As the Summer Breaks wind down...it's time for a STORY
 

On a nice lovely, rain-free Sunday afternoon, I am sipping on ice-cold PINK lemonade and enjoying my new book by E. Lynn Harris. While enjoying my cool, refreshing brew, I abruptly stop reading and reflect on how the time has swiftly passed by.

Just then, I...

Thought about that fine hunk of man I left behind in Louisiana. That man was so fine he could make you melt with one touch. Things would have really worked out between us if.............

He didn't have that awful laugh. Sounded like a wounded elephant. Luckily, he liked psychological thrillers and not comedies! Which brings me to the one time, when we were at the movies...

***Sidebar***
When I first read the name of the thread...I saw "As summer breaks wind..." I was sitting here thinking :confused:
Who is Summer, and why is there a thread about her breaking wind?? LOL! :D
***End of Sidebar***

He turned to me just as the final credits were rolling. He looked deep into my eyes- almost as if he were trying to see my soul- and asked...

If I wore thongs and would I like to ride the rodeo backwards!
I looked at him and said..........................

Hell Naw!!! What kind of woman do you think I am?!?!?! Just then that skank Shanteka walked by. I guess she had overheard what he asked because she said "I'll ride you like a rodeo backwards." So he looked at me and said "Holla" and left with Shanteka.

I was trippin because he was my ride home. I wasn't tryin to walk because I had on my five inch stilletto heels. Just then I saw . . . . .


***Sidebar***

I am LMAO @ librasoul with her "Who is Summer and why is there a thread about her breaking wind?" because I was thinking the same thing!

***End of Sidebar***

...the man I was going to marry! He was a smooth deep chocolate with a body sculpted by the gods and a breathtaking smile. So I sauntered over to him, smiled and said...

"You must be an Ice Cold brother of Alpha Phi Alpha because when I looked at you, I was frozen in place. I just knew that I had to make my way over here to find out if I can get to know you better." That's when.....

He kissed me gently on my hand and led me to his Black 600 Mercedes Benz with the 22 inch gold rims. Then we.......

Just had to stop by his baby's momma's house. I did not appreciate that, but that's what I got for leaving my car in my drive way.

When we pulled up, she was sitting on the porch, with his son in just a diaper, and she was listening to, "My neck, my back" and she was singing every word.

I felt sorry for him, having a baby's momma like that and all. I stayed in the car, while he walked to the porch.

The first thing out of old girl's mouth was....

"Man! That's my jam! Me an Khia is cousins. You ain't know? I helped her write that song, only she revised what I had said. My song was 'My Breast, My - '" At that point I turned the car radio on, full blast. Luckily, my song was on, the one that always calms me down...

And then he came back and apologized. I accepted it. Then we went back to his place and I noticed ,damn, that brother has a nice cucumber (sp?) on him. Oops, there goes my shirt over my head and my skirt going down to my feet. I was getting very excited until I found out he was wearing a "bulge enhancing brief" :mad:............

When I found that "bulge-enhancing brief," I lost it and started pounding on him.

He had this look of utter horror on his face, especially when I was really angry and rushed to the kitchen drawer...

And pulled out the ice cream scooper. I don't know what I planning on doing with it, and neither did he.


Needless to say that he called me a "Crazy B", and then made himself scarce.

I sat down at my kitchen table and wondered how my day had come to this.

Then I realized that my day had started going downhill when...

This morning at the crack of dawn there was a loud crash outside. I get up and look out the window and there is a woman outside with a brick. The heffa just broke out my man's window shield. I wake him up and tell him some girl it outside going postal. He says.......

"Don't worry I filed for a restraining order last week. I'll be sure to call the police. I don't know why she's still upset about the child support decision." I'm sitting here confused because he's holding the pillow with his eyes closed like everything's going to be okay. So I say: "WHAT CHILD SUPPORT!!! WHAT CHILD!!!" He suddenly jerks awake and ..........

Looks me in the eye...

"Look, babe, last night before we made beautiful love...I was gonna sit down and have this talk with you..."

"What talk?!" I demanded.

"Well I have 2 kids. The reson why that girl is throwing bricks through the window is because I am backed up on child support with her. I think. Or maybe it is because I gave her the clap. Well, either one."

I closed my eyes tight because I just knew I was dreaming. As soon as I opened them again....

He's standing right in my face and says, "There's a few more things that I have to tell you".......

tell me?

At this point, I couldn't stand to hear another single solitary word from this so and so. So I got up and went to the bathroom, turned on the water to take a shower so that I could sort through this mess.
(thinking to myself) 2 children? How could he have not told me? Then, he doesn't take care of them, either? What kind of man is he?

I'm bugging! This is some straight up Mary J. Blige video mess! I NEVER thought I'd deal with this. I have my OWN DRAMA going on up in here.

As I begin to step into the shower....

I hear glass shattering in my house...WTF? I grab my robe and run out of the bathroom prepared to do some old Mike Tyson chit on someone http://www.click-smilie.de/sammlung/.../aktion070.gif
When I enter my living room,I see........

My cousin Shay-Shay. She done broke my dang-on window out.

"Girl," she says, "Raulo done hit me for the last time! I'm sick of his mess. I'm leaving him alone for good. Two broken ribs, twelve black eyes, a broken nose, and I still took him back. But this time, he done turned my favorite bra pink in the wash, by putting some of his red player socks in there with my white clothes. I'm through! I mean it, too!"

I don't have time for this. I just found out that my man gave somebody the clap. I might be next in line at the free clinic. Now Shay-Shay wants me to help her solve her problems with Raulo? I don't think so.

I show her to the door, and since she's my FAVORITE cousin, I try to be nice, when I say...

...look, if you need to, you can stay over for a couple of days until you get your situation straightened out. I knew it was probably against my better judgement, but she is family and I always believed that family should stick together. Just then I hear my man say.....

She aint family she is my second baby mother in a past relationship, In fact she................................

"...was probably the one who gave me the clap in the first place!" said my man.

I looked at my man, and looked at cousin Shay-Shay. Then I noticed my feet were wet. I remembered that I had left the shower running! Rather than try to clean it up, I...

..slapped the chit out of my so called man and told him to leave my house immediately. He wouldn't leave so I went to my closet and got out my chrome .22 with the pearl handle he got me for my birthday. I pointed it below his belly button, he ran out the house so fast he forgot to put his clothes on. I turned around and said to my cousin.........

"Boo, this is not true, is it?"

Shay-Shay told me that it wasn't true, but I didn't know what to think. They had me totally confused.


"You need to go. I need to take my shower and get down to the free clinic before the line gets too long. I'll call you later."

Shay-Shay left reluctantly. My telephone rang. It was my ex boyfriend from a couple of months ago. We had broken up because he caught a case, and was sent up to do a bid. Now he was out.

He said....

"what you know-know goooooddddd....Yo baby's BACCCCKKKKKKK!"

(speaking to myself as I pull the phone away from my ear looking at it like I was crazy with a K)
My baby? Is he on some crackalack or something? Evidently, he must be on something cause every since he caught that case I meant I didn't have time for a jailbird. He better recognize!

So, I said..."what's up... you out?" I continue with.. "Are you going to stay out THIS TIME?"

I could hear him sucking on his teeth and he says...

"Like I knew that girl was 15! Give me a break, baby. Look, when I was in the pen, and finally got Big Snake to fall asleep, I would lie still and think to myself about our future together, baby. I thought about all the good times that we shared and how they went wrong. I am ready to be faithful to you, boo. To you."

I had to take a breather and figure this out. Is this dude really sitting up here telling me that he was in the pen, laid up and playing "Drop the Soap" with a man named "Big Snake" and now expects me to get back with him?

After I gained my composure, I ....

slammed the phone acquainting this needro with Mr. Click (dial tone). As I slammed the phone, I broke one of my almost perfectly manicured nails. "Dayum!" I exclaimed. I picked up the phone attempting to press *70 to block this needro from calling again, but I could not. "Crap!" Now, I was :mad: at my soon to be EX, my cousin, and this dropping soap azz needro!

"What next?" I said. As I raised my arms totally disgusted. I then realized I STILL had not taken my shower. So, I take my shower, get out and...

I heard a knock on the door. "What is it now?" I asked myself as I rushed to slip into my undies, a pair of sweats, and a t-shirt. The person on the other side began banging on the door. I tried to hurry and put on my clothes. I was moving so fast that my foot missed the pant leg and I nearly sprained my ankle as I stumbled alongside the bed. The person began banging louder, harder, and faster. I shouted out, "OK! OK! I'm coming!!!" as I approached the door. I struggled with keys to get the door unlocked. With MAJOR attitude, I swung the door open. I gasped when I saw.....

...the landlord posting my eviction notice.

"Ma'am you have failed to pay the rent for the last two months and now I am giving you thirty days to be off my property!"

"No! That is incorrect. I have my man paying you every month, on time at that!"

"Yes ma'am, he WAS paying on time every month...up until 2 months ago! Anyway, HIS name is not on this lease, YOURS is. So I suggest you come up with my two months rent, or the sheriff will be here in 30 days to see you out!"

I sat in awe as I watched my landlord walk away. I had just pointed my pearly .22 at my man's nether region. How was I supposed to ask him for the last 2 months rent? After much deliberation, I went back inside, picked up the phone and called...

The corner liquor store. Habib answered on the third ring.

"How much is the lottery jackpot, today?" I asked him.

"56,000,000.00." He said.


I grabbed the keys to my apartment and my purse and left out quickly.

I asked for 20 lottery tickets, all having different variations of me and my boo's birthday. When I pulled out my wallet to pay, I'll be dog-on if it wasn't empty. That meant either Shay-Shay or my man had robbed me.

Habib gave me the lottery tickets on my tab, but I was still upset. I sat down on the corner outside of the liquor store and cried.

What the heck else could go wrong. A car pulled up beside me.

I knew the passenger. The window came down, and I heard my acquaintance ask....

"Yo shorty, what's the matter?" It was Pedro. I met him about 6 months ago at a party. He was trying to kick it to me then, but I told him that I wasn't interested. He was cool about things though. For some reason, I just decided to tell him everything that just happened to me. "Dayum shorty, that's really messed up." Then he scribbled down his phone number and gave it to me. "Give me a holla this evening around 7:30. Maybe I can help you get out of your situation." I said to myself, how can he possibly help me out?? I guess I can give him a call - no harm, no foul.......

Later that evening, I decided to give Pedro a call. He answered on the second ring, " Is that you shorty?" I said "yeah, it's me." He said, "I think I know a way to help you out."..........

He told me that he was moving drugs down south and he needed someone to drive him to Texas once a month. He said he would pay me $5000 a month and I could start this weekend. Now I knew this was risky but I needed to cash. I was already thinking in my head what I could do with 5 big ones. I mean what did I expect ? The first time I met him he.......................................

was straight raggedy. I mean RAGGEDY. Same jeans everyday, torn shirt with the ketchup stains, and all that. Then one day he pops up in Versace and a Bentley. Always had a bankroll and didn't seem to have a problem affording the finer things in life. I'm saying if he went from Raggedy Andy to Donald Trump in less than a month, I couldn't expect him to offer me a job working 9-5, could I? Now that I think about it maybe .........

I need to get Pedro to hook me up with a fake ID, I thought to myself. How about a disguise? I mean, I don't know what to think! DAMN, I'm NERVOUS! I can't do this! I can't! I just KNOW that I will get caught! But, then again, it is FIVE G's!! Do you know what I can do with FIVE G's.... A MONTH!? In five months, I could make my whole year's salary! I would be a fool to turn him down.

I picked up the phone to dial Pedro back and let him know that I accept his offer. The line was ringing. I took in a deep breath just before someone answered. The person on the other end....

was Pastor Sherman. What was he doing at Pedro's crib? Maybe it was fate.

He and the wife had missed me at church the past Sunday. As soon as I heard the Pastor's voice, I knew I couldn't get down with Pedro.

I apologized for my attendance, and hung up from the pastor. I needed to find a way out of the drama I was in.


I decided to go 'head and try to find my man. Even if he didn't pay the rent, I wanted to know if he was the one who robbed me.

I drove all around our neighborhood. I ended up back at his oldest baby momma's house. The one who was singing "My neck, my back."

I politely asked her if she had seen my man around. She replied...

"WHOSE MAN?? I KNOW you aint coming up on MY porch askin bout MY man trying to say he's yours! ANYways, like I was sayin...MY BREAST..."

I had to leave. Can I get anythign to go right for me today?? ANYTHING? Just then I noticed my bra was bulging funny. Weird...this was not a bulge-enhancing bra. I felt it and found my money! Thank God!! I rushed home so I could...

Pay my rent. I get to the landlords apartment and his son answers the door.
He says, " Hey there sexy I heard my pops is about to evict you and your man played you. You having a real bad day. If you give me a little something something every once in while you can live here rent free." I say.........

"Boy, you're 13, you haven't even gone through puberty yet. Go get your daddy, and get outta my face."


He gets his dad, I pay the rent and go back to my apartment. Why is my man chilling on the sofa when I come through the door?


"Why are you here?' I asked him.

He responded....