Should we still spank our kids?
 

When I was in Wal-Mart the other day, I saw this little girl show out when her Mother told her that she was'nt buying her any candy. This girl through a tantrum, kicking and screaming. Now, that did'nt work in my home. My Mom would've spanked me in the store, and would'nt have that problem again.;)

She we continue to spank or not? Comments?

Spanking
 

It's any individual choice. I spanked my children right there on the spot and you are right I didn't have to do it but twice. After that all I had to do was give them the look, and they knew to get themselves together. I think a little fear is good!

YES!
 

Yes! I got spanked and my kids will get spanked. Cause no "time out" was gonna work on me when I was 2 years old. My mom said she lost 10 pounds with me when I was that age.


QTE

2 words
 

HECK YES!!!!!

Have to be careful these days. I've heard of people getting sued for spanking their kids. I don't know if anything came of those cases you never know. I mean, we're in a time where other people think it's their business on how you raise your kids.

Koss28

Yes. There is a limit to spanking and BEATING your child though. My daughter had one good fall out at the store. I left my stuff in the cart, grabbed her and went home, AFTER I popped her butt one good time. That was the end of that.

But it also depends on the child. I can tell my child to knock it off, and she knows to stop. I try to use spanking as a last resort, but that might not work for every child. I've seen PLENTY of children lose their minds simply b/c the parent is too embarassed to do anything in the store. Forget that. But whatever works for you and your child ...:cool:

spanking
 

I had to spank my son plenty when he wanted to show out in the store when he was 2 and 3 years old. My parents, who used to regularly beat my tail for the same offense, now tell me, "It don't take all that to get him to stop." :mad: That's the problem with kids now, folks scared to spank. Yea, my son got tore up in Wal-Mart, Sack and Save, the mall, wherever he tried to clown and I dared anybody to call me on it. Now, I just give him "the look" and he settles right on down. My husband uses that "Deep Daddy Voice" on my son and that works as well. :)

That's crazy, I saw a story on the news about that same scenario, nothing came of the case though. I was in a conference with a parent where a student began to utter obscenities and banter to their parent. WTH? I had to stop the meeting and let her know that we could'nt accomplish anything if she can't get control of her child. "Lil Man" will have a hard time in my class because I won't tolerate that type of disrespect.:rolleyes:

I have no shame in saying this, I remember when I younger my Mom slapped me in church because I told her I was'nt gonna read the Sunday School lesson.:D It's funny now but I deserved that, she slapped me so hard my ponytail came loose. Some of that stuff can be handled in the beginning, before people grow older and get thrown in ditches.

Hell yeah.!!

That is what's wrong with a lot of kids today, they know that they can get away with it. When I was younger all my mom had to do was look at me, and I knew to calm the hell down. I remember once getting "back slapped" and that was all she wrote. I didn't act up from that point on.

In favor
 

I was spanked less than 10 times as a child, including for calling my nephew, who's three years younger, "a stupid dog."

But I do favor it. I loathe out-of-control screaming kids in public places.

NO!
 

I hate to see people spanking their children in public. I think you should raise your kids at home, so when they come out in public they will know how to act. It makes me so sad to those little kids getting beat in the middle of the store. :( Of course I am not yet a mother, so I don't have any experience in raising children. But, I don't think will hit my children when I do have some.

Of course!!!
 

A good spanking doesn't hurt a child at all (at least not in the long run)! I received spankings as a child from both mom & dad. I mean my parents were super duper strict. You all they were sooooooooooooooooooooo strict that I didn't loose my virginity til I was in my early 20's; AND I AIN'T TALKING 21!!!!!!!! But in the long run I'm really glad they kept me on lockdown. That worked for me, at least.

Yes!
 

There's a way to spank your child and I see nothing wrong with doing it in public. It was done to me and look at how I turned out. :p I remember getting spanked because I didn't want to hear what my mother had to say so I started humming the Sesame Street song. She checked it right there and we were riding down the street.....umm she didn't pull the car over either. :eek: You can raise your children at home and they still get out in public and act in a way they know they shouldn't...they are children, it happens. I don't have any children but I always say check them where they try you. Want to act up in the store, you will get checked right there in the store. My neice knows that Aunt Afrochic don't play. I have stared at a plenty of mothers in disgust when their children holla Momma Momma Momma and then stomp kick fall on the floor because they don't get the ice cream.....check it right there or they will check you later and embarass you.

Re: Yes!
 

:D Did she tell you how to get there? LOL.

Re: Re: Yes!
 

Yep she gave me the directions but after our dramatic discussion wink wink I decided I didn't really wanna go. From then on I shut my mouth about telling me how to get to Sesame Street lol.

Re: NO!
 

Sweetestone, I understand what you're saying about discipline beginning in the home. BUT...there's ONE thing that parents (and others) need to know and constantly remember. YOUR CHILDREN, at SOME point in time or another, ARE GOING TO TRY YOU. Although it's not our ONLY or MAIN form of discipline, my husband and I are FIRM believers in spankings. And we apply them, accordingly, to both of our children. If you were a parent, then you'd DEFINITELY know what I'm talking about. I've found that the majority of the time (and I'm not speaking about you because I don't know you), it's the people who DON'T have children who try to tell parents how to be parents. I'm telling you, there's NO job harder than being a parent...ESPECIALLY in these days and times. Believe me, if my children would have been born with instruction manuals, then I would STILL be using them. :D :D But parenting doesn't work that way. You can be a GODMOTHER, GODFATHER, UNCLE, AUNT, etc. But there's NO experience like raising YOUR OWN children.

I work with kids who have their parents, aunts, grandparents, etc. literally SCARED of them. These kids curse their parents out, are disrespectful, defiant, verbally and physically hostile. And their parents or caretakers are not able to manage their behavior. These kids don't mind telling their parents/caretakers off in front of a crowd of people. It's just sad. But this is how I see it (and I've told my 8-year-old daughter this). I WORK in that mess. But I absolutely REFUSE to come home to it. No, neither of my children ASKED to be here. But they're here and my husband and I are responsible for them UNTIL they atleast turn 18 years old. UNTIL THEN, what WE say, goes. We love them. Would DIE for them. Work hard for them. Give them EVERYTHING that they NEED and MOST of what they WANT. And we wouldn't tell them anything wrong or do anything to hurt them. Hey, I'm willing to bet you, that once you DO have children, your decision about spankings will change once your FIRST child turns...let's say about a YEAR old. :D :D

My husband and I are just DETERMINED that OUR children are going to BE and DO better than we have (and my husband and I are from S.C. and raised the OLD SCHOOL way)...even if we have to knock them out to do it!!! :) :) :)

Re: Re: NO!
 

Amen!!! I know I spank the Brat when it's called for. She pulled a little stunt in the store ONCE and has never tried it again. For the most part she gives me no problems but now she's at the age where she's trying to see if she can get away with a slight attitude. In short, I'M NOT HAVING IT!! If you don't have your kids under control at an early age they will have you climbing walls and ducking blows.

Well said Korkscru!:D

Whateverrrrrrr! Some of those same kids parents come to the school with that nonsense.

Look here "Trina" everybody ain't gonna run from you, we are both
GROWN WOMEN.:rolleyes: If you want to "BillyBadAss" we can take this outside, and I'll buy a couple of those wolf tickets you selling.

I am the parent of a 5 year old girl, and yes, when she gets out of hand - trust Mother on this one, I put her in check!!! She is not a bad child, but she is a child nonetheless and will try to see how much stuff she can get away with. That's just the nature of children - they want to test their boundaries. It's up to the parents to set those boundaries when necessary. I can't believe when I see these talk shows about parents who are afraid of their children!! If I even smelled like I wanted to talk back to my mother, I got checked. Bottom line is I would rather discipline my daughter now, that way when she grows up, I won't have to worry about her doing something like knocking someone over their head and having to deal with law enforcement. Like someone said earlier, where my child acts up is where she gets checked.

:confused:

Let me clarify, I was agreeing with what you were saying. I have had parents to exhibit that same behavior. It is sad that children act that way, but even worse when adults do it. That certainly was no diss, I apologize, if you felt that way.

Thou shalt not spare the rod!!!
 

I had to infiltrate this site ladies to say from the male perspective... My son age 8 is pledging until he's 18 and am out of my wallet, be it mental or physical, and he's got more than enough people onhis ass...He's got myself, his mother, his stepfather, his grandmothers (3), his grandfather, my homies, my brothers in Groove and lastly his teacher..whom has the right to put a foot up his ass if he acts up! We need to get back to the Old school methods of discipline..I don't even hit my son but I have instilled a large amount of respect within him which in turns around and humbles him and keeps him in check. I also do not yell at him like he's some kind of idiot because he's not, future Groovers do not get treated like animals, he's a man in training and he's learning early the responsibilities of being a man first and foremost. No direspect to sisters but alot of youa'll baby these kids and in this day and age you cannot baby them like that...I was always taught to earn my own way and if wanted the respect of a man -I'd better act like one! I beg to the sisters on this thread whomever may read this the young boys that you are rearing (or rear in the future). If no positive male role models are in their lives get them involed in Boy Scouts, Big Brothers/Big Sisters, etc. and get them to enjoy reading books..as hard as it may be get them out of that BET/ MTV syndrome so that they can learn to be productive Black Men and not just the status quo.

But to close yes I believe in spanking and I live by the old addage by Bill Cosby " I brought you in this world, and I'll take you out!"
Peace sistas!

That's a whole 'nother issue (re: babying boys), but I agree with you. If you teach children to respect themselves and others, they will not act out as much. Kids learn by what they see, if they see momma and nem actin a fool, then that is how they are going to act. By the time they get to school, and someone tries to check them, they get all ignant, loud and ghetto b/c that is all they know. Sad, but true.:(

And I also believe in "I'm the parent, YOU are the child" and "I brought you in this world, and I can take you OUT!!" ha ha

I'm just trippin' off of the replies. :D This is a great topic. It's good to read other people's points of view on topics such as this.

Anyway, I wanted to add that I've noticed that my clients show me ALL of the respect that I'm due because I put all of the cards on the table when I make my FIRST visit. In addition to that, I do EXACTLY what I say that I'm going to do with them. For example, if they feel that they don't want to comply, I let them be non-compliant. BUT...when we get in front of the JUDGE (because most of them are on probation), I give the judge the "real" deal. I hold them...yes, even the younger ones...accountable for their own behavior. KIDS NEED DISCIPLINE AND STRUCTURE!!!! It's funny and they won't say it, but they actually feel neglected, misunderstood, and unattended to whenever they DON'T have those two components in their lives. In my opinion, there's just NO excuse for a parent not being able to manage an 8, 10, 12 year-old's behavior. I just don't understand HOW in the WORLD an 8 or 9 year-old NOT go to school or stay out until "wee" hours of the night? Will SOMEONE help me with that? I'm telling you, THIS is what I deal with on a daily basis. Not in my OWN home, but in dealing with my clients and their families. MY daughter is about to turn 9 years old. And if she or my son, who is 3 years old, EVER....EVER...EVER told me that they weren't going to go to school or some MESS like that, I'm telling you, the Department of Social Services would PROBABLY be called because I would tear their rumps to shreds. I don't EXPECT my daughter to understand WHY we do or require that she do certain things. And, in all honesty, I don't feel OBLIGATED to explain EVERYTHING either. My children mean EVERYTHING to me and I TELL them and SHOW them EVERY DAY. I just CAN NOT see my having to go through all of the ups and downs of being a parent and then my kids turn around and give me their a**es to kiss. IT JUST AIN'T HAPPENING IN MY HOUSE!!!!

I agree in spanking children, but I do try other ways to discipline my 5 year old some first. Children will try you, it a way for them to obtain their independence. Although I'm not having the falling out in the store, some parents go to far in spanking their children in public, which makes all spanking look bad. We have all heard the ghetto azz parent in the store cursing their child out and not spanking but boxing their children. I agree that discipline starts at home, but spanking is not the only way to discipline your child. I found that my son responds better to me taking things away from him, like game boy, no computer or no tv, instead of spanking. one time I asked him do you want a spanking , he said yeah. Of course I gave him a spanking to remember, but I realized that the spanking thing may not be working.
Also kids have a bigger fear for their fathers than mothers. All I have to do is tell my son I'm calling my ex-husband and he balls.

First, let me say I do not have any kids, but I DO believe in spankings. Why? Because my mama wore my butt out when I was little, and that kept me in check.

Even though I don't have kids, I have three nephews and two nieces, and I am very active in their lives. Before I started babysitting, I let my brothers and sister-in-laws know, if you want me to babysit, I need your permission to whop their azzes when they get out of line. Of course, they were okay with that, because we all believe in spankings. Spankings are good, as long as you don't cross the line.

I agree because I see it everyday in my class. Some of those same kids get away that foolishness at home, so they feel that they can go to school, church, or a restaurant and cut up!

No I won't let "Lil Man" just walk in my class late, or "Shankrel" to sell candy in my class -there is an order. NO! you as a parent can not come to a conference and act beligerent when I won't let your child participate in "Fun Friday" because they did'nt behave all througout the week.

I've had parents try to "shine" because their child did'nt go on a field trip. Because they(the parents) "could'nt afford it".:rolleyes: Yet their child comes to school everyday "trunked down" in FUBU, Sean John, and Polo. There is something wrong with that.

Okay, why did my previous post print twice???? :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:

Oh well, I guess it's not a big deal. :)

I agree in spanking WHEN it is deemed necessary. I have a close friend who will hit her child for the smallest of wrongdoings. But when you spank, I feel you should explain to them why they are getting spanked and how you won't tolorate it. I have seen kids getting a spanking for soiling their pants during potty training. That does not help the matter at all.

To put a twist on the original topic: Would you allow others to discipline your child? I was surprised many said no, but if you want me to watch your child, he will be checked if need be.

Good question...
 

That really would depend on who it is. If it were members of my immediate family, yes. If not not, no.

It depends. That's iffy.

Ok my question is this if you won't let others beat your child when she is becoming reared in society in general.....would you be upset if your son/daughter pledged old school, which is basically being reared in fraternal society? hmmmm

p.s. I'm not talking Grad chapter I'm talking when they're possibly 17,18,19,20 years of age.:eek: :rolleyes:

No.
 

When they come of age they are responsible for their choices. Not me. Once they decide they want to "jump out" with the "Big fish" then they have to swim -every pond, lake and ocean is different. Some have Salmon, Mullet or Catfish, each dynamic has its own flavor. They could'nt get in the water and not expect to get wet, nor change the wave in progress to fit their "liking". Those fish were there before they jumped in so they have to ride it until they reach the sands. I certainly would not expect them to divulge "What it was like" on their road to XYZ? That is a question that I would not ask another, nor answer if posed to me.

I have a question for you. How do you know what goes on in a Graduate chapter?;) Are you there?

You know who you are...
 

To the woman who PM'd me, I have attempted to reply to what you have written, but your box is full so I will reply here.

Concerning what I wrote about "Old School" in my last post, I meant it. The comments that you made(wrote) were so ridiculous to a point that they were offensive.

For you to think that members in alumnae chapters are not as serious about DST as the undergraduates tells me that you have'nt reached that point yet. I'd dare you to go to a member with that sentiment and see what happens.:rolleyes: Those women who you are now interacting with at your campus are not gonna be in college forever, and eventually will affiliate with a graduate chapter.

Instead of worrying about who is "real"? or "Who pledged"? Worry about whether you will continue to be active and financial if you are blessed to be chosen. Once again the "wave" is not gonna change for you. Those fish were swimming before you got there and will be if you decide not to swim.

Lastly, don't worry about how I know? That is not a question that you ask someone.:rolleyes:

Now... will you please answer the question posed at the beginning of this thread.

What I'm saying is I think you raise your children at home and when they are out in public that's the time that all your hard work training them should shine through. Meaning they should already know how to act when they get in public. What I'm see in some parents is spanking but not teaching. When I was younger I got spanked too, but my parent always kinda let me know why I'm was getting spanked. It was a lesson in it. You should learn form this. I think more than one method should be used. Spanking seems like a easy way out for the parents. When sometimes teachng is really needed.

And I agree with you TOTALLY, Sweetestone!!! I'm sure that any "good and loving" parent does not just wake up and say that they are going to spank their child or children on that day. No, it doesn't work like that. What I'M saying is that ATLEAST 90% of the time, although you TEACH them and you EXEMPLIFY the behaviors that you expect from them, children will STILL test you. That's a FACT!!!! I AM a mother and I KNOW it to be true. It's like someone said earlier, it's in their nature to do. But it is our responsibility as PARENTS to set limits and to be consistent. Now I'm not saying that spanking is the ONLY form of discipline. In my home, spankings are ONLY the result of EXTEME and CONTINUAL inappropriate behavior. And THAT'S after SEVERAL warnings and attempts at other forms of discipline. And to be quite honest, my husband and I don't WANT to result to spankings. Hey, we work all day, we get tired, and we don't want to be bothered with doing the task. It takes a lot of TIME and ENERGY to "cut butt". :D :D BUT it WILL be done IF NEEDED and my children KNOW and UNDERSTAND that.

I've explained to my 8-year-old that I don't just "all of a sudden" CHOOSE to spank her. SHE has control over that by how she behaves and the EXTENT of that behavior. Both of my children are what others may consider to be "good" children...but they are by NO MEANS perfect. I know this because I GAVE BIRTH to them, I LIVE with them, and I KNOW them. :D :D I'm sorry, but my husband and I have to HAVE and MAINTAIN a certain amount of CONTROL within our home. Whenever any discipline results in a spanking, we don't hit them all in the back or head or whatnot. No, we go STRICTLY for the BUTT!!! We don't use all kinds of extension cords, paddles, and whatnot...NOTHING like how my husband and I were raised. We use a small belt or our hands.

And just so that you will know, in talking with my daughter one day, she said to me "Ma, I want to be just like you when I get older". WOW!!!! What a POWERFUL, LOVING, and TRUSTING statement that was. I cried when she told me that. She asked why was I crying. And I told her that I was crying because I don't want her to be LIKE me, I want her to be and do BETTER than me. I STILL get choked up whenever I tell or think about that story. Just to know that my child looks up to me and loves me SO much that she wants to be LIKE me. Hey, it's a BLESSING and I KNOW that my husband and I MUST be doing SOMETHING right. :) :) :)

Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child
 

Hey, I haven't posted in a while but I wanted to respond to this.

Yes, I am a big believer in spankings. I have a 3 year old son and I live by the same motto my mom did when raising me and my brother, "I am going to embarrass you wherever you embarrass me". And that spanking is a last resort, because I have been left no other choice because you have not responded to my requests to calm your behavior. Discipline starts early. You can not let your child run wild and then at age 5 and 6 pull out a belt and expect immediate results. It takes time to get a child to understand that I am the parent, you are the child and you will do what I say or suffer the consequences.

I really don't understand mothers who say they can't control their children. After carrying you for nine months, watching what I eat, not being around second hand smoke, not drinking, getting pre-natal visits, and then going through labor to get you here healthy and then the child turns around and disrespects you, I don't think so. I just don't get it. :rolleyes:

Would I let other people discipline my child? Depends on who you are talking about. Family and close friends (those so close they may as well be family), yes. These are the same people who disciplined me and would go to the ends of the earth for me. I know they would do the same for my child. And most importantly, it is done in love. Other people, I will have to take as they come along, but probably not.

Angela
3-A-96 Veracious 64
Memphis Alumnae Chapter

I feel spanking is fine but you need to explain why you are spanking them. Children are ultra intelligent these days so they will understand somewhat on what is right and what is wrong. My son knows that I don't like to spank him so he tests my limits and most children will do that so in short when they test the limits make that little fanny nice and red.

Ya know what? *I'm laughing* I was'nt ready for that one.:D

Anybody still spanking their kids in public? I told yall don't do it!