighter--I don't know what I'd do without them. :)

My grandmother told me, when I was miserable at a faraway new school, that you should give a place 6 weeks before you judge it. She was right!

I was sad to leave, but I didn't want to cry, so I held it back. I came to school a week early to rush, so a lot of us have been hear a week longer than everyone, and the few weeks have felt like forever. I don't really call or talk to anyone from home because I figure they would call me first, and I have had more than enough homework. My suitemate has been so lonely, and she cried every night to her mom for the first week. My other suitemate was fine, but just recently has started to state things like she wants to move back home and go to community college, and get married. My roommate LOVES being here, she is the type that counted down the days of college freedom since like freshman year of high school because she was never allowed to go out and stuff. Her mother misses her so much though, and calls her all of the time. The phone is glued to her ear, and she talks to people from home like 20+ times a day, she even had them come and visit us last night, and the phone has rung 4 times since 7am this morning. :eek: We all went home over Labor Day, and I found out that my mom put my dog to sleep a few days after I left and never bothered to tell me "because she didn't want me to be sad at college" after that, I wanted to come back to college because I was mad, but we are okay now. My one suitemate, who was okay at first, had her wants of going to a community college reaffirmed when she went back home, and still wants to, because of a guy... :(

My two suitemates and I went through rush, and that helped SO much in meeting people and getting to know the campus before school began. We have friends from our RC groups that we hang with. My roommate didn't rush, and now wishes she would at least have went through the process, if even just to meet people.

While I was homesick at first, I also kinda was collegesick when I was at home after a few days... :rolleyes:

Re: Were YOU miserable, too?
 

When I left for my first college (and even now that I transferred to another college), I found that the best way to meet new people with similar interests as you is to join organizations on campus. Joining a club, student government or even a sorority is a great way to find a new "group" and find people that have similar interests as you.

Before I transferred, I was already a member of Delta Sigma Pi (which is a co-ed professional fraternity for men & women pursuing careers in business). I got in touch with the chapter at my new school and found the people in this chapter to AMAZING even though I had never met them before and they introduced me to other people in other organizaitons that I might be interested in.

First of all, fewdfreak, I am SO sorry about your dog. :(

Shark, I agree with everyone who has said to get out and try to meet people. That first week is so important, because everyone is in the same position and probably super eager to meet people. Definitely do not call home and boyfriend more than once a day (and try to keep it short).

I was miserable for the first couple weeks. I didn't know anyone from high school who went to my college (I found that appealing, but it was a little scary at first, not knowing anybody). I ended up calling a woman I met at orientation and we talked a lot and ended up becoming best friends. That was awesome, because I didn't go through rush freshman year, and my roommate was very annoying. Still, I called home crying saying "I wanna come home!!!" more than a few times. It passed, though, and especially after the first year, you couldn't pay me to want to go home!

I was for the first week. It's hard being away from home for the first time.
Whenever someone would even mention the word "parents" or "home", I'd get all misty eyed. Don't even get me started on how much I'd cry after getting off the phone with my parents.
But, I started to hang out with my sorority and got to know the girls in my dorm. Pretty soon, I became more adjusted.
When I visit my parents and I leave to drive back up to school, I still get misty eyed. But, I wouldn't want to stay back at home. Home is a great place to visit but I wouldn't want to live there. ;)

I was miserable my whole freshman year exect the first part. I got pnemonia that sucked!! Dumbass student helath clinic told me it was allergies. Its not their fault though. They were only trained for STDs. They can spot herpes as soon as you walk into the door. These seat's taken slut, move away from me.

LOL! This has to be the funniest thing I've heard all day. Glad you're all better now...

XOXO,
Annie.

My entire first semester was absolutely miserable, but it improved so much the second semester. Some things to keep in mind:

- At least half, and probably more, of the people around you feel exactly the same way. Yes, there are those people who make the high school-to-college transition beautifully, but there are many many more who don't. I remember spending at least one night a week, every week of first semester, talking (and occassionally crying) to my parents that I wanted to come home. I thought I was the only person doing this. Then, second semester, I had made friends with a group of girls and we ALL admitted that we had been calling our parents and crying every week.

- Join organizations and clubs, rush, etc. You will meet so many people.

- If you're living in the dorms, keep your doors open. Go talk to people who have their doors open. Sit by random people at meals. Just remember that everybody else is in the same boat as you are, and they are just as nervous.

I just always try to remember that there are so many people who are miserable the first few weeks or months -- but there's a reason why so many people love college so much more than high school! You just have to find out what will do that for you.

I can only add one more tidbit of advice, and this is from someone who's been there and done that.

Do not let your long-distance boyfriend get in the way of your having a wonderful freshman experience.

Now, I'm not implying that he would intentionally get in your way. But I have seen way too many people come to college and spend all their time on the phone/computer with their significant other from back home. They hide in their rooms and don't have a full life because a huge chunk of them is always off thinking about that person. All they ever talk about is that person.

I made a long-distance relationship work through my freshman year, and I still had a full experience. I was a member of several organizations and got to know tons of people. I set myself up with a wonderful local support network that caught me when the relationship ended.

My roommate also had a long-distance relationship. She let it consume her. All she ever did was study and talk to him. She visited him every weekend. She had about three friends. When that relationship turned sour, she didn't have any network of support. She had to go about the daunting freshman tasks of making friends and meeting people as a sophomore, when all the rest of us were pretty well set into the way we lived. She's a senior now and it still is a problem for her.

So yes, you are going to be miserable the first week or so. Sorry to be so blunt, but that's the truth. You'll be even more miserable than your "unattatched" companions because you have that close relationship that you're leaving behind. But it'll get better. Just don't turn to him and only him for support.

And, of course, Go Greek!

Don't worry! This is an exciting and amazing chapter of your life. And as any transition goes, there is a required amount of anxiety. :) But as everyone has already told you, everyone is in the same position. I lived in a suite at a UC school my frosh year. I loved it. I loved that I had a roommate because she was my dning buddy all first week. I was terrified of venturing to the commons alone. Haha.

-Play your music and keep the door open.
-Cook some food with your roommate and invite your suitemates or the guys across the hall to enjoy what you have made.
-Make friends in your sections with whom to swap lecture notes with in case of absences.
-And since you have been posting on a greek message board, I assume you are not adverse to rushing, so I urge you to do so.

UC's can be a bit overwhelming and somewhat impersonal at first, but as at any college, it's the people you meet that make the experience.

Get exited. There are so many opportunities!

In addition to all of the above advice, I suggest that you get to know the people in your suite, on your floor, in your dorm, and classes. Make an effort to meet one new person everyday. Push yourself to do it even if you feel shy or insecure. Believe me everyone feels that way at least once during freshman year. If you are having a particularly difficult time, many schools have workshops or programs through residential life or the counseling center to help students cope with homesickness, loneliness, and adjusting to college life. The college experience is a defining time in your life. Don't forget to enjoy it! :D

I was miserable my first semester of college. I missed home, I missed my boyfriend, I hated my roomate and my classes...it was overall a bad situation. Plus, my mom was only a local call away, and she was having trouble adjusting too, so we'd stay on the phone for an hour or two at night. Then I'd get online to talk to the boyfriend. I did have friends, but I just didn't feel like I belonged in that world.

When I transferred to LSU, I had a huge built-in social network - all of my friends from HS were there. We are all still friends to this day. Even still, though, I didn't branch out too much, until I got put into an on-campus apartment with two of the most wonderful girls who are now some of my best friends. They, too, were in long-term relationships so they understood what it was like to have a steady boy. I miss them soooo much.

I just started law school at LSU. But I still cry nearly every day. EVERYONE I was friends with is gone. Its like being in the twilight zone - I'm back in our old place, but no one else is. But I talk to other people, and they say they are doing the same thing.

Its all a big adjustment. But you will survive. :)

And don't let anyone discourage you on the long-distance relationship. If you want it to work out,a nd its meant to be, it will happen. Last night my boy and I celebrated 5 years together. We're talking about getting married in a few years. So, it CAN be done :)

For whatever it's worth, our son (youngest child) just started college two weeks ago and is having the time of his life.

He absolutely loves it -- everything about it.

Of course, he is very social and gets along with everyone.

We've reserved airline tickets for him to come home for Thanksgiving, and he's making noises like he may not make it home.

When I was a Freshman, I lived about 75 miles away from home and had a girlfriend who was a year younger and still in high school, so I came home every weekend to get la......uh, to get laundry done.

What did you think I was going to say?

Actually, you've gotten some good advice. Get out and make new friends and you'll be OK.

DeltAlum: You crack me up! :D

That's so AMISH!!! ;)
http://www.plauder-smilies.de/happy/roflmao.gifhttp://www.plauder-smilies.de/laugh2.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/laugh1.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/biggrinflip.gif http://www.plauder-smilies.de/lol2.gif

Actually, I think she was Catholic. Or maybe Druid.

Anyway, she came to Ohio U. the next year and found out how much fun I was having during the week.

I had a heck of a time getting la... uh, anything cleaned from then on. At least by her.

It was a tiny mistake that she made that got me my first date with a sorority woman. But I digress. Again.

I think all of the Amish girls went to Kent State.

(Shark, don't worry, you'll have fun, too!)

LOL! Now I will never look at my neighbor the same way again. She asked me if I had any suggestions or tips for her son who was going off to college. I said make sure that he knows how to do his laundry. She said you mean a nice girl at college won't want to do his laundry for him. :p I won't be able to look her in the eyes again.

I think you gave her excellent advice. Neatness counts! I'm sure he'll make a good impression on someone.