Parents Have a Negative Image of Greeks
 

I am a soon to be freshman, and I have ALWAYS planned on rushing. I have gone to what seems like every website available about Greek life, I have checked out books from the library, and I have done a lot to educate myself about Greek life. I MENTONED my intentions of rushing this fall to my parents, but I never got their opinion because I am paying for ALL of my school expenses (tuition, etc), including sorority fees, so I didn’t even think to get their PERMISSION to rush, since I am going to be responsible for the finances. Just recently, I found out that they don’t want me to rush at all. Now, I will be rushing in just three short months and my parents are avidly against it, and I don’t want create resentment by rushing against their wishes. They honestly think that Greeks are just all about being totally wild. They believe that I will pledge, and suddenly all of my morals will go down the drain, and I will turn into a skank (pardon), my grades will be awful, I will drink all the time, and I will become snobby, rude, and materialistic. THAT IS REALLY WHAT THEY THINK BEING GREEK IS ALL ABOUT!!!!!!!! I don’t know how to change their minds. I have given them the “blah in blah of the US presidents were Greek, and so and so percentage of the 50 top CEO’s are Greek” statistics, but those statistics are not enough for them. They just don’t SEE what I see in collegiate Greek life!! I see many upstanding young adults who are leaders at their universities, and who bring out the BEST of their campuses, NOT the worst. I honestly believe that Greek life will have an amazing impact on me, helping me become a better student, a better leader, a better philanthropist, and it allow me to make AMAZING and very positive friends, but how can I show this to my parents before rush starts? Since I won’t be able to actually PROVE it until I am part of a sorority, what can I do right NOW to convince them that it won’t be a negative experience for me? Any suggestions? Maybe some statistics that I haven’t been able to come up with? Anybody know of studies that compared ALL college students to Greek students? Or perhaps, studies that focus on POSITIVE aspects of Greek life I can show them? I really want to be Greek, but I also want to obey my parent’s wishes. I need HELP!!!

I understand that your parents' opinion is obviously very important to you, but remember that it is your money, your life, your experience. I would contact the Greek office at your school and see if they have a parent pamphlet. Try to find out why your parents have these opinions of Greeks and expose them the positive aspects that you've discovered though your "research." If your parents value your opinion as much as you value theirs, they will make an effort to understand.

In my experience as a fraternity member, the only way to put a positive image in the parents' minds is to actually show them what a positive experience GLO membership can provide. That is to say, once you become a member, throw a Parents Weekend event to showcase all of the great things about your house. 99% of parents who have come to our Parents Weekend with negative pre-conceived images of Greek life leave with a totally different and positive opinion about how their sons are spending their college lives.

I'm sure the same holds true for sororities. Evidently, lip service will not do the job - you will have to prove by your actions that being a member of a GLO is a complement, not a detriment, to a rewarding college experience.

When a parent's mind is made up, statistics aren't going to change it, but if your parents aren't (or can't) pay for your school, what kind of say do they really have on your social and philanthropic extra-curricular activities? You seem to understand college is more than books and classes. And it's great to see you have done your research!

It's hard enough for parents to let their children "go" and send them off to college, and then to do something they (wrongly) assume will be detrimental. All you can do is give them a big hug when you leave, let them know you are trustworthy, have a good head on your shoulders, and that you will email them every week. Then go and have fun and get an education!!

Well, since one of the things you mentioned is that your parents think your grades will slip you could mention the following...

Greek Letter Organizations (GLOs) have a minimum GPA requirement for membership. They all differ, but are above 2.0, the requirement does not stop after rush.

Generally the GPA requirement for someone to stay active in the chapter and be able to partake in all rights and priveliges is above a 2.5 (ours was 2.65) per semester. This does not mean that if you don't make grades you are out, but it does mean that you will probably lose some priveliges such as voting or attending non-mandantory events, and you will probably have to meet with the scholarship chair to discuss an action plan to bring your grades up.

In order for a chapter to stay active and have all rights and priveliges on campus the chapter as a whole must "make grades" meaning that the semester GPA for the chapter must AT LEAST meet the GPA of the all women's (for sororities) or all men's (for fraternities) average for the semester.

I don't have a statistic for philanthropy, but maybe someone can help. I would bet that as a whole greeks on college campuses do a majority of the community service percentage.

Hope some of this helps :)

This is definitely something I would ONLY recommend as a last resort, but ...

A girl I knew in school had parents who were dead-set against her going Greek. So she just didn't tell them until after initiation. At that point it was a done deal.

Of course your parents can't cut you off financially, but it makes sense you'd want to be on good terms with them. There are some people who's mind you just can't change by arguments, though. If your parents are like that, the only way they'll come to terms with you being Greek is by you having been Greek a while and having no ill effects from it. If it's right for you, do it, and eventually they will accept it. They might harangue you a little, but I doubt they'll disown you or anything that bad.

My parents had a real negative opinion about greek life and still do. They didn't know the entire first year that i had joined Sigma Chi. Then over the summer i wore my pledge class t-shirt and asked me whats up and i had to confess. They were really upset and since then haven't paid for my college. Even though they still hate the fact that im "wasting my money and time on that damn fraternity(least they don't call it a frat)" they told me they felt like a joined a good one. It sucks that they don't appreciate me being greek and especially when im the only brother who's parents aren't there for parents weekend, but you have to respect their opinion. Because of them not paying for my college i have definatly grown more responsible and self-confident. Since being a brother for 4 years and being on the deans list the last two and soon to graduate in a year they FINALLY told me they'd give me $1000 for tuition and,"not to think that by doing this that they support me being greek!" haha love my parents to death. But hey definatly rush no matter what your parents say, you will prove them wrong over the course of the next few years. Join a good one, be active, and never take being a sister for granted.

I'd have to agree with some of the other posters here. The best way to tell them about greek life is to show them it. Once you join make sure they come to things like parents weekend and other events of that type. If they are available and you talk to your future sisters they might even be able to help in planning a planthropy or something.

I think that you should emphasize to your parents what a great job they did raising you. Show them by your actions that you are responsible and intelligent. If their only information about greek life comes from the media, they are probably concerned about your health and safety. Let them know that you would never do anything that would compromise your safety or your education. Check out the greek life section of your college's website with your parents. This might alleviate some of their concerns. Good luck! :D

Oh NO!!! I am absolutely POSITIVE that my parents will not sign anything like this. Should I factor this into the descision making process? How can I find out which sororities might require this on my campus? If it helps, they are
Delta Zeta
Alpha Sigma Alpha
Sigma Sigma Sigma
and Alpha Omicron Pi
I looked around on the national and local webpages for info about that after I read this, and its pretty hard to find anything about that, so I am still in the dark. Any other resources? Or maybe you know if these houses require that parent signature?
PS Thanks for all the advice.

Check out www.npcwomen.org which is the website for the National Panhellenic Conference. There are links to the sororities that you mentioned in the organizations section.

Do any of the sororities on the campus have local alumni chapter (sorry, I know that may be the wrong use of the word, but that's just something I never bothered learning) in your area. It might help if your parents could chat with someone their age who has been through the Greek experience.

Maybe you could also show them the Nationals websites.

I don't know about other GLO's but Delt has an incoming "800" number. Would it help for your parents to talk to someone at a headquarters?

Just some thoughts.

By the way, Delt does ask pledges and parents to sign a financial responsibility form. Sorry.

Good luck.

I've Felt Your Pain
 

My mother was very much against me rushing. She had to deal with my cousin being hazed, since he went to school in the city we live in and her sister told her to watch after him. Him being taking to the ER twice didnt help my cause. My cousin even to a point didnt want me rushing even though he is still involved with his fraternity.
But I did what everyone else said...I rushed anyways. I did tell her however. I figured since I was paying for 99% of my college and it was something that I wanted to do. plus Id be paying for the sorority...I should do it.
The first things she asked when I joined was did I get hazed and I honestly told her no. But I would tell her about the things we do and after awhile she got more comfortable with it to the point that now she kinda brags about the house, looks at all the stuff I get and today I got a letter from a close sister in another near mine chapter, LeslieAGD, but she didnt know and smiled and asked if it was from my little sister. She tells me that I am one dedicated person and is kind of in awe at how into it I'm in.
Go for it and just show your parents what being Greek is REALLY all about. They arent always going to agree with or support everything you do, but no matter what they will always love you and be there (generally ;) ).

*sidenote*
I never had to sign a financial responsibilty form for Alpha Gam as far as I can remember and I know my mom definately never got one.

My parents don't understand the whole Greek thing either...it's not that they have a negative image of Greek life, it's just that they don't see a point to me being in a social organization. But they still support me, financially and in every other way, b/c they see that it makes me happy. It's as simple as that. When the huge semester bills arrive they ask me if I think it's worth it, and I say, "I love it. I love my sisters. College wouldn't be the same without them." By this point my sorority is just a part of my life...it's where I dine, live, hang out with my best friends, do good things for the community, study, etc.

Point is, sometimes parents don't fully support you, but they come around. Though I usually have no prob keeping a detail or two from my parents, the whole sorority thing is going to come out eventually (you can't hide something so important to you for the rest of your life!) and you might as well make your intentions clear from the beginning. Strike a deal with them about signing the parent forms, that the second you show any significant sign of being disrespectful, snobby, rude, materialistic, etc. (set guidelines!! no loopholes!!), you'll reconsider going Greek and reevaluate how you can put your future first. Show them that you're not out-of-control, you're not letting your grades suffer, and be the sweetheart you always have been...Good luck!

ps: please keep us updated!

Honey, I say if YOU are paying for EVERYTHING, they really don't have a say in it. I actually didn't tell my parents until Bid Day and I had already signed. I had never wanted to go through rush (so my parents probably didn't think I would), I just thought I'd give it a whirl. But when I told my mom she wasn't upset about it. She just asked how i was going to pay for it. My grandma ended up helping me that first semester, but I have paid for it ever since. Although they were never really against it, now they realize how much it has impacted my life and made me a more well-rounded person. There are so many pluses, as you have probably heard a million times, but for me my sorority helped me figure out what I REALLY wanted to do with my life ( public relations, after serving as PR VP), given me so many lifelong friends and a wonderfully involved college experience. I have gotten so much out of it, it was the best decision I ever made. It is your money, and if they are willing to let you be grown up enough to pay for your school they should accept that you are now an adult capable of making grown up decisions. GOOD LUCK!!:D

HEY !!

my parents weren't really against me joining a sorority... but didn't really understand the whole deal. I agree showing them after you've joined that nothing horrible has happened to you and that your grades are doing just fine, I really don't see how they could have anything against it. About the financial form.. I know my soror has a form like that... but if you are financially independent they don't have to sign it, so definitely just make sure about that ahead of time.. also if the group you get a bid from does require both signatures.. maybe you could contact the nationals your self and explain and they maybe able to work something out ?? Maybe not.... but just a suggestion. HAVE A GREAT RUSH and don't worry too much I know going against your parents wishes is hard, but you have done your research and know what an amazing experience this could be for you. I"m sure your parents will learn this in time. OH YEAH Lauren just to let you know Phi Sig has a alumna ceremony, no pin ... but we do have ritual for woman who are going alum. :)

Financial responsibility letters... Every GLO is a little different. AEPhi has them, but only requires a parent's co-signature if you're not of majority age when you pledge. I submitted mine without a co-signature and it was fine. If you have friends who are in the sororities represented on your campus, ask them. If your parents have to co-sign regardless of your age (or if you're not of majority age) there may be an appeals process by which you prove that you and you alone can meet your financial obligations. Don't let this little point factor into your decisions during rush - you'll cross this bridge when you get to it.

Parents dead set against you joining a GLO... I feel your pain. My father was, and still is, vehemently anti-greek. I told him I was going through rush and his attitude was "It's your funeral." My parents never cut off my tuition or anything, but sorority dues were strictly my responsibility (which is fair).

My advice: Go through rush, and if you do join a sorority, prove to your parents by your own example that your grades haven't slipped, you're not shacking up with random guys, you haven't started drinking, etc. Share with them the relevant parts of your new member education program (we had an entire session on alcohol abuse, for example). If you need them to sign that financial responsibility letter, maybe you can cut a deal with them - say, if your grades don't slip, they sign.

Some GLO web sites and some Panhel web sites have a "for parents" section - encourage your parents to check these out.

BTW, Lauren, AEPhi has an alum ceremony too (but no pin).

I'm an ASA and as far as I know we don't have anything like that.

My parents were not against it, just somewhat puzzled. Comparing it to Masons helped, so if your dad is a Mason try playing up that angle.

Are you going to Northeastern State? If so, I know I can speak for the grades issue...our chapter there took home more scholarship awards from convention than, I think, all the other ASA chapters combined. Not that I am pushing ASA :) but it might help to tell your parents that the system includes one of the top grades-wise chapters in their sorority.

I don't recall having my parents sign a financial responsibility form for AOII. We also had sisters whose parents did not know they were members.

Please take the advice of the other women also. Have your parents check out the greek life sections of the university's website, and also check out the parent's sections on the organization'a national webites. I know AOII has this. Here is the link:

National web address: www.alphaomicronpi.org

Parent's section:

PM me if you need more info...

Justhey76,

Delta Zeta does not, to my knowledge, require a parental signature on anything. I certainly don't recall having to get my parents to sign anything for me! :) I'm sure that some GLOs require this in order to insure that the member is not going to shirk his/her financial duty to the GLO... I suppose having a parent's signature as a back-up means that the parents agree to pay any costs that the member doesn't. However, I honestly do NOT believe that DZ has this policy.

Good luck with Greek Life... I know many sisters who had anti-Greek parents who are now very involved with DZ because they attended a Parents' Weekend and were impressed by what they saw. My parents were never anti-Greek, but I can still remember how pleased my mom was when I would bring some of my sisters home to visit for a weekend. Getting to know my sisters personally really made my parents feel more attached to DZ. :)

I know we didn't sign anything when our daughter pledged AOII!

Some of our members parents come to some events we're at, or host, and have a look for theirselves.

Until you're actually in a certain sorority you won't really know what you have to work with as far as selling your parents on the idea.

This is one of those times where as well-meaning as your folks are they don't know what's best for you -- you do.

Once you become a member of a sorority then they will probably be able to suggest methods to help you with your situation. I served as the Marshal (Pledge Educator) a couple of years back and actually called parents that had issues with our fraternity.

They're looking out for your best interests and unfortunately whatever information they are working with (preconceived notions, past experiences) is wrong. They'll probably need something pretty strong to change their minds.

Best of luck with rush though!

LHT
Kevin

parents
 

You know, my parents didn't know why i decided to rush either, they thought it was a silly waste of money. But now they hear about the cool things we do and are cool with it.(Plus they saw my grades go up my sophmore year (i rushed sophmore year) compared to my freshman year when i wasn't involved in anything. ) My dad is still a little iffy on the sorority topic, but my mom reads my Aglaia when it comes to their house. This year i gave my mom our mothers pin, and she wears it all the time and everytime i notice it she gives me a huge smile :)

I say rush, greek life is amazing.

My parents actually encouraged me to go Greek. But that is probably because I didnt my freshman year and ended up having a really really bad year and being miserable in college. So to my parents it was a blessing to get me involved in something. I think most of my problem my freshman year was taht I was definitely not adjusting well because the only people I met just wanted a constant party. I was never like that in high school and I was always very involved. I guess i went into a depression because I basically had NOTHING to do. That brought my grades down and made me withdraw from many people that I had always been close to. I know I am one of the few exceptions to the rule that collge kids try to follow about not beinng to involved their first year in school. I feel though that it has made a 100% positive change on things in my life. I now have an opportunity that not many other college kids have and I am able to learn many things that are going to be helpful to me in the future. I know that I will be a much better teacher in the future because of the leadership and philantrophy skills I have picked op over the year I have been involved in my GLO.

I know some of the girls that pledged in our spring class didnt tell their parents they went greek until after they were initated. These parents then had to accept the fact that their children had done this. I think this should be used in extreme cases though. so if you were super involved in high school I greatly encourage you to go Greek or else find something else on campus that interewsts you. But going Greek is only something will truly be able to describe once they have joined because it is a beautiful thing. I think your parents will be able to appreciate your involvement especvailly if you have really really good grades! If anything I have to say about GLO's it is that I became less of a partier after I joined and I feel that is because I had a little better self-esteem because I was a member of a group that will accept my differences. Someitmes the people that oyu meet arent at all like this. And without joining a GLO you might have a better opportunity to fail into the wrong crowd.

I think a good idea would be to check out the sororities at your schools national headquarters website and show them to your parents. Maybe they need to see what these organizations are all about! Or there are also 800 numbers as Delt Alum mentioned.

I would keep in mind though that it is your money, and your college experience. What ever you feel like you need to do I would do. Despite what my parents would have said I would never had not gone Greek. It truly has been the greatest experience in my life.

Keep us all posted on what goes on! :)

To be honest, I don't remember if new PNMs parents have to sign financial awareness statements. I do know that the collegiate and parent/guardian are required to sign our chapter's housing agreement so that the parent/guardian is aware of the costs, liability issues, etc.

Parents are also sent scholarship status letters to let the parents know how the chapter is doing. ((This past semester was great!))

AGD has a "Strive for Pi" (3.14 GPA) scholarship program and many chapters have Parents' Clubs. If your new chapter doesn't have one, see about starting one. The other parents will appreciate it!:)

Good luck!

I'm a little torn here after reading some of these posts.

If you are footing the bill for everything, and can still pay to belong to a sorority, I can't think of a good reason why you shouldn't.

However, I really hate the idea of deceiving your parents. Things can be stressful enough with the lifestyle changes you will be going through shortly, without adding this kind of misunderstanding.

I still hope you can find someone in their age group for them to talk to so that you both have some solid information to soften the "you vs. them" conversation.

Man, I remeber when I told my parents of my intentions to rush! They were very apprehensive...my mom especially. She bought into all the terrible sterotypes that I would be treated cruelly and unjust. And then she met my big sis! After meeting her and others of my chapter, she absolutley fell in LOVE! I gave her the Delta Zeta mothers pin for Christmas, and she wears it to church almost every sunday. And, to anyone who listens, she tells them what a god-send and positive thing my sorority is and continues to be! Give your parents time, and they will see this too, I promise!
ps and also metion that each frat and sorority has a philanthropy that they support..such as make-a-wish foundation, The Childeren's Miracle Network, and the Hearing and Speech Imparied.

Proud to be DELTA ZEE! No matter the letter, greeks do it better!

Thanks for all the advice, once again. But to clear things up, I think DeltAlum thought that I just wasnt going to tell my parents. I dont want you to think im just deceiving my parents! My parents know, I told them straight up that I am going to rush, and if i received a bid, i will pledge and initiate into a sorority. They already know it, they just arent happy about it, and I dont want to do something that makes them unhappy.
33girl, yeah, Northeastern State University in Oklahoma, (im not sure that that is the one you were talking about, but if it is, that is REALLY REALY cool, and ill be sure to tell my parents about it)

Yes, I did mean Oklahoma. Good luck and have fun in rush! :)

I'm the alumnae financial advisor for Tri Sigma at NSU and we do not have anything that parents have to sign.

Just...

No, I didn't have that impression from you, but some of the advice was to just go ahead and rush/pledge and not tell your parents.

I'm pleased you've had the conversation, even if it wasn't a happy one.

Just, I posted this on another thread!

I and many others on this thread are Alums who are still involved with their Organizations! Why your parents might ask?

Simply what IT GAVE US while in School and in the after life of school!

Let them read some greekchat threads if you can and maybe they will find out for them selves!

We all who have been around from the newest Active to the Most Mature ALUM ( ME ) are still working to make and keep not only a good thing, but one of the Greatest things in our lives!

Yes, as Greeks, we strive to do better that the average, as we hold higher standards than the Schools we attend, I do not know what else I can tell You but do it !!!!!!!!:)

Yes we require more from our menbers than the schools!

We do more for charity, Homecoming, and participation the the Norm

I am for one am still involved since 1965 andwill be invlolved to my death! I Love what I did, what I had, and what I have!:)

Bad News.....
 

Dad found the "chi o secrets revealed" site or whatever it is. (im not gonna post the url bc i dont think i should be encouraging people to go there). anyone who knows about this site do you know how valid the information that the girl has printed is? my parents are also very religious, and the girl who made the site made it seem like sororities and fraternities are all pagan devil worshipers or something and there was no way you could be greek and christian. i know that is not true, in fact, i know that many greek orgs were founded on christian ideals, etc. anyways. just an update. hopefully it will blow over....

I would have to agree that most fraternities and sororities are founded on Christian ideals as well as ideals of Brotherhood and Sisterhood.

justhey, if you really want, there are no shortage of people on this board (and in the Greek community in general) who will be happy to email your dad and inform him that particular site is full of....well, not secrets. ;)

*voice of experience* Don't skip rush just because your parents said to. You'll regret it.

If a group of founders were of a certain religious persuasion (which isn't secret), it's no surprise that their religious beliefs are reflected in their high ideals. But to what extent is something that you probably can't tell unless you're initiated, although sometimes it's more obvious that others.

Eg: Sigma Chi's symbol is a cross. ZBT advertises itself on the national website as "the nation's largest historically Jewish fraternity with over 50 years of non-sectarian brotherhood. It doesn't take much to figure out that Sigma Chi was influenced by Christian ideals and ZBT by Jewish ones (not that they're far different, but if I was placing bets, I'd be pretty surprised to see references to Jesus in the ZBT ritual!)

It's not just religion: Phi Mu seems to place more of an emphasis on femininity than other sororities, perhaps because of its old Southern origions. And Phi Sigma Sigma was deliberately founded to be inclusive, perhaps because it was founded on a diverse campus to begin with.

But of course as I am a member of none of these organizations, I don't know how far those influences extend, nor will I ever know.

That doesn't change the fact that on certain campuses certain chapters are known as "Jewish" or anything else - be it "pretty" or "unpopular" - and that in some cases this may not align with their national reputation.

Re: Parents Have a Negative Image of Greeks
 

My organization is "non-traditional" (latina based), and many Latino parents, especially the more traditional, tied to their customs parents don't understand what Sororities and Fraternities are all about. That's why my org hosts a parents informational night for the parents of PNM. It's really great. It's somewhat informal, usually ends up with a barbecue and everybody getting to know each other better.

It's a good idea, but sometimes it's hard to get all the parents together because of location. In those cases, we put together an information packet and mail it out.

Maybe other organizations already do this, maybe it's something they can start doing. Hope this helps.

Your post sounds so familiar. I accepted a bid last year and my mom went totally crazy so I didn't pledge. Almost a year later, I still want to join the same sorority. So, I'm doing the same thing as you: researching, and getting up the nerve to ask again. I know that I'll be paying for most of the dues (all of it after the first semester). All of my friends and some of my mom's support my decision. I've also thought about just going through it without telling my mom, but I feel bad.

I know this: I don't want to get out of college regretting that I didn't go Greek....Hang in there (as will I). We'll get through this. PM me if you ever want to share your experiences.;)