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geedeamonggreek 08-11-2015 03:31 PM
Graduated GDI dating Sorority Girl
 
Hey everyone!

I was a guy that was always on the fence about Greek Life, but ended up deciding not to do it throughout my four years of college. Things just got busy for me, plus I couldn't afford to at my undergrad school. Nothing against it, it's just something that slipped through the cracks on time commitment for me. (Two jobs, leading another organization, needing time to focus on studies!)
However, I'm about to start my new job and my mastersat a smaller school in the same area (around 40 minutes away) as the big four year school I attended and got my Undergrad, I'm currently dating a girl a little younger than me who is actively involved in her sorority, but still says she's very committed to me. I know this for a fact, as I'm very committed to her as well!

The situation I find myself in is during the infamous time of work week and recruitment, it's something that is taken seriously here, and while it is somewhat possible to see her during Work Week, she's not allowed to leave the house for 8 days for formal recruitment, until Bid Day activities are over.

I understand that rules are rules, and especially that we both will be busy as well. Accepting a graduate assistant spot in athletics is never easy in the late summer/early fall, and classes on top of that aren't fun either. For her, and really everyone else that's working on rush, it's a pretty big deal at this school.

However, she reassures me things will be back to normal eventually. Granted yes, we spent all summer with each other, stayed with each other almost every night, and traveled as much as we could. To say we were spoiled is an understatement sometimes. So I'm not expecting for her to stay with me every night when classes start, but I worry that while she says "It's only a week", I just don't want our connection to go away and die down because she gets so close to her chapter, and forgetting about me after classes start. Plus, we had plans for a few nights, since typically work week finishes a little early in the evening. However the recruitment chair had other plans, making things a little more intense for the chapter and thus, cancelling plans out for us, leaving me feeling a little eh. Once again, I'm not greek, but I understand the time and commitment it takes for a brotherhood and sisterhood.

That also being said, a relationship is one of the most special things that two people can have with each other, and if one party isn't putting in that much work for it, it can be a little mind-boggling. We try to communicate as much as we can, we're passionate for each other, and we see ourselves doing big things not on our own, but also together someday. It does kinda make me worried I don't hear from her for awhile, and that she's enjoying all of this rather than spending a little time with me.

Another situation I forgot to mention is that after recruitment is over, my schedule becomes very intense with being practically an assistant to an assistant athletic director for a few sports at our school.

I want her to be happy and take it all in, I really do! That also said, even after recruitment is all over, I just don't want our deep connection to be replaced by her sisters, and date nights get ditched for frat nights that I can't really be apart of, or time alone turns into study breaks with three other girls. Some of it is crazy, and I may be overthinking.

I'm just wondering, what can I do to make sure that I make the connection well with her, even on the Greek standpoint. Once again, I know I wasn't in a fraternity myself, but I don't want her to think I'm not oblivious to what's going on either.
They do good things here at this campus, but competing with everyone else is always going to be giving me some anxious thoughts. We trust and love each other very much, but my anxious thoughts sometimes take over when it should not.

Long story short, what do I do to not feel replaced? I support her and her sorority very much, but I also want to keep the love going very strong too!

amIblue? 08-11-2015 03:38 PM
Put your big girl panties on. If your relationship can't withstand recruitment and the responsibilities of day to day life, it's not that strong of a relationship to begin with. Don't be clingy. I can't imagine anything killing off love more than clinginess.

geedeamonggreek 08-11-2015 03:40 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by amIblue? (Post 2325129)
Put your big girl panties on. If your relationship can't withstand recruitment and the responsibilities of day to day life, it's not that strong of a relationship to begin with. Don't be clingy. I can't imagine anything killing off love more than clu fines.
I don't think you see where I'm coming from. I'm good with Recruitment, and everything will be alright. It's just after that worries me because my schedule too fires up quite a bit.

33girl 08-11-2015 03:44 PM
Chill. Chill. Chill. Once you get busy with your job and school you'll have a lot less time to worry about this. I know it sounds contradictory, but in this case, I think it will be easier for to busy people to have a relationship than one who has a lot going on and one who doesn't. Speaking from the POV of a girl who was in your girlfriend's situation, nothing made me feel guiltier or more stuck in the relationship then my boyfriend whining that I was the only good thing in his life. You're going wonderful new places and you hope she goes there with you. That's the way you have to keep thinking of it.

amIblue? 08-11-2015 03:45 PM
What part of day to day responsibilities did you miss in my post? You've got them; she's got them; everybody's got them. You either make time for each other or you don't.

ColdInCanada11 08-11-2015 03:48 PM
amIblue is right- this is part of an adult relationship. Making time to see each other is important for any relationship, Greek or not. Will you be replaced with her sisters? Probably not- it isn't the same kind of relationship. If you were one of her girlfriends from outside of the sorority, I would say maybe, but a boyfriend? Less likely. You will be her respite FROM the sorority- everyone is rainbows and unicorns now. Wait a few months and she will need a break.
Also, I understand where you are coming from (you are looking past recruitment) but the majority of your post is about recruitment, so people will probably comment on that.

geedeamonggreek 08-11-2015 03:50 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 33girl (Post 2325131)
Chill. Chill. Chill. Once you get busy with your job and school you'll have a lot less time to worry about this. I know it sounds contradictory, but in this case, I think it will be easier for to busy people to have a relationship than one who has a lot going on and one who doesn't. Speaking from the POV of a girl who was in your girlfriend's situation, nothing made me feel guiltier or more stuck in the relationship then my boyfriend whining that I was the only good thing in his life. You're going wonderful new places and you hope she goes there with you. That's the way you have to keep thinking of it.
And that's a good way to go about it! That's how I'm trying to see it, and hopefully it will be that way too! There's honestly no one else I want to go with me than her on this journey too. (Cheesy, but true!)

geedeamonggreek 08-11-2015 03:53 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ColdInCanada11 (Post 2325135)
amIblue is right- this is part of an adult relationship. Making time to see each other is important for any relationship, Greek or not. Will you be replaced with her sisters? Probably not- it isn't the same kind of relationship. If you were one of her girlfriends from outside of the sorority, I would say maybe, but a boyfriend? Less likely. You will be her respite FROM the sorority- everyone is rainbows and unicorns now. Wait a few months and she will need a break.
Also, I understand where you are coming from (you are looking past recruitment) but the majority of your post is about recruitment, so people will probably comment on that.
That's true, and we definitely do. I know it's not the same kind of relationship, although crazier things can happen in life. Once again, a lot of this is just my thoughts going bananas, since I am in-between jobs right now. Thank you for seeing the past recruitment side of things too, I probably should've worded my message a little differently.

honeychile 08-11-2015 04:17 PM
Okay, here's my point of view from the long term commitment side of life.

My DH is the Sports Information Director at his (D-3) university. There was no Greek system at his university. I am an active alumna of my sorority. We dated a long time before we got married, and yet, I still didn't realize how complex his schedule would be.

After Recruitment, it will be YOUR schedule that will dominate your relationship, not hers. Sure, she'll have activities, but I guarantee that you will have many, many more.

Y'all need to sit down with a calendar - no, make that two calendars! - and put all activities in which either of you are involved and go from there. She will need you as an escape valve, when the whole world of sorority gets a little overbearing, and you will need her to maintain your sanity.

With the right combination of self-sufficiency and unselfish behavior, this is a completely workable relationship. However, remember that any good relationship relies on the willingness for both parties to work on it. Good luck!

kitekat 08-11-2015 04:58 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by geedeamonggreek (Post 2325127)
It does kinda make me worried I don't hear from her for awhile, and that she's enjoying all of this rather than spending a little time with me.
This is ridiculous.

It sounds like you want a great deal more than "a little time." This is a major part of her lifestyle that you have to accept, and if you're going to resent her sisterhood and make her feel guilty for her commitments, then you have a much bigger problem in your relationship.

I agree with amIblue, you're coming off as incredibly clingy. Yes, you're obviously a big part of her life, but you're not the ONLY part of her life.

amIblue? 08-11-2015 05:13 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by geedeamonggreek (Post 2325127)
Hey everyone!

I was a guy that was always on the fence about Greek Life, but ended up deciding not to do it throughout my four years of college. Things just got busy for me, plus I couldn't afford to at my undergrad school. Nothing against it, it's just something that slipped through the cracks on time commitment for me. (Two jobs, leading another organization, needing time to focus on studies!)
However, I'm about to start my new job and my MBA at a smaller school in the same community as the big four year school I attended and got my Undergrad, I'm currently dating a girl a little younger than me who is actively involved in her sorority, but still says she's very committed to me. I know this for a fact, as I'm very committed to her as well!

The situation I find myself in is during the infamous time of work week and recruitment, it's something that is taken seriously here, and while it is somewhat possible to see her during Work Week, she's not allowed to leave the house for 8 days for formal recruitment, until Bid Day activities are over.

I understand that rules are rules, and especially that we both will be busy as well. Accepting a graduate assistant spot in athletics is never easy in the late summer/early fall, and classes on top of that aren't fun either. For her, and really everyone else that's working on rush, it's a pretty big deal at this school.

However, she reassures me things will be back to normal eventually. Granted yes, we spent all summer with each other, stayed with each other almost every night, and traveled as much as we could. To say we were spoiled is an understatement sometimes. So I'm not expecting for her to stay with me every night when classes start, but I worry that while she says "It's only a week", I just don't want our connection to go away and die down because she gets so close to her chapter, and forgetting about me after classes start. Plus, we had plans for a few nights, since typically work week finishes a little early in the evening. However the recruitment chair had other plans, making things a little more intense for the chapter and thus, cancelling plans out for us, leaving me feeling a little eh. Once again, I'm not greek, but I understand the time and commitment it takes for a brotherhood and sisterhood.

That also being said, a relationship is one of the most special things that two people can have with each other, and if one party isn't putting in that much work for it, it can be a little mind-boggling. We try to communicate as much as we can, we're passionate for each other, and we see ourselves doing big things not on our own, but also together someday. It does kinda make me worried I don't hear from her for awhile, and that she's enjoying all of this rather than spending a little time with me.

Another situation I forgot to mention is that after recruitment is over, my schedule becomes very intense with being practically an assistant to an assistant athletic director for Soccer, Volleyball, and Cross-Country at our school.

I want her to be happy and take it all in, I really do! That also said, even after recruitment is all over, I just don't want our deep connection to be replaced by her sisters, and date nights get ditched for frat nights that I can't really be apart of, or time alone turns into study breaks with three other girls. Some of it is crazy, and I may be overthinking.

I'm just wondering, what can I do to make sure that I make the connection well with her, even on the Greek standpoint. Once again, I know I wasn't in a fraternity myself, but I don't want her to think I'm not oblivious to what's going on either.
They do good things here at this campus, but competing with everyone else is always going to be giving me some anxious thoughts. We trust and love each other very much, but my anxious thoughts sometimes take over when it should not.

Long story short, what do I do to not feel replaced? I support her and her sorority very much, but I also want to keep the love going very strong too!
QFP

geedeamonggreek 08-11-2015 06:20 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by kitekat (Post 2325145)
This is ridiculous.

It sounds like you want a great deal more than "a little time." This is a major part of her lifestyle that you have to accept, and if you're going to resent her sisterhood and make her feel guilty for her commitments, then you have a much bigger problem in your relationship.

I agree with amIblue, you're coming off as incredibly clingy. Yes, you're obviously a big part of her life, but you're not the ONLY part of her life.
Issue with that, I HAVE been accepting this as apart of her lifestyle, and I have NEVER resented her sisterhood or commitments. I know more likely than not that I probably won't see her for two weeks, but that's okay. I just want communication already. It's tough not hearing from someone you care about for quite sometime. Granted, it would be tougher without today's technology, but even at that it's still not fun. I accept it, but I'm not being clingy, I just care like any other significant other should do.

geedeamonggreek 08-11-2015 06:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by honeychile (Post 2325140)
Okay, here's my point of view from the long term commitment side of life.

My DH is the Sports Information Director at his (D-3) university. There was no Greek system at his university. I am an active alumna of my sorority. We dated a long time before we got married, and yet, I still didn't realize how complex his schedule would be.

After Recruitment, it will be YOUR schedule that will dominate your relationship, not hers. Sure, she'll have activities, but I guarantee that you will have many, many more.

Y'all need to sit down with a calendar - no, make that two calendars! - and put all activities in which either of you are involved and go from there. She will need you as an escape valve, when the whole world of sorority gets a little overbearing, and you will need her to maintain your sanity.

With the right combination of self-sufficiency and unselfish behavior, this is a completely workable relationship. However, remember that any good relationship relies on the willingness for both parties to work on it. Good luck!
This hits the nail right on the head, and a very good idea! If we can figure that part out, then most everything will work itself out. When it comes to making both sides work, we do a good job at it, although the communication has faded a little, but that has to do with work/recruitment weeks, so nothing we can't really do there. That's alright though!

614 08-11-2015 06:22 PM
614
 
I'm sorry, but you sound very insecure and immature about your relationship. Is this your first relationship? My daughter was very active in her sorority all through college and dated a GDI soph-sr year. I never heard them discuss sorority commitments as an issue. He respected her involvement and enjoyed many fun sorority events. He didn't bat an eye about events with fraternities. They both had very challenging senior years, which kept them apart with their studies as well. They are still together and both work. They each travel, at times, for work for as much as 10-14 days. They lived in the same city for 2 years before moving in together because they felt making their own way in the world was better for things long term. My daughter had a clingy boyfriend once, and never went down that road again. Having a great relationship is not about spending every second together.

geedeamonggreek 08-11-2015 06:26 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 614 (Post 2325161)
I'm sorry, but you sound very insecure and immature about your relationship. Is this your first relationship? My daughter was very active in her sorority all through college and dated a GDI soph-sr year. I never heard them discuss sorority commitments as an issue. He respected her involvement and enjoyed many fun sorority events. He didn't bat an eye about events with fraternities. They both had very challenging senior years, which kept them apart with their studies as well. They are still together and both work. They each travel, at times, for work for as much as 10-14 days. They lived in the same city for 2 years before moving in together because they felt making their own way in the world was better for things long term. My daughter had a clingy boyfriend once, and never went down that road again. Having a great relationship is not about spending every second together.
I understand that, and no it's not my first relationship. One of the first serious one's yes, but I know for a fact it's not about spending time together all the time. In this scenario, it's about spending time together when it's all over, and not feel like i'm playing second fiddle after recruitment.

1964Alum 08-11-2015 06:49 PM
Well, if you put yourself in competition with your girl friend's sorority, it will not turn out well for either one of you. Your fear of being "second fiddle" tells me that that is where you are emotionally. Your relationship and those she has with her sisters are two entirely different kinds and are not mutually exclusive. Be proud that she has a rewarding life and commitments other than the one to you!

Pope 08-11-2015 08:09 PM
I had written a response earlier, but deleted it because I thought I may have been too harsh. Now that you've had a chance to post more, I realize that I wasn't harsh enough and wish I hadn't deleted it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by geedeamonggreek (Post 2325127)
I worry that while she says "It's only a week", I just don't want our connection to go away and die down because she gets so close to her chapter, and forgetting about me after classes start.

It does kinda make me worried I don't hear from her for awhile, and that she's enjoying all of this rather than spending a little time with me.

I want her to be happy and take it all in, I really do! That also said, even after recruitment is all over, I just don't want our deep connection to be replaced by her sisters, and date nights get ditched for frat nights that I can't really be apart of, or time alone turns into study breaks with three other girls. Some of it is crazy, and I may be overthinking.
Quote:
Originally Posted by geedeamonggreek (Post 2325159)
Issue with that, I HAVE been accepting this as apart of her lifestyle, and I have NEVER resented her sisterhood or commitments. I know more likely than not that I probably won't see her for two weeks, but that's okay. I just want communication already. It's tough not hearing from someone you care about for quite sometime. Granted, it would be tougher without today's technology, but even at that it's still not fun. I accept it, but I'm not being clingy, I just care like any other significant other should do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by geedeamonggreek (Post 2325162)
I understand that, and no it's not my first relationship. One of the first serious one's yes, but I know for a fact it's not about spending time together all the time. In this scenario, it's about spending time together when it's all over, and not feel like i'm playing second fiddle after recruitment.
First, I can't help but notice the spelling and grammatical errors throughout your posts. I highlighted a couple of them for you, but there are others I didn't point out. If you are, indeed, a college graduate, you might want to brush up on your proofreading skills before your MBA coursework begins.

Secondly, I assume you haven't been in this relationship very long. If you are legitimately worried that your girlfriend will actually forget you in a month or so, you are significantly more invested in this relationship than she is. If that's the case, better to find out now than later.

Third, it sounds a little bit like you're lonely and miserable and somewhat resentful of the fact that she's having fun. That's kind of selfish, dontcha think? I mean, would you want a significant other who wanted you to be sad? Be happy for her that she's enjoying herself. Maybe you could go find something to do that might bring you joy.

Fourth, ditch the stereotypes. It won't get you anywhere productive with either her or the nice people here.

And, finally, yes, you are being clingy. Extra super-duper clingy.

33girl 08-11-2015 08:10 PM
Is the girl you're dating in a sorority at your undergrad school or the school you currently attend? (I'm kind of assuming you went from a state flagship to a smaller private school)

geedeamonggreek 08-11-2015 08:21 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by 33girl (Post 2325177)
Is the girl you're dating in a sorority at your undergrad school or the school you currently attend? (I'm kind of assuming you went from a state flagship to a smaller private school)
That is correct, she's at the undergrad school.

geedeamonggreek 08-11-2015 08:30 PM
I can understand why some of you think that I am super clingy, and maybe I am.
I just worry that I don't do enough for her, but maybe I just do too much.

But then again, maybe I should trust myself a little more too.
I don't want to burn any bridges with anyone here, I just want to know what it takes for my own sanity, so I don't go crazy.

I am not stereotyping at all by the way, I am just going by what I have noticed lately, and talking to other friends who have been in the exact situation as I have been before.
Plus, it is a little lonely when 75% of your undergrad friends have graduated as well.

I can see I guess where I am clingy, but I know some people that can be much more clingy with their significant other, I live with a guy right now that does just that with his significant other.

kitekat 08-11-2015 08:37 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by geedeamonggreek (Post 2325180)
I can understand why some of you think that I am super clingy, and maybe I am.
I just worry that I don't do enough for her, but maybe I just do too much.

But then again, maybe I should trust myself a little more too.
I don't want to burn any bridges with anyone here, I just want to know what it takes for my own sanity, so I don't go crazy.

I am not stereotyping at all by the way, I am just going by what I have noticed lately, and talking to other friends who have been in the exact situation as I have been before.
Plus, it is a little lonely when 75% of your undergrad friends have graduated as well.

I can see I guess where I am clingy, but I know some people that can be much more clingy with their significant other, I live with a guy right now that does just that with his significant other.
I think you need to work on trusting HER as well.

geedeamonggreek 08-11-2015 08:43 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by kitekat (Post 2325184)
I think you need to work on trusting HER as well.
That wouldn't hurt either. I just don't want anything bad to happen to her, Greek related or not.

I just like communication. I don't need to see her every day (and heck, I probably won't for the next two weeks). But, even the simplest "I miss you" or "I love you" would make things better!

clemsongirl 08-11-2015 09:03 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by geedeamonggreek (Post 2325189)
That wouldn't hurt either. I just don't want anything bad to happen to her, Greek related or not.

I just like communication. I don't need to see her every day (and heck, I probably won't for the next two weeks). But, even the simplest "I miss you" or "I love you" would make things better!
Then TELL her that. If you like communication so much, do it! You come off as very insecure and clingy, and if you can't handle not being around her/hearing from her all the time then maybe this relationship isn't destined to work out.

geedeamonggreek 08-11-2015 09:05 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by clemsongirl (Post 2325191)
Then TELL her that. If you like communication so much, do it! You come off as very insecure and clingy, and if you can't handle not being around her/hearing from her all the time then maybe this relationship isn't destined to work out.
I do that, every day actually!

But I don't want to blow up her phone when I know she's got other things to do, making me sound even more like a cling monster.

33girl 08-11-2015 09:43 PM
She is really really tired and stressed and overwhelmed right now. You were not in it and you are not going to understand it. She probably doesn't want to call you and whine about this or that. Also, there are things that she just plain is not allowed to share.

I might be saying this because I'm old, But girls don't like being texted at. I mean the constant constant barrage of message after message. If you're doing that, stop.

Something nice you could do is send a bouquet of flowers addressed to the whole house, not just your girlfriend, saying good luck with recruitment.

1964Alum 08-11-2015 09:53 PM
Yes, what 33girl posted:


"Something nice you could do is send flowers to the whole house, not just your girlfriend, saying good luck with recruitment."

This would communicate to your girlfriend that you support what is very important to her. You would also get appreciation from her sisters. Time to back off from making demands on her that she can't possibly respond to at this time!

Do you want to be A Prince or a Pest? :-D

navane 08-11-2015 11:24 PM
geedeamonggreek,


I appreciate that you at least had enough self-awareness to come here to seek some advice. I commend you for that.


I will chime in to say that I agree with the other posters here who are expressing concern over the level of "clingy-ness" you've displayed. As I read your initial post, I was immediately struck by your worry that your girlfriend would be busy for 8 days and that her participation in the sorority's recruitment activities would cause her to pull away from you and the relationship. That concerns me. Yes, yes, you mentioned a bit about the coming semester as well; but, that you are struggling to separate yourself from her and the relationship for what amounts to one week is worrisome.


Think about this being applied to other situations in life. For example, what if her father or mother fell sick with a terrible illness and she needed to spend a couple weeks at home helping out full-time. She needs to give 100% focus to her mom's rehabilitation and doesn't have the time to call you between cooking, cleaning, bathing her mom, driving to doctor's appointments and picking up prescriptions. Would you be worried that her mother's cancer would come inbetween your girlfriend and you? Sounds silly, right? Ridiculous even. That's because a relationship should be a supportive experience for each person. She's busy this WEEK with a school activity. There will be times when YOU will be busy and will need to "step away" for a time and she will be the one sitting on the sidelines. But, that's how life goes. If your connection can't survive a week or a couple of weeks, then the relationship isn't strong to start with.


Take it from me. I'm a Fire Captain. I work 24-hour shifts and I work two back-to-back shifts a week (48 hours straight). This week and next, I am scheduled for 3 shifts....that's 72-hours straight being away from home. When we get called up for large wildland fires, we can be gone for up to 14-days at a time. It's not an easy life for a family - especially with me being a female. If I ever get married, I'm going to need a man who understands my line of work. We have a saying in the fire and police services - one needs a spouse who can "embrace the badge". That is, a partner who understands what this line of work entails, the tough work hours and the mental toll it takes to be married to a police officer or firefighter. AND we can add military, business executives, airline pilots, on-call surgeons, etc, etc to the list!


You have it easy. Your lady is "only" in a college sorority with a couple of weeks of tough scheduling. This will be the least of your worries in life. Embrace her badge.

geedeamonggreek 08-11-2015 11:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by navane (Post 2325211)
geedeamonggreek,


I appreciate that you at least had enough self-awareness to come here to seek some advice. I commend you for that.


I will chime in to say that I agree with the other posters here who are expressing concern over the level of "clingy-ness" you've displayed. As I read your initial post, I was immediately struck by your worry that your girlfriend would be busy for 8 days and that her participation in the sorority's recruitment activities would cause her to pull away from you and the relationship. That concerns me. Yes, yes, you mentioned a bit about the coming semester as well; but, that you are struggling to separate yourself from her and the relationship for what amounts to one week is worrisome.


Think about this being applied to other situations in life. For example, what if her father or mother fell sick with a terrible illness and she needed to spend a couple weeks at home helping out full-time. She needs to give 100% focus to her mom's rehabilitation and doesn't have the time to call you between cooking, cleaning, bathing her mom, driving to doctor's appointments and picking up prescriptions. Would you be worried that her mother's cancer would come inbetween your girlfriend and you? Sounds silly, right? Ridiculous even. That's because a relationship should be a supportive experience for each person. She's busy this WEEK with a school activity. There will be times when YOU will be busy and will need to "step away" for a time and she will be the one sitting on the sidelines. But, that's how life goes. If your connection can't survive a week or a couple of weeks, then the relationship isn't strong to start with.


Take it from me. I'm a Fire Captain. I work 24-hour shifts and I work two back-to-back shifts a week (48 hours straight). This week and next, I am scheduled for 3 shifts....that's 72-hours straight being away from home. When we get called up for large wildland fires, we can be gone for up to 14-days at a time. It's not an easy life for a family - especially with me being a female. If I ever get married, I'm going to need a man who understands my line of work. We have a saying in the fire and police services - one needs a spouse who can "embrace the badge". That is, a partner who understands what this line of work entails, the tough work hours and the mental toll it takes to be married to a police officer or firefighter. AND we can add military, business executives, airline pilots, on-call surgeons, etc, etc to the list!


You have it easy. Your lady is "only" in a college sorority with a couple of weeks of tough scheduling. This will be the least of your worries in life. Embrace her badge.
We definitely do have it easy...and there are millions of things that are worse that can happen. We did make a oromise to never get too deep in what were involved in, where it essentially takes over our lives, because we want to have that too. We've been together since last fall, and I've never been happier. That being said, I never dated someone who was busy with recruitment, and the worry came from not just the recruitment side of things, because we know it's just a week. It's the commitments that come afterwords (on both sides) that I worry may get in the way (she goes out while I go to a game, or I'm at home while she's busy with chapter). Communication is key, it's always going to be key. I'm trusting her more, I really am. The beginning of the sorority season just new to me, and I guess I didn't realize the intensity of it until this week. (We originally were gonna hang out last night and tonight....that didn't happen due to work week going late) I just want to make things work no matter what, I just don't want to get lied to either though, or be up waiting too late/getting excited for nothing at all. That part just happens to me way too much. That also being said, I'm gonna support. I'm gonna be on the sidelines, and that's alright.

Thank you Navane,
You definitely have given me a better point of view with this situation! (And not as harsh as some of the intense posts I've seen today, haha.)

andthen 08-12-2015 09:29 AM
Also use this as an opportunity to communicate your expectations of one another. As life progresses and school ends as other posters previously mentioned life is going to sometimes intrude on your time that you might be able to spend together. For my job I have to travel a couple of times a year which means being away from the Mr. When he and I started dating I had made arrangements before he came into the picture to travel overseas.

Although I would miss him, I told him honestly that this is my life and travel does bring me much joy. And I'm sure he would have preferred I not be gone, he understood, accepted it, and was supportive (meaning not dwelling on the fact I would be gone for a little while). I wasn't going to be gone forever, or months at a time.

I think at least for you as it seems like you have some self awareness, think if you were in a similar situation for example work obligations, you're required to work crazy hours to meet a deadline. What would the best way your loved one could support but not be overbearing.

Also I truly believe that if things are meant to be you both will find a way to make it work.

GoldBows 08-13-2015 08:50 AM
I'm going to have to agree with the other posters here, you are coming off as pretty clingy and insecure. It's only 8 days - if you don't think your relationship can stand that much time apart then it must not be a very strong one to begin with. My SO and I are in a similar boat, as I am an active sister and he is not Greek. The thing is, he understands that during a time like recruitment, I do have to put my sorority first because it is a commitment I made long before I met him. I then understand that he has commitments he needs to put first like his position on Student Council or in the Engineering Students' Society.

OP, think of it this way. If she were going on vacation for 8 days, would you feel the same way?

geedeamonggreek 08-13-2015 01:17 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldBows (Post 2325496)
I'm going to have to agree with the other posters here, you are coming off as pretty clingy and insecure. It's only 8 days - if you don't think your relationship can stand that much time apart then it must not be a very strong one to begin with. My SO and I are in a similar boat, as I am an active sister and he is not Greek. The thing is, he understands that during a time like recruitment, I do have to put my sorority first because it is a commitment I made long before I met him. I then understand that he has commitments he needs to put first like his position on Student Council or in the Engineering Students' Society.

OP, think of it this way. If she were going on vacation for 8 days, would you feel the same way?
I mean, yes and no. I have understood that this is more of a priority in her life than I am, and that's okay. If it was her being gone somewhere else, it's not a big deal. It is a little irritating that despite being within 5 minutes of eachother, we can't even really even make contact because the rules here are pretty harsh, and there's nothing we can do about that. It's like you want to open a gift for Christmas, but you can't wait until then. Or if you get a cookie from the cookie jar, but there's a lock on top.

It's childish I'm worrying about this, but we talked things out last night a bit, and everything will be okay. I know for a fact my priorities fire up as soon as recruitment is over however, as we have three-four sports kicking off at work, so I'm going to have more late nights and weekends to work than I did before. We just want to be committed to each other no matter what, and if I can wait a week (well, now looking like 2), then it'll be worth it in the end.
I just want her to feel the same way she saw me before, after recruitment and things slow down a bit. we both have priorities, we just happens to be each other's too.

als463 08-13-2015 03:52 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by geedeamonggreek (Post 2325562)
I mean, yes and no. I have understood that this is more of a priority in her life than I am, and that's okay. If it was her being gone somewhere else, it's not a big deal. It is a little irritating that despite being within 5 minutes of eachother, we can't even really even make contact because the rules here are pretty harsh, and there's nothing we can do about that. It's like you want to open a gift for Christmas, but you can't wait until then. Or if you get a cookie from the cookie jar, but there's a lock on top.

It's childish I'm worrying about this, but we talked things out last night a bit, and everything will be okay. I know for a fact my priorities fire up as soon as recruitment is over however, as we have three-four sports kicking off at work, so I'm going to have more late nights and weekends to work than I did before. We just want to be committed to each other no matter what, and if I can wait a week (well, now looking like 2), then it'll be worth it in the end.
I just want her to feel the same way she saw me before, after recruitment and things slow down a bit. we both have priorities, we just happens to be each other's too.
Your initial posts gave me diabetes from how sugary sweet you were talking about your relationship. You give off a creepy vibe--not just clingy. The fact you have a few pages of saying the same thing about not being able to live without her for about a week makes me concerned for her safety due to you being possessive. Don't ever join the military because this time away could be a harsh reality for longer than a week. If you keep acting like this, she is going to be dropping you like it's hot in a matter of months. Step away from the keyboard, prepare for graduate school, and find a hobby. There is nothing more unattractive than a needy boyfriend who can't deal with a girl hanging out with her friends.

MaggieXi 08-13-2015 04:19 PM
Stage 5 Clinger material here.
On the more serious side, you say that you just started grad school, your under grad days are over. I think you are going through something about your friends moving on and your undergrad days being over. It almost seems like you are holding on (possessively) to your girlfriend to fill that void.

geedeamonggreek 08-13-2015 05:11 PM
Ok fine, I am a stage five clinger I guess. I'll step away from this forum, forget about someone I care about a lot, and just ease into being a boring adult. I don't think anyone pointed out that I said earlier I will be fine for 8 days at this point! We talked things out, and everything is ok!

But I guess you all think I am some psychopathic, creepy, clingy guy that can't get his life together. I have a life, I have a good job, and I have friends and family that care about me too. But jeeze, whatever happened to appreciated and caring for a significant other nowadays?

Tired of being called out. I'm ridiculous, and guess I shouldn't have even asked for help. All I wanted was advice, and all I got was just getting an ear-chewing.

geedeamonggreek 08-13-2015 05:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaggieXi (Post 2325603)
Stage 5 Clinger material here.
On the more serious side, you say that you just started grad school, your under grad days are over. I think you are going through something about your friends moving on and your undergrad days being over. It almost seems like you are holding on (possessively) to your girlfriend to fill that void.
That's not true, honestly a big lie. We have an authentic interest in each other and she's not there to a fill a void left over by a past.

als463 08-13-2015 06:31 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by geedeamonggreek (Post 2325614)
That's not true, honestly a big lie. We have an authentic interest in each other and she's not there to a fill a void left over by a past.
I agree with Maggie. You are coming off incredibly clingy and creepy because you are trying to fill a void. You can play the victim and tell us that we are being harsh for telling you that your posts are concerning in the context of your girlfriend's safety but, you are not the only person who has ever been in a relationship with someone. You do need to just worry about school and stop being so concerned about her recruitment schedule. This week it is recruitment. Next week, she may be preparing to study abroad. Next semester, she may join the military. The point remains the same that you need to step back and re-evaluate why you are acting in such a manner about not getting to spend every waking hour with your girlfriend.

Kevin 08-13-2015 07:18 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by geedeamonggreek (Post 2325612)
But I guess you all think I am some psychopathic, creepy, clingy guy that can't get his life together. I have a life, I have a good job, and I have friends and family that care about me too. But jeeze, whatever happened to appreciated and caring for a significant other nowadays?
I knew the flounce post was coming! Friend, I have read some very good advice here. If you make her feel like everything she does without your direct involvement is an imposition, unless she is suffering from some sort of codependency issues, you guys aren't going to last. Your goal is to be as fine together as you are apart. This whole "let's talk about our relationship and how your recruitment is going to impose on it" business is just bullshit. It's not an imposition, it's her doing something she committed to do and you have no idea --none--about just how seriously recruitment is to Greek organizations. Fail there, we fail all the men and women who came before us and could have come after us.

So instead of having to have a 'state of the relationship' talk and her having to get your permission for it to be okay, you don't get a say in whether she does this, you can ask her how it's going, text reasonably and try to grab lunch if possible here or there.

You did good coming here. You're getting solid advice. But don't expect complete strangers to hold your hand and tell you that you are right when what you are self-disclosing to us is probably something we could find in the DSM-V.

Also, as a matter of discretion, the internet is forever and among Greeks, this is still a pretty popular site. There's a very good chance someone is going to read your fact pattern and figure out who your girlfriend is. You might want to go back and edit some things and request the QFP person (politely by private message) to please edit some things. The internet is forever.

33girl 08-13-2015 07:30 PM
I completely understand being worried, scared, sad, upset, and needing to vent. But that is not what a forum is for. That's what a paper journal is for. If it was a matter of coming here to ask "is being out of touch for 8 days during recruitment normal?" then everyone would have said yes, for a big school that's par for the course, and after she's done everything should be fine. But you're acting kind of like recruitment is something that was created just to keep the two of you apart.

The fact that you go to "I don't want to be lied to" is upsetting - has she lied to you before? If not, why do you think she would start now? You need to trust her or she will go running the other way. You might think its appreciation and caring, but honestly, it sounds more like checking up.

geedeamonggreek 08-13-2015 09:23 PM
Maybe I did overreact, and maybe I should focus on my own priorities. I'm sorry for acting like an idiot and not being the bigger person in the relationship. It can always be worse, and I need to enjoy the time together.

Thank you for all the advice, I appreciate it.

Pope 08-14-2015 09:30 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by geedeamonggreek (Post 2325562)
I have understood that this is more of a priority in her life than I am, and that's okay.
It's good that you're okay with her prioritizing her sorority commitments over boyfriend time this week. She made a commitment to her sisterhood and she's standing behind her word. Would you really want to be with someone who casually bailed on her commitments? You should acknowledge and value the fact that she honors her promises to others, especially if you have long term intentions with this woman.


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