Parents
 

Do you think a rushie's parents would have no influence on their child? The parents might be happy if their child gets any GLO but do you believe they do push them towards a certain group? I am concerned to tell my parents I am rushing because of this reason.

My mom didn't want me to rush, actually. She was in a GLO and thinks, looking back on the experience, that they made her do dumb things and she didn't get much out of it. She told me it was my money, and if I wanted to do it, I could. I did and I am happy about it! But, I might not have if she had put her foot down. I'd say talk to your Mom, but tell her that you don't want to be pressured.
ll,
M

I will be honest here. Yes, I believe I influenced my daughter. I did not tell her what chapter I wanted her to focus on, rather those I did NOT want her to focus on. I will do the same with my son. WHY???

I know my kids better than any person who meets them for the limited time allowed for recruitment parties. I also know a RELATIVELY good percentage (almost 100%) of the girls and what few guys have joined from OUR area over the past 8 years. When you have this information and you see a pattern, it paints a picture.

Prior to her going through, an active (family friend) told her just look around and see who's there... Nothing else had to be said.
She did NOT want to recreate HS, so she was not interested in chapters that held a lot of locals.

For my son, I'll let my daughter do the talking and support what SHE has to say because of her insight regarding my son and the different styles of the fraternities. I would never tell them who EXACTLY to try to impress.

Thanks for the honesty. I don't want my parents telling me who to rush for or not to rush for. I don't even want hints. Just because my parents may have certain impressions about certain GLOs doesn't mean I will feel the same way. I don't want my parents to cheat me out of a potential perfect match. So I decided I won't tell my parents til after rush is over.

My mother was a Delta Gamma. When I told her I was "rushing" at ODU, she kept asking me if I was sure they were not on campus. (I was, I had triple checked.;) ) I knew there was not going to be the chance to share that bond with my mother, but it worked out in the end.

Like the others have said, you need to go where you feel the most comfortable. Visit each sorority. Ask questions. And follow your heart!!!

Good luck with Recruitment! Let us know how it turned out!!!:cool:

Some parents my try and influence their children, but they need to remember that the system is mutal selection and even IF their child's choice matched the parents' choice, there is no guarantee that the group in question would offer him/her a bid.

If your parents try to influence you, take it all in stride, thank them for the advice and move forward on your own.

It is vitally important that you tell your parents you are planning on participating in recruitment if they will be paying your dues, etc. The only time I would recommend that you not tell your parents of your plans is if you are financing your sorority experience 100% on your own.

Superchick-Barbara is absolutely right-unless you are paying for it 100% tell your parents. My daugter and I have a very, VERY close relationship and until the spring she hadn't decided if she wanted to go through he process or not. I convinced her she should at least go through and see what happened.

When I say influenced it was more a tact of asking her questions and letting her see the answers for herself. I wanted her to be aware of all the things to consider when she made her choice. We discussed everything from what she THOUGHT a sorority should be to what happens if someone she loves cut her. Ultimately, she came to believe (knowing how she loved to be involved and volunteer) it was better to go GREEK than not.

Everyone in this town knows everyone and where they ended up. She had said 1000 times she wished she had gone someplace where she didn't know so many people. Would it make sense for her to NOT consider the makeup of a group?

Not every mother daughter relationship is the same. Some girls tell everything to their friends. She talked about everything with me. She is not only my daughter, she is my friend.

If your mother doesn't even know you are considering recruitment at this stage of the game, I think it's safe to assume she plays a different role in your life WHICH IS GREAT, WHATEVER WORKS! So, with that in mind and a bit more insight, YOUR mother can help you if you let her.
What was the last thing I told my daughter? The choice is yours, I want you to be happy, go where your heart leads you. It all worked out in the end.

did she join the same GLO as you?

My parents went to college back in the old country (Poland) where, under communism, fratnities and the like were illegal. So all they knew about fraternities was what they heard mis-represented in the media, an' were affraid I'd drink myself to death. It tried to explain to them that it's about serving the community, an' scholarship.
They're distrustful of secret societies to begin with; like the masons and stuff. After all devout catholics were forbidden from joining them by pope Pious X, but no-one else remembers that, or even cares for that matter. I figured it would give me connections that last a lifetime.

So finnaly I joined despite their efforts to dissuade, an' it became clear I had to pay my frat fees myself.
It's important to just follow your own dreams, your parents mean well but they can't controll your lives.

Stardust, No, she did not. My sorority wasn't even on her campus. It wouldn't have mattered to be honest because of the way they differ from campus to campus. It was ALWAYS her choice.

What was I going to do...run in there and sign her bid card?!?:D


She is a VERY strong willed young woman!:cool:

My parents did not want me to join a sorority, but they did not have a say in the matter because I paid for everything myself. (They did come around after awhile when they saw that nothing horrible happened to me. ;)) So, I would say that the only way to avoid them exerting their influence over you is to save up your money and pay your dues yourself: your money, your decision.

I do know at least one woman who was pushed into joining her mother's sorority. She was very good friends with my sisters and had expressed a lot of interest in joining AGD. However, her mom decided to visit during recruitment and offered to help her sorority, and sent her daughter letters on her sorority's notecards practically every day of recruitment. (Basically, her mom dirty rushed her.) The girl ended up in her mom's sorority and was ok with it, but never really put much effort into it and, in my opinion, never really got the full experience that she could have if she went somewhere she wanted to.

Bottom line: you'll know what's best for you, and you need to be able to stand up to your parents and make this decision on your own.

That makes sence. You should do what makes you happy its your life not your parents. I am sure your parents will love you no matter what sorority you join, if they don't then their bad parents. Have you rushed yet? If you did who did you go with? How did your parents take it?

I'm not a parent (yet) but I hope that I will have the strength to stand back and let my hypothetical future children make their own decisions. Obviously I'd be pleased if a daughter of mine joins AEPhi, and she'll know she's a legacy, but I will try not to push it - just because I was at home there doesn't mean she will be. As for my hypothetical future son, I have opinions about several fraternities at my alma mater, but he may rush at a different school, and in any case, 20+ years will have gone by... things change.

I know of a woman who is a sorority alum and who would only let her daughters apply to colleges where her sorority had a chapter. IMO, this is over the top. (btw, none of them joined her sorority!)

aephi alum-I know of a woman who is a sorority alum and who would only let her daughters apply to colleges where her sorority had a chapter. IMO, this is over the top. (btw, none of them joined her sorority!)

That happens frequently. Ditto-WAY over the top!

I didn't tell my parents i was going through rush until after first round. My mom was a little weary of it-- she wasn't in a glo, but two of her sisters (my aunts) were. And she said as long as it was going tomake me happy and still let mekeep my grades up and whatnot she was fine with it and my parents would pay half my dues. My father was all for it. He is a TKE alum and really enjoyed his experience.

As for being pressured, I saw a few girls that were pressure to join some orgs. that they were legacies too. It was sad to see them not fit in sometime.

I was encouraged to enter Greek Life by my father. They didn't have a chapter of Phi Sigma Kappa at my school so I ended up helping found a chapter of Sigma Nu.

Just because you can't find a house you're happy with is no excuse! You can always help start one...

Funny Side Bar to all of this!

One of my Brothers # 54 is that low to some, has a son, we rushed him thought he was in the bag and went SPE, our mortal enemies across the street! He did not want to be known as Rambos Boy! Da go figure?

Everytime there is a big time thing like homecoming he screws up and if cannot find his Dad, he comes looking for me!

I do not mind for the simple fact, that if he did not join my Fraternity, at least he he joined a Greek Organization!

He was very instrumental in helping to keep both Chapters from being kicked off of Campus beacuse of the Bull Shit that was going on!

Well folks do that tell ya something?

Work together or we all suffer!:)

Wow - that wasn't just an isolated incident??? :eek: How selfish of the parent to limit the child's options like that... "I don't care if you're valedictorian, you can't apply to Harvard because they don't have a greek system..." (I know Harvard does have GLO's that are not recognized by the school - I'm taking it as an example.)

I keep thinking of how parents use their kids' playing sports to live vicariously thru them. Kid hates the sport but only does it b/c he/she doesn't want to disappoint parent. Or really wants to play soccer when dad says he will only pay for football.

The PARENT has to remember that it is the COLLEGE STUDENT that has to live every day on campus!!! If Susie wants ABC and Mom wants ZED, then tell mom to enroll in school and try to pledge herself!

(((Okay, okay, I know easier said than done. I'm just tired of parents trying to tell their child what will make the CHILD happy.))

The child is now an adult...let them make their decisions. If the "new adult" feels happier in ABC or no GLO at all, parents should respect that decision and their child.

This came off as very funny to me! Lynn, you crack me up!

My family did try to influence me...not to rush...but once I did, and they saw how much I liked it, they conceeded gracefully.

So true! Guess that wouldn't work if the parents is allready a greek, but great point!

aeph_alum-GET THIS!
Neighbor #1 Has One son and two daughters. Son was sent to college to get degree and have "opportunties". OUT OF DADDY'S MOUTH- Yeah, we sent the girls to State U----figured they'd meet some guys and get married. (Mom was a local XYZ) Mom had told me in the past that by them being legacies to______it put them in touch with rich guys!:eek:

Neighbor #2-Daughter is as brilliant as a 40 w bulb. But, she is a ABC at a big southern college. This was a developed plan from the age the girl could read...well, HOLD a book. Why? So she could meet the RIGHT guys.

This is on my STREET!

Question-The ones of you who never discussed this or weren't encouraged to persue a GLO, who lives in the South?

Maybe I should ask whose family is Democrat! JUST JOKING!:D

LMAO! Good one, I have to remember that one.

I did, although my parents were not native Southerners.

My parents are really excited about the prospect of me joining a sorority.

Although they live eight hours away from my school, and therefore obviously cannot get to know the different sororities very well firsthand, I know that they'll find a favorite somehow and encourage me to go for it. I think they have the same attitude as JustAMom... which is great!

However, in the end, I know it'll be my decision and my decision, only.

When I was in grade school and high school I never felt any pressure to go for a particular house although Fraternity life was a common enough subject among family and friends of the family. I suppose it was taken for granted that I would follow suit since almost all the men in the family were DEKES since Noah got off the Arc. When I went to college it was suggested that I look over the whole system and see where I felt most comfortable. I did this and found that there were lots of good solid houses with guys I got along with real well, but right from the start I knew where I wanted to pledge. I suppose a lifetime of subliminal conditioning works like a charm. My only worry was that the guys might not think I was good material. I was lucky and the fit seemed to work both ways so when I got my bid I signed so fast you could hardly read my signature (not that I was anxious or anything!)
As a side thought, one thing that impressed me was that I was away from home, not clear across the country but far enough, and at initiation and a smoker/banquet later I couldn't believe how many of not only my family but my dad's friends and my grand dad's friends from (I think) six different chapters covering something like sixty five years showed up and participated. Here were my grand dad's group calling me brother and meaning it!)
Later I discovered that this is more the norm than the exception and that the network of brotherhood draws alums great distances for such events.
There is a somewhat more contentious situation among the women of the family. My mom and her sister are DZs, my sister is PiPhi, my dad's sister is PiPhi, his aunts are Thetas and Kappas, and his great aunts are PiPhis. Mom's aunts are Chi Os and her great aunt is Kappa. THis is getting confusing, but I think I got it right. Anyway its a real Greek alphabet soup and my sister felt that she was under pressure from all sides. (Actually she told me she liked the concentrated attention and damn near open warfare she caused just by going to college!)
It was a lot of fun for us, but our same age cousin ended up at a university with no Greek system so he felt a little left out and he would have been a great brother in any house.
Anyway, our parents always talked up fraternity and sorority life and wanted us to go for it, but any pressure we felt came off as positive and open to our making our own choices. Dad was happy with how things turned out but I have to believe that Mom was at least a little disappointed that her daughter didn't end up as her sister as well. But, she is happy with having a greek daughter. All in all we are very happy with the role our parents and family played in the whole process.

dekeguy, what a WONDERFUL post! I sure hope my son will be able to share a story like yours one day!