What to say to, "at least I don't buy my friends!"
 

I'm sick and tired of this kind of conversation:

GDI: "I hate greeks, they're so stupid and drunk and blah blah blah"

Me: "I'm a greek. Don't blame all greeks for the media's stereotyping few greeks for all greeks. We don't do those things. Why don't you rush and find out for yourself?"

GDI: "Pfft. No. At least I don't have to pay for my friends!"


WHERE the hell do they get this fsckin' misconception?!

-MK

First off, this isn't a person i would want in my fraternity to begin with, if they can't fathom there is more to greeks than the stereotypes, then screw them. All i can say to people that ask that question is: 'well, greek organizations are like buisnesses of other clubs, they require money to operate, it's not like you are complining to be a part of clubs that ask for a dues of somesort, it's the exact same way. People just ask that question a lot i find because they just think all we do is party and drink, and they think why should they pay extra to drink when they can do that with their other friends for free.
My two cents,
Ed

Buy my friends? Is that what you think? Well, then I certainly don't pay enough...

I think the comment about "not paying enough" is an awesome way to disregard the MYTH about greeks paying for friends!!!!

Response: At least I have friends! :p Just kidding!

You have to pay tuition to go to college. You have to pay fees to be in a club or on a team. You have to pay dues to be in a fraternity or sorority. Nothing in life is free because there are expenses associated with everything including GLOs.

I had 45 sorority sisters so it turned out that I had paid $2.50 per sister. It was a running joke in my sorority. "You have to have lunch with me, I paid $2.50 for you to be my friend." :D It was a pretty inexpensive investment for what I received in return.

Every Greek I knew had lots of friends outside their organization - and there was usually someone inside the org they weren't friends with either, although of course they were still polite to each other as brothers or sisters! There were GDI girls I knew who were friends with most of the chapter, proving you don't have to pay to get the friendship. You aren't paying for the friendship anyway - you're paying for formals, mixers, housing, t-shirts, a chance to do philanthropy and grow as a person, opportunities to meet new people, chances to network, etc.

I simply say "They were on sale." and walk off. You arent gonna change their mind.

Alot of people dont understand greek life so they bash it....totally uncool but thats how people are...I have had people tell me that my sisters are all I care about and that the only reason I have my friends is b/c I bought them...ok just like someone else said you have to pay to be in any club or organization or team or whatever..do you not make friends while on those teams or in those clubs??? yes Im sure you do and maybe I did pay for my sisters but damn theyre the best friends I could have ever paid for!! :)

Nichole

Smarta$$ reply
 

Well that same money that "paid" for my friends, is also the same money that goes towards the alcohol that YOU seem to love to drink when you come to OUR parties.

Shuts them up pretty quick on my campus. After all what anti-greek GDI wants to be busted for being seen at a Greek party.:rolleyes:

I think people say this because they either dont understand why we pay dues, or they are insecure. They dont think they can be apart of the greek life and use that as a defense.

Most people are involved with some kind of group and I have said to people..." Well why do you pay this group money?" They usually say because those are dues. And I tell them it is no different for us. That usually gets people thinking...if not..they are anti greek and I dont waste my time!

Wendy

Alpha Gamma Delta
Theta Sigma
Valdosta State University

The major problem with people who throw the whole "buying friends" copout at you is that in nearly every case, there is NOTHING you can say to change their mind. Don't bother - you're only going to waste your own time and energy and will only succeed in frustrating yourself.

When I became an SAE, I made an investment. I've only been an SAE for a few years, but I've already earned PLENTY in dividends. The friendships I've made - friendships I never would have had otherwise not because of paying dues, but because I simply never would have met these people to begin with given the size of my campus - are worth more to me than just about anything else in my life. These are the people who I'm going to invite to my wedding, to share with me in the enjoyment of watching my (future) children grow up, to remember and reflect on the "good-old-days" when we're retired... these are people I'm going to be friends with FOREVER.

Most of these narrow-minded half-wits who think they have the Greek world all figured out don't have the brain power to understand the meaning, significance or value of a life-long friendship and quite frankly I haven't either the time or interest to try to explain it to them. It's their loss anyway. Sure, I've had to deal with some headaches brought on by being Greek and involved, but what career, what pursuit, what adventure of any kind isn't without its challenges? In my opinion, it's all worth it.

Notwithstanding all of these priceless friendships and opportunities of incalculable value, there are two things I've received already from being an SAE that either individually would satisfy all of my investments of time, money and energy, both past and future, but which together have guaranteed that becoming an SAE was the best decision I have ever made. The first: after studying our Ritual and contemplating seriously on it, as a once questioning person trying to hold on to a little thread of faith, I am now so much closer to my belief in God that I can't imagine where I was previously. Second: becoming an SAE afforded me the most valuable friendship of all - my best friend and future wife.

If that isn't an investment well made, then quite frankly I don't know what is.

I ACTUALLY had someone say this to me recently. I ran into a Mom and asked if her son joined a fraternity (he went to UT and transfered to our state college after one semester). She said
he told her he didn't want to because, "HE DIDN"T WANT TO PAY FOR HIS FRIENDS." I was kind of floored that an adult who was IN a sorority at one time and MARRIED to a man who was in a fraternity would be so flip with that response. I just said something like-Yes, that's a pretty stadard statement for people who don't belong to one...I honestly couldn't think of a response.

Anyone who says this suffers from a misconception. People are quick to pick up on negative stereotypes like that becuase they're so much more fun than the truth (guess it's our tabloidesque American culture rearing its ugly head again).

But seriously, someone that says that, if you have the opportunity, I think it's your DUTY to sit there and make them justify what they just said. Ask them.... "Oh really? And how exactly did you come to that conclusion?" (maybe not be so abrasive, but you get the idea).

The money we spend in dues goes to great things, we use it to do things as a group that we could never do as individuals. Sure we throw parties (some even have alcohol [OH NO!]) but I'd be damned surprised if our levels of alcoholism were higher than that of plain 'ol GDI's. Other than parties of course we have philanthropy, community service and the like... well I'm preaching to the choir there, so I needn't continue.

It just kills me though when I hear that people have heard others say this and haven't taken the situation as an opportunity to do a lil bit of PR on behalf of the Greek system.

LHT,
Kevin

I do agree that often you are never going to change people's minds. But one time, a girl said this to me (who is a raging b**ch by the way, but that is besides the point) and I asked her if she was ever in any clubs in high school or National Honor Society or Girl Scouts or played a sport, and didn't she have to pay dues or pay for equipment like soccer cleats and shin guards. Of course her answer was yes, and I said, "Well there you go." She had seen the Zeta House on campus and thought it was amazing. And I said, "How do you think we pay for that?!" Obviously I must have changed HER mind b/c when she went back to Univ of Colorado in the fall, she ended up going through rush and pledging!! (And of course now she thinks she's big s**t b/c she's greek).

I read this in another thread (Explaining Greek Pride), from Steve Hoftsetter's article in Columbia's Daily Spectator http://www.columbiaspectator.com/vne.../3c7de251eca2a

"Critics say Greeks buy their friends. But the money that Greeks pay funds the programs that they attend. Their dues pay for retreats and road-trips, mixers and meetings, billiards and ball games. And throwing those parties that you and your friends keep going to. So they're really buying your friends. "

I couldn't have said it better myself...

I remember discussing this with Hootie-and I loved her response! It was somthing along the lines of:

If I paid for my friends, I certainly didn't pay enough!

How true! I don't know where I would be w/o the sisters I met through Chi Omega.

Money doesn't just fall from the sky. How else are supposed to pay for our gorgeous houses? And the bulk of our huge bills goes toward the meals we have at the house. All we need to do is show anti-Greeks the bills our parents are sent that outline where the money goes, and they'll shut up.

PS: Sisterhood (and brotherhood) is priceless, as we all know. I love the "I must not be paying enough" response!

This is what you do (if you have a minute or two). Ask them how much it costs them per month going out to eat with friends. How much does it cost to do things like bowling, putt-putt, movies, etc? How much would you spend if you decided to have a formal night out?

Tell them to add all this stuff up. This is the money that they spend to do fun things with their own friends. The money we spend on dues goes to pay for all kinds of activities such as the ones listed. You would never expect to get to do all of that for free, so why would you expect that a group that does those things does not need money? If you consider that paying for friends, then that means that you are paying for yours too!

Actually . . .

On some campuses, its a kind of insightful and accurate remark, that Greeks are in fact paying for their friends.

Everything in life is going to have a price. I tell them that one of the biggest reason for paying dues is to support the fraternity both Nationally and locally. If they believe that we're "Paying for our friends" then they are just as guilty by paying tuition to go to a college where they meet friends of all walks of life. No one asks them to go to college and meet people. College charges tuition to support the institution just as GLOs charge dues to support the fraternity/sorority. As everyone in here knows, the GLO experience is a life learning lesson in itself. Often times more so than any book you read. People choose to walk our pathway just as there are those who choose to walk a pathway of higher learning. Fraternally Yours, Mystic Cat32

ROI
 

ROI = Return On Investment

Invest nothing = get nothing

Invest in fraternity or sorority = fun times, brothers or sisters for life.

If what they say is I pay my dues for friends... well in a sense they're right. But I get soooooooo much more out of those dues. I have a national body of gentlemen that I can call "brother". People I don't even know that I can depend on.

I get leadership skills, experience at running programs and projects. I have taught large groups of people and filed IRS paperwork.... If they could have a college class to teach this stuff it'd cost a helluva lot more than I'm paying right now!

I'd say that's a pretty damned good ROI...

LHT
Kevin
MT #5

Excellent way to look at it! I had 53(+) sisters in my collegiate chapter...my dues were $25 a month. I paid .47 a month for my friends! Not a bad deal! Now I pay $7 a year for alum membership, and there are over 400 women in my alum chapter...that's just a little over a penny a year for each one. Cool.

I HATE THIS STATEMENT! But I have to admit at one time I would have agreed with it. But as I sit and think about how my friendships with friends before I was Greek blew up in my face once I did go Greek I am glad to pay the price to have a bond of sisters that will always be there for me in any tiem of trouble or what not. Obviously these friends that I had that were saying this to me were not really friends if they couldnt stick by me through the stuff I was going through during our friendship.

I still have plenty of non-Greek friends and I love each and everyone of them, but I always think when they say something like that about how much they are missing out in and how all they really do is go out and get drunk and do stupid stuff. (not al of them by some of them.) I think that going Greek has made a big impact on my life and I have learned to have better friendships through this. Again whether they are Greek or non-Greek or whatever. Also I am proud when I go home and people say something about paying for drinking buddies or something as some of the people from my town sometimes put it. I just come back and say no I had those for free before I went Greek. It always makes them think.

Oh and another thing you can say to them if you feel extra mean is when was the last time you did community service because you wanted to rather than had to because of some kind of jail sentence?

Ok, that one was kind of lame, but man that is my biggest pet peeve when people say that because I have plenty of friends that werent "paid for".


ARGHH!!!

I bumping this because of the point made in the "Looking Back on Greek Years" thread that it's looked down upon in American society to supposedly pay for friends, but in Europe, it's thought of as paying for your activities, which is exactly what we try to portray.

I explain to people that dues pay for everything we do, including setting up philanthropies, rush events, sisterhood events, mixers, etc. The only thing that we pay for out of pocket is tee-shirts.

I think that's funny how some of you have calculated the amount of money/sister. Maybe I'll have to start using that. :p

Yeah, the whole "at least I don't buy my friends!" thing is unoriginal and ignorant. Pretty much everything in life costs money...
-if you want your kid to make friends through their soccer team, it costs money
-if you want your kid to make friends through Brownies/Girl Scouts, it costs money
-if you want to make friends through university (even if you join no clubs), tuition costs money
-if you want to make friends through joining, say, the Spanish Club at university, it costs money.

Sigh...I could go on, but what's the point.

$$$
 

We can only hope those people don't want to have children some day. Kids are REALLY expensive but worth it!! :D

One of the TKEs at my last school calculated how much money he paid in dues in relation to ALL his brothers from every chapter. It was well under a penny/brother. He says he wishes he could give everyone a fraction of a cent and have them be that nice to him! ;)

All the Greeks who worked at ResNet with me (4 SigEps, 1 TKE, 1 Theta Tau, and me) used to get a lot of isht from our non-Greek coworkers. I said that at least I spent my paychecks on something more exciting than new computer parts. :rolleyes:

Re: Smarta$$ reply
 

I don't want to take this thread off on a tangent, but my dues have never and will never pay for any alcohol, per national rules. Does no one else have this policy?

But what everyone else is saying is right on target!

Re: Re: Smarta$$ reply
 

We do also - I don't know if it's international or not, I would assume yes, but I know for a fact that none of our chapter dues went to alcohol...

My thoughts
 

I went to a school that was and probably still is a bit anti-Greek (Texas A&M U) and the sentiment there was 'Rent a friend, join a frat', it was on a t-shirt. There seemed to be some tension between the guys in the Corps of Cadets and Frats. But, what is really funny is that most of the guys in the Corps chased after sorority members and were quite happy to have a GF in a sorority.

I think the whole 'buy friends' attititude comes from the fact that the only way you can participate in your GLO activities is to be current with your dues. No dues = no activities, no particiaption with your chapter (i.e. friends). But of course, true friendship does not co$t a thing!!!

I always used to say, "I guess I got one hell of a good deal then.":cool:

Re: Re: Smarta$$ reply
 

Fraternity headquarters has a rule against dues paying for alchohol with us, too.

My answer for the aforementioned obnoxious statement has always been; "yes, and they are worth every penny."
violets

Friend Fees
 

I'm not in a GLO, but I have heard the comment about 'paying for your friends'. All I know is that anytime you want to be a part of a national or international organization that is this well established and historic, you have to fork over some dough.

Not to mention...

I've been a member of 4-H for 10 years (which is normally not associated with paying for your friends). I have made friendships that have saved me in so many ways. Not only have these friends been irreplacable in my life to date, they will continue to be essential in the years to come. You want to talk expensive? Try this list: Horse, Truck, Trailer, Saddle, Bridle, Saddle pads, Land, Barn, Arena, Shoeing for the horse, Show clothes, Boots, Helmet, Lessons, Show entry fees, Stabling ... The list never ends. And yet, no one makes the friend fee comment for a horse club!

~Millie

As I like to say...."if I'm buying these people as my friends, well, it's money well spent!!" :D

Misconceptions about Greek Life
 

I did my senior thesis in both majors about misconceptions of Greek Life from various schools of thought and it amazing to see where people get their information and what they choose to believe without having any firsthand contact. Honestly its just ignorance, and I'm not saying that to be rude, but in the truest meaning of the word. They are just completely unaware of what Greek Life is all about. There is no knowledge beyond the stigma that our society and the media have placed on GLO's.

There are professional organization, some political organizations, membership groups that charge dues to members. Why, oh why are GLO's being accused of buying friendships! We need dues to keep our organizations running, purchase supplies and sponsor events. Here is how to respond to our anti-Greek friends when they say we buy our friends (and no, this not the if paid for my friends, I didn't pay enough response, just turn the tables): There are plenty of non=GLO organizations out there that charge dues, do they buy friends?

Just try to baffle them!

http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmili.../pinkieone.gif http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmili...e/bluegrab.gif http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/pyth.gif http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/flash.gif

PAYING FOR FRIENDS???

If one does not saying mind me saying, BULL SHIT!!!!

I started My local, and I was the only one! I went out and talked to a Bunch of Farm types with not a lot of money even though I was from the big city, K. C.!

The rectiods who think that have never been around a bunck of kids who work to pay school and Fraternity/Soroitys dues.

Why? To belong to a group so that they can work their butts off in getting better grades while making a Homecoming a hit, several Charity Events! My Chapter does 3 a year. Not counting many side events, like working with shut ins and kids Orgs.

What is built out of those 4-5 years that I have been and am still Fantastic Friends with for 30 + Years!

Put that in you nose and sniff it Dopey Head buy your friends!:D

First: check the posts #-----you should feel priveliged, anyway....

The last time I was in a conversation about that was a few years ago when I was talking to a couple of AXiD's while waiting for my next class.
This other girl, who was known by everyone on campus as being very anti-greek, was mad at one of these girls about something she said during one of her anti-greek speeches in their communications class and starts talking about how we "bought our friends" and just goin off on greeks in general (we were wearing our letters). Well, that just ticked me off, so I turned to her and asked her a question. (and this is how it went):

Me: "Let me ask you this...How many people would you give your life for?"
Her: "Probably 3 or 4. Why?"
Me: "Well, I know of at least 40 guys I would give my life for without hesitation."

And with that we went to class.

Interestingly, this girl is now a member of about 3 years of a new sorority that just started up on campus. I've often wondered if that could've had something to do with it. Hmmmm..........

PiEp299, I am not sure if you # of Posts refer to me but if they do thank You!:)

That is to cool about the snobo, anti greek who became a member of a New GLO! That is to sweet, just so to speak!:cool:

Those that dont know, bad rap and look down the long noses until they find the way and it may be a path of Roses but with some thorns thrown in for good measure!

The Human Animal is ignorant, a dog burns his/her nose they do not go back to the flame!:D

The Human Animal will bark about thre Fire but never get near it!:(