Say something nice or nothing at all!
 

It has been too many years since I did the recruitment scene but we had a rule that during discussion- you could not say anything mean about a rushee. Is that still true today? Half of me loved the rule because no one wants a room filled with girls bashing you but then I think that if a girl was immoral (i.e. got caught showering with 5 fraternity guys at their house) - you could not stand up and say hey- the chick is a tart! Just wondering if that rule is still around and if your organization uses it.

Did someone actually do that! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif Anyway, our rule was that you couldn't bash someone in front of the whole group BUT if you had a story like that where a rushee HAD to be dropped we were encouraged to speak to the Rush Advisor privately and she'd take care of it.

We would just say meaningfully, "I don't believe she'd be happy here," and if someone pressed the issue, we were supposed to take it up with the alum advisory board. That never had to be done while I was there--everybody knew what you meant without any gory details being trumpeted.

Yep- not only did I know the girl who did it but my ex-boyfriend married her!!!!! For all my greek sisters out there...don't worry- no sorority took her! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

We had that rule. And a list of "approved" adjectives we could use. Could not use Stupid, Fat, Ugly, Slutty, etc. We used to crack ourselves up coming up with alternative "approved" ways of saying this.

We are not allowed to use anything that is hearsay, we couldnt say that a girl was caught showering with five fraternity guys, unless we saw them. Any accusations have to be valid, and they cant be dumb like "I know that she was sleeping in class yesterday" or "She told me she wanted to be an XYZ" or "She was walking with some FGH's, I think she wants to be with them" They have to be like "I saw her smoking up the other day, I know we dont want someone like that in our organization."

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"...A dynamic sisterhood of powerful and passionate women maintaining uncompromising principles, igniting positive change, and embracing individuality!"

Phi Sigma Sigma - Gamma Gamma Chapter
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1-9-4-6 Doohretsis!

Tau Beta Sigma - Delta Omicron Chapter
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Go Golden Chickens! I mean EAGLES!

There are only a few good things that came out of Clarion- Chris Kirkpatrick of NSync, Kurt Angle (Pre WWF!) and any PHI SIGMA SIGMA!

Our rule is no hearsay also. We can talk to the recruitment person or membership person if we have concerns and aren't sure they can be voiced. I like the approved way of saying things though... my favorite is "Morally Casual".

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"...and love her for her womanhood."

I was JUST THINKING the same thing!
That is from b]Animal House[/b]! I love that line! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

I was JUST THINKING the same thing!
That is from Animal House! I love that line! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

We don't have any rules on saying anything mean, but if you have something bad to say about a guy, like you don't like him, you have to have a good reason, not just "he's a dork" On the other end though, you can't say "he's cool" you have to explain why he's "cool"

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Steve Corbin
Lambda Chi Alpha
Theta Kappa Chapter
Rose-Hulman Inst. of Tech.

we're not allowed to say anything specifically negative when we're talking about a rushee before the whole house. someone might instead say, "she's not an XYZ (us)..." we all know exactly what that means and don't discuss it further. or, "she had some problems with ABC fraternity" (but not elaborate).

we will just come out and say it if someone's met her and thought she was snobby, rude, or something like that.

what we don't do is tell gossipy third-hand stories or bash girls for ten minutes at a time.

if someone has a real problem with a girl, she could take it to our rush advisor, or else just clue in a few people (not during the group meetings).

i think my house is pretty good about not being catty during membership selection. i know of other groups that definitely DO talk about a girl's looks and weight, as a group.

I know that when we sit down after our parties to cut girls, nobody can "con" a girl until someone "pros" her. This is usually not difficult, and it also allows someone who liked her to say something nice before the cons come rolling out.

<<What is the difference if everyone knows "morally challenged" means slut?>>

I applaud your "call it as I see it" mentality. But then, I'm not one to mince words with bunch of PC garbage. I DO think however, that it's better to follow the "praise in public, criticize in private" thing IF POSSIBLE. I know that in our membership roundtables, we were pretty open to discussing confirmed, first hand accounts of someone being a fool. Anything second hand is rumor and unreliable.

<<Personally, the sex life, drug life, spiritual life of another is not my business unless it is harmful to others>>

This can be a harmful mentality to any chapter. The "I don't care what you do on your time (even with the until it is harful to others)" thing is contradictory to the values we all profess - primarily REALLY caring about our fellow members. If someone is risking their welfare through rampant casual sex and/or drug use/abuse then each of us has a responsibility to help them. And is they are a rushee, the same should hold true - but in case you need another point, don't think for a minute that pledging a few drugies or "morally casual" folks won't impact the chapter's rep. Right, wrong or indifferent - perception is reality, and if it's perceived that you pledge the drugies or the loose, the chapter is guilty by association.
Brad

<<What is the difference if everyone knows "morally challenged" means slut?>>

I applaud your "call it as I see it" mentality. But then, I'm not one to mince words with bunch of PC garbage. I DO think however, that it's better to follow the "praise in public, criticize in private" thing IF POSSIBLE. I know that in our membership roundtables, we were pretty open to discussing confirmed, first hand accounts of someone being a fool. Anything second hand is rumor and unreliable.

<<Personally, the sex life, drug life, spiritual life of another is not my business unless it is harmful to others>>

This can be a harmful mentality to any chapter. The "I don't care what you do on your time (even with the until it is harful to others)" thing is contradictory to the values we all profess - primarily REALLY caring about our fellow members. If someone is risking their welfare through rampant casual sex and/or drug use/abuse then each of us has a responsibility to help them. And is they are a rushee, the same should hold true - but in case you need another point, don't think for a minute that pledging a few drugies or "morally casual" folks won't impact the chapter's rep. Right, wrong or indifferent - perception is reality, and if it's perceived that you pledge the drugies or the loose, the chapter is often found guilty by association.
Brad

One reason that we have to be so PC is because if someone said, "Jane Doe is a slut," (or whatever)in front of the whole sorority, she could be sued if that made it back to the rushee. It's harder to prove libel if no one actually said it but just hinted at it.

As for PNMs doing drugs or committing other illegal or possibly immoral acts--having members like this can hurt your group badly. I remember one Auburn fraternity that in the seventies unknowingly pledged a bunch of druggies and by the end of the year, those guys had a special room off the attic where they did drugs. Although no one narked on them, people all over campus were aware of it and the whole time I was there, no one but druggies wanted to pledge the formerly good group. Several embarrassed older members went inactive.

It has also been my experience that people who are heavily into drugs, drinking, or sex don't make the best members because they have other things on their mind besides grades, activities, and making the GLO the best it can be.

I was a pretty good girl in high school. I never drank, did drugs, or slept around. I went to college and lived in an apartment. I had a "temporary lapse in judgement" when it came to boys. I wasn't promiscuous, but was very gullible. Needless to say, my name is somewhat slandered. I am still a good person with a remarkably good gpa, a good personality, and I get along with everybody. Still, I'm worried that when I got through rush this fall I will have problems because of rumors that got out of control. And I'm afraid that if I do get a bid, the rumors will come back to haunt me anyway. I think everybody should keep an open mind--people can change.

I was a pretty good girl in high school. I never drank, did drugs, or slept around. I went to college and lived in an apartment. I had a "temporary lapse in judgement" when it came to boys. I wasn't promiscuous, but was very gullible. Needless to say, my name is somewhat slandered. I am still a good person with a remarkably good gpa, a good personality, and I get along with everybody. Still, I'm worried that when I got through rush this fall I will have problems because of rumors that got out of control. And I'm afraid that if I do get a bid, the rumors will come back to haunt me anyway. I think everybody should keep an open mind--people can change.

Re worried senior's comment about buying into the package, I always say that something every chapter needs in rush, more than a good skit or cool house, is someone with an incredibly well-tuned bullsh** detector. Some people should be theater majors and don't even know it. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif

Also what is "moral" and what is not depends on the campus....some places, if you've slept with one guy, you're a whore because you're not a virgin. I don't want to get into a big moral discussion so I'll just say this: look at the girl in your chapter who is perpetual sunshine and never has anything bad to say about anyone. If she can't summon up anything nice to say about a rushee, THINK TWICE. One "no comment" from her is probably more telling than any of the stories anyone has heard!

worriedsenior:
before you are in the system, or have intricate knowledge of the system, maybe you should refrain from bashing the system.
Maybe you should re-read what people have posted in what the look for in a PNM. Money and looks are great and all but if she's going to sit on her ass for a semester and not contribute, not attend, and not show up next year, another group can have her! As far as GPA, that shows me that she worked hard in HS to achieve something, also remember that formal rush is very fake on both sides. Both the sororities and the rushees and putting their best sides forward, and that often means brushing some facts under the table. Would YOU tell a potential employeer that you were indiscreet about your personal relationships. No, I hardly think so , that is not something that comes up in polite convesation. The sisters aren't sitting their going, what your name? age? where are you from? how many people have you slept with?...And as far as that goes, you can usually tell the in a ten minute conversation the girls who want to join a sorority for boys and beer. They are the ones talking about the parties they want to go to, while the worthwhile PNM's are talking about the community service they preformed in HS. SO yeah, your "friends" will probably get a bid somewhere, why does it matter if you are not in there chapter.
On another note:
we have list of words that we are supposed to use, and if these don't fit I have heard some other *colorful* (wink, wink) terms used. But I have never heard in argument in my chapter about looks/weight/ etc. If she is an asset to our chapter she will be one regardless of whether she is a size 6 or 16 or 26.( we must remember that the majority of girls going through rush are well to do, attractive, with good grades, and personality) that does not mean by any means that this is a required thing.If it comes down to 2 girls for a spot and one is an air headed twit, albeit beautiful, rich, smart (on paper) but only wants to join b/c her boyfriend is an XYZ, and someone who is less attractive, not as wealthy, but is gung-ho about taking on chapter responsibilitys, the bid is going to the second girl.

33girl,BRAVO!!!!

This past Spring during Rush we had a list of some adjectives to use during voting when identifying a girl and whatnot. However, NICE was a word we were discouraged from using bc it's so general. From then on it became a joke whenever someone says "Oh she's a nice girl" we say "NO she's a lively, energetic, good Zeta Lady". It can be so hard sometimes during rush to not say the wrong thing!

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~*~to be true to ourselves, to those within and without our circle ~*~

Yes, nobody is allowed to say someone is "nice, sweet"...use adjectives that really mean something ya know. And when you "con" someone, it has to be legit. For instance, one girl came through rush and said the only reason she came back to our party was because she only got invited back to two. It was said "under her breath" and someone overheard it. When it was time to "con", that was a legit con, and she got the cut.

Okay worriedsenior I know what you mean...
Let me just tell you my story... I went through rush as a sophomore. My freshman year I hung out almost exclusively at a Fraternity house, though. I never had sex with any members (I only dated one member and we were together 8 months including my rush period). I know for a fact that the house I joined, well, there were some girls there that expressed concern about me joining because they had heard I had slept with people there. They did not know this for a fact, though. One of the girls that was most concerned called a brother of that fraternity and bluntly asked him. He told her that indeed I had never had sex with any of his brothers and that he thought highly of me. That helped her but did not completely sway her. She ended up realizing that rumors are just that.. that is why HEAR SAY IS NOT ALLOWED!! We have a system that means you have to have a pro also. However you have to realize, we had a girl come through asking us what our drug policy was because she was an occasional user... when you are going through rush this is inappropriate behavior and very tactless. We dropped her because you can't hold a spot for someone who maybe smoking pot with your letters on, or worse yet, has it in your housing. I am not saying it made her a bad person, it just isn't what the values of my sorority stand for. You have to realize when you are deciding on who will be your sisters you are not just deciding for your chapter, but also for every sister out there that wears your pin/badge. You want them to be proud of the women you give the honor of being a sister too.

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"...and love her for her womanhood."