Why....?
 

I wrote this on the "Bitch Post" but thought it constituted as good thread...

Man if some of you women spent as much time worrying about school and other more important stuff then you do about guys, life might not be so difficult....Why are you women so stuck up on relationships while your still in college? Don't fool yourself, most guys aren't looking for serious relationships in college

just begging for a reaction, aren't you?

There you got one. happy?

You know, thank you for saying this, because I was thinking the same thing. I've been wondering what all the fuss is about serious relationships, especially while people are so young. Doesn't anybody just want to have fun first and spend some time alone, maybe dating people casually for a while?

I've noticed it with guys too, though, not just women. Everyone seems so *serious* about relationships these days.

Naww...just thought I would have some of you women think about it....I'm not the one with problems

Plain, simple, and utter ignorance.
It is not all of us SAE1955! I know better.
Sometimes I feel like I am one of the few females with some common sense.

In the paper this a.m. I saw the first engagement announcement of a couple who graduted HS with my daughter. So very young, so very pregnant... Yes they love each other, but-
If they had SLOWED it down a bit, they wouldn't have had to grow up so fast.

I have to agree with SAE1955.

edited-Please do not think I believe EVERYONE is the proper term. A lot of the threads reflect this, not necessarily individual posters.

Okay, I'm thinking more about this...and here are my random, rambling thoughts --

I think that women are somewhat conditioned by society to believe that relationships are the most important thing in life. So we often spend a lot of time looking for relationships and feeling miserable without them, or when they are not going well, because we learn that they are so important and so necessary, and that they really define us as people. I think that this is too bad, because, especially when you're young, like in college, time is better spent figuring out who you are, learning, growing, becoming independent, etc.

Now that I'm a little older, of course, it's easy for me to say this... But really, when you are young, you should be out having fun and not taking things to seriously, IMHO. There is plenty of time for serious relationships when you get older. Of course, now that I'm older and have been in serious relationships, I guess I still don't understand what all the fuss is about, because really, freedom and independence are wonderful things...

As a side note, I've really been noticing how serious almost everyone here is about relationships. There is a lot of talk about them, and people don't seem to think highly of those who have sex while not in serious relationships. I wonder where this "ultra morality" as I will call it comes from -- it certainly wasn't around when I was in college. It's kind of like guys don't necessarily want serious relationships, but yet they judge women who are willing to have sex while not in a relationship, and I'm not even going to get into how judgmental women can be about other women's sexual exploits... I guess if I were in college right now, I would be very confused as to what the expectations and "rules" are.

Women are definitely conditioned in society to need relationships....I believe that 100%...Maybe thats why women are often classified as not being able to be self sufficient, but obviously thats a misconception...

Valkyrie: responding to your post, certainly no this thread, lol.

What is wrong with placing value on your sexuality? I think that in terms of the women on this board

a. not everybody is telling the truth

and

b. many here legitimately do think of sex as something intimate

I have met plenty of girls who have wild sex lives, and I can tell you that it has been EXCEEDINGLY rare for any of those women to have a great deal of self-esteem. This is not s judgement, but an observation based on me meeting and talking to these women- not just seeing what they do and drawing my own conclusions. A lot are using sex to get love or affection, or because they think they're not good enough, or for a dozen very dysfunctional reasons.

I think that the best thing about the time we live in is not that people are more likely to go out and have wild sex, but that people are LESS likely to judge those who do. Your life is your life, and as long as you aren't hurting anyone (that is a big condition for me anyway) why should I care? That is something that I see as far more prevalent in our society, with both good and bad results (people are less likely to get involved when other people are legitimately doing wrong, and feel less of a responsibility to help one another).

In my college experience, it was the GUYS who were after the BIG RELATIONSHIP when all I wanted to do was have fun. And I must admit that the worst offenders were the SAE boys, much as I loved 'em! lol

Could it be that you're just so irresistable that no woman can resist you?? ;)

So here is the thing with me.. I just got out of a serious relationship and I am honestly not looking for another one, but I like companionship, so I have figured it out.
I want toys. That sounds so bad I know, but think about it. When you are a kid and you are in the mood to play with dolls you get your barbies out (for me it was GI Joes, but hey!) but sometimes you wanted to play pretend so you did that, and other times you wanted to play Atari, so you did that.
That is what I want in guys. Every guy is different, when I want to cuddle I may want guy #1, when I want to laugh guy #2 when I want to go out and party guy #3 and so on and so forth. So far, the guys around here are looking for girlfriends, or just sex. I ain't either.... so ... that leaves me with a boy 150 miles away that I like, a really good guy friend that I am attracted to 200 miles away and me sitting here with my cat, George, for affection and a cancelled date to formal.
But, I will survive!

Lovelyivy, I agree with what you're saying, to an extent. I think that you can value your sexuality while not being in a serious relationship, and I agree that there are many women out there who have a lot of sex but also have low self esteem and are trying to use sex to get other things. That said, there are certainly also women who enjoy a more "wild" sex life who do have good self esteem, and who appreciate sex for what it is and aren't looking for anything more -- granted, these women may be rare, but they do exist.

Here's something else, unrelated, that I was wondering. What if we, as a society, stopped putting so much emphasis on relationships? I think that there is a huge pressure on people to be in relationships, and it seems that this pressure is very strong in the greek system. I have seen so many people here on GC stressed out about finding a date for a date party, or finding someone to do one thing or another with, and why? I understand that one can always take a friend to a date party, but it just seems like so much drama. Why don't organizations start having no-date parties, where everyone goes alone or brings friends? Why don't people who are in relationships stop blowing off their friends who aren't in them -- and I know I've been guilty of this as well. Wouldn't we all be better off if the world suddenly became more "single" friendly?

I never wanted a serious relationship when I was in college. I didn't go to school to work on my Mrs. I just wanted a guy who would call. Anyway, some men do want serious relationships in college and some women don't. I know a few people who married their college sweethearts, but most didn't.

I think the gist of what's been said is that it's difficult to generalize what women want while in college. For myself, I know that I broke up with my HS sweetheart when we both went to separate schools. For the first two years in college a relationship was the furthest thing from my mind. Mainly, I wanted to meet people, make new friends, and have fun.

As far as sexuality goes, I am not one to do much, if anything, unless I am in love and had no problems dating guys who understood and respected my wishes regarding this.

At the end of last summer I met somebody special and fell in love. Was I specifically looking for a relationship...no. We met, we connected, and we fell in love.

I agree that women are generally more into relationships than men. But that doesn't mean I "have to have a guy" or even want one. To me it means: how I relate, and issues of intimacy and trust, are more important to me than they are for most guys.

When I begin to date a guy, he may be more interested in the sex angle, while I'm more into the relationship aspect. But that doesn't mean I want him as a boyfriend. The relationship part that interests me involves how he treats me, is he interesting, do we enjoy being with each other, is he fun, is he attractive, etc., etc. And yes, girls do talk about this among one another, as guys may talk about the new features on the newest model of car.

The alternative to "lets have sex", is not "lets get married. Finally, I see just as many guys who go from serious relationship to serious relationship as I see gals.

I was thinking more about sex, not relationships. On my campus most of the people I knew were not in relationships, and when they were it more likely than not was not serious. But then again, it just wasn't a dating campus.

Re: Why....?
 

LOL...I'm not being specifically critical, but doesn't this remind you of Professor Henry Higgins in My Fair Lady when he sings, "Why can't a woman, be more like a man."

My bf and I are in a serious relationship, but my whole world would not stop if we broke up. Some women and even men are dependent upon a significant other, but I can function just fine without one. Quite frankly not having a bf/significant other gives me more flexibility. :D

Re: Re: Why....?
 

LOL H2oot, that's right on the money!

H2oot! Too Funny! I wanted to add that lately, you have been posting some fabulous thoughts. You were quiet for so many months and you have "literally" blossomed!

All of you young women are making some excellent points so excuse me now so I can go back to reading.

I don't think it's just women. You can't generalise that way. But I do agree that couples seem to be everywhere (and encouraged) among Greek members...it seems like people are getting lavaliered all over the place, and it's somehow such a HUUUUUGE deal to have a date for formal or semi-formal. I try not to pay too much attention to it, though--my boyfriend can't come to a lot of my sorority's functions, but it's not a big deal because I can always go with one of my sisters who is going without a date. Worrying about a date seems so high school, but it's still emphasised, and I wish it wasn't because I hate having to explain to everyone exactly why I don't have a guy on my arm.

But there are a lot of guys who aren't looking for any sort of serious relationship in college, but fortunately for me, those are guys that I wouldn't go near.

sort of long
 

On my campus it seems that there are couples everywhere, which is fine for those people who are in relationship, but for us single people it is not so fun, I know that in my house everyone who lives on my wing is always with their boyfriends and never at the house at night, I was one of the later category up untill November when my boyfriend and I had a horrible horrible break up and he left for a co op. :( :( :( why we broke up i have no idea but :confused: i digres, I personally know that I hate being single, but I know that there is something better that always comes along and thou being the single one when all your friends aren't is hard, is the time where you really have to believe that " God wants us to meet the wrong people so that when we meet the right one we know how great it will be, and if being with you was so wrong, then i can't wait to be with mr right" ( well maybe not verbatum but you get the idea) anyways being foucused on relationships is something that women do.. we are almost bread to think that untill we have that ring on our finger we are not "whole" I don't think it is a healthy one but one that our society has given us.... sorry so long winded

an AchtungBaby80 i totally know how you feel, as one of the single greeks it really does that people are always doing something...

Thank you. :) I enjoy your posts, too.

I am in college, and have absolutely no desire to have a serious relationship. I rather resent the remark that women "need" relationships, but i'll let it slide :) Maybe you were misguided there...I know a heck of a lot of women who are entirely independent, myself included. And like some of the other women on this thread have said, it's not just women who desire serious relationships...I know quite a few males my age and especially a few years older who think they are ready for a serious committment, whether I agree or not is a different story.

I do understand. Many girls define themselves by the men they date. But I don't think that is most of the time.

But to be honest, I think we just like attention from men, well at least that goes for me. I always have good guy friends that also have the same benifit without the responsibility of a boyfriend. I wasn't in any serious relationship until Senior year and that worked well for me.

What I do not understand are the girls, always in a relationship, like constant rebounding.

My campus must be different. I've only met one guy (that I really dig) that desired serious relationships while I met about a hundred of females that did. As one person said, relationship orientation has been drilled into females by society.

SAE1955, my goodness, you actually had the nerve to say what ive been wanting to scream since I was in HS ;) I think everyone has good thoughts on this subject.
Here's my feelings on this.I was the good girl who focused on academics and wanted to get into college. Besides my "friends" back then had so many bf's and bf porblems that they had enough for me. College.. I went to Michigan. Nuff said. Id say about 80% of the campus was single, those who were in "relationships" openly cheated on each other. My campus was nothing but on big booty call. Everyone had been with everyone kinda. Not that there werent any guys who werent bf material, but everyone was young and just wanted to have fun. Which was what I wanted too. Now im done and still in my early 20's and this is fun ME time. Dont want a bf, and not looking for one. However if it happens it happens. The only time I even thought about having a bf is when my friends that had them kind of forced the subject on me.
I agree that girls seem so set on relationships nowadays to a point where its almost sickening. Guys too but it is mostly girls. And I agree about those who feel they constantly need to have a bf. I think its a dependency issue, which is probably not going to be healthy in the long run. I have a friend who is 22 and currently engaged, and my bestfriend got married at 19 and now at the age of 22 has 11 mo. old. For me... this is wayyyyy to young. I havent even began to "live" my life yet at 22. Who has? But hey thats them.
My thing is im still young. Before I even committ to something serious like marriage I want to do stuff Ive always want to do. I want to be done with grad school and have a career (not job)or lat least a lil through it, travel a bit, go wild from the ages of 22-26, be financially stable and only have to depend on my mom if its a DIRE emergency. I just feel that if I got married early I wouldnt have a life outside of the marriage. I dont want to be known as "Mrs Whatever" or so and so's wife. I want to have an accomplished me. Im an Hyphenating my name If I ever do get married. I dont want to be one of those mom's who's on Jenny Jones with my teen saying I am trying to relive my 20's or even worst be in unhappy in marriage. What I dont understand is why many women feel they will die or its the end of the world if they dont have a bf or they dont get married? To me those who go around trying to keep a bf and relationship just prolong their agony.
JAM I really love your post, always right on the mark!

I remember reading a novel once where the author was decribing the thought processes of one of the main characters. The man prized his niece because she had common sense and he didn't believe many women did, the author went on to reflect that men don't have any more common sense than women but the male character looked for that abscence in them.

Thats a bit of a digression but you see where I am going.

In my experience, cliches and generalizations aside, I have met as many men into relationships as women, its just that us men don't tend to date other men. So we gripe about women doing the same thing we do. We look for that behavior.

Unfortunately, the relationship seekers of each gender don't always run into each other or at the right time.

Plus a lot of people on both sides try to force relationships that just don't have a deep mutual connection . . . and so one side or the other is unhappy or running away.

Just my two cents,

James

I don't know if yall read my bitch post but I'm in a looong term relationship and beginning to wonder what else is out there. I'm just glad it's not abnormal for me to want to play around for a while :D
Heidi

well i have not been in a serious relationship while in school and i dont think i am worse off for it.

but sometimes lonliness sucks.

Im not in the marriage mart but some male romantic companionship would be the icing on the cake right now

so i would not say i NEED a man -- i just want one:cool:

Originally posted by UMgirl

Here's my feelings on this.I was the good girl who focused on academics and wanted to get into college.

Ditto!


....im done and still in my early 20's and this is fun ME time. Dont want a bf, and not looking for one. However if it happens it happens. The only time I even thought about having a bf is when my friends that had them kind of forced the subject on me.


That about sums up my attitude as well! I just want to be a little wild and have a little fun.

Ditto, Ditto, Ditto

In college and out of college I have never been the relationship type. Now, that doesn't say I don't want one, but I am very very picky and it has to be the rt. time, the rt. place and the rt. guy. I know there are some women and men that hate to be single and thus go from one relationship to the next to the next b/c the thought of being alone would be horrible. I know plenty of men like this and it is very sad.