Re-rushing after dropping sorority.
 

Hey guys! I just finished up my freshmen year at George Mason University. In the Spring I went to a rush event for a sorority and received a bid. I stayed in the sorority up until initiation weekend, when I dropped. I did not make a single close friend in my sorority and my big and I had some problems. I really want to rush again in the fall because I want a chance to do formal recruitment and truly find my home. (We are allowed to do fall recruitment even if we accepted a bid in the spring). Please share your thoughts and give me advice on if I will have any luck if I rush or not. I am pretty sure i meet the criteria to be in any other sorority its just that I was in a different sorority in the spring that I'm scared will hold me back.

Hi. Sorry that your initial experience did not work out. My piece of advice would be that if the topic regarding your previous recruitment experience were to arise that you give a simple but honest answer. I'd keep the personal details (members and big sister's names) out of the conversation. In other words stick to the general information and avoid details that should remain private. Hopefully you have had the opportunity to become acquainted with members in the other NPC groups through classes, on campus activities, work, dorm etc...
Good luck with formal recruitment.:)

Thanks for the advice! I have this fear that when I sign up for rush and they do their research on me that they will automaticlly drop me due to me being in a different sorority for a little while.

We really have no idea if you will receive a bid if you rush again. It will be awfully tough, but you might be successful. Your grades, recs and presentation will have to be stellar. Be aware that your prior pledgeship will be known among the chapters, whether or not they ask. Be prepared for very hard early cuts and have a positive attitude about the invitations that you do receive. Good luck

First thing you need to do is removing the identifying information in your post. Collegiate members read these forums.

We can't tell you what your outcome will be. The only guarantee is that if you won't be in any chapter if you don't participate in the process. Some chapters may be willing to overlook your time in the previous group. Others may not be. I would make sure you have your recommendations lined up and hopefully you have friends in the other chapters who may be willing to go to bat for you.

I think you need to honestly reflect on what you need to do differently this time. Close friendships are not made overnight and they do require work on your part. It is seriously unrealistic to expect to have close personal friendships made in 6 to 8 weeks time. Yes, sometimes it does happen, but more often it does not. I would be concerned that you have an unrealistic expectation of what sorority membership is and should be.

My GPA is over a 3, and I already know exactly what to wear, how to style my hair, and what to say. We don't require reccomendations. GMU is up north so it isn't super competitive with it's rush like some schools down south. It's only a 3 day process. And I made zero friends in my experience with my sorority that is why I dropped. Along with having problems with my big. I might also mention if they ask that I was going through personal problems.

I also have zero evidence of my old sorority on social media and have never bad mouthed them. I was one in twenty girls in my pledge class so I honestly do not know if the other houses will even know I used to be affiliated.

Yes they will. Sorority women talk to each other.

Trust me - they know. And whether recs are required there or not, you need them to overcome this negative past event. Many groups won't pledge someone who pledged another group previously. And I certainly would NOT mention any "personal problems." That will be the kiss of death. IF someone should ask why you terminated your pledgeship, the better response is to say something along the lines of "I felt like I needed to take a broader look at all the groups at GMU thru formal recruitment."

I hope that your GPA is WELL over 3.0. You will need it. You will not face the same criteria as a sophomore who is re-rushing that an incoming freshman will.

You will need to really consider how to make another sorority experience different, if you are lucky enough to get a bid the 2nd time around.

Are they really going to care that much? I was never initiated into the other sorority. And it isnt as competitive at my school for sophomores, they give freshmen and sophomores the same priority.

Is it worth it to rush? I do not want to rush and get dropped by every sorority the first night.

I knew someone who was in this exact same situation, and she did get a bid to another sorority in the end. I definitely think that you should put your best foot forth and rush one more time! Like everyone has said, we cannot tell you if you're going to get a bid or not, but it's definitely worth a try if you are still wanting to be a member of a sorority. The other sororities will know that you did pledge a sorority previously. The best advice that I can give you is to follow pretty much everything that everyone else has said and to also be sure to keep an open mind while going through recruitment for a second time and present yourself well. Think about what you're looking for in a sisterhood and how you would want your sorority experience to be like in a new chapter. Good luck!!

Much good advice has been given...I agree that word will have gotten out because people know people and dropping right before initiation is pretty unusual and there will be hurt feelings, anger, etc. I hope you returned any gifts your big gave you and parted on good terms with your previous sorority.

In this situation, hair, make-up, clothes, freshman/sophomore status and even conversation will matter less -- members who know of the situation will be focused on whether they can trust your commitment, and whether you are someone who will make friends...or create drama.

If you want to join a sorority to make friends, be a friend, and contribute to something larger than yourself, then give it another try.

Don't let the fear of not getting a bid stop you from re rushing. This is definitely worth a try. Just be yourself and see where the process takes you.
My biggest piece of advice is be kind to your old chapter when you come through. Not saying you're the type to be cold when you come through, but we've all experienced those PNMs who clearly don't want to be in your house and it's never fun for anyone. Just chat nicely with them and the round will be over soon enough.

Sorority members WILL be worried whether you will honor your commitment should they offer you a bid, as Sciencewoman mentioned. And Titchou gave you the best response should you be asked why you quit. Do not tell them that you had personal problems. They may wonder if personal problems will cause you to quit their org.

Sorority women DO have friends in other orbs and they do talk. When you go through again and visit said group in the first round, wear a heavy coat. The reception you will get might be a little COLD...

OP, I am pretty familiar with your campus and yes its not overly competitive. But people do talk, and yes the other groups on campus will probably know you dropped out before initiation. That's just the way it goes.

You've gotten some very sound advice, and granted there are no absolutes as to whether or not you'll get another opportunity. Believe me if we here on greekchat could predict outcomes we'd be pretty wealthy.

I just want to add that before you make up your mind with trying formal recruitment that you really sit down and evaluate what didn't work during informal. What are things that you need to change about yourself (i.e. level of expectation), and what are things that you are wanting to get out of being in a sorority and can the sorority meet your expectations?

Be prepared to be cut by some groups, this is just the process of formal recruitment, certainly your prior history might come back to bite you in the butt.

As others have mentioned it can take time to cultivate relationships in any type of group. Also not everyone has the idealistic relationship with their big sister either, the key is how you handle these things. Do you cut and run or work to find another alternative solution to try and make things work.

I am going to be very blunt. They might. If a NM drops, there is a likelihood that she will drop again. Problems getting along in a group aren't always the group's fault. There is no guarantee that you won't have the same experience with a different group and end up dropping again because you can't work it out.

You need to be ready for hard cuts and keep an open mind about any invitations that you receive.

Lol, while it's not the deep South, GMU is most assuredly not "up north."

Thank you all for the advice! I know the first question they ask during the first night is "So what made you want to rush?" since everyone is saying they will know about my old sorority, will it be a bad idea to say that I was in a sorority before and it did not work out or should I completely not mention it? Because I'm wondering if the girl asking me questions will know and if she does if she will appreciate the honesty. Also, is there a way I can just not go to the house that I was once a part of?

And I got along with my old sorority just fine, I just wasn't bonding with the girls and making any friends. It was my big I was not getting along with. I realized before initiation that I did not want to pay all those dues for something I was not enjoying and getting anything out of.

Don't say that. It sounds terrible.

You need to take the decision to withdraw only on yourself. You need to say "They were great. I was immature and wasn't ready to make a commitment yet. I really regret not being ready and I think I learned a lot about myself and I am ready to make that commitment now."

And you need to think long and hard about whether you really want to do this. Being a sister to other women means that you make a commitment to be a sister even when it's not fun and when you're not getting along. It's not just about parties and cute sweatshirts. It takes an adjustment period to make those lifelong friendships. It won't be different in a new sorority. You aren't going to be bonded to the group at first. You are not going along with every single other sister, and the person you don't get along with might end up being your big. You might not find your BFF in your sorority until you've been there for a year or more. If you don't think it's worth the money if you have to wait, then maybe it's not for you. (And that's okay. It's not for everyone.)

I'm definetely going to say what you just wrote. You're right, I am going to blame myself and say I was not ready to take on that commitment. Should I wait until they ask about my old sorority though or bring it up myself?

Is it a bad idea to say that my old sorority was not home for me and I did not bond with the girls or should I completely leave that out and blame it on myself?

If she does know you were in another chapter, she shouldn't be bringing that up. The point of recruitment is to get to know you, not to bring up old dirt. Honestly the only reason you should be talking about being in another chapter is if you bring it up.
I know you're worried about this, but honestly the best way to approach this is to put it behind you and put your best foot forward. Let your recruiter fall in love with you and the rest won't matter.
I know girls who dropped and went through again and got the same chapter. I also know girls who dropped and got a totally different chapter you never thought they'd join. The point is you never know how this is going to end up. Keep and open mind and just be you.

Only say it if it's true.

Do you know what went wrong?
Are you ready to make a mature commitment?

If not, it's a pat answer that will be seen through. In my opinion, that's worse.

Do not mention it! NO! IF you are asked, I've given you the answer. You felt you needed to get a broader look at all groups thru formal recruitment.

And yes,you'll have to go to the house during first round and maybe even if they invite you back. To refuse to attend an event you are scheduled for will cause you to be released from recruitment totally. Be a lady. Act like an adult and rise above this. Smile. Be polite.

OP, please go back and read all the responses you've gotten. And internalize the advice you've been given.

So if my recruiter does not bring up my old sorority, I will not bring them up. Lets say my recruiter really likes me. Will she overlook my old dirt or will she automatically make sure I'm dropped? I'm scared that I will go into fall recruitment not even being given a chance because of my old dirt and I want to be able to prove myself.

Thank you guys all so much for this great advice!! I am reading and listening to everything I'm being told!

WE can't read people's minds. We can't foretell the future. Forget the whole issue, move forward and step way from the keyboard before your whole thread is sent around Panhellenic at your school. Don't post again unless it's to simply say "thank you."

You keep asking the same question(s) over and over, expecting different answers. Please, for the love of Mike, go back and READ.

There are NO GUARANTEES in recruitment. Pay your money, take your chances. You already had one bite at the apple.

Thank you guys for all the advice, I really appreciate it.

Do not bring it up on your own. Address it only if someone directly asks you-so don't share with your recruitment guides or members of your recruitment group that you had joined and later depledged a sorority. If someone pointedly asks you if you went thru rush before, or why you depledged, tell them what Titchou said. DO NOT blame anyone else for your decision and DO NOT say that you did not bond and/ or make friends with anyone in your former sorority. It reflects badly on YOU, not your former sorority, that you could not find anyone to be friends with in the sorority.