Dealbreakers
 

A friend of mine was talking about this and then I saw a story on Salon - dealbreakers in a potential relationship.

Obviously we all want someone good-looking, smart, funny, rich, kind, cool, sweet, etc. And I'd like to think we all won't date a man or woman who is married, abusive, etc. But what are the more trivial things that would make a man/woman who was otherwise attractive completely unattractive to you? They don't have to be rational or reasonable.

For example, my friend can't deal with smoking. So no smokers for him.

I could never date someone with bad spelling or grammar. I don't mean the occasional mistake, since I make them myself, but a total inability to grasp the principles of subject/verb agreement and spell check.

So what's yours?

these aren't steadfast, but some of the biggies

• smoking (although my current bf smokes, so I guess I'm breaking this one
• piercings/tattoos
• un-naturally dyed hair
• anyone who doesn't like animals

I'm sure there's more, but I can't think of any others at the moment

*Smokes, and is not considerate of its affects (doesn't brush before kissing, smokes in my house/car)
*Illegal drug usage/alcohol abuse
*Mullets/mohawks/hair longer than mine
*Piercings/more than one mild tattoo
*Hates dogs
*Poor hygiene
*Lives with his parents (for any other reason than he's in the middle of moving and his place isn't ready yet)
*Over the top kinky
*Makes sexist/racist/non PC comments and makes no apologies
*Engages in criminal activity
*Has kids (sorry, but I'm not ready for that yet)

-Has poor or no relationship with his family
-abusive verbally or physically
-has few or no friends
-is lazy and unambitious
-has no desire to commit and have family in future
-is clingy, needy and jealous
-has low sex-drive ;)
-has little or no post high school education
-is content to be who he is right now forever, no desire to continue learning and growing and evolving

could keep going, but that'll do it!

*Does not respect his family
*bad teeth
*smoking
*bad breath
*off color remarks about different religions, races, sex, etc.
*if he EVER refers to me as the following: "his woman", "hoe", "bitch", "dumb blonde"...
* if he uses so much gel in his hair that by the end of the day, it begins to flake off (you laugh, but it's happend!)
*if he can't tolerate kids (I don't have any, but plan to have some in the future)
*his baby's momma (do not deal with "baby momma drama". period. too much baggage)
*into bondage (again, you laugh...its happend! "so, uh...do you like to be tied up? Cuz that s the only way to do it, baby!")

my list could go on forever...but at the sake of repeating what others have said, I'll just leave it at this!

Blaire

- Someone with bad breath
- Someone who smokes
- I won't be with anyone who does not have a future. Meaning that they have to have graduated from some formal institute after high school.
- A guy who acts too feminine...I like macho guys
- A guy who does illegal drugs besides the occassional weed or alcohol
- Won't go for someone who is cheap
- Has to have some sense of style and fashion
- Someone who is too kinky

okay, i can state that these are my dealbreakers, because in the past i've dated guys w/these qualities and i will NEVER do it again

-cannot be over a certain age (right now, its 27..it changes as i get older)

-can never have been married

-can not have any kids

-can't be a pothead(occasional smoking out is fine i guess, but not like a daily habit)

- can't do any drugs other than the aforementioned occasional weed

Re: Dealbreakers
 

that leaves out Tom earp.

did you let him tie you up?

Okay, mine are a lot more trivial.... (for me, the non smoker, non father thing has always been a given).

*No rugby players or wrestlers (found out both of those the hard way!)
*No musicians
*No boxer briefs (I dont know, they're just weird!)
*No one who excessivly disregards basic grammatical rules (ie., "me and so-and-so are going to the mall.") Drives me nuts!

I got this one from a magazine, and I think it's true... they said to watch out for guys who had early growth spurts, cause they never had to deal with the switch of power that comes from having all the girls be bigger in like, fifth grade. Every guy should know what it's like to be on the little side, it keeps them in check ;)

*C*

This turns me off:

-smokers
-a girl who drops E or basically goes beyond alcohol and mary jane. (E is just worse)
-no future
-Someone who can't carry a decent conversation (sorry I've just dated too many ladies who don't know what's going on in the world and it's annoying).
-Doesn't like sports AT ALL.

I'm surprised many of you ladies haven't sad "guys who are fat".

No boxer briefs? GAME ON! I love those things...I really like the new KMart add with the guy dancing in them for the full length of the commercial.....ooohh I get excited just thinking about it!!!
Oh wait, what were we talking about? Oh yeah, dealbreakers.

I only have one steadfast dealbreaker....anal sex. To me it just says, "Homosexual Tendencies."

Shultzz,
Nope, no bondage for me! The guy was totally off his rocker anyway...I didn't even stick around for the entire date!

AMEN to anal sex...thats just wrong on so many levels. Lord, I don't even wanna think about it...:eek:

Oh and for the record:
*guys who are fat (not into the whole "bubba" thing)

Blaire

girl
 

A girl that tries to sleep with me on the first date. I absolutely hate that.

-Rudey
--If she wears a skirt above the ankle, I will be mighty upset.

That's what I thought........

You didnt stick around for the entire date? Does that mean he brought up bondage at the start of the date?

1. Smokers
2. Women that are more manly than I am
3. People that are not intuned to current issues in the world
4. One worders ( people that answer questions with one word or a short phrase.)

~ guys who think kissing is no big deal -- why not kiss every girl you come across? not like it's SEX.......

right
 

Kissing really is no big deal. And sex is only a big deal if it involves dinner before...if it doesn't, then really it's not big deal.

-Rudey

Gahhhh! Sex is a HUGE deal! At least to me anyway. It's getting NAKED with somebody else -- sharing your BODY with somebody else! You're vulnerable, in so many ways -- emotionally, physically, virally -- aside from every other reason, it'd seem to me that if you don't really know a person you're getting ready to have sex with, you don't really know you're not gonna get anything.

Which is not to say an STD is the end of the world. Just that I'd rather not have one than have one.

And as for kissing --

I agree, it's less of a big deal. Everybody's read that poem that has the line in it, "Kisses aren't promises." But I guess I kind of treat them that way -- there's the implicit implication that you're interested, in the person, in getting to know them more, etc., etc., etc.

Besides. I like boys. I want them to feel like when I kiss them, it's hot stuff. :D

So..... did I just singlehandedly kill this thread?

*Has to have a college education, no buuger flippers.
*Must respect women
*Must have good relations w/ his family
*Can't have missing or gold teeth
*Can't be into devil worship or any other strange crap.

Okay, living in KY I cannot say no to smoking although I prefer not to have it.

I cannot deal with the following:
A Lack of ambition and no clue where a guy is going in life
AMEN to the anal sex thing, I won't even try it, so don't even ask it!
A guy that has no intelligence or common sense (he needs some of each!)
A guy that doesn't care about the way he looks (Hey mom! Look I brought home a slob!)
A person that is racist/sexist (I dated a racist guy for awhile and I couldn't deal with it!)
A person that is homophobic (I have gay guy and girl friends!)
A guy that doesn't like to socialize. He doesn't have to like bars or whatever and he doesn't have to drink, but he has to like to get out some!
A guy that doesn't wear cologne on a first date. You are supposed to try and impress me, cause damnit I am trying to impress you.

I agree with some of the things you all have said, but the number-one thing for me is scrawny guys. I don't find them attractive. Whoever was talking about overweight guys--well, I'd rather date one of those than one who looks like a good breeze could knock him over. I really don't want to offend anyone, especially those guys who are thin by nature, but I tend to go for guys who are a little stockier. If a guy can fit in my pants (I don't mean GET in them, I mean actually wear them), he's not for me.

Hi, I can't find anyone in San Diego with that way of thinking. Where do you live and how long would it take for you to get here?

lol j/k (well about the dating part anyway)

Things that turn me off to potential significant others:

1. Smokers. Of all the filthy, disgusting, inconsiderate, selfish...

*ahem* Excuse me.

2. Homophobia, racism, sexism.

3. Guys who are shorter than I. I can deal with girls who are shorter, but sorry fellas, gotta be taller.

4. Girls who wear makeup all the time. Sorry to all you makeup-wearers, but I read it as insecurity.

5. Lack of curiosity about unfamiliar things. If I'm interested in something and you're interested in me, then you should at least make an attempt to find out about things that I'm interested in. (For example, I hated sports but dated a hockey player... I went to his games to support him and discovered that I really do like hockey.)

Shultzz,
We were in the restaurant for like, um, 5 minutes when he brought that up! You could have knocked me over with a FEATHER! It was so random and SUCH a turn-off. You know the song "Caramel" by City High? Well, just cuz I ain't a virgin don't mean I'm havin sex with ya'! So, my advice to you guys out there...don't bring up bondage (unless she does!)
Blaire

Dealbreakers:
*LYING!!!!

I can excuse everything except for lying, honestly.

Actually, no, I just thought of another one. I was taking a guy home one night, and he was this pretty cute guy that I was kind of interested in, but probably wouldn't have dated anyway b/c one of my sisters had hooked up with him a while before.... anyway, he said to me, "I don't like black people. I just want you to know that right now." He tried to cover himself later on by saying stuff like, "There's a difference between black people and N******, and I don't mind black people." Sorry, hon, doesn't matter. Number one, you said you don't like black people, and number two, you used the "N" word. Good-bye!

He didnt "mind" black people, like he tolerates them. Good job Carolina. He was a loser with a Capital L!

-living with momma-at my age if you date a guy living with his mother then God help you!
-no children
-must like all animals
-must not be allergic to animals
-Some ambition, I don't mind if he doesn't have a college degree but please have a career
-must not do illegal drugs and yes this includes pot
-if he uses the phrases "right on" or "you gotcha"-then he is out of here
-must be taller than me and preferrably over 6'

Dealbreakers?

-being taller than I am (it's a matter of sexual mechanics here . . . don't want to use the stairs)
-doing coke
-dumb girls drive me freaking insane
-'euro-trash'-types aren't for me much
-smoking doesn't do much for me, but i could get over it
-ex-boyfriend/family issues . . . hang-ups=bad

Definite dealbreakers....
*Bad manners
*Racist/Sexist
*Smoking
*No goals/ambitions/direction
*Can't hold a decent conversation
*Disrespectful toward family
*Shorter than me.... i'm only 5'4
*Infidelity
*Extremely different values/beliefs than me
*Close-minded
*Use of Illegal drugs
*Lack of personal hygiene/cleanliness
*Lying

The dirty south
 

I thought anal sex was really popular in the south.

-Rudey

Ew ew ew ew.

Now now
 

Chioangel83 lists being "close-minded" as one of her deal breakers. It's so obvious that you two could never be in a relationship now.

-Rudey

-They must understand the greatness of half-priced books. (I can literary spend hours in this store)

-If she wears glasses for fashion rather then necessity.

-Prefers to be on top. (I am 6’7” and it is very awkward when she refuses to be on top or for that matter any other position)

-Knowledgeable of different sports and their rules.

-Enjoys the occasional Blockbuster evening.

-Prefers the bar scene to the club scene.

-Can ignore her cell phone.

-mullets

-likes bad music

-narrow minded

-meathead

For me....

I can not handle a high pitched voice. I like a good deep voice.

Also, if a guy has one of those horrible loud laughs. I just won't take part in that. You know, "that guy" who is in hystarics at the movies.

Oh and the anal thing. Some of you boys just can't be pleased.

:p

I have kissed far too many frogs in this lifetime! Deal-breakers:

-Smoking

-Can't properly use the English language (written or verbal)

-Is stuck up about how smart he is. I'm all for intelligent guys, but I swear I dated this guy who always did his best to prove how much smarter than me he was...and I've got a Master's, I'm not stupid!

-describes things he doesn't like as being "gay." I tolerate that neither from seventh graders nor grown men.

-makes fun of my love of shopping. I don't expect him to ever go shopping with me, I understand he's got a Y chromosome, but leave me alone about it!

-Refuses to meet or spend time with my friends.

-Doesn't read for fun!

-Won't believe that children's books can be cool. I broke up with a guy who refused to read Harry Potter, even though I was going to loan him my copy, wouldn't have cost him anything

Dealbreakers
 

My dealbreakers

The guy has to have a sense of humour. If he can't make me laugh then he's gone. I prefer taller guys (I'm 5'8) but if your a few inches shorter, I'll get over it.
- no drug users, the occasional recreational use of pot I can tolerate
-no drive ambition or only a highschool education
-no interest in my activities or pursuits, you don't have to like them but at least care that I do.
- racist/sexist or homophobic
-no pride in his appearance.

I'm sure the list can go on and on