"Different man"
 

This is an intriguing article, being that I'm single and creeping up on 40. :cool: :p But I can also respect the counter-argument that this is snobby and is yet another way to divide people. Moderators, I did a search and didn't find anything covering this, but if you are aware of any, please combine with an existing topic.

A Different Kinda Man
By Laini Madhubuti
BET.com

Many single female professionals are frustrated with their chances of meeting their "equal." We always hear the wails, "Most Black men are either in jail, gay or broke!" Well, Regine Nelson, a mortgage underwriter, heard the cries and came up with an idea that would help more than just her
friends meet who they feel are the right kind of men:
She created BlackTieMen.com, a dating service with a database of single, successful Black men.

"I got the idea for BlackTieMen.com indirectly from my boyfriend, who declined with extreme prejudice to introduce his single male friends to any of my single girlfriends," Nelson remembers. "My boyfriend suggested that I should tell my girlfriends to use an online dating service. I decided to take his advice and expand upon it." And in the spring of this year Nelson's baby, the online magazine for Black professionals, BlackTieMen.com, will be born.

Why is there a need for a service as specific as this? "The fact is that in America there are a limited supply of professional Black men for professional Black women to date and marry," says Nelson. "In general, too many of our Black men are either in prison, gay/bisexual, unemployed or earning minimum wage, uneducated or AIDS/HIV infected. Furthermore, I do believe that a very increasing number of professional Black men just
prefer to date white or Asian women and this has had an effect of further reducing the number of available professional Black men."

Well get this. Nelson ain't playin' with y'all. She spoke with over 500 professional Black women to come up with strict requirements for eligibility. In order to be accepted as a V.I.P. member of BlackTieMen.com, men must submit "a notarized affidavit stating that they are single with no children, heterosexual and college educated, a photocopy of both their
college degree and state photo identification. If accepted, they will be permitted to join the men of BlackTieMen.com."

While the men go through a strict screening process, women are allowed to join as is. It is okay if men have children, however, they will be cast in a different database than those who don't. By launch, Nelson hopes to register over 20,000 general subscribers between the ages of 23 and 45 with a minimum
income of $40,000. "We intend to keep our subscription fees high enough to help insure that only our targeted market can afford to use our service," she promises. "Furthermore, the content on BlackTieMen.com will be narrowly focused on the social, political and economic interests of Black professionals."

ST-
I think Regine Nelson has a BRILLIANT idea here! I hope it takes off in a big way for her and for all the educated African American women seeking educated African American men!

But, I am single and tired of meeting guys who only have high school education or have been divorced three times myself... and 40's not THAT far off, heck, seems like yesterday I was 26, so it stands to reason that tomorrow I'll be 40. lol

:)
Amy

I think she came up with a very good idea. There is definitely a market for this type of service. I wish this sistah the best of lick.

That's a very brilliant idea!!! This online service should definitely be successful! A sista will have to check it out. Happy Birthday Amycat!

I don't know about this...
 

I'm always in favor of supporting black businesses and professional ventures. But this doesn't sound too well planned to me. Call me devil's advocate...

I like the idea of setting up a service that matches up professional black men and women. Now...correct me if I'm wrong, but, why is it that the women do not have to go through an extensive background check? Why should the men pay for a service and they may end up with a black woman who only has a high school diploma, makes minimum wage, etc? I'm sure the men are looking for their equal just like the women are.

Re: I don't know about this...
 

Now that I went back and looked at that part of the article, Soror, I have to concur with your point on women and background checks. It's a matter of fairness -- if the men have to be screened, I would say that the women should undergo the same scrutiny, too. :cool:
The writer should have pressed Ms. Nelson on that point.

Although I believwe the idea is a good one, the plan is FLAWED!
What do you mean men have to go through a screening process and supply an affidavit to confirm that we are available, educated and good looking with no strings(kids) attached, but women are going to be accepted as is? What in the hell makes you think that it's okay for a woman to have all that baggage and be accepted for who she is, but not a man? If you are looking for a well educated brother who is single and has no children, why would you assume that we aren't looking for the same thing? Ask yourself is that fair? I'll tell you right now MOST men aren't looking for a ready made family. SOME don't mind. I really cannot believe that you would think that men aren't also looking for someone on an equal status as women are! Luckily I'm married and don't have to woory about that. I just wanted you to think about the equality of the acceptance process.

P.S. Steelstrap the reason why your boyfriend won't set up his friends with yours is that when you hook up two people instead of them meeting naturally, it might not work out. And if it doesn't work out your friends will be reluctant to interact with you and your man for hooking them up. TRUST me I've been there the consequences may be too great.

Dexter, I understand your point.
To clarify, however, I'm not the person who complained about my boyfriend not hooking up the groups of friends -- it was Ms. Nelson, the subject of the article.
I'm not the writer, BTW. I'm just the messenger. :)

Now this makes me glad that I'm already married and not out there on the dating scene anymore. There is so much that singles have to go through to find compatible partners these days.

This dating service thing is a good idea and could potentially be a strong business. But I definately agree that the women should have to be screened through the same process as the men. Just as the men have to submit a certifiable copy of their college degree, etc, the women should have to submit the same (sorry, beauty college and food stamp ID's are not acceptable forms of ID!)

This is some SHULLBIT!
 

I think I'm the only hater on here but oh well. But I'm just going to call it exactly what it is, some shullbit!

So what we are establishing by creating services like this is that a black man who is trying to make it by earning minimum wage is not good enough for the "professional" sistah. And if Ms. (I'm asumming that she is a woman but I really don't know) Nelson was so bright, she would know that there are quite a few "professional" brothers out there working pretty decent jobs without a college degree. I would name them all but I don't have the time or the patience and would probably still be doing research.

Oh I get it... she just assumed that the other men must be gay :eek:. Well damn, the truth is some of the guys who act feminine are the main ones answering booty calls at 12:00 in the afternoon :p. I know that I used to think at one point that all feminine dudes was gay and all that but I will just say that one of my sisters showed me otherwise and I will leave it at that. And on the same token, there are some women out their who unknowingly seek "gay" men... and men who are sleeping with "bi" or "lesbo" women.

It takes a strong man to come in and be a daddy to some kids that don't biologically belong to them. But it takes an mature woman to steer that man's children in the right direction.

Okay, I guess I understand that some women are just supper picky and all that... but damn... you can't have EVERYTHING... That could be why some "professional" women are lonely now, because they want too damn much. On that note, I'm a dip out because it is obvious that I won't be submitting to this service. Besides, I would rather have a REAL woman who can stand my faults and my weakness' than be around some paper made woman who wants a BARBIE Dreamhouse.


112 - Ja, Bobo, Nucknuck & DEM!

Sista Steel,

I wasn't talking to you I was addressing Nelson (like she could hear me). But I do apologize for the Boyfriend hook up thang, I thought that was you:p .

P.S. 112 I'm FEELIN YOU ON THE REAL SON!!!!

As a single black, educated female with no kids, I can honestly say that the concept makes sense, but the business plan/proposal stinks! Women applying for "membership" better have equal and verifiable credentials as the men are required to have.

Another requirement that bothers me is the minimum 40K salary. What about us recent and not-so-recent college grads that are making "entry-level" money? Most of the people that I know from college came out making in the mid to high 20s! And we went to a very good school. Hell, I just got my masters and don't make the minimun 40K. Guess I'm not "qualified." lol

The only black people I know that came out of college making over 40K were the engineers or computer science majors. I guess we entry-level folks don't count as "professional."

Most importantly, who in their right mind is going to submit their confidential/perspnal papers (i.e., college transcripts; driver license, ss#; etc.) to some personals site? Get real!!!

i may be wrong...
 

but from her rationale... she thinks that if a woman can afford to subscibe to this service she isn't minimum wage with a rack of kids. The article isn't that clear but i'm assuming that the men are stored in the database for free and women pay for the info (or to be hooked up). I think the $40k minimum salary is for the woman... is that right? Regardless, it's a pretty good business concept.

But.. there's a big assumption that only college educated are successful/professional which is bogus.

The Problem!
 

OK this website makes the dumbest assumption of all! Just because a brother has money and no children DOES not mean that he is a good man! This only gives support to the debate that sisters are only into SUPERFICIAL things such as money (I make more than 40K a year so I am not hating on that)! This website also does a disservice to sisters in the fact this is supposed to be the answer? What happens if the guy does have a girlfriend? And who the heck defines what is a good looking man? I know women who find Martin Lawrence so Sexy, Biggie was Sexy to some women, Some women think Morris Chestnut is not! What is going on is dating so bad that brothers have to give in resumes in order to get a date? (This is not a rhetorical question please answer) The angry Sphinxpoet~!

:mad: :mad: :confused: :confused:

I think the concept is rather funny, and seriously, I have no issue with a dating service that seeks to pair folks together who wouldn't have met via conventional methods because of distance, etc. But I'll have to side with those folks who think in all seriousness that the idea is wacked. The very requirements outlined show the flaws in the concept and reveal the reason why some women who don't want to be single still are single.

On children: not to be crude, but why is a single guy with no kids better than a single guy with children? Are we supposed to assume that he's had no sex or only safe sex to date? That the fact that he was with a woman who elected not to carry her fetus to term bumps him to a better category than if she'd decided to have little Ray-Ray?

On college: do they have to have an only an AA, only a BA or an advanced degree? I'm not clear.

Here's the fundamental issue-- even with all those "qualifications" it will still not be enough for most women. With all that, he'll also need to be sexy or funny or tall or well built or BGLO member, or popular or whatever. And the few who fulfill the ENTIRE package will be inundated with responses and will probably end up rotating two or three women.

Having said all that, I do have a boyfriend who meets and exceeds all the basic criteria for BlackTieMan.com. But you know, if he didn't treat me with love and respect, none of his "qualifications" would mean a thing.

Nice response. In terms of the kids issue, it does elevate the man's status for certain women if he's not got a whole bunch of little Ray-Rays and Shamalekas around. :p
But your best point relates to how your boyfriend treats you. My ex-companion met the BlackTieMan.com criteria, but he was not there when I was lying up in the hospital recovering from painful surgery :mad: :mad:
That's one of many reasons why it petered out and I've been single for nearly three years.

Shelacious: The reason is that many of us don't want to have to put up with baby-mamma-drama. Its not about his "experience" but the potential experiences there. Also, it creates an instant family in cases where some sister's just want to start fresh with a man. I'm one of these women. A man with no kids is just fab!

SphinxPoet and his millions: Dating is just not easy. We all know that. But whether one likes it or not, we all are submitting a resume` of some sort when we begin dating. You present yourself, your qualifications, your experiences...you put it all on the proverbial table and let the chips fall where they may. I don't think that's necessarily a flaw. Its the premise that decent Black man aren't available as well as the premise that superficial traits mean everything that I take issue with. I also have a problem with the work that a woman would need to do here. For me, I'm looking for integrity, holy conviction, and strength...he doesn't have to have a Bishop Clarence McClendon level of anointing (although that sure 'nuff would be helpful), Morris Chestnut's chiseled features (although that helps), Terrence Howard's slick grin (although I like that too and it helps), the fortune nor the down to earth appeal of Papa Denzel (you've guessed it..it helps)...but it is his raw manliness and ambition for those kinds of things that I'm I find most appealing...and that's something you just can't put on paper or the Internet.

My philosophy on dating is premised on the fact that I'm a lady in waiting whom is enjoying the process...I was created to be found by a man since he is looking for his lost rib...why must I go crawling to the outermost parts of the earth when my Adam will find me in good time? If we haven't been able to meet yet, then it just isn't our time to meet. I wouldn't try to speed a process along by an Internet or any other matching service...but that's just me.

Inspired by Star Jones...........
 

Given the recent situation with Star Jones finance's sexual history, I have a scenario that sadly, may not be all that uncommon (remember the DL brotha website that Summerchild posted?). Anyway, here it is:

You are seriously dating someone who you believe is "The One". One day, he reveals to you that before you two met, he previously dated (and had sex with) men as well. He goes to say that because he later realized that this type of lifestyle wasn't for him, he decided to change his ways and only date women.

Would you stay with him (believing that people do and can change) or would you send him packing (thinking if it happened once, it will happen again)?

If it even LOOKED like we were going to be intimate, I'd ask him straight up if he ever had sex with men AND for a copy of his latest HIV test. and even after all of that, someone would be wearing a condom..

and its only alleged that star's man is/was bisexual....:rolleyes:

Re: Inspired by Star Jones...........
 

I would have to tell him "nah, baby, I'm not gon be able to do it." That is just not for me. I don't think that people can really be "confused." I think that you are one or the other. I also believe men that are truly attracted to women never have a need to experiment with other men. I would always think that my man was really homosexual and was only trying to make a life with me because he felt that it was the "right" thing to do. I don't want to wake up after 35 years of marriage and have him tell me that he still wants to be with a man.

I know, but this is still something that is we as women may face. :cool: Bisexuality is not uncommon (again, referencing the men on that website from an earlier thread).

Star's situation just inspired the question.

I think that the website has a few flaws, however, it may work just fine for some people. Some of the qualifications that it requests are also standards that I set. For example, I did not date men with children because I don't have any of my own. So, I'm not putting up with anyone else's kids of baby mama's. I don't have to settle for that.

Also, $40,000 in income doesn't make someone financially fit. If you have $100,000 in debt, $40,000 means nothing. Or if you just don't pay your bills on time and have to cash your paycheck at the liquor store, your $40,000 means nothing to me.

Unfortunately, in this day, a college degree does not guarantee a job either. So, someone might have a degree in philosophy, but be working part time at the library or something. You just never know.

However, I hope that when people register for the site, they understand that they are just making the selection pool a little clearer for them. Meeting the specified qualifications does not guarantee a match.

Re: I don't know about this...
 

Soror, you have a good point here. I have been told by many of my male friends that they want a woman who is educated, with a good job and good income, and carries herself in a way that would allow him to take her to an office party if need be. Men also want women with education and good jobs.

Also, one of my male friends remarked that there are a plethora of women who are mentally not ready - even though they have college degrees and good jobs, they still are small-minded when it comes to their mentality. For instance, there are many gold-diggers with college degrees.

I think that it's fair that the women have to be screened as well.
SC

Re: This is some SHULLBIT!
 

I agree that the owner is making many assumptions like the fact that a man looks good on paper makes him a qualified candidate. We all know that that is not the case.

I also agree that many women are looking for a man with a college degree and would not look twice at a man with a good steady job, a good head on his shoulders, but no college degree. That may be to her detriment; it may not. It is really all up to woman as to what she defines as a dealbreaker.

Personally, I don't require a college degree. But I can't lie - I like the lookers (the really fine ones). :D That is something that I recognize as a weakness and that I must work on. That sums it up, we have to look inside to determine what we need and what personal hang-ups that we need to move past. It's not about what your girlfriends will say or your family will say, it's about what you, as a woman, says is right for you.

SC