re-reushing as a sophomore transfer and terrified
 

Hi all, this is my first post on greekchat. I've come to you guys because I need some recruitment veterans help.

I started off freshman year at a big 10 school that does rush in the fall. I didn't rush (no one in my family was greek so I just didn't look into it.) I instantly regretted it and decided to do informal COB that spring. I rushed and accepted a bid at a house a friend of mine was in. The house was fairly popular and known for being very "social" on campus. A few weeks in, I realized it wasn't the right fit for me. I'm pretty academically focused, which wasn't a top priority at the house. I decided to drop before initiation. I really still wanted to be in a house though, so I decided to go through formal recruitment next fall as a sophomore so that I could really meet all the houses and get to know them.

This August I rushed and it did not go at all as I hoped. I had a good GPA, a 3.6, involvement in clubs from freshman year, and (what I thought) were good rush conversations. In the end, I got dropped from all my favorite houses, and by pref round, I was in tears with my Gamma Chi, telling her I wanted to drop. She encouraged me to continue so I did.

I got a bid from a house that recolonized at my school a few years ago. I accepted my bid, but still didn't feel like I really fit in with the chapter. I actually learned that houses that are new on my campus aren't allowed to cut PNMs for a certain number of years after they are established, which honestly made me feel like I only got a bid from that house because they gave bids to everyone since they couldn't cut.

Anyway... Now, due to to my change in major and to be close to my family, I decided to transfer to Ohio State University. I haven't been initiated into the sorority I'm in at my school now. They don't have a chapter at OSU AND OSU rushes at the beginning of second semester so it would all line up perfectly for me to drop before I initiated at my current school and re rush this winter at OSU (and yes, I know for sure that i'd be lligible to rush at osu even though i accepted a bid at my current school this fall, I already talked to pan-hel at osu). Since I didn't really feel like I fit in at the house I pledged this fall, I feel like re rushing at OSU would give me the chance to have a fresh start as a transfer student.

This is where my question begins... Am i doomed to repeat the bad rush I had at my school this fall at OSU? I feel like the fact that i accepted a COB at my current school and dropped really had a negative effect on my rush this fall. I feel like girls knew about it ( I had friends who were in various houses that new I pledged and dropped that house) and that caused e to have a bad rush. Do you think that having a clean slate at a transfer student will make it easier at OSU? I don't know much about how competitive rush is at ohio state for sophomores so if any of ya'll can give me some advice I'd be SO grateful.

thank you so much!
xoxo

QFP

This is 100% NOT TRUE.

And yes, the fact that you dropped out of a chapter after getting a bid that many women would have been ecstatic to have, for a REALLY ridiculous reason, absolutely hurt your rush in the fall. It may have negatively affected your friend's standing in her sorority as well.

(People...when I rail against that "next primary recruitment" business re open bids...this is exactly the sort of thing I'm talking about. )

We can't predict your chances at OSU. Keep an open mind to ALL the chapters.

As long as you have not been initiated, since you are transferring to a school with winter Rush, you may rush. Only if you stayed at your present school would you have to wait a complete year before rerushing. Give it a go.

So you got bids from two different sororities two different times and now you're trying to give it a third try? Just trying to understand.

Honestly, whether or not you can rush at OSU is not the primary question I believe you should be asking. Rather, I would spend some time inwardly, asking yourself why, having been offered bids at not one, but TWO sororities on your Big Ten campus, you didn't like either one. That doesn't bode well for potential number three. One was too social, one not special enough. Like Goldilocks, you are looking for the one that is "just right".

NO sorority chapter is always just right and none are perfect fit every day. It's like a big messy family--sometimes you pinch yourself because you can't believe you are lucky enough to belong to such an awesome clan, and other times you just wish they would all take their baggage to another station and leave you the hell alone. Chapters change and evolve each year, especially at big schools with larger classes, as each new class is initiated and seniors move on. You yourself will change, and what you feel about your chapter as a new member will not be what you feel as time goes on. No one can predict what that will be, and no chapter is going to offer you a fairy tale experience, especially as a second semester sophomore transfer student. It's just not.

What it will offer is a chance to meet new people, work hard, be involved with people and issues and events that you might not ordinarily experience, and through that process, grow as a woman. If you aren't looking for that, don't try for bid # 3.

I do not have high hopes for you. And not because your chances for placement are bad - you've proven you can get a bid - but because you can't be made happy. You have Unicorns Pooping Rainbows Syndrome and no sorority or group of women or group of friends can live up to the standard you have set. You are first and foremost choosing a group of FRIENDS. I don't know about you, but I have friends who are varying levels of pretty, smart, successful, etc. If I dumped them as soon as they showed themselves to be human I would spend a great deal of time alone.

Also keep in mind that you may not have the "clean slate" you think you will at tOSU. Sorority women have friends at all different schools, even if their chapter isn't on that campus, and when you register for recruitment sororities WILL go through your social media and see you tagged in photos for not one but two different chapters at your old campus.

[ I don't know about you, but I have friends who are varying levels of pretty, smart, successful, etc. If I dumped them as soon as they showed themselves to be human I would spend a great deal of time alone.[/QUOTE]

Amen Sister.

No matter how smart, talented, rich, or cool you believe you are, how you treat people tells all. Integrity is everything. (quoted by inspire.)

As far as the "this is 100% not true statement". If you're referring to the fact the newly colonized chapters can't cut pnms for a few years hiring formal recruitment I can say it really is 100% true...

I don't think leaving a sorority because the don't share my values is a "REALLY ridiculous" reason to leave. Finding a house that shares your values is like the most important thing! I don't quite understand why that would be a ridiculous reason to stay.

Yes

I didn't "dump" anyone. They woman in both houses all had wonderful characteristics, but that doesn't mean that we meshed well and would make great sisters. I realized that and that's why I dropped. I'm not saying they aren't good people with redeeming qualities. We just didn't click as friends, something realized in both ends

No, Kookla, you do not know with 100 % or any other degree of certainty about colonies. You were not privy to any membership selection meetings. You have only hearsay, and it is faulty. Read, re-read and re-read yet again Katmandu's post. It is spot-on.

I'm sorry, you are just not correct. You have not been initiated, you have only been a new member for a short while, and you are misinformed. Do you really think that a chapter that is establishing itself on campus is going to take anyone who walks through the door? If you think they offered you, or anyone else in your new member class a bid because they had to, you are wrong.

Yes, you should turn in your new member pin because you are disenchanted and do not have a desire to be a member of the sorority you are in. Whether you decide to rush in the fall at your new school should not be a factor.

Here is where we enter the stage where someone comes online to ask a question, gets a variety of helpful answers, and proceeds to argue that all of the women with a combined hundred + years of membership experience know less than she does. Best of luck to ya.

I can't say it better than Katmandu. Take her words to heart.

There is something inside of you that you need to look at; it has nothing to do with any sorority house (chapter or facility or whatever) or its members. It's YOU, girl. It's YOU that needs work.

Every single one of us has worked to fit into our sisterhoods; and to a certain extent, we still do. It's that old "you get out of it what you put into it" expression that comes to mind. As an undergrad, it took time for me to make the connections and associations that endure to this day. They happened, but not at the speed that you get when going through the MdDonalds drive-through. I'm still in contact with most of my pledge class, with my Big, and with the chapter itself. It's taken effort, and it's been worthwhile.

Another example: I don't expect the Alumnae Panhellenic I belong to to meet all my needs and be a "good fit". Instead, I volunteer for a committee role and attend events with a cheerful attitude. I attend meetings, I do fund raising, I interact with Alpha Xi Delta and Alpha Gamma Delta and Delta Gamma and Sigma Kappa and Kappa Kappa Gamma and Alpha Delta Pi, on and on through the NPC alphabet - all the members - and I have a good time. I consider them my Panhellenic sisters, because they are. I also put effort into interacting with my own Theta sisters in the Alumnae group here. EFFORT. I don't sit around and wait for things to happen. I make things happen. I make it a good fit for me. I don't expect anything from the women in either group. However, what I've gotten has been incredible, and way beyond anything I could ever have imagined. It took time for that to happen. Again, effort.

You've had two opportunities to have what we have. TWO. And you've walked out on both. What makes you think door number three is going to hold the million dollar prize? Take a long, hard look at your expectations. We all have clay feet.

Yes, but AZTheta, you are unusually awesome. So there's that.

Sorority women not only have friends at all different schools, they also read GC. I'm going say this bluntly: there are Ohio State actives and alumnae, along with plenty of other B10 ladies, who read GC. There aren't many second year B10 transfer students going through FR at OSU either. Although you may have thought your post was relatively anonymous, I'm afraid you can be easily identified with what you've shared with us.

Yes, you may be eligible to participate in FR at OSU. Yes, upperclassmen can get a bid at Ohio State. Know going in that most likely that bid probably will not be from one of 'your favorite houses'. Also know that OSU is continuing their extension growth with ZTA coming back to campus next. Lastly, please remember that ABC/DEF/GH at one B10 school may be--and probably is--completely different at another B10 school. I implore you to keep an open mind and perhaps reassess why you desire sorority membership. Both katmandu and AZTheta speak the truth, as well as the others who have commented for you. Good luck.

If it's the school that's affecting you, rather than the chapters, you may have hope. You have to look deep inside yourself, with brutal honesty. It seems among large systems, there can be more similarity between ABC, GHI, and LMN chapters at one school than there is between ABC and ABC at different schools.

That said, you've been given good advice. If you're willing to keep an open mind, find and work at sisterhood, and not insist the chapter mirror who you are right now, you may find success. If you ignore the advice you've been given, do so at your peril.

Please re-read this. I was initiated into a small, struggling chapter. We closed my junior year. I remain close with my chapter sisters, but that's come after moving back to the local area 10 years ago and attending the Alumnae meetings. That came after 25 years of moving around the country with my Air Force Officer husband, finding the Alum group everywhere we moved, or in some areas, the Panhellenic group, and walking into a meeting knowing NO ONE. It has also included many years as a volunteer on an International basis. I still do. Lifetime membership is work, not a feeling. It has many benefits. I always found a group of like-minded women wherever I lived. I can now call my 4 daughters sisters. The benefits have been huge, but so has my investment.

Thank you to everyone for the advice. I will go into rush at osu with an open heart and mind, now knowing that sisterhood can be work, and that I shouldn't expect everything to just click and fall into place.

Thank you!

That's a good attitude, and I wish you the best of luck. :)

Having been on involved in colonization membership decisions I can tell you not every one is chosen.

Your comment about not meshing with 100 other sisters is worrisome. You are not going to mesh 100% with any 100 people. We all have our opinions, beliefs, and idiosyncrasies(sic). Do you agree all the time with your parents, your siblings, or your best friends?

There is more to this story. Not that it matters that much I guess if you have decided to really try to make it work this next time, but I have a feeling that they were as unhappy with you as you were with them and that is probably the part of all of this that you need to sit with.

This is classic and should be saved for posterity.:)

Please come back and tell us how you did at your new school. Best of luck!

thanks! I will!