Point of no return
 

Ok I been holding this one in all day and I guess its time to vent. I was considering registering a different name but at this point I could care less who reads this. Lately I have had troubles with one particular sorority that frequents many of our gatherings. Now I hate to profess a hatred for their organization based on a few members but it has reached that point. Currently I refrain from a social interaction with two of them in an attempt to avoid a negative situation but last night another one of their sisters decided it would be great to talk about me behind my back to my brothers. I overheard this and immediately confronted her in a drunken rage I was quite amazed I didn’t say or do what I wanted to her. Basically I feel it has reached a point where the only thing that keeps me in check when they are around is respect for my fraternity. Last night I made it perfectly clear that she is no longer welcome at the house. My vice-archon supported me enough to say that he will personally call her before each function to make that clear. Now this works out rather nicely during the summer but come fall with rush functions I doubt it will go over so well. The line has been drawn and I have no idea how far this will go before it resolves. I think my boiling point was reached when I received an email forward from her a few minutes ago inviting the whole fraternity to her party. I really feel that the timing of a this party is nothing more then a power play in attempt to make my brothers choose between me or her. Any advice, comments, or thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Oy.

Let me get this straight. A member of your exec pleasantly banned her from any of your fraternity events and she feels comfortable enough to send a mass email to your list serve?

It sounds like your brothers have enough respect for you to take action against this girl. As a woman, I would think she would be embarassed for her offensive behavior! If her motives are as you suspect, than she is childish and it's a pathetic attempt.

You have every right to be upset. If she shows up to any fall rush parties, have a brother pull her aside and tell her she isn't welcome. That should embarass her enough to not show her face anymore.

This situation doesn't seem to far away....
You've already recognized that you have a problem with this chapter of the org. and I think that is okay. You have your reasons and that is enough for me.
I also think you are quite right in saying that since it is summer it is okay, but come fall things will go differently.
It is your fraternity house, not hers. Although I am sure her sorority is welcome at your house, you can let her know (and your exec members) that this particular sister is not welcome. Some of her sisters won't come around because of this and that may bother some of your other brothers, but in the end they will get over it. Other guys that are friends with her are the ones you may want to address first. Especially if she is dating someone there.
Just approach them and be calm and let them know that although they are friends with "Betsy" (or whatever) you and her have had some problems and you have asked her not to come to the house. This way if they have anything to say (and even suggestions) then they can do it in private with you.
Come fall time and rush I know all the houses want the sororities over, but again, make sure she knows that you wish she would not attend. Her sisters will still come, at least some of them.
Now, I know that some people may feel like if their sorority sister was told not to come to a house they would not go there either, and they are sure that none of their sisters would too.
My answer to that is, I know which of my sisters could be a nuisance to fraternities. Everyone does. I always knew what girl was not thought of highly and which house. I still went to those houses and if her name came up I always let them know that she was my sister and I would appreciate it if they had something negative to say to keep it to themselves. They respected that.

I am sorry to hear that this situation is happening to you. There are a few guys on my campus that make a hobby out of "banning" their ex-girlfriends and their repective sororities from the fraternity's events. It makes me so mad because their are often girls who deserve to be banned and the impact is lost on the guys who are just throwing a fit.

I am sure that this girl will be sadly mistaken if she is trying to have this power struggle for your brothers loyalty. I hope that she will play herself out. Petty people usually get bored and find someone else to bother. When fall begins be sure to talk to your exec again and make it very clear that you don't want to see this person around. I am sure that your brothers will have enough respect for you to ensure that she isn't their.

Maybe you should suggest that she begin to cross dress and try to become a pledge since she is so interested in your fraternity. ;-)

I obviously didn't mean that cross dressing thing literally. Sorry if that really offended anyone.

I wasn't going to talk about this but here goes.....There was a situation among some friends of mine that was similar to this. My boyfriend was in XYZ fraternity. His best friend was very interested in a girl who wasn't equally intersted in him. Some very dramatic things happened between the two of them that the guy felt were irreconcilable. Ultimately she was banned from any events and she tried this throw a party and try to make everyone on my side tactic. Her doing so caused so many problems for her. It ultimately made her look and feel stupid around the guys. That is because the guy involved had such strong feelings as Kevlar seems to. I just think it would be better if she left things alone for a while. He seems to have made it clear to her that she is causing a problem.

I guess I assumed that she is like the girl that I know. I just don't think that a person should do anything to interfere with a groups brother or sisterhood. Sometimes it is better to just walk away for a while out of respect for the people associated and let things cool off. Just my opinion.

OK, here's a question...when this girl besmirched your good name Kevlar, what did your brothers do about it before you walked in on it? Did they sit there and just not say anything...did they defend you? And what happens if your brothers want to go to her party?

I think this is a person you need to avoid as to keep the peace, but asking everyone to dump her isn't really going to make others happy.

Kevlar, are you the only one with a problem with this girl, or is it most of your brothers? also, if most people have a problem with her, then why was she there in the first place?

honestly, if you are the only one who has a problem with her, then i think it's best if you just stay away from her. and maybe you should sit down and talk with her. i have never heard of an entire fraternity banning one girl, and i don't think that is right.

Well just like all officers he handled the situation with great delicacy and I don’t think she truly grasps the extent of the situation.
Absolutely not, I don’t think I could conduct a rational conversation with her and the last thing I am looking for is a yelling match.
Yes
They really had no opportunity to react since I confronted her before she even finished.
I would never tell my brothers what to do out of selfishness. At this point it is a personal issue and does not affect fraternity business so I would feel out of place to put them in that position.
No I am not the only one with the problem just one of a select few that have voiced opinions on the matter.
Not everyone has a problem with her. We paired up with their sorority for an event during spring semester and in my opinion they have reached a feeling of entitlement when it comes to our functions. I don’t mean to make that sound as if their not welcome but I feel that some of their behavior is done only in the context that they feel they can get away with it.

well, if other brothers like her, and like hanging out with her, then they have the right to have her in the house and you need to respect their wishes, as well as they respecting yours. And if you rationally talk to them, then maybe they would be cool with not inviting her and her sisters over so much. if she and her sisters want to have a party and invite everybody, then who cares? you don't have to go.

Ok, Ok... I tell you what.....Heres a good lesson for the Lassie.


This happened back in 98...... Find out which of her sisters are pissed at her too. After doing this, ask them to have her be extremely active during the fall rush. have the sisters that hate her, be nice to her. Make it so that she and the other sisters are off doing something they shouldnt be to the pledges in the middle of no where. Once the pledges are tied up and have hoods on their faces, make sure they get this girl......Wait until they are finished intiating the pledges and then let them go. Tell them to keep this girl and leave her hood on. Wrap her in Saran wrap or a life size condom--buy them at spencers, her whole body....then have the girls take her to your frat house and you guys pour some liquid on her with RED dye, make sure it is thick. If you got the life size condom, it will look like a mans penis who nailed a chick on her period. This is disgusting and the most degrading thing you can do to her, it was done here at UF back in 98 but instead of the person being dropped off in front of the frat house it was a sorority house. Have the guys take pictures of her and go to Excerds and make hundreds of copies with the negatives. Blow some up really big and some reg. Post them all over Campus and all down their sorority row and at the bus stops at students complexs. I guarentee that she will either leave school or have a mental breakdown. Most certainly be scarred for the rest of her life. You have to be slick so that no one knows the parties involved, this could get you guys suspended and expelled if caught.

Hope I helped.

Wow, good idea! ha ha ha

OK, and you were accusing ME of being vindictive?

I feel for the girl this happened/happens to. She might be a thorn in your side, but there's no need to make her want to transfer or scar her for life!

Good idea, though...wicked. and I think it's a great one to store away for a rainy day! I mean, it's not that much different than what they do to guys who lavaliere their girlfriends...saran wrap, condiments...

Sorry guys I think that would be extreme overkill making a tough situation ever harder.

But it's fun to imagine, isn't it?

No, really, you should just not let this girl bother you too much. If she's in your house talking smack about you to your brothers, then it's her problem...your brothers will be on your side no matter what and it just reflects badly on her.

UPDATE:

I had a sit down today with an officer and the decision has been made not to ban her from house but put her on notice that any inappropriate behavior will consequent in her being asked to leave immediately.

UF_Pike You are too much.

Kevlar, do you have summer events with your fraternity? Are you in summer session? I think this situation might blow over by the time that the fall semester rolls around. I wouldn't worry about it too much if you don't have much contact with her this summer. Maybe the invitation is her attempt to extend an olive branch. I don't know all the details, but if I were bad mouthing someone and were called on it in front of a bunch of guys I would do something to make it up to the person I hurt. Maybe I'm off base.

You can be the gracious one in this situation. She cannot undermine you with your fraternity. She has no control over that situation. You are right to try to have limited contact with her, but always be a gentleman. The closest we came to this type of situation in my sorority was a really bad breakup between one of my sisters and a fraternity brother. Out of our respect for her we never mixed with that fraternity. We didn't have a house so that wasn't an issue.

So I just read your update. I hope that it works out. :)

Great! Why would she want to hang around so much if she'll be under so much scrutiny? I'm sure she'll come around at first anyway, with her sisters, but then the strain of trying to be good will be too much.

Just make sure you have some brothers you can definitely count on to keep an eye on her, report her behavior, and ask her to leave. If she thinks that you guys are bluffing she'll take it to mean that she can get away with anything.

PM_Mama
after the PM you sent me the other day about sticking up for our Fraternity and sisters, how can you ask that question? It's the same thing, they are his brothers, they will stick up for him. You know, that's what (part) of this whole brotherhood/sisterhood thing is all about. Trusting and counting on the other members of your chapter to be there for you. It just seems like you're double talking with this one.

LIOB,
Tara

I agree PhiMuNursie. Brotherhood and sisterhood is untouchable in my opinion. Kevlar said he hasn't said what he wanted to out of respect for his brothers. Even if the girl thinks she is right, she should respect his brothers, if not him anyway. Just walk away, they aren't her sisters. She has her own sisterhood.