Bachelor Party
 

Alright, fellas, I want the real. Here's the situation...

You are getting married. Your fiancee doesn't want you to have any strippers, and she is ADAMANT about it. So much so, that she is not having any strippers either. But you know your friends, and you know they are going to want strippers at the party. Do you tell your friends no strippers? And if you do, do you trust that they will respect your wishes?

Here is the real............You will never know!

No, that's not the real, that's the obvious. :p

Well you know I have had this conversation. My take is that it is a party for me so why be concerned. What she does at her party with her girls is ok with me so she should not be concerned about my last night as a single man.

I'll be honest, and speak from experience. In my opinion, it is not an unreasonable request. If she says she doesn't want the spectacle of strippers, and you respect her feelings, I think it is a small matter to FORCEFULLY communicate your wish to your groomsmen. I know this is not popular, but all that talk of one last wild night is crap.
No one can force you to be where you don't want to when it comes to partying, so if your peeps go against your wishes and get strippers anyway, then that is not your party, and you don't need to be there.

You equate being engaged with being single :rolleyes: ? To me, the "last night" (so to speak) should be before someone proposes and someone accepts. But I guess that just my and my fiance's warped way of thinking :rolleyes: .

Note: I'm not talking about the groom and bride going out separtely with friends to just have fun. I'm talking about a way of thinking. Thinking that this is the "last night". Whatever :rolleyes: !! Grow up already.

Thank you!! Is is that serious that you just have to have a stripper even though your WIFE to be asks you not to? Perhaps if it is that serious, you can just break it off so that you can see strippers, etc. anytime you want without having to be hassled :rolleyes:!!

It's about respect. It shouldn't be about control issues or anything else. And if it is, grow up (again :rolleyes: :p )!!

Dag on kids just never grow up!!

Young Lady - Apparently you have misunderstood my point . . . and that's fine if you don't get it or like it!!!! But please keep in mind that you don't know shit about me other than what I may post. To reference my maturity would require you to know me personally and that you don't.

yall all missed the point
 

This is not about whether or not to have the party or whether or not people need to grow up or whatever. The question is, if you told your dudes that you didn't want a stripper, do you think they would oblige you?

Dang, yall be gettin' heated in here. It ain't even that serious.

Well, call me an idealistic idiot, but if they don't oblige me, who are they really throwing the party for? Me, or themselves? If they are my groomsmen, special people who are attendants at MY wedding, they are gonna do what I ask, and they should oblige. My wedding, my rules. If they decide to renege, I don't have to be at the said strip show.

the thing about these types of parties is when you are not the one planning the function, you really don't have control. i've known friends to request no strippers and yet Brothers have still added the surprise. now i realize that one can just leave the party . . . but how often does that happen.

i don't see a damn thing wrong with having strippers if that is the type of thing you like. personally, i see strippers as a hoes for hire and that does not interest me. but if i wanted one, two, three, etc. at my party then so be it. it does in no way imply that i'm having sex with these girls nor does it speak to my maturity.

You are right about the control thing, Prof. It is a well known fact the groom generally has little to do with the planning. I also share in your sentiments about strippers. Still, if they got me one, I'd simply assume that they did not want me at the party, and would have acted as such by leaving.

Not you personally, Professor, but I do think having strippers at one's bachelor party CAN connotate that sexual acts will go on. I've heard too many stories (from eyewitness men) about oral and other inappropriate sexual activities that grooms and their friends (many married or engaged themselves) engage in.

I had not thought of oral sex - - - maybe you have a point - lol:cool:

Sometimes I think the stripper is more for the people AT the party than the groom. If I ask my man not to have strippers, do I think he still will? Probably because the folks throwing the she-bang will think having strippers is a GREAT idea.

And where does the buck stop?

First off when I said grow up, I meant to anyone who thinks like that in general, not specifically you. (This is MY opinion.)

Well young man, where's my misunderstanding of your following post:
"... she should not be concerned about my last night as a single man. "

So anyway, like I said...:rolleyes:

Sorry Ideal08 :( . I didn't mean to take your question in another direction. I just couldn't resist that post :p . But I'm through posting on that aspect of the topic and will leave it for the answers you were expecting :) .

Now as far at the actually topic Ideal08 was wanting to talk about, I would think that a man would respect his WIFE to be before his boys (if he just had to make a choice). Meaning although others may plan the party, the groom should be MAN enough to tell his boys ahead time that out of respect for his future marriage he ABSOLUTELY does not want strippers. And if his boys would disrespect his values for his marriage, then what type of boys are they?! I understand that the friends may be single and may be into that but I'm sure that everytime they all go out they don't see strippers. So I'm sure they could deal with going out to a bar, pool hall, or whatever else they would do on any other average weekend.

Engaged = Not single?
 

From DST Love...
When a person is engaged to be married, they ARE still single, they are not married. I was engaed for 15 months, lived in a seperate city from our folks with my fiancee' for a year (though in different homes) , and I can tell you, being married is quite different from being engaged. During your engagement, you have a committment, indeed, but if you decide this isn't the partner for you, there is nothing dishonorable in leaving, in some situations, it might be considered mature and honorable. When you are married, there are so many more consequences to a person leaving. Spiritually, divorce is frowned upon, legally it's a hassel, psychologically it can be dibilitating, and so on.

As far as the bacheolor party is concerned, I would think that if you were the type of bruh that wouldn't want strippers, your friends would know that and respect your desires. If you are the type of bruh that wouldn't mind strippers, then your fiancee' should know this before she said yes to the proposal of marriage. She was okay with you liking to be "entertained" by strippers in the past, why then now is she objecting? Why wait until the night before the wedding to voice this concern? Does she think you will change over night because you are now married? Newsflash, your partner will change only in the partner's due time. If there is something about your partner that you do not like, you have a decision to make about that behavior WAAAAYYYYY before the bacheolor party. Either you decide that "I do not like this behavior, but what the partner provides in other areas is enough for me to deal with the behavior I do not like" or " I can't live with the possibility of this behavior being around for the rest of my life, therefore I cannot marry this person". Now I am not saying that people do not change, I am saying be prepared if they don't.

Also, trust your mate. If your partner would be the type to engage in a sexual act with another person, then why are you marrying this person? I can say that I never went to a strip club or seen a real life stripper before I got marred. Now that I have been married, and due to the large amount of people in our wedding, I can say that I have been in my share of weddings since my own (you know, returning the favor) and I can say that I have been to a few bacheolor parties with a few strippers. I was not interested in doing anything sexual with these women, I did not even touch them. Personnally, they were attractive women, and seeing them naked was new and diffferent (though I didn't understand the appeal of a naked woman with a fake name, hair , breasts, etc. and no humanity or personality that I could relate to :confused: , purely a sex object.), but they were not my wife, and I have no desire to do anything sexual with a woman that is not my wife. Sex is not just physical to me anymore (But that is another topic). If he wanted to do something sexual with another woman, he probably wouldn't need to hire a stripper to do so, nor will marrying you the next day curb that desire. Again, these are things that need to be resolved before the "Bacheolor party", before the church is even booked.
Blackwatch!!!!!!

Re: Engaged = Not single?
 

Sorry Ideal08, I have to respond ;) .

No, Blackwatch, YOU feel that if you are engaged you are still single. In accordance with our values and beliefs, my fiance and I strongly disagree.

I agree with you from all of your other aspects. Yes, technically you are single because you are not yet married. And yes to some others things you said. I know that marriage is far different from dating and from being engaged. I also agree that yes you can still leave during the engagement without all of the problems. However, I STILL feel like it's about a state of mind and if a person goes into an engagement feeling like it's still a trial period then perhaps that couple should just keep dating and not even talk about marriage yet. My fiance and I DO NOT consider ourselves single and DO NOT act single. We are both going in the direction of a lifetime commitment and WILL NOT just start it the day of the wedding. So I still say again, to me and my fiance, the "last night" should be before someone proposes and someone accepts. That's what works with our beliefs, values and relationship. If others think differently and it works for them, then so be it.

An interesting perspective, one which I cannot entirely disagree with. True, this is something which should not even be an issue at this point.

Re: Re: Engaged = Not single?
 

And to add to my posts, I still expect and want my fiance to hang out with his boys the night before the wedding. It's no different then when he goes to play pool or hang out with them on any other regular day. I am just disagreeing with the whole "last night" concept of being single, blah, blah.

Note: And by the way, Blackwatch, I always appreciate reading your posts on various topics (even if I may disagree ;) ).

I hope I don't sound lame for asking this!
 

I thought there was a diference between strippers and prostitutes. I didn't think stippers even touched the "customer" I thought they just toke off their clothes and shake their booty for a while. Am I wrong? Also, Married men go to strip clubs. Don't they? So, why not have a stripper at the bachelor party?

To add for the last time to my previous posts, we don't act married but we sure as hell don't act single.

Funny thing is I really didn't want to post anything on this topic and other "heavy" topics to begin with as I am slowly trying to quit posting to GC altogther and just go back to silently observing, but I guess that's what happens when you start getting a little bored at work :p .

And I am honestly through on that note, Ideal08 ;) .

Whoa, whoa! Prostitutes belong to a whole different genre! Strippers, in theory, do not perform blatant sex acts. Strippers will dance, and generally perform the signature lap dance for extra. Heck, they have private booths in clubs where, for the right price, they'll give you a "private" session.
So, while strippers don't get paid to give you sex, one can argue the obvious: something is being sold. So, there is contact, if you are willing to pay for it.
Now, as someone alluded to, whether this is acceptable is up to the couple in question. I know of women who regularly take their spouses to strip clubs as a type of night out. Now, if te sight of another women, gyrating scantily-clad parts on your hubby excites you, then, hey, to each his own. Their is nothing illegal about it, and even though I believe it is a pointless behavior that does nothing to promote a monogamous marriage, I will not knock anybody who enjoys it. It is just not for me.

easy..
 

respect her wishes... don't get strippers...

GET WHORES :D

*RING* calling Bishop Don Magic Juan please.. LOL

Re: I hope I don't sound lame for asking this!
 

Having known quite a few strippers personally, I can say that there is not much difference between them and prostitutes. Most of them, at least the ones that I have come in contact with, will gladly give up the goods for money. Do they call themselves prostitutes? No, because for some prostitution is equal to streetwalking. I am not painting all strippers with this brush, I'm just talking about the girls that I have known.

Blackwatch, in my eyes being engaged means that you are no longer single. Single, to me, means that you are not in a committed relationship. I know that in the eyes of the law singles means unmarried, but really, how many of us consider the legal definition when talking about being single?

Anyway, I agree with DST Love. I consider my man's "last day of single-dom" the day before we became committed. Therefore, by the day of the Bachelor party, he has long given up his right to party as a single man.