What to do?
 

This year I transferred to a university in the south (not an SEC school) from a community college as a sophomore. I had a lot of reasons for transferring, the biggest being that I'm currently going through cancer treatment and had a few complications and issues during the 2015-2016 school year. I still have about 9 months left of treatment, but was feeling better and decided that I was really ready to transfer.

I really wanted to be apart of Greek life in college. I thought that a sorority would be a great way to make friends. I felt a little better about formal recruitment because of the upperclassmen quota at my university. I went into recruitment excited and with an open mind. I felt that the first round went really well and I thought I had some meaningful conversations with some of the girls. However, for second round I was only asked back to two houses with the potential to be asked back to eight and more than ten choices. The two I was asked back to were not my favorites, but I kept trying. Right before preference night, I was cut from one house and only had one left. I still tried, but it did not feel like the right fit. I ended up dropping right before I was supposed to list my preference. The combination of feeling really sad about the process and not feeling too good about the house I had left led me to drop.

I don't know if it's that I'm not as pretty anymore due to my hair being really short, or not knowing people in the houses, but I was really disappointed.

I've signed up for COB, and I'm starting to meet more people in sororities. Do you think there's a chance that COB or Winter Recruitment could work out for me? I wanted a chance to check out a few other sororities a little better. I'm not sure if there's anything I should do or even could do about this. But I'm still really upset almost three weeks later. Do you have any advice?

Did you meet the GPA requirement for the individual groups? Did you have recs for all of them? I can just about guarantee you that any school in the South is going to require them. Do you know any women from your area that are in any of these groups? Sad to say, if any of them know of your health situation, that may have impacted those chapters' decisions on you.

I think I did meet the GPA requirements. I had a GPA about .5 over the Panhellenic average and about .3 higher than the highest. My health only came up at about 4 houses. All of the rest, it didn't. I had Recs for all but 4 houses. A few I even had more than one for. I really didn't know anyone at the time because I am out of state. Do you have any ideas about how I can improve my chances for COB?

Do you have any ideas about how to improve my chances for COB? I'm starting to meet more people here which I think may help. Also, my health was a big reason why I dropped after preference. I hope that by second semester I am doing much better. I was really excited about hopefully going Greek.

Not knowing but suspecting the campus, you were really at a decided disadvantage with that low a GPA as a transfer and that your health came up. I can't say what you can do beyond just being yourself. You had an opportunity and you declined it. That does not bode well. Be prepared to accept whatever you get if you go thru COB.

My GPA wasn't low. It was above a 3.75 at my transfer college and above a 4.0 in high school. Why should my cancer put me at a disadvantage? Doesn't it show perseverance that I've transferred and am trying recruitment? It's not my fault that I got cancer! Also I wasn't offered a spot. I could have been dropped after preference night and I really didn't want to experience being completely cut from more than ten houses.

You were invited to pref which means you were guaranteed a bid if you attended their party and put them on your bid card. By withdrawing, you turned them down. That's the reality of the situation. And I know that you had nothing to do with contracting cancer but the chapters are looking for women who will be there long term. You're a junior transfer and are ill. That automatically puts you at a disadvantage. I'm not saying any of this is right or wrong - just that it is reality. And pardon the GPA remark but the way you explain it here is not the way you stated it before. You went in with a lot of deficits. You declined your option. It doesn't bode well for you in COB. I'm just trying to be realistic - not mean. But you won't ever know if you don't try. If you can get strong personal recs for the chapters that are doing COB, that's your best bet. And be prepared - as I said before - to accept whatever you are offered. If not, don't sign up.

The way the system was explained to me was that if you have the max number houses left on preference night and you don't suicide, you're gauranteed a bid. I only had one house left, which wasn't the maximum number. Therefore, no, I'm not sure I would have definitely gotten a bid. I've even heard stories about people like me getting completely dropped solely because they put one house, but in my case, that would have been my only choice. I'm sorry if the GPA information was confusing. I'm a sophomore, not a junior. What do you mean by strong personal recs? Like people vouching for me?

I have dealt with cancer around me lately far more than anyone should have to. I'm going to make a couple of huge leaps here so please forgive me if I am completely off the mark. You have had a seriously sucky couple years. Your self confidence is shot because you don't look as good as you think you should and you probably are not feeling like a ray of sunshine either. So you are continuing on with your life (and we can all applaud that) and you are trying to live your life as normally as possible.

You weren't prepared for how exhausting, both physically and emotionally, rush can be, and you didn't do as well in the process as you'd hoped or expected. I can tell you the beauty queens of America have moments feeling the exact same way going through rush. I remember the very first time I ever felt inadequate in my entire life, and it was sitting in the union with 600 other girls the night before rush started. This process is brutal.

So, what can you do. COB is a good choice for you because the schedule isn't as regimented and it is neither as emotionally or physically as exhausting. HOWEVER, the strongest, most popular chapters will not be rushing so you do need to be open to the least prestigious chapters on campus. Including the one you dropped, if they will let you. But remember that the goal you're after is friends and a sense of normalcy in your life. You can get all that with ANY chapter on campus. Find girls you like in any of the chapters who are inviting you to events. And remember it's making friends, not a beauty contest.

ETA: and yes, you would have. Had you have attended all of the parties to which you were invited, you would have been offered a bid. You were invited to one. Therefore the worry portion of the process was over. But that's water under the bridge.

It is the maximum # YOU have to attend, not the maximum POTENTIAL you might attend. It doesn't matter if the campus maximum for pref was 3, your max for pref was 1, because that was your only invitation. Had you attended and signed the MRABA, you would have had a bid. That is how it works. PNMs who maximize their options means PNMs who attend all the parties they have invitations to each round.

Disregard the cancer component for a minute and take a good, strong look at you as a PNM. How did you compare with PNMs you met during rush? Were you as friendly? Outgoing? Relaxed? Conversational?Did your outfits look similar to what the other PNMs were wearing? Were you yourself, or someone you thought the sororities were looking for?

How did your resume' stack up? were you able to participate in clubs at your former college? How about leadership positions? At this point HS activities are a moot point-you need college activities. Did you have collegiate volunteer hours? HS volunteer hours don't count anymore.

Why did you not have recs to all the sororities? Could you not find alumnae to write them? Were you not interested in them because you didn't want to join those 4? Do you think you could find the missing recs before COB activities? Some sororities require a recommendation for each new member before she is pledged. It has nothing to do with what is on the Campus Panhellenic webpage-it is a requirement of these national organizations.

Did you have to take some time off from college for treatment and recovery? Are you older than the average PNM? Even a couple of years can make a difference. i.e., average sophomore PNM is 19. If you are 22 as a sophomore that could be a problem.

Were all your credits accepted by your new college? Some colleges accept hours, but don't list a GPA until you have earned one at the present institution. If the records the sororities saw did not display a Present Day University GPA that might have hurt you.

Titchou means were your recs from people who have known you intimately for (at least) several years, or were they the "generic" ones a PNM might get from a friend of a friend of a friend?

^^^ Good advice (and questions to consider) given to you to help you improve your chances for COB or if you should go through formal again next year when you are a junior.

You stated that "I ended up dropping right before I was supposed to list my preference. The combination of feeling really sad about the process and not feeling too good about the house I had left led me to drop." In another post you stated "Also, my health was a big reason why I dropped after preference." Seems like you weren't pleased with how recruitment went for you compared to other PNMs, and you also didn't fully understand how the system works. FWIW, I know several young alumnae who were dropped from all but one or two houses early on, for various reasons. Although they were surprised/shocked/disappointed, they stuck it out, went through the process, ended up in a chapter, and two became president of their chapters. My point: you have had a bite at the apple and you walked away. I hope you will get another bite. I also wish you strength as you continue your recovery journey.

I don't think I was as pretty as most of the girls. I wore pretty natural but also what I thought was really pretty makeup, but my hair is much shorter than most of the girls. I felt that most of the houses I had conversations with on the first days were very relaxed and conversational. It seemed like the other girls were enjoying the conversation too. I didn't get asked back to the houses where I thought that the conversation went well. My outfits were pretty similar. I tried to be myself the entire time. I was at a community college and still had treatments, so I didn't have as much time. But I did participate in two extracurricular activities and one had a huge leadership component at a national level. I didn't really have any collegiate volunteer hours last year as my time was limited. I felt that that would be understood. All of my credits transferred. My GPA didn't come over. But that's a university policy. I didn't have letters because I didn't know people in those sororities. Can the people who write them be actives at other schools? Or do they have to be alumni? 5 of my letters were people I had known for many years. One was even from an aunt. I'll try to find the missing letters. I turned 20 about a month ago. I didn't take anytime off of college. Do chapters retain the letters? I'm also starting to get involved in more campus organizations. One is a religious organization though and I don't think I should bring it up? I don't know. I'm only in three clubs right now, since I'm in a STEM major and am busy, is three enough? Also, I'll definitely have a GPA at this school by spring recruitment, but I don't know about COB, will that help?

Thanks! I'm going to try to be better.

Recommendations have to be from any member of the particular organization - AAA rec has to be from an AAA,etc. Some groups do not take collegian signed recs, some do. None require them to be from the particular chapter on that campus. So an AAA alum from Big State School U can sign one for her chapter at little liberal arts school. Your best bet is alumna as they will probably have known you longer and better. Ask the women who wrote recs for other groups if they know women in the groups you need. Greek women know other Greek women. You really have to network to find them.

Will it look weird to submit recommendation letters right now? Or do you think that's okay?

You need to find out who is doing COB (Greek Life office can help you there) and only submit those.

I have known plenty of girls with stylish short hair-even pixie cuts- who have successfully rushed. Could it be you are self conscience about your hair and that makes you come across as uncomfortable to others? Short hair can be darling. Own it!

Will it look weird to submit recommendation letters right now? Or do you think that's okay?

I filled out the COB form and they said that sororities would contact me if they were interested. Should that be enough?

I don't think that's it, but maybe?

Yes and get the recs in. That will show positive interest on your part. There isn't much more you can do than that. If it doesn't work out this fall,some groups may have slots after December graduations.

Could FSUZeta or Titchou please explain COB to the OP? I'd take a stab at it BUT I'm freezing cold. ETA: or somebody who can explain it so it makes sense b/c I think that is important for the OP to understand.

COB - continuous open bidding - or informal recruitment is done only by chapters who are under campus total - a number determine by the college Panhellenic for all NPC groups on that campus. So sometimes quite a few groups are doing COB, and sometimes none are. Some may have one slot and some may have more. It is individual to each chapter. They generally do not advertise and do not coordinate events. Each group has their own schedule and events may vary from something as informal coffee with a few members to an event to a campus event. It is nothing at all like formal recruitment. Very one on one.

ETA - sorry you are freezing, AZTheta. Come on here down South and burn up with the rest of us!

My personal opinion is that your best shot at COB could be the house that invited you for pref. They saw potential in you, wanted you to be their sister...and you rejected them. Your misunderstanding of recruitment rules is no one's but your own (if you are invited to preference during formal recruitment, you will get a bid if you attend all the parties you were invited to...even if that was just one party...this is not the case for informal recruitment/COB). At the same time...don't be surprised if the house that wanted you doesn't give you another chance because you rejected them. But at the same time they are the ones who saw potential in you and wanted you...so if you could prove to them that you have matured and are worthy of being one of their sisters...then maybe they would give you another chance.

I don't know what campus you are at or what house this is...I'm just speaking based on my personal experience and what I personally saw in college on my campus. I know of two specific instances where a girl either dropped out of recruitment before pref or rejected their bid...only to come back to the chapter who invited them to pref/offered them the bid in the first place. It's rare but possible. Both of these women matured in the weeks following dropping out of recruitment or rejecting their bid, actively pursued the house that they had rejected in the first place, and became outstanding members who held significant leadership positions and were loved by the chapter.

The other houses rejected you for one reason or another...you won't find out why...and if that reason was good enough to reject you during formal recruitment...then I wouldn't at all be surprised if they aren't interested in you again. COB is competitive. And I can tell you that sisters will remember why they cut you in the first place. Again...there is no way to know what happened because membership selection is private, but if the reason was a good one...you probably won't get another chance.

My 2 cents.


Sorry I'm all over the place, very tired.

Good explanation!

So, pnm092802, what that basically means is that each sorority has a maximum number of members allowed. If they go below that number (because some members graduated, etc), they can fill those open slots by doing COB/informal recruitment. I mention that because, I want to reiterate what Titchou said - not all of the sororities may be under total. For example, let's say they are 14 chapters on your campus. In my example, 8 were at or above total after recruitment and cannot take any more new members. The remaining 6 are under total and might do COB to fill empty slots. Even then, they may only have 1-2 open spots....or they may have 9 open spots....or they could choose not to fill those slots at all. The sisters may already have some candidates in mind before COB starts. We don't know. However, the good thing about COB is that the atmosphere is more relaxed and you have more time and opportunity to get to know each other in a more natural setting. I hope this helps!

Best wishes to you as you move forward with your semester!

I don't want to hijack this thread but I am confused about the relationship between pref and bids. I have been told that being invited to pref does not guarantee a bid? For example, if there are a max of three pref invites and you go to all of them you still might not get a bid from one of them. So what is the true story here? Thanks!

Many, many campus Panhellenics now guarantee bids for PNM's who make it to pref AND list all of their pref houses on their pref card (regardless of the #of max parties or how many invites the pnm had). It's a reward for maximizing their options throughout the recruitment process. Now....there will still be an exception here and there where a pnm acts so terribly on pref that Panhellenic will allow her to be released, but for 99.9% of PNM's at these schools, having at least one pref invite means they're getting a bid if they don't SIP ("suicide.")

This is why you see so many quota additions now. If a pnm attends 2 pref parties and both bid lists fill before her name comes up, she will bid match as a QA to one of those houses- either her first choice or the smallest chapter depending on the campus and situation.

This seems to be the norm rather than the exception now. I am not aware of any big Greek campus in the south of Texas that doesn't guarantee bids for PNM's who maximize their options on pref night.

if the campus uses RFM, then if the PNM has maximized her choices .. ie has attended ALL parties to which she has been invited and lists ALL chapters that she attended preference parties for then she will receive a bid from one of those chapters. It might not be her first choice, but she will receive a bid from one.

If the PNM only has one preference party to attend and she lists that chapter, then she will receive a bid from that chapter. If she attends two parties and lists both chapters, then she will received a bid from one of those two chapters. If she attends two parties and only lists one chapter, she has not maximized her possibilities and might or might not receive a bid.

While I understand that they may have had really good reasons for dropping me, I can't understand why I was dropped from some of the houses I was. I've gone over the conversations so many times and I honestly felt like most of the conversations went really well. I had letters for all but four sororities, /9 I understand why those four didn't ask me back,but as for the other five, some of which I really liked, I don't know what happened. The house who did invite me back to preference night was not my favorite and one of the girls wasn't very nice to me. Which was odd because I had just met her. Do you have any ideas on how to make a better impression with some of the other houses? I just don't understand what I did wrong.