Cut from legacy chapter, and almost every other chapter after first round
 

I've been reading the posts here for a while. My daughter is going through rush at a medium competitive west coast school. She was cut from every house but one after the first round. She had recs for most of the chapters, 4.0+ GPA, many activities and awards, comfortable talking to anyone,etc.

Her grandmother was in a house, and sent in the legacy form, etc, but it turns out that the address on the school's website and the address on the chapter's website are different, so the rec may not have made it to the house, we have no way of knowing.

She was only invited back to 1 house after the first round, so she's decided that she'll go ahead and give that house a chance. Is it possible that the legacy house doesn't know she's a legacy and would that make a difference? Or is it even a legacy if it's your grandmother?

Thanks!

I'm glad that she decided to go back to the house that invited her back. That's a mature decision on a day when I'm sure she was hurt and upset. I hope it works out for her because all it takes is one house to get a bid! Unfortunately, no one can give you or her answers as to why the other houses released her.

As for grandmothers, each sorority has its own criteria for which relationships are considered legacies. Most, but not all, houses do include grandmothers, but you would need to research her house's policy to know if your daughter was considered one or not. I know that Chi Omega and Tri Delta do not consider granddaughters to be legacies.

It's unclear by your post - is the one house that invited her back the legacy house? If it is - and you confirm that she is considered a legacy - grandma should email the rec to the chapter's recruitment VP ASAP just to make sure they do receive one for her and know that she is a legacy.

Thanks for the reply. NO, the house that invited her back wasn't the legacy house, just another random one. One that she didn't even have a rec for for that matter. Her grandmother is e-mailing the house (Alpha Gamma Delta if it helps), but I don't know if that matters since they already cut her and now it's going on round 3.

There is nothing to be done now. I hope that she is enjoying her time at the house that has invited her back.

Your daughter is being very mature by returning to that house and giving it another chance. Good luck to her.

Well, she got cut by that house, too. She knew it was over for her yesterday when she was paired with another rushee who really clicked with the girl rushing them and she was all but ignored. She's doing fine, I think she got all her hurt dealt with yesterday. I feel horrible for her and am just glad she's not here to see it. It's never easy to hear that no one wants your child.

Confusedmom, my heart goes out to you and your daughter. I wish there was something I could say that would bring you some comfort, but I am at a loss. I do wish you both the best.

I am sorry Confusedmom.

Confusedmom, I'm so sorry to hear this. This is really disappointing. I do not know her campus or what sororities she got cut from but, maybe she can go through recruitment again next year. If there is a new chapter coming on campus, maybe she can try to meet with their consultants. She could have easily slipped through the cracks. I know that some organizations have a "one and done" rule where you cannot get asked back or be given a bid to them after you have already been cut but, some others on her campus may not have that rule. As I said, I do not know because I do not know where she went through recruitment. I wish her luck.

Confusedmom, I am so sorry that this happened. I am going to say acknowledge the elephant in the room, which you might not want to hear. When a young woman is dropped by virtually every chapter after 1st round & does not to make it to pref, there is some kind of serious issue. This is NOT a matter of fell through any crack or accident. There was something, could be something that you are not aware of. We don't know.

At this point, I hope that you encourage your daughter to get involved in other activities on campus. Tell her to pick herself up & move on. If you think she was completely unprepared for some reason, then maybe do a better job of preparation & try 1 more time. Don't let her be one of these girls who goes through formal rush then COB and then Spring Rush over & over again.

Thank you all again. Thetalady, she and I both agree that there's something that she's either doing or missing that's turning people off. She's decided to ask one of her friends from high school to please be brutally honest with her to see if there's something she can work on. In the meantime, she has other clubs on campus that she's interested in joining, plus there's the whole academic thing... ;)

She's been through a lot, but I'm really proud of how well she's learned to go with the flow and move on. She's grown up quite a bit. As a mom, I think that's all that you can hope for. She may look at spring, but she's not sure, and she won't keep going back if it's apparent that she's not welcome.

A lot of young women do much better in the less formal, less stress environment of COB. I know our chapter picked up some fabulous members during COB.

Confusedmom, it sounds like you have quite a girl! Getting involved in other campus activities will help her to meet others and make friends across all spectrums, including sorority members. Involvement looks great on her resume' and opens up opportunities for leadership within those orgs.

Confusedmom, your comments are a breath of fresh air around here! And it sounds like you passed your good sense on to your daughter. Finding out what she might need to polish up and improve from her friends, if she is interested in trying again, is a great idea!

I'm so sorry confusedmom, but it does sound like your daughter has a very good plan on how to go forward. If she chooses to try recruitment in the spring or next fall I wish her the best of luck.

First of all, I'm terrible sorry about your daughter. Rejection is never easy, as we all know. The good news is that she is young, and this has been a learning experience.

You said something that caused me to wonder...

You said she had a 4.0+ gpa. The plus you added leads me to believe you may be quoting a "weighted" gpa. Most sororities only look at "unweighted" gpa, so the highest gpa possible would be a 4.0. They don't really care how many advanced classes were taken, or that those advanced classes were harder than your average class. All they care about was the grade she made.

If you re-calculate her unweighted gpa, would she have less than a 4.0? Perhaps this is where her recruitment got sideways???

It's a thought anyway.

There are many, many clubs and activities on campus that sorority girls get involved in that have nothing to do with greek life. (My daughter's sorority requires they get involved in at least two additional activities other than her sorority) If you daughter wants to meet or make friends with these sorority actives through other clubs, it may help her chances in COB, informal spring rush, or rushing again next year.

Good luck to your daughter, and mom - hang in there, there is way more to college life that sororities!

THat's a good point. The GPA that PH will give the chapters is the "core" gpa - in other words, only the core subjects that the U considers for acceptance....math, English, history,science, foreign language....

Thanks again to everyone. Her non-weighted GPA was 3.75, so I doubt that's the problem, though she did put 4.35 down on her application, so maybe they didn't think she follows directions?? We also realized that she went with a group of people to a fraternity party before rush when she didn't know she wasn't supposed to. She doesn't drink, but maybe just being there was a no-no. She's a rule follower and didn't even go to the football game Saturday because she "might" have gotten asked back on Sunday. They were told at orientation that they couldn't be anywhere where people might drink or their might be actives around.

The more I think about it, the more I think that it wasn't anything that she did or didn't do during rush, it was something else. The fact that she was cut so quickly by every sorority makes me think that something else was going on. It wouldn't be guy related since she didn't date much in HS. She knows a few girls from her high school class that go there, but not really any upperclassmen. The two upperclassmen she would have known from a charity organization we were in both graduated last year. I think we'll just never know and sorority life was just not meant to be for her.

Confused Mom, I'm sorry about your daughter's experience, esp. Since her grandmother is an Alpha Gam! Check with your daughter and the Greek Lifr office to see if any chapters will participate in COB (continuous open bidding, which used to be called informal recruitment). Sometimes a PNM gets lost in the crowd of formal recruitment and shines in COB. (And may that AGD rec get to the right place!)

My daughter was also released during recruitment. Her legacy sorority was no longer on campus....there were such outrageous lies told at that time bout it that I often wonder if she was let go because of that.
BUT - I will never know. Nobody will tell me, even if they could.
That one and done rule - I dunno, I often see it ignored.

Best bet is to get active on campus in other orgs, make tons of friends, study hard and get good grades. COB is a possibility - that's how I pledged although I did not go through formal recruitment. And that's how my daughter pledged - and to the sorority of her initial choice.

Not going to lie, going to parties during recruitment is a good way to screw up your chances. There's a good chance it wasn't that and maybe she just wasn't clicking with the girls she was talking to or coming off wrong.
I don't know how your daughter's campus works, but mine never really seemed to follow the one and done rule. I saw so many girls end up with only 2 houses through most of recruitment, drop, then go again their sophomore year and shine (this mostly happens because my campus has terrible tent talk). She'll get to know many girls in sororities this year, and that can help her the following year. Also girls learn to just be themselves instead of coming off like they're bragging about their resume. It's more natural and easier to make a good impression to just have a good conversation. She sounds like she has a great head on her shoulders and I wish her the best of luck for next year.

I was cut from recruitment after the second round but joined during informal recruitment this fall! It was so much more relaxed and easier to get to know the girls without 50+ other PNMs in the house at the same time. I went to an open house and then got coffee with some sisters the next weekend. Now I'm a SK and couldn't be happier!

I never went through formal recruitment either, but I ended up living on a dorm floor with a lot of Chi Omegas and AOIIs and ended up informally visiting both groups and getting a bid that way.

As a finance adviser to two chapters, I can tell you that sometimes spots open up in a chapter for one reason or another, especially after fall semester with seniors graduating early or taking early alum status due to internships and getting to know active sisters can be a good way to nab one of those spots.

Also with NPC encouraging chapters to reset total every year to median chapter size right after (72 hours) formal recruitment, that now means on many campuses up to half of the chapter may need to COB to hit total. (This obviously depends on how tightly they were clustered in chapter size at that point, but it's a positive move for this purpose.)