As an alumna, how WELL should you know a PNM in order to write a RecForm/Sponsorship?
 

On the flip side of this thread, Collegiate members and recommendations/references , I wanted to ask this...

Even though a lot of people say, "it's up to the sorority to chase down a rec for a PNM", let's face it, the PNM is a better position if they have mobilized themselves and secured rec forms on their own . A lot of would be rushees come on this board and say "Help! I am going to do Recruitment at ___ University and I have to find recs and I don't know anyone".

Well, my question is, "How well would you personally, need to know someone in order to write a Recommendation or sponsor this individual for membership?"

For me, I would not be comfortable writing a recommendation for a PNM that I have never met (and yes, I have been approached (last year) by a Greek Chatter who wanted a Recommendation Form). I politely declined, saying that I was not comfortable doing this and since we did not know each other personally and that we had never met face to face, I didn't think it was appropriate for me to do so?

So...what do y'all think? For PNMs who are going to Rush/do Recruitment at ultra competitive schools like Ole Miss/LSU/U of Florida/USC, I think they should make every effort to put themselves in as good a position as possible...yet at the same time, what about putting alumnae in a sticky predicament where they don't a rushee personally? Someone could send me a scrap book of all their accomplishments, but still you can't know someone's CHARACTER and/or personality type from that? Or am I just being too difficult?

I definetly don't think you're being too harsh!! I wouldn't give a letter rec if I don't know the person. I see it this way. When I was active at UCF, we had hundreds of girls going through rush, and unfortunately, we didn't get the chance to meet every girl that walked through. We basically had to trust our sisters' opinion and go from there. That's what a letter of rec is- a sister's opinion- and I know my chapter took them very seriously! Knowing that, I would have to know the PNM before writing one. If one of my friends/co-workers knew the PNM, I would take that into consideration.

I understand where you are coming from CutiePie.

I don't see anything wrong with asking a GC member to a write. There are many GC members who would be more than happy to do it. But, I know that personally I don't feel comfortable writing one....and I'm a collegiate member too so some chapters do not would not weigh my rec as highly.
I'm having a hard enough time writing a rec right now for my real, biological sister! I recently finished a rec for a friend of mine's younger sister. I was able to complete that within an hour. I have been working on my sister's for over two weeks. She has done so many things and her grades are phenomenal. But, it's my sister so I want it to sound just right!

I wouldn't feel comfortable with writing a rec for someone I didn't know too well.

If a friend's, neighbor's, or coworker's daughter or a friend of one of my (hypothetical future) children approached me and I knew them well enough and felt they'd be an asset to AEPhi, I'd write a rec without hesitation. (It goes without saying that I'd recommend any daughters I may have. :) )

If someone I knew less well approached me, I'd probably invite her over for coffee or something, chat with her, get to know her a little better, and then write a rec based on that.

If someone I barely knew came up to me out of the blue and said "Hey, I heard you're an AEPhi, I'm going to be rushing this fall, will you write a rec for me?" I'd decline. By writing a rec that says "I barely know this girl but I think she'd make a good sister" I am doing her a disservice. Plus, when you write a rec, you're putting your reputation on the line, and I'm not willing to do that for someone I barely know.

I agree that knowing someone is important... but not necessarily having to meet them face-to-face. I wouldn't be an Alpha Gamma Delta today if it weren't for an alumna who made a point to contact me in order to write me a rec.

She was close with one of my mom's best friends - they were involved on Panhellenic together. When my mom's friend heard I was going to a school without DG (my mom's affiliation), but with AGD, she immediately thought of her AGD friend and put us in touch.

I spoke with her at length over the phone - telling her about my involvement and extracurricular activities, GPA, etc. She asked me to mail her a picture, and the rest is history.

Granted, she had a good deal of info from my mom's friend who's known me all my life, and I think that helped. So if you *know* someone who knows this PNM well, it's worth the time to look into her and give it a shot. I never knew what this AGD did with my info or picture - whether she sent it in recommending me or not. And these PNMs who contact you will never know that either (membership selection is private, right?).

I'm not saying you should lie to the PNM and tell her you'll send it, but if she ends up being someone you don't think would make a good addition to your organization, there's a very small chance this girl would never even know if you sent it or not.

Sorry if I'm babbling! ;) Just my $.02!

I understand what you are saying about writing people recs, but are PNM's supposed to do when there are truly no Sorority Alums in their area. This probably stems from the fact that I come from a very small rural town that is mainly all old family money, ranches and groves; which is why people did not go to college. I have been asking for the past two weeks and have found only 1, and she isnt even in my area but was listed on an Alumni website and just so happens we knew some of the same people and she contacted them about me and my character to be able to write one. But considering that I am going to UF and am a junior I need all the recs I can get. And from what I have been told on Greek Chat is to search for alums (even though I dont know them) and ask them for a rec. So what does a person supposed to do in this situation, because I am having a very difficult time.

My thoughts exactly....which is why I posted this thread. I am greatly appreciating all the insights and views that everyone is sharing.

So...what is to be done with "worthy" rushees who don't know anyone? Are they out of luck? It seems like such an unfortunate conundrum to be in..... :(

Anyone have any good ideas? The only thing that I can suggest to you is you have a few months of lead time, so time is one your side - try to meet some alums so that you can get those rec's that you need!

Try the meeting for coffee approach, and I would say compile a resume/scrapbook, something, anything to vouch for your accomplishments that you could present to the alumna so that she could read about you. Also, if you can get Reference Letters from past teachers, Girl Scout Leaders which you can present to the sorority alumna, that assert that you are a responsible, well adjusted person who would be an asset to a chapter's membership, this would help as well. The alumna then could potentially call those people, to help her in feeling comfortable about writing the Recommendation.
I would say, that you want to make it as EASY as possible for the alumna, and if you provide her with what she needs in order to feel comfortable to "vouch for you" (i.e. to sponsor you for membership), this will only help your situation & help your case in acquiring Alumnae Rec's.

It will take effort and work on your part, but I think, best to try and be as proactive as you can. As the (paraphrased) saying goes, "God helps those who help themselves"...so I would try to mobilize yourself and do what you can. I think you will find that GC'ers will be honest and forthright when you're seeking advice, too....

I'm from Canada, so I am kind of flying by the seat of my pants here in terms of advice, not sure if what I am saying would work in the "South" (note: is Florida actually considered the "South"? Sorry for my ignorance)...does anyone have some good suggestions?

Good Luck in your Recruitment!

While on the idea of recommendations, alumnae shouldn't forget to check out that university's recruitment policy regarding "closed contact", meaning alumnae and collegiates aren't supposed to have a lot of contact with a PNM except for Panhellenic-type settings.

For example, according to West Georgia's recruitment rules,
alumnae, along with current members, are responsible for all of the recruitment rules. The recruitment rules includes the Closed Contact policy, which states:

From the conclusion of the Spring Semester preceding Fall Semester until Fall Formal Membership Selection ends on Bid Day, all sororities shall follow the closed contact policy. Closed contact shall be defined as conversation between individual sorority members and potential members which shall be limited to Recruitment events and simple recognition of potential
members outside these events. Violations of this definition shall include, but not limited to, blatant contact with potential members, inviting potential members to visit member houses, apartments or chapter hall, extended conversation outside of recruitment events and related contact.

BTW, Cutie..Florida is a "Southern" state even though there are a lot of residents who were born/lived the majority of their life in the "Northern" states but grew tired of the cold, etc.
:)

This is a very good topic, and I'm glad it was mentioned. Last year, I received several letters from girls who were asking for recs. They had gotten my address from our local Panhellenic Council and I didn't know a single one of them personally.

However, I took the time to call them and ask questions about their high school activities, extracurricular interests, why they were going through rush, what they were going to college to study, etc. The ones that I spoke with and were impressed by were the ones that I wrote recs for. I think I wrote 2 last summer from the long list of girls who requested them. Why the low number? Because of several reasons.

In some cases, I left two or three different messages for the girls to return my call, letting them know who I was and why I was calling, and that I needed to hear from them soon in order to get a rec in on time. Some of them never bothered to call me back. So, they got no rec from me.

In other cases, the mothers of the rushees wrote the interest letters to me. One mom even went so far as to do her own daughter's resume! :eek: My thinking was this: if the girl isn't interested enough in Rush to sit down and send out her own rec request, then she probably isn't "into" Greek Life that much. Maybe her mom is pushing it on her. So, I called the girls and asked them the standard questions, "what's your major", "why are you interested in Greek Life", "do you have any questions about Rush that I can help you with", etc. In most cases, it was like talking to a brick wall! It was quite obvious that the girls had little desire to speak with me, and I felt like I had wasted my time by calling. So, I didn't waste anymore time by writing a rec.

The girls who were friendly on the phone, who wrote their own letters and resumes, and who gave me character references to contact if I felt the need were the girls who I wrote recs for. So, even though I may not have known them personally, I felt that I knew enough about them to write a rec saying, "Hey sisters, give this girl a shot to impress you." I figured that I knew as much about them at that point as one of their teachers or friends' moms who would be writing the same thing to their NPC org.

One thing that I did do in each letter was to make sure that I stated, "I do not know this rushee personally, but from speaking with her and reviewing her resume she appears to have qualities we look for in a new member." That way, the girls knew that I was asking them to consider the rushee, but that I wouldn't be mortally wounded if she was cut.

Thank you for a very good post. I think this is one way that rushees can be helped out, yet at the same time, it covers your derriere in case the person is not someone that would be suitable for membership.

Okay, Ladies, I am confused by the no contact rule in Georgia--if alums and pnms can't talk from end of spring semester to end of rush, how on earth are they supposed to get recs? :confused:
Should they approach the alums anyway (blatantly ignoring this rule) and just cross their fingers that the alums don't remember their Panhellenic regulations and that they don't get found out? I know that it's dishonest, but again.....if you need the rec, you need the rec. Advice/Insights, please?

I don't get that one either. It makes as much sense as telling the SEC women to chase down recs for 2000 rushees.

What I don't get is WHY that "it is the sorority's responsibility to get a rec" clause even exists. Obviously from hearing about it on here that's not how it works. Why can't NPC just say to the women "you need to contact an alumna and get a rec"?

I read through this forum and it really helped me to understand more about how important recommendations are. I will be attending the University of Arkansas in the fall of 2002, and plan on rushing. I do not know any greek members (besides from GC)or alumna to get recs from so I'm kind of in the same sticky situation that you've talked about on this thread. If anybody would let me know if it is absolutely necessary that I get a recommendation, please write me. If I do need a recommendation, I don't know what I am gonna do! Thanks so much girls!!!
~Tara~

P.S. Great thread by the way!
you can just e-mail me at BarrelSlicer@aol.com ( i don't want to be the main focus on this thread...if that makes any sense)

Tara, I just sent you a PM. :D

Contact
 

I was asked what to do if a PNM can't ethically contact an alumna during "pre-rush" (((I hope this is the thread they wanted, :) ), unfortunately I don't have all the information so I don't want to give out something that isn't true. I'm hoping that a GC'er with more Panhellenic experience can give a more accurate picture.

However, I did copy this from the Atlanta Panhellenic Association's website...
http://atl-panhel.home.mindspring.com/rushrec.htm

If the alumna is not currently active in her Atlanta sorority organization and does not know the correct procedures or addresses, please tell her to call any AAPA officer. All officers and delegates have AAPA directories that list each sorority’s recruitment contact. The recruitment contact is the official liaison for recommendations/letters of reference for her sorority. Any alumna can call her sorority’s recruitment contact for correct procedures and addresses.

I do recommend that the PNM contact the college's Panhellenic Council to ask how recommendations can be handled so that there are no misunderstanding.

I know that realistically not EVERY "letter of reference" (NPC's new term for recommendation) is checked to see if contact was made during the summer. On a lot of campuses, they are probably no big deal, but sometimes, unfortunately, one group may try to use anything to get another group in trouble.

I don't know how the high schools handle things, but perhaps the guidance counselors, or whatever they are called these days, should maintain a list of local sorority members.

I'm going to the Braves game Sat. night with the AGD rep so I'll ask questions and get back to you!

Well, since our chapters get recs on all PNMs it is hard/impossible to get a rec on everyone if we did it on personal knowledge. I write recs for my area and it states on the form if you know the woman and if so how long. If it is someone I haven't met I just call references and get info, kind of like a summary of her peers/teachers/coaches....

I don't mind doing them if I don't know them, many times it is just a fact finding tool and there isn't a recomendation either way, that is, I don't say she would be a good or bad member...

If it is a real rec, if someone asks me to write one, I would have to at least meet them.

I'm going to weigh in a little on this topic. Probably won't make some people happy, but here goes....


The NPC has the rule about chapters securing their own recommendations for a good reason. Not every NPC sorority uses the letter of reference process and on some campuses they are not allowed to use it at all. Some groups will only accept letters of reference from their alumnae, some will accept letters of reference from others. Some groups will only accept a form filled out with basic information, some require a detailed letter from someone that actually knows the PNM.

I have yet to meet a group that didn't have some sort of structure in place that could help obtain a recommendation (if required) if one were needed. My advice has always been, if you can easily find an alumna to write a letter of reference for you, great, if not, it is really not your responsibility to track these down. I went through recruitment without even knowing about recommendations and was pledged just the same. They wanted me badly enough, so they found a recommendation for me. Turns out one of my junior high English teachers was a ZTA alumna.


It kills me every year to see PNMs going nutso trying to track down recommendations. It's tough on them and it adds to an already stressful situation.

If you are an alumna and have been asked to provide a letter of reference for a PNM I say do what you are comfortable with. I know that I won't write a letter for someone I don't know. However, I did go out of my way both last year and this year to find alumnae in the PNM's area that might know her or her family and let those alumnae take it from there.

If I know a girl only slightly, then I provide an 'information-only' letter for her. If I know the girl (or her mother) very well, then I will write a more detailed letter.

Regarding summer contact - it depends on how involved an alumna is with the campus and with the individual campus rules. My feeling is that if Mary Alumna is an advisor of XY chapter at State U. and is being pursued to write a rec for a girl she hardly knows, but will be attending State U., it could violate summer contact rules. Especially if Mary Alumna wouldn't normally come in contact with the PNM.

It's kind of a grey area...sorry if this is not more coherent!

THANKS, PT
 

I knew you'd come through! :)

Lynn

Then why does the NPC put up with chapters doing what amounts to blind cutting of girls who don't have recs? From what I've read on here, at some schools if you don't have a rec going into rush you get cut immediately, without the sisters even bothering to get to know if they would "want you badly enough." Sorry if I'm being obtuse, but I still don't get it.

Personally, I think NPC policy of chapters getting the recs is a load of &^%$ at many schools. For instance, to go into rush at an SEC school with NO RECS whatsoever is tantamount to disaster. i think the PNM that succeeds in that situation is the exception to the rule. PNMs WITH RECS will get the invites back, the girls in the houses simply have a better idea of who those girls are when it comes time to decide who gets invites to the next round.

Best advice I can think of is to be prepared. If your school has a more laid back rush, you're lucky. But do not go into a truly competitive rush unprepared, too many of the other PNMs will be prepared with as many recs as they can dig up. If you want to be a part of Greek Life, put in the effort to secure your own rec, it will help you stand out.

My $0.02.

Amy

33girl, you ask a very good question. The truth is that so many girls get cut from first round that it would be impossible for NPC to go around to every house and ask why each person was cut. There just isn't enough time in the day, and there are "bigger fish to fry" during Rush week anyway. NPC has so much to do already that adding another chore would be staggering.

Plus, the reasons behind cuts are private, chapter-only information so NPC not only doesn't have the time but also really doesn't have the option of inquiring. That's a simplified answer, there's actually a lot more to it than that, but it would take too long to go into all the particulars. I hope that this at least answers your question a little. :)

Greek Love,
dzrose93

dzrose, I agree, NPC has lots better things to do then find out "why" people get cut, not that I would tell them if they asked! My point is, why do they keep up this facade of "it's the chapter's responsibility" when it's well known that, as amycat said, going into an SEC rush w/ out recs is disaster straight ahead? Why can't they just tell the rushees to get them, and that each sorority will have slight differences within forms which the sisters giving the recs should know.

Plus, I've never heard of a rec getting looked upon unfavorably, even if it was at a school that didn't use them - we got one or two and we certainly didn't look at the recommended rushees negatively, even though it was an unfamiliar practice to us.

Univ Of Arkansas
 

Tara, I didnt go thru Rush But my roommate did And i went to the Univ of Arkansas and they rely heavily on rec's. Being an SEC school as someone said they do rely heavily on those rec's that is what my room mate was told and i am just relaying over to here.


She buckled down and got a lot of recs for each chapter affliation on campus.


Hope that little bit of info helps.

Laura:D

I agree with you 110%... It would be easier on everyone if the rules were more clear.

I attended an information session for interested rushees in the Atlanta area a few weeks ago that was sponsored by the Atlanta Panhellenic Alumnae Council. Even the top women on the board there weren't able to tell the rushees if they should get their own recs or let the chapters be responsible for getting them! It seems to be a very confusing topic for everyone, alumnae, collegiates and rushees alike.

In the end, one of the past presidents of the alumnae NPC "strongly suggested" that it would be in the rushees' best interests to do everything that they could to get recs on their own, and that the NPC women in Atlanta would be glad to help them if they needed to contact someone for a rec. They gave out forms/applications for the girls to review and mail in if they couldn't find a particular org's alumna on their own. I think that is their way of helping to deal with the confusion. And, apparently, it works sometimes, because that's how two girls got recs from me last year. :)

But I still agree with you -- there's got to be a better, more clear-cut way.

Dzrose is surely right on that--there's got to be a better way.

I get the brunt of this in one way that makes me crazy. There aren't many Pi Phis in this town but there are a lot of girls who go to UGa and I get asked to write a lot of recs. Of course, some girls have horrendous reputations (you wouldn't believe what my husband saw one of them doing the night before HS graduation last week) and I don't want them to go Pi Phi! (Or any other group!) Then I have to decide whether to write an impersonal rec or a no-rec. Knowing the power of a no-rec, I only wrote 1 last summer and the group that did pledge that girl dropped her almost immediately.

Generally, I write a flowery, very good rec if the girl would be a great member and I know her. If I don't know her but others are raving about her and she has loads of good activities, I'll write a good one but mention that I don't personally know her. If a girl has great activities but I've heard bad stuff, I write kind of a stilted rec and the chapter often takes the hint...generally if a girl has made herself look bad, the news has gotten around town.

I've seen recs that said things like "wouldn't be a BAD choice..." or "not one to fight for, but a nice girl". So you are right that rushees who think that a rec means a good word for them are sometimes mistaken! Normally, when you see how the girls act in whichever groups those girls end up with (if any) you realize that the rec was right!

I am excited to be able to write recs, especially since I know lots of kids and will always be in contact with people who need recs. Unfortunately, the kids I know are not college age yet, still a few years to go, but once that first group of students hits college, it should be a pretty steady stream of them!

Moving up to New England, will people even ask for recs from me? I am thinking not. I won't be up there for very long though, so once I move back where it's warm and sunny I will get to write some recs.

bump!;)

Last summer I read several posts from a GreekChatter who was about to go through SEC rush. She was understandably very nervous and unsure of herself. I wrote her a PM with some advice and words of encouragement, she wrote me back and we continued to e mail one another whenever she had a question about greek life.

She mentioned one day that she had recs from all but three houses; Delta Zeta being one of them. I did not offer to write her a rec, but I suggested she give me a telephone call so we could chat a bit.

She did just that, and we talked for an hour and a half. I found that she was a polite, charming and intelligent young lady. She was active in her church, school and community and had outstanding grades. I felt that I got to know her better in a ninety minute one-on-one conversation than I had EVER gotten to know a rushee during rush week. At the end of the conversation, I told her I would write her a rec.

Understandably, not all of us would feel comfortable doing this. It is a judgement call. If I had not thought she would be able to uphold the ideals of my sorority, I would not have made the offer and, had she asked me, I would have politely declined.

The way I look at it is this...the Sisters that initiated every single one of us trusted us enough to share the Ritual with us. As we all know, that is never something to be taken lightly. Along with becoming a sister comes the responsibility to act in the best interest of our sisterhood. When I wrote a rec for this young lady, that is exactly what I felt I was doing.

I guess my longwinded post can be encapsulated in one sentence..."Use your judgement and do what you think is in the best interest of your sorority" :)

rec writing
 

For many years, I was the Miami, FL contact for recs for Kappa Delta. And boy, was it crazy!

In the early 90s, our Alumnae Panhellenic had a committee specifically for this. All of us from different sororities would pool our resources together (many of us were high school teachers, club sponsors, etc) and make a HUGE list (I typed it up for a couple of years). we also had a "Rush information party" where we hosted PNMs for a session on what rush is like.

really, this was a great way to see alumnae from ALL sororities working together..

Anyway, so we'd get this list & basically, we were on our own on whether or not we'd recommend a girl to our sorority. I used to write one up for every girl that looked great on paper, making sure to note "I do not know this girl personally".

Later on, this Panhellenic committee dissolved. And when the chapters would contact me for recs, I'd give a verbal, saying "If this girl makes it to prefs, I'll write the rec." I didn't get contacted much after that -- who knows if those girls pledged anywhere!?

Since I resigned from teaching a few years ago, the last of my former students are going through recruitment this year. Only one girl asked me for help -- she doesn't know any greeks. She is a fantastic girl, so I don't mind going out of my way to find other alumnae to help with rec writing. Our Miami network has, unfortunately, dwindled...but I gave it a shot & hopefully a few women will write a rec on this girl, based on her "former teacher's" opinion. :)

Write a letter for a complete stranger ??? NO.

Send in a form? Maybe.

If a second party knew the person WELL, and I knew the second party WELL-Yes.

I just wanted to add that I understand that there is a policy in place and stressing recs stresses PNMs. That said, I'd rather see a girl be "stressed" and running her tail off getting recs, as enough people have indicated can make a difference between being cut or not, than going in blind, paying the fees, buying the clothes, dreaming of sorority life only to be HEARTBROKEN when she is cut. That would be the bigger travesty. Lot's of girls have no idea what to do or how to prepare because they haven't been groomed. GC is one place where they can find out some of what legacies know and have a more equal footing.

Maybe it's because of the place I live and what I've seen. What I do know is my daughter would have been cut from 90% of the sororities if she didn't have a rec. It was a blanket statement by the Rho Chis. I'm glad we both took the advice seriously.

JAM - PM'd you....

Whew - all I have to say is, I'm glad I went to a school where recs basically didn't exist! Call me lazy, but it seems like too much work. I didn't even buy new clothes for rush.

I guess I can see why they're a big deal at larger schools, but still, it seems unfair to those from "non-Greek" backgrounds. It gives some girls not only the advantage of being a legacy somewhere and knowing other Greeks, but also of knowing what they have to do. I hope the schools where recs are truly necessary let PNMs know this well before rush so the girls don't find out the hard way. If I was told, "Oh, you don't need recs," and then found myself cut everywhere, I wouldn't be a happy camper - especially if rushing sophomore year had limited chances of success. I could easily see how that could make you a little bitter.

How do we look in the first place?
 

I was wondering how it is we are supposed to dig up a rec. if we don't know whether someone was in a fraternity? My point being this: I know a lot of people who went to school, but don't know if they were in a fraternity. I don't want to go around like an idiot asking everyone I ever knew whether they were in a frat. Is it possible for me to take a name, plug it into a search engine somewhere, and see if that person was ever in a frat? That way I'd be able to ask them for a rec. without asking everyone under the sun. It seems that you can only search at a single national frat organization at a time though (i.e. - put in a name at Sigma Phi Epsilon's site, search, repeat at every other frat's site). Thanks for any input.

Matt

Ya know, this gal e-mailed me on AOL asking if I could write a rec for her for one of our strongest chapters. I had no idea who this girl was. She sent me a whole bunch of info. about her, as well as a pic of her. I did not write a rec for her, nor did I ask anyone else to. I did think of possibly telling one of the girls I know from that chapter, "Hey, a stranger by the name of so-and-so e-mailed me....blah blah." I mean, this girl does seem very interested, if she went so far as to e-mail a stranger for a rec! I haven't mentioned this girl to my friend who is in the other chapter. I am not sure if I will......

Matt-It seems more difficult to go about finding fraternity alums than sorority alums. I don't know why, maybe it varies with different areas. We know pretty much who was what because way back when, pledging a fraternity was as big a deal (here in the south) as pledging a sorority. So Hubby REMEMBERS.

Iwould think-First look to the men in your town who are college graduates. The doctor-lawyer-local businessmen. Even asking an active woman may turn up the fact that HER husband was, or another teacher's husband was in XYZ. If their family is from the area, they will know who else around town is an alum. The smaller the town, the more difficult this could be.

If you have ANY kind of relationship with ANY of those kinds of men or women they may prove very good source. I wish I knew what to tell you. It really helps when a parent is behind you because it's easier for them to bring up the subject.
Best of luck.

PS-Some fraternities don't place the same emphasis on recs, it all depends on your Greek system and if the guys think you click.

big fat bump!

I* know this is an old thread but it just got bumped so I have a question. When girls need to get recs you can go on panhellenic website and it always says stuff like contact your local npc chapter. Well these people arent going to necessarily know whoever needs the rec. Also I went through rush at Ole Miss when I was a freshman and if I wouldn't have been talking to a girl who was going to LSU I wouldn't have even known recs exsisted. My family doesn't know many greeks so we had a family friend friend write recs. I am sure a lot of girls are in this position what would ya'll advise?

There's a big difference between writing a glowing recommendation and basically an information-only rec.

Chapters can tell the difference.

I see NOTHING wrong with an info-only rec. It is simply getting the girl's foot in the door. It says nothing about how much you actually recommend her for membership. It simply says, "Hey, take a look and decide for yourself. But, I wanted to let you know a bit about her so you could remember her during rush."

I have written one recommendation EVER that was not an info-only. I reserve those for the truly deserving of being highly recommended. (As a side note, she went ZTA:) ) I do understand and agree that it is not worth putting your reputation on the line for someone you do not know. But, I don't see how an info-only rec jeopardizes anyone's rep.

Agreed - I have only written information-only profiles (and I make certain to put that in big capital letters on the form as well as tell the person who I'm submitting the form for). I agree if it's a way to have someone take a second look at a PNM who may be an asset to any chapter, I'm more than happy to give them that opportunity. Maybe someone has a difficult time in a formal recruitment situation (I know I wasn't very comfortable and had a hard time "selling" myself) and these information-only profiles may help the chapter to look closer at this person before they make their decision.

Ya know, I was looking for a thread like this to bump. But I have a different take/question.

My mother's friend's daughter("Mary") goes to my alma matter, and she wants to go through recruitment. Mary barely graduated from high school (got caught plagerizing her senior paper) and less then steller academics all around. She also is very catty, vindictive, and is not one for the rules. Her mother informed me the other day that she also received phone calls from the police about Mary (probably regarding underage drinking/drinking in public) and has had community service "a few times" since starting school last semester.

Then I get asked to "put in a good word at your sorority for Mary." There is no way that one I would write a recommendation for this girl. In fact, part of me wants to write my chapter and warn them against her.

Should I write a warning letter? An anti-recommendation letter? I don't think she would be the correct fit for my chapter, but on the off chance, should I write or inform someone at my chapter?

Advice please.:)