"Northerner rules"
 

Very funny list, especially #5 and #21


>A List of Things that Northerners Think, But Rarely Say
>
>People from the North have secret thoughts they don't share with the rest
>of the United States of America. And with good reason. We just don't like
>"y'all" that much.
>
>By Curt Grumble
>
>1. "Northerner" really means "Northeasterner."
>
>2. And by "Northeasterner," we really mean people from Massachusetts,
>Connecticut, New York, New Jersey and Pennsylvania.
>
>3. Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire or Rhode Island are nothing more than
>tiny, under-populated states packed with hicks. We have a strict "don't
>ask, don't tell" policy when it comes to what they do.
>
>4. Rhode Island is Massachusetts' "little brother," always trying to
>outdo its larger sibling. Note to the rest of the United States: Rhode
>Islanders have the really thick accents.
>
>5. We don't care about the Civil War. At all. We don't ever think about
>it, unless you bring it up. It's like the South is some bitter
>ex-girlfriend whining about a breakup from 100 years ago.
>
>6. If pressed on the matter, we shrug and think, "We won." Then we move on.
>
>7. It scares us that the South actually feels like it should have won.
>I mean, if it won, then slavery is still around. Why aren't Southerners
>happy they lost? Okay, I suppose we're all sorry about Sherman. But
>still, without him, you'd have even more hick towns. You should thank us
>already and let it go. We're over it.
>
>8. That said, we know the South has prettier girls. But ours are more
>promiscuous.
>
>9. California is the only state that's in the "West." Everything else
>is "near California." And Oregon and Washington seem like the same place,
>but Idaho? We don't know what Idaho does, besides potatoes.
>
>10. The real "South" is Alabama, the Carolinas and Georgia. Those
>states scare us deeply. Sort of like when the opening theme to "Unsolved
>Mysteries" kicks in. Same feeling.
>
>11. Tennessee and Kentucky might as well be the same state for all we
>care. Don't they both have a Memphis?
>
>12. Texas isn't part of the United States. It's just "Texas," land
>where everyone looks like Boss Hog. That's all we feel we need to know,
>honestly. Big hats. Boots. Oil. Cheerleaders.
>
>13. A long drive is two hours. A short drive is 15 minutes. Anything
>over 4 hours requires a plane ticket. Period.
>
>14. Midwestern is a synonym for "naive."
>
>15. California is a synonym for "shallow." Los Angeles is where
>shallow people become famous. Hollywood is where the famous, shallow people
>get arrested for shoplifting or overdose in bars.
>
>16. Florida is where old New Yorkers go to die. Las Vegas is where
>they feed.
>
>17. And while we're here, Las Vegas is considered a Northern city, but
>Nevada is not part of the North. It's just like how you eat the banana
>and chuck the peel.
>
>18. Southerners, just by the very sound of the accent, are always less
>intelligent. It's not our fault that they sound like Jolly Ranchers are
>stuck in their mouths. Fix that, get rid of the Confederate flag and
>maybe we'll take you seriously in something other than college football.
>
>19. It's funny to watch people in the South drive in snow. They always
>panic. Dozens perish. We usually make bets on how many die.
>
>20. Tornados and earthquakes aren't real. Are they? C'mon!
>
>21. We have no idea why we'd ever go to Arkansas, New Mexico, Iowa,
>Idaho, Nebraska, Oklahoma, Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, Kansas,
>Utah, Missouri and West Virginia. Nor do we have any urge to. We don't
>know anything that's there, aside from college teams we root against.
>
>22. Sitcoms in New York City = funny.
>
>23. Sitcoms set elsewhere = less funny.
>
>24. What's in the Southwest? We're kinda curious.
>
>25. There is no fundamental difference between South Dakota and North
>Dakota, or even South Carolina and North Carolina. Couldn't they come up
>with more original names at some point?
>
>26. But Virginia and West Virginia? It's like George and Lenny in Of
>Mice and Men. Big scary difference.
>
>27. Hawaii or Alaska aren't "real" states. They're like junior college
>transfer states. Washington D.C. is as far south as we feel we need to
>go.
>
>28. Minnesota is a really strange place, ain't it? Prince, Gov. Jesse
>Ventura, Randy Moss. Frightening.
>
>29. The Miss America pageant is rigged so that Massachusetts sends the
>ugliest girl in the history of the female gender. The last one looked
>like Ted Danson. Yes, really.
>
>30. If a sport can be held at a country fair, then it's not a sport.
>Competitive cheerleading? Professional auto racing? Bull riding?
>Northern sports are played in arenas, centers, gardens and the occasional
>field.
>
>31. We were never impressed by the Houston Astrodome.
>
>32. Tanning isn't something that just happens, you know. It's a hobby.
>We need to work hard to get sunburns that require hospitalization.
>
>33. The rest of the country has strange fast-food places and
>universally crappy pizza. Do they screw up the pizza on purpose because we
>show up?
>
>34. Chicago is really part of the North, not the Midwest. We traded
>Pittsburgh and the rest of western Pennsylvania for it. Good deal when
>Pittsburgh was a steel town.
>
>35. We can't label the Midwest on the map, but we know it when we see
>it. Mostly because it has freckles and a bowl cut. If it's female, it has
>on the tight sweater.
>
>36. There's really no reason to see the rest of the country when
>everyone's always coming here. We'll see them when they show up in
>Philadelphia, Boston or New York.

Hilarious...

although, as a born and bred northerner who just had to go to school in Illinois, #21 is still true somewhere deep down inside, but since my current boyfriend is from one of those states and would probably die for their football team, I have to pretend I am interested and even act excited about visiting!;)

Re: "Northerner rules"
 

Yes be scared very scared.:cool:

To #18 I say: Puhleeeeeeze!

I love my Southern accent, and so does my Yankee boyfriend. :p

At least you can understand Southerners when they speak. Yankees talk so fast and clipped that it's hard to pick up ANYTHING they say. Y'all are just jealous -- of our accents AND our football teams! :D

Damn Yankees! Go drink your POP!

lol :D

Too funny, but I agree!!! :D hahahahaha LMAO


Ronnie :)

OMG, I am a Yankee and I HATE the word "pop." *shuns the little Illinois girl* LOL.

The word is SODA!!!!!!!!

:confused: ?!

IowaHawkeye :cool:

I live in Michigan and I agree that it is Soda!!!

People... it's POP POP POP... not soda :p

I have no idea why I am in Iowa, so I can't help you with #21 ;) You can't have chicago.. and midwest, is it that hard? Go to the middle of the country, the western part of that middle... Chances are if the state grows corn (Iowa/illinois/Nebraska) its the Midwest :D

Football teams? Whens the last time a southern team won the super bowl?:D Can't count college football when there is no playoff system to choose the champion;)

You have been silenced!!! It is SODA, not pop! Pop is your father, and soda is what you drink!


Juan

POP!

BLASPHEMY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everybody stand back... Lightning's about to strike Ex greek for sure!



:D :D :D :D :D

one more thing...
 

It's Coke --- not "soda" or "pop"... Those are two of the most annoying words I hear coming out of the mouths of Yankees here in Atlanta. Like nails down a chalkboard to my poor little Southern ears. :(

Re: one more thing...
 

I say BOO!!! I hate going to Tennessee to see my father and hearing, what kind of "coke" would you like? I say, "do you mean cherry, diet or regular coke?" "No, What kind of Coke would you like, sprite, coke, pepsi, mountain dew."

HELLO, Coke is the brand name of a SODA!!! It is not a word that replaces Soda or Pop. I'd go with pop before i went with coke.....

crazy southerners.....hahahahahahaah

Yeah, that southern "Coke" thing drives me nuts! But POP is only your dad if you're WT! Pop vs. soda as a drink varies, I swear, from county to county. It's not all of the north does one thing or all the west another. I've given up and started using "soft drink."

I call it Soda too :)

How about we call it Sodapop (that's what my grandpa calls it) and everyone wins.

I dunno, that just sounds old school. :)

My grandma calls it sodie pop! she's so cute - but she's WRONG WRONG WRONG, its just pop :D

Yes indeed. As my sister has previously stated, it is COKE. Everything is coke if it is fizzy. Do away with your sordid northern ways!

Coke Coke Coke!

The LEAST OFFENSIVE alternative to coke is soft drink or cold drink. But NEVER pop or soda! Especially not pop!

My grandmother also calls it "sodie" (without the pop though). She's from Mississippi. Some folks from Minnesota calls soda "sodie" too.

Coke is the correct term in honor of who started it all..:D

Here in Texas everything is a "Coke." You order a coke, waiter asks what kind, you then say Dr. Pepper or Pepsi, whatever.

I am a minority here, obviously, because I call it SODA!!

Listen smartass . . .
 

How is pop wrong?

The word is "Soda-pop" - I use the last part, which has a sorta ring to it, and everyone else uses the first, which I guess is ok, but doesn't nearly sound as cool and probably is indicative of far-reaching mental illness.

Every time I slip out here in boston, and ask for a pop, they think I'm talking about weed - "A pot machine? what the hell is that?"

And coke is just plain wrong - you don't ask for Crest when you want Aquafresh, right?

(that's the worst example ever - whatever)

My grandmother calls it sodie too. funny. Shes from Missouri.

Its coke daymit. Its a branding thing. When you sneeze do you ask for a facial tissue, or a Kleenex?

Even though I'm Chicago born and bred, "pop" makes my skin crawl. "Soda" just sounds so much nicer. C'mon, say it with me - "Sooooda." Maybe it's the way some midwesterns pronounce "o"s that bothers me - it comes out sounding like "pAHp." Bleh!

hey now.. i'm from chicago... and i do pronounce is "pahp" lol - what kind of people raised you and let you say soda... so wrong...

lifesaver.. its a kleenex

Florida people call it soda. But NEVER pop! yuck, yuck, yuck... such an awful word for a good drink

Up north in Canada it's pop!:)

Every time I used to say pop to someone....they'd look at me like I was on crack and wonder what I was talking about....then I'd say "Ooops...y'all call it soda here"

I have had this fight with my friends from Boston repeatedly....no one wins! Everyone just calls it what they like and is done with it!

What gets me is some of my friends called ginger ale "tonic"....now to me, tonic refers to tonic water and tonic water alone!!!!!!

Ah the little differences! It's what makes life great!:D:D

Re: "Northerner rules"
 

Soda.

Oh yeah, and -

OMG, YES!!!!!!! I was down in Virginia once during a flurry (a flurry - read: no accumulation) and nobody was going faster than 15mph - on I-66. You'd think they'd never seen snow before. Nobody from south of the Mason-Dixon line would last 10 seconds in a New England winter. It's funny... unless you're stuck behind them on a 2-lane roadway.

aephialum,
Haha! I sooo have to agree with Ex-greek on that too!!!! When I was living in Dallas, there was a "snowstorm" one day. I got all excited...to actually see snow in the South. Everyone else there got freaked out. Schools were closed, Art got sent home early from work because of "treacherous road conditions" and on our way to Fry's to do some electronics shopping we passed SOOOOOO many cars in accidents! I couldn't believe it! These people would not last a day in a Northern snowstorm!!!

Here's a pic I took from my patio of the "snowstorm" in Dallas...taken just before my husband got sent home! Hahahahahahaha!!!!

http://bialowas2001.tripod.com/texas/snowstorm.jpg

Is that too funny or what?! I don't mean to laugh at all the Southerners, but it just cracked me up when I saw schools being closed for this.....in Nova Scotia schools don't get closed unless the roads are ALL undriveable....meaning that there should be at least 20cm of snow on the ground!!!!:D:D

Re: Re: "Northerner rules"
 

This is what I am afraid of. I am moving from Houston to Providence, RI. I have never once driven in snow or ice! Guess what though...I know what to do in a hurricane, flood or tornado :) That won't do me any good when I'm sliding all over the freeway though!

GOOD STUFF!!!!!!!!!
 

DAYUM RIGHT!!!

Tourists please: 1) Stop buying BC sweatshirts and Harvard jerseys, you look ridiculous.
2) Stop driving all thru NE videotaping the foliage during Fall, you still look ridiculous. LOL

BTW, its official, it's SODA!!!

Re: "Northerner rules"
 

This makes perfect sense, because every time I leave my comfortable Chicago suburb and drive a few hours south to get to school, it seems I lose contact with all civilization. And let's not even talk about trying to get good pizza in Central Illinois.

I call it soda. I prefer Pepsi to Coke, but I'll drink whichever they have as long as it's not diet. When I ordered soda once, the bartender gave me soda water like seltzer instead of Coke. :(

lifesaver-I call them tissues not Kleenex. However I call them bandaids and not bandages. It takes too much effort. ;)

I like your list especially the one about sitcoms set in New York being funnier than those not set in NY. It's really true. :D

Re: "Northerner rules"
 

Sorry, but IMO people with thick northern accents sound less intelligent not to mention annoying, especially those thick Brooklyn accents.
I would much rather hear an East Texas accent anyday than a Brooklyn accent.

Ditto, Ditto, Ditto

Re: Re: Re: "Northerner rules"
 

I call it soda. It depends on where you come from.
dzaigirl, moving to Providence-driving in snow is a skill you get through practice. Don't let the snow scare you! When you visit Texas then you can brag about hurricane, flood, tornado, and snow!
After awhile---you'll know when you can do 45-55 in snow and when it's suicide. Personally, I like driving in snow.
Also another one to add to the list: Northerner can tell the difference between a Massachusetts, New Hampshire and Rhode Island accent.