Is chivalry dead?
 

Is chivalry dead? The reason why I pose this topic because I had a young gentleman hold the door for me when I enter a building. I said thank you to him as I proceeded throught the doorway.

A women behind me stood in shock and stated "I guess chivalry is not dead!" It is really sad when you have to make comments like that. I do nto think it is unusal for a man to open a door for me or pull out a chair. This is something that should be expect and not to be done only at special occasions.

A fully paid meal does not equal a booty call
 

LOL
No, chivalry is not dead. There are a whole lot of gentlemen out there, who will open doors (car or otherwise), give up seats, and even pay for a date with no strings attached. No woman should demand less. My momma beat such actions into me (literally) at young age.
Ladies, YOU need to teach these traits to your sons.

I agree and disagree with TLAW. First let me get to the issue of LADIES teaching chivalry to THEIR sons. Last time I checked it was a man and a woman to have a child so why should only the mothers have to teach this to their sons. I believe that a mother can teach it and a father can reinforce it . LOL ( You know I still love you Tlaw) . Now chivalry is not dead I would say it seems to me or from what I have experienced that guys( well the ones that I ahve been exposed too) only open doors if they are trying to "get with me" or if I am dressed a certain way. I have never had a guy open the door for me whne I was in jeans and a t shirt or my work out clothes. But if I am dressed casual they will open the doors. Honestly I say that mostly white men have been openning the doors for me. So do you think that chivalry is more taught or harder instilled in other cultures? I am not even sure how to answer that question myself. Now brothas out their will open doors, but those kinds seem to be hard to find, well atleast here in South Carolina. Its kind of funny to think that because you think that chivalry was mainly taught in the South with those "good ole southern values" but what ever happened to those anyways????????

I think that a man has more of a chance getting my "digits" when they open doors and show chivalry then when they are like" yo, shawty" oh or my favorite "woahh de lil mamma" and cannt leave out that ever so popular whistling deal they do. Why do they do that" I cannt seem to figure out? what ever happened to simply approaching a lady and asking what her name is?:confused: :mad:

Guys wonder why women dont talk to them when they do that stuff and its basically simple, ITS RUDE!!!!! Then what gets me everytime is when I ignore all the cat calls and they want to start calling us the b word and think that we are stuck up. its not that its just that cat calling is showing a woman that you are not willing to go the extra effort to walk over to her and talk to her like a civalized person. The attitude and respect that you show us on our initial interaction is the same that we will dish back to you...

okay time to end this cause I am moving off to a whole new topic

I will just say this last thing, I think that it is best summed up with the quote from the head and shoulders commercial: You never get a second chance to make a first impression" fellas and sometimes ladies should think about that!!!!!:D

Chilvarly is not dead if you demand it from the people you are with.........A lot of times women forget they have more control over how men act then they think. If women started demanding better treatment from men then they would more likely recieve it. Most men are going to conform thier behavior to what makes them think they are going to get ladies......so if thugs are in more men will act like thugs and if nerds are in men will act like nerds!

Sphinxpoet

but why should we have to demand that men show us chivalry? Why cannt they give it when they have that first interaction. I disagree in a way because I think that if a guy calls himself a man then chivalry should be a part of his character as a man!!! True if a woman first meets a man that shows no chivalry why should she ask him to change six months into the relationship. If she doesnt like how he is when she first meets him then either she should demand that he shows her that level of respect and attention or just walk away and leave him alone:rolleyes:

Awww c'mon Unducuva... quit giving me a haerd time!:)
What I meant about women teaching their sons is that we accuse men of not being gentlemen. Well, somewhere down the line, through the ages, some of our fathers forgot to pass down some valuable knowledge. It could be said that a lot of men don't know how to be chivalrous. This is why I said what I said, tongue-in-cheek of course!
In a perfect world, women would not need to demand such behavior. Nontheless, teaching our young men to be gentlemen depends on the fathers, and when they don't know what to teach, mothers can show their sons how to treat herself and other women like ladies. And, though I mught just be wistful, I think we black men are better behaved than other races when it comes to chivalry.

Greetings to all...is chivalry dead I certainly hope not!!!

I disagree with Sphinxpoet (sorry brother) that a woman should demand better treatment from her man. Why should she have to demand something that she deserve. I was raised to give the up most respect to women and the elderly.

Now, as I have gotten older (42 yrs. old), I have adjusted those rules to fit the present situation I am in. For example: when I am riding the Metro (subway) if a teenage girl is getting on and all seats are taken, do I let her have it no. (unless she is handicap or have childern with her) But, let a woman of 30something or older get on, I will offer my seat. Opening doors: always when letting a lady into my car. When walking into a building: a) if she is with me....yes .... b) only a few feet behind me.....yes c) if her hands are full or small kid(s) in her arm yes....Now I do have a 5 seconds rule....if I have to wait more than 5 seconds.....no.

Sphinxpoet,
A woman should not have to demand any chivalry from a man. These are things that I expect from men when I am out on a date or just a general stranger. It also should not be a control factor when it comes to men on how to treat a woman.

I am a lady so therefore, treat me as such. These are just common general manners. When I see a gentleman that does not act accordingly I call them on it. These are things you are suppose to do. These are not things to be withheld for the special someone in your life.

I should not have to tell a man, “Open the door for me or pull my chair,” etc.

JMHO:D

Chivalry is definitely not dead. When I was brought up, it was definitely not taught in the cribbo by my grandmother. (Why I don't know.) So it was/is something that I am definitely not used to.

BUT, I must say that I am currently trying my hand at it with my mate. (Of course, since I never did it continuously, I "slip" sometimes.) It may take some time, but it should become second nature.

On a side note, I don't think that I was not being a gentleman by not being "chivalrous". (I hope that was a word). I was being a gentleman the way I was raised to be. So, I suppose it's all about perspective.

GOMAB

chivalry is as alive as we allow it to be...
 

you know (disclaimer: this is not male bashing in anyway shape or form) men will do and/or get away with what we WOMEN allow them to...

if we hold them to higher standards, they will raise to the ocassion. if we continue to accept substandard behavior, then OF COURSE that is what they will continue to offer! i mean think about it, why open the door, pull out the chair, walk on the outside (closest to the curb) if he doesn't think it is expected of him?

but to answer the question, NO i do not believe chivalry is dead, i am a living witness, BUT i think alot of it comes from our expectations and standards!

Chivalry isn't totally dead, but the number of men whose mama's raised them right isn't that high. Alot of guys will open a door for you, if you happen to be coming through a walkway ahead of them, but don't know about opening car doors for you or just plain old manners. The days of courting a woman are gone, most guys date you, come beeping their car horn at your mama's door and don't stop to pay their respects to your parents. There aren't alot of guys that have old fashioned values, where they know enough to come to your house and introduce themselves to your parents and state their intentions, possibly because they have no intentions of sticking around LOL...it's funny because when older folks try and teach us these type of old fashioned values we laugh at them, calling them outdated when in retrospect there is alot of wisdom in their way of thinking.

I was just asking myself the same question when I had 5 grocery bags in each hand with no one to help open the door? :(

I don't think chivalry is dead at all but sometimes a guy has to be careful how he uses it. I graduated from UT @ Austin and a couple of times, I'd see some guy open a door for a woman and get cursed out followed by "chivalry died a long time ago!!!" The guy would be standing there stunned looking around like what the hell just happened. I read an article in Ebony magazine awhile back that gave pointers to guys on when and when not to show chivalry. If a woman gives me that chivarly is dead quote, I just apologize and move on. Best you can do.

For a lady to get upset by a guy being polite to her is ridiculous. I don't guys should turn things like that off and on. If you were raised to be a gentleman, than always be one, for the ladies that don't appreciate them, that just shows that perhaps their level of class isn't that great.

Hello all I know that it has been a while since I posted any replies but its nice to see that we are still on this topic......

I do agree with Zetaphied!!!! I think that in this society somehow the idea of women being liberated has been taken in all the wrong ways!!!! I simply mean this, yes it is great to be a women and independent doing your own thing, but how can you get upset if a guy wants to pull out your chair for you or open doors, I think that when men do things like that, it further adds to your depictions and persona as a woman. You are being recognized as that and that should make you feel damn good!!! pardon the french!!!! I have recently noticed that men are more inclined to treat a woman how she acts, yes it is true that all women should be respected I understand that but if you dont respect yourself than how can you expect a man to respect you let alone open doors and pull out chairs? Being liberated and not wanting a man to do things for you is nice and all but if you are truly a liberated woman you will know when a man is pulling out you chair and being chivalrous towards you he is only further classifying you as such so I dont think women should back down from such kindness. As always this is not law its just my opinions but I hope that what I have is helpful..!!!:cool:

I had to bump this ... a woman called the Tom Joyner Morning Show today and commented that men won't even yield their seats to pregnant women (even though signs on buses/trains encourage people to do this!). Tom responded that older men needed to get back in the groove, and to teach younger men to do the same.

Sorry to invade this post
 

I can clearly recall the time that I was pregnant with my daughter over 5 years ago. Whenever I was offered a seat, at least 60% of the time it was offered by ANOTHER WOMAN!!! :mad: I would see a lot of men with their heads down - don't know if they wanted to pretend that they did not see me with the obvious "baby belly" poking out.

On a happier note, I'm glad to say that my fiance has no problems opening doors, pulling chairs for me, helping me put my jacket or coat on. If we are riding an elevator, he makes sure that every woman has exited the elevator before he even thinks about stepping off. When we are walking down the street, he always make sure that he is on the outside of the sidewalk (he would always say, "You're not for sale") :) And he has no problem giving up his seat on the subway for a woman (not a teenager, but a grown woman), and it doesn't matter if she is pregnant, elderly or whatever.

:)

I'm glad to see that so many folks appreciate and practice chivalry. Question though....why shouldn't men give up their seats to teenage girls? I think it's good practice for them to see how they should be treated.

It's good to see that chivalry is not dead, well, not completely dead. I was taught to how to respect women. I just think that some women take this independent woman phase a little far. I know a lot of guys that now second guess if they should show chivalry or not because of past relationships where the woman would tell the guy chivalry is dead (or the I don't need a man syndrome).