i think i'm going to drop out
 

i think i'm going to drop out of my sorority this week. i've been thinking about it all semester and i really can't take it anymore. i just know that all of my sisters are going to ignore me once i drop and things will be so different. i'm nervous.

Why are you considering dropping out? Have you spoken to the officers of the sorority and your advisors?

Hi!
There wasn't a lot of information in your post, but since you posted that you are thinking of dropping, why not tell us why? If it's as simple as communication, try to meet privately with your pledge mom and hash it out. You might be surprised at how understanding they can be.

If it's grades and no time for school work, that's something that your pledge mom needs to know too. If they are using up every single second of your spare time, the new member program needs to be re-evaulated.

However, if it's hazing...RUN! You don't want to be a part of that nonsense.

How can we help?
Tracy

I second the question...why do you want to drop out? Make sure that this is something that you've really thought through. We've had girls drop out of our sorority for very valid reasons and no one ever stopped talking to them or anything like that. You have to do what's best for you and hope that your sisters are true friends and will understand that.

I agree with what every one has said , why not get some feed back from the GC we have all been through it and everyone here give the best advice!!! Hang in there .... also there is alot of post on the subject so best of luck with you !!

Is this just a rise or is it true?

del you have some of if not the best on this site to answer your questions on this site unless you are pulling the old leg of lamb!

If do not come back, I suggest we drop this thread and not post on it until then!:eek:

Strange mood for the Tombstone man today! No fun and fivolity in my book! My fault!:(

You should change that then. Raise some hell and go live it up.:cool:

I always feel like I'm the only one saying this, but if you're not happy there's no reason to stay. But the thing you've got to figure out is, is this a problem that's going to go away or is it something that absolutely cannot be fixed and is going to haunt you for the rest of your days? That's what you need to base your decisions on.

Not to scare you, but a lot of girls who have dropped from my chapter have disappeared from the face of the earth. No one seems to talk to them, but these are mostly girls who were never around anyway and no one got to know them. If you've been there a while and have made friends, thought, there's no reason you should worry about suddenly getting the cold shoulder.

sorry, i really should have elaborated earlier.

i go to school in the deep south where being a greek means a lot. i also came to this school not knowing a soul. this was not to my advantage for several reasons: 1) i didn't know the girls in the "it" sororities like many others did b/c they went to hs with them and i didn't get good recs from alumns from my school since i knew none 2) i rushed not because my heart was into being in a sorority but only because i wanted to make friends fast.

so i rushed, and i got a bid, which is pretty amazing considering that only 60% of the girls who start out going through rush get bids.

i've been very active in my organization. i've held an office for 2 years now and have put my heart and soul into it. i have attended almost every event and spent over $300 on my little sister this past semester.

even through all this, something is still missing. i dont have that bond with my pledge class. i dread every chapter, every meeting, every retreat, every philanthropy event. its like pulling teeth. there is so much drama involved in my organization that it is ridiculous. last semester, we were honored with having the lowest cumulative GPA on campus (2.5) and that makes me sick (I had a 3.2). Each time I have to do something with my sisters I never know whether I will be ignored there entire time (75% of the time I go to stuff) or barely spoken to (the other 25% of the time I attend our functions).

I have no REAL friends in my sorority. Sure, I have girls I sit with in class and laugh and gossip to, but no one I do anything with outside of class or sorority related events. My little sister was even talking sh!t about me at study hours the other night in the library and didn't know I heard her.

I'm just not happy. Does that clarify it at all?

Oops, I edited too much...just trying to spell check. LOL!

Well, the point of my long gone story was that sorority's are for LIFE..get past the next few semesters and move on to alumnae life..you might find more satisfaction and outstretched arms :)
Tracy

Girl, were we separated from birth? :D

Unlike the rest of GC, I've been there and done that! Last year I had the EXACT same issues you are having now. I rushed a sorority to make friends fast, got a bid, attended almost every event, put my heart and soul into it, spent lot of money :eek:, still felt like something was missing, despite all of that I did not bond with my pledge class, was ignored or barely spoken to (may have been my fault, I didn't open up that much), and just wasn't happy.

So, I quit exactly a year ago and still regret it till this day!!! PLEASE at least stick around for the next pledge class. It has been my observation that pledge classes can be different as night and day and GLOs can do 180's within semesters! Maybe you ought to take a break from them for a little while. Since you said that you were always around, it's a big possibility that they are taking you for granted. JUST DON'T QUIT! Good luck! :)

Although I would never say quit, think about the change.

Quitting and alum status are 2 different things.

It pains me to know that you are not enjoying your time, if I could do it all over, I would. But not everyone has a great time.

There will be hard things to deal with in an office, the same that you are going through, the Real World isn't full of 100% wonderful things and peolpe. In the end you will learn from it.

I know it may be hard to stay, but I would.

Hope it gets better and maybe you can change some things while you are there.

Good Luck!

Delicious,
I think most everybody has been in the same position as you are finding yourself right now. I strongly encourage you to wait. I know this may be hard, but this might also help you decide what you want/should do. "Time is the healer of all..." You never know what may come about. Like some one stated earlier, wait for this next pledge class... Find someone in this class that you can relate to. Someone that will not only be your sister, but your friend, even if you decide to drop. I had two really good friends drop from my chapter this past fall. It hurt me deeply... And I considered dropping with them, but what's best for them, wasn't necessarily best for me. With their dissaffilations, the whole chapter's morale just dropped... But we got support and help from other chapters and our National. I guess what I am trying to get at, is look around first. Ask your sister chapters for suggestions... Or maybe your National Headquarters will have some information on how to build sisterhood bonds.

Well just remember that we are all here for you.

Dionysus- Possbly one of THE best posts you've made...ever....this lifetme or any other.;)

Delicious,

I'll be honest, I don't know what it's like to go to a Southern school where you're either your Greek or your on the sidelines; however, I'll pretty sure that at one point or another, almost everyone has had a bad experience with their chapter and thought about quitting. BUT, what I got out of your post is that you're a really dedicated sister and even though you're having a crappy time with your chapter right now you should think about all the other sisters and all the other chapters around the world that hold the same ideals of sisterhood.

Being part of a National Sorority lets you seek sisterhood outside of your chapter...and guess what? Greekchat is the BEST place to find that support. My GC sisters mean so much to me...I'm even closer to some of them than some of my chapter sisters. They're always here for me.

If you're really miserable, then nothing we say is going to make you change your mind. But I suggest really thinking about whether you want to let a couple of JERKS drive you out of a sorority that you've put SO much into. Like Dionysus said, get close to the incomming pledge classes because that is where you can make the difference.

Keep us posted.

Lexi's right - quitting and going alum (or in my parlance, terminating and going inactive) are 2 totally different things. If you go alum, you can still be involved after you graduate, and that might be something you'd turn out to love. However, I know that sometimes there are issues like housing, etc that make it impossible to go alum while still in school.

Or you can make other friends outside the sorority and look at it this way: you have your friends, and then you have your "job" which is the sorority. That might make it a little more palatable. I'm not going to outright say quit because I'm learned from this board how important it is to be Greek at some schools in the south.

Plus, this is a bad time of year - EVERYONE is burnt. Think about it and let us know what you decide. Good luck :)

Delicious, I know the situation seems really rough right now, but I agree with Leslie that you've put so much into this organization, so think long and hard before walking away. I'm not telling you not to drop out...it's kind of like a relationship, you can only try so much and sometimes you have to walk away. Just make sure that's what you really want to do. When you have a bad experience, it's really easy to do something on impulse that you'll regret later. Ultimately, do what's best for you, what's going to make you happy. Best of luck and keep us posted.

Delicious, Please take a little while to make your decision. I too went to school in the deep south and went through rush for a lot of the same reasons you did (although I had always wanted to go greek, I knew no one at the school and wanted to make friends fast). I will admit that I was not very close with most of the women in my pledge class, but I made lifelong bestfriends with other women in the chapter. Your pledge class is only a small part of the whole. There was a time when I thought that none of the sisters had any respect for me b/c I ran for several offices 2 years in a row and got elected to nothing, but I kept pushing and when the VPE had to resign her office I ran and got elected. I made the best of it and now it is truley a VP position in our chapter...The moral to that is that your sisters obviously think highly enough of you to elect you to hold positions within the chapter so there has to be something there. Work with that at first. Focus on the incoming NM class as others have said that is where you can turn the whole chapter around. I've said it before and I will say it again...nothing will ever change if your not willing to take action to change it (and no one said it would be easy).

Please don't quit. I know I would have regretted it for a lifetime. Consider just taking a break from going to events and stuff for a few weeks and see how it goes. If none of this helps if you can go alum do it, but make that your last attempt. PM me if you want :)

i understand what many of you are saying about waiting for the next pledge class, but i've already done that...3 times. we do fall and spring rush. in the fall we get 60 girls and spring we get about 10 (we have HUGE chapters here). and waiting for the next plege classes didn't help.

i really apreciate all of ya'lls advice, its been really great. i thought about staying in it another semexter and laying low, but to be quite honest a: i don't know if i can put up with the drama b: they require so much involvement and attendance that its getting ridiculous! if we don't go we get fined major $$$ c: i really don't want to shell out another $500 to stay in another semester and be miserable. i think its really a do or die situation right now, you know?

can you go alum now? at least stay part of the system but not have to deal with that chapter on a daily basis?

Going alum (if you can) is probably your best option. A lot of alum I've talked to say that sorority life actually got better after college. My sorority has something called Inactive Member Status, which means you're still a member of the national, but you don't attend chapter meetings, functions, etc. and that way you can still be an alumni member. You may want to check if your organization has anything like that.

:o :D ;)

Delicious, you have heard from a wonderful group of women all who have had dfferent experiences. You never know how far reaching decisions like this can be. My BEST friends were independant, yet I am happy I stayed in my sororty. I never had any drama, but I did have a siter-or two- who resented my penchant to hang with GDIs. Are you a Junior or Sophomore?
If there is ANYWAY you can stick it out, please try. (those fines REALLY sound crazy) Is there ANYONE you can trust to discuss this with? I hope some of the alternitives are open to you. It really would be well worth it to check things out and weigh your options. Once you are out of college, you will realize this ONE PARTICULAR chapter means squat in the scheme of things. The alums on this board are reflections of alums across the nation. Don't let some stinky sisters take that away from you unless you know...REALLY know it won't matter to you somewhere down the line.

I agree with everything justamom said.

Delicious, I just sent you a PM. :)

Delicious,

You've gotten a lot of good advice that I can only second. Look into going alum early, and if you can't, just lay low.

During fall rush of my senior year, I was a rho chi. You may want to consider doing this, if possible, during your next formal rush - it's a good way to take a "vacation" from your sorority, "test-drive" being deaffiliated without actually deaffiliating, and meet other sorority members and contribute on the Panhel level at the same time.

My situation isn't exactly like yours but there was a time earlier this year when I desperately needed a break. My sisters (not all of them) had betrayed me and going to functions made me miserable and pissy. Luckily I had the option of taking 'conditional' status (this is avaliable for no more than a semester before it automatically becomes disafiliation, the sisters must approve conditional and must approve your request to return to active status). Laying low for about 3 weeks was just what I needed. It gave me a chance to air out my feelings and get a look at what life without my GLO would be like. I missed it too much and resolved issues with certain sisters. I've been active again for over 2 weeks now and I'm so glad to have all my rights as an active back again. I also plan on running for president (I'm really also the only viable option). A break was exactly what I needed and now I'm back and better than ever. My recomendation would be to lay low for awhile.

Emily

my sorority does not grant early alum status or allow us to take "leaves of absence" like others do :(

thanks for the advice, but i told the president tonight that i needed to fill out resignation papers. it will be official once the semester is over. i feel as though a big weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Delicious~
I hope everything works out alright. I am truly sorry that you had to come to this decision, I know how difficult this must be... But we're here for you.

Delicious, good luck only to you! Things will work out for the best-
just a fork in the road.

"Two roads diverged in a wood and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken

Delicious, it seems like you have already made your decision; however, this is some last minute advice. I'm not sure what year you are since, but you said you've held an office for two years which means you've been in your chapter for at least 2 1/2 to 3 years. Even though you're not eligible to go alum, have you thought to try to contact your IHQ? There's always exceptions...

I'm sorry things did not work out for you. :(

That's so sad to hear. Just remember when signing those papers that you can never be part of your organization again (if it's NPC), or another NPC group ever. You will never be able to participate as an alumna, or anything. I wanted to quit when I was a Junior and sat and told the President, she didn't let me..and thank goodness! (Thanks Kristen :)
Now I'm a National Officer and giving and recieving so much every single day.