Rushing as a Sophomore After Being Cut as a Freshman
 

I have decided to go through formal recruitment this year as a sophomore after being cut last year and I'm looking for some advice.

A little background. I go to a mid-sized university where about a third of the students are in greek life. Sophomores do rush at my school, but there are no quotas for them and they make up 5/50 girls in a pledge class max. Sororities only offer formal recruitment once a year in the spring.

Last year I rushed and was cut from 6/9 houses on campus after the first day (only left with the two houses i cut and one other). I was obviously heart broken and at the time didn't understand how this could have happened. The next round I was cut by a house I didn't really care about (let's call it orange ). I went to philanthropy at two houses I didn't really care for and I think ended up being cut because I didn't connect with the girls/subconsciously wasn't interested. After recruitment I ended up getting a snap bid from Orange house, but did not accept because I didn't connect with the girls/the house is REALLY struggling.

Looking back at it all I can think of was that I was not interesting enough. I was so concerned with following the "rules" of what you could talk about during rush that I ended up being boring. I also think it didn't help that my extracurriculars were less than stellar and I knew NO active sorority women.

Going into rush this year all of my friends are in sororities. All four of my roommates are in one house and I have close friends spread throughout the others.

I guess the advice I'm looking for is, given my situation, how do I set myself apart as a sophomore? Where should I draw the line between following the rules of what to talk about during rush and letting my slightly weird, unique personality shine through? Also if anyone has any other tips on how to successfully go through recruitment next year.

Can you expand more on the "rules of what to talk about"? The rule of thumb about what not to talk about includes Boys, Bible, Booze, Bank, and Business (sorority business). Unless you're a boy crazy, Bible thumping alcoholic who likes to brag how wealthy your parents are while asking nosey questions I would think there'd be plenty to talk about.

For anyone re-rushing the general suggestion is know members (you do), be active in campus organizations (especially leadership roles), have good grades, and don't do anything that would lead you to having a bad rep among the chapters.

If your grades and extracurriculars are very good this year, that should help too. No one wants a member who drags down the chapter GPA and won't participate on campus.

Do you mean talking about possibly quirky interests? I'm picturing, like, you are super into gaming or comics or something like that, which are perfectly normal interests, but maybe not "mainstream" topics for sorority rush. If that's the case, you treat them like any other interest...if you were into something like tennis, and your hostess wasn't, you'd back off of the topic and try to search for some common ground.

You have to gauge how quirky is too quirky. For instance, if you're into cosplay, many people here have indicated that that would be a no-go for them. I'm sure that others can think of examples.

On the other hand, my combination preppy/artsy daughter (who is Carnation's sister) enjoys cosplay, and so do some of her chapter sisters!

Here's the rub -- from your post, it sounds like you're looking at tiers/ranking. The sororities that cut you may not be as open to quirky interests. Be yourself, realizing that you'll be happiest in a chapter where you don't have to try to be someone you're not. As a sophomore, you will have to be open to any and all groups, which you weren't last year. Honestly, your options will be even more limited now that some groups have cut you, and you declined a snap bid.

Since you have spring recruitment, you will need to "put yourself out there" during the fall...join a couple extracurriculars and become an active member, nuture real friendships with sorority women, and realize that you aren't going into recruitment with a fresh slate. Be open to all groups and focus on finding a home that's a good fit.

:)

Might have confused some people.
 

Sorry my post might have been confusing, but I'm not asking this because I'm into weird things. I actually have no idea what "cosplay" is and I know what lapping is and that's definitely not my style. I'm asking because last year all I talked about was majors and classes and stuff because that is what they asked about. I'm wondering how I can spin those questions to show the more interesting, funny, and charismatic side of myself?

Well, if you know a lot of women in sororities, and it sounds like you do, you should be past these openers and be able to talk about things that are more interesting to you/them.

I'm going to reemphasize what I said about this fall. This advice is specific to your situation...a sophomore preparing for a second deferred recruitment. This is not the same as freshman, new-on-campus summer recruitment. Members already know you, or of you. I would really work on building rapport this fall...with deferred recruitment, that's much more important than what happens during recruitment week itself. Deferred Recruitment Week is like the icing on the cake...spend the fall baking the cake itself. Recruitment week conversations should not be your primary focus. Spend the fall demonstrating what a great sister you would be. With deferred recruitment, members have a lot more time to get to know PNMs and they will often have a good idea of who they'd like to have as sisters, before recruitmnet week.

It sounds like you also got a lot of rushers who were overly nervous about going into one of those B topics and kept dragging the conversation back to academics. If you're talking to people you know, it isn't going to be like that.

My advice is to have 3 interesting stories in your back pocket ready to pull out when the conversation starts to lag. I fell off a trapeze once. I ran into a girlfriend of mine from Dubai while at a gas station in the middle of nowhere New Mexico. I ended up staying in the hugest (and crappiest) suite at the Westward Ho in Las Vegas when my parents got bumped from their flight and my sister and I were on our own for a night.

No matter what, they'll remember you and probably bless you for not being the 400th conversation about the weather, the biology department or spending your summer working at camp.

If a 3rd of the school is Greek, that is A LOT. You need to find a way to stand out, but in a good way.

Haha I actually have this "problem" myself! I've got kind of a nerdy/quirky hobby (DM me if you're curious - don't want to give too much of myself away) and I'm worried about how to bring it up without seeming too weird or uncool. When I've mentioned it to people in the past, they're either like "that's so cool!" And ask me all kinds of questions and think that it's neat, but others are like "oh... How interesting?" If my rusher's response is the latter, what's the appropriate way to respond? Do I work to find common ground or do I wait for her to direct the conversation somewhere else? Should I drop the topic entirely and transition immediately into the time that my soccer team accidentally left our coach in the bathroom of a Subway during regionals? (Completely made up story by the way, but something similar did happen).

Agreed! Our recruitment back in the Dark Ages was deferred for an entire year, giving both us as PNMs and the GLO actives time to get to know each other. By the time formal recruitment rolled around, a lot of the selection had informally taken place. Now is the time to build relationships and bolster your activities and GPA to show how you can contribute to a group. Be impeccable in your dress and off hours behavior at ALL times. And of course be certain that you have your recs in place!

I re read your first post and you didn't mention your grades or if you were involved in anything on campus. If you had average conversations, a GPA that was near the cut off to go through recruitment and you weren't involved in anything on campus - I can see why you might have been cut early on by 6 out of9 early on.

What would you define as an average conversation vs. a good conversation (I'm not trying to sound sarcastic, I really want to know)

There are some extensive threads where we've discussed it and given tips. I think one is stickied in the sorority recruitment forum.

A good conversation has a healthy back and forth between both parties, is fully engaged by both parties, contains unexpected and pleasant elements and is easily memorable. Talking about the weather, majors, how your feet hurt or you're tired? Not memorable. You do have to go through some of that but a good conversation moves quickly from that into more varied territory.

Don't worry about breaking any rules about conversation. If you gently step over the line you can get it back. For instance, you mention your boyfriend or dating in general in conversation. Yes, you shouldn't spend all of rush talking about boys, but they ARE a part of your life so if it comes up just don't panic. If your rusher brings up something you consider taboo, answer her, keep in mind that you don't want the conversation to go off the rails and gently ease the conversation back to something more palatable.

So you're saying that you went to three parties with two houses and still weren't interested in either of them despite the fact that they were the only houses you had left? I think you might need a bit of an attitude adjustment, OP. If you declare that one-third of the houses on your campus were houses you didn't care for and wouldn't join, you're only stacking the deck against yourself.

I also don't know what "really struggling" means on your campus, but I hope you give Orange a second look when you go through recruitment, since they liked you enough to extend a bid to you. A house I declined a COB bid from spring semester of my freshman year that struggles during recruitment was one of two houses I preffed during formal recruitment of my sophomore year. At some point I agree that joining a struggling chapter might not be worth the emotional cost of constantly feeling like you're falling short, but it could be your only chance at being Greek and I wouldn't want you to dismiss them out of hand.

I am hopeful that knowing women in sororities will give you a fresh opinion on each chapter this time through.

I agree with clemsongirl here. You need to make sure you go through this next recruitment with a completely open mind. You even said it yourself that you "subconsciously wasn't interested" so you didn't really give those chapters a fair shot. Going through the process as a sophomore can go two ways. You either A) have made good connections and it helps you with the process or B) you haven't made good connections and you'll be stuck with the same houses. And if it is B you've hurt yourself by rejecting orange twice. They will remember you.

My advice is shake off last year, and put your best foot forward. Be yourself, have pocket questions ready, and make sure to be pleasant to everyone you speak to. I can not tell you how awkward it is talking to a girl who is being rude to you. I'm not saying that's the type of person you are, but some girls think they can get dropped that way and sometimes they still end up coming back.
Also give every sorority a shot. If you end up with those same 3 chapters, go to the parties. If one offers you a bid, take it. You don't have to initiate, but go to bid day and meet the girls outside of a recruitment setting. I can not tell you how many girls think a chapter isn't for them or doesn't give the chapter a chance because they think they're better than it and end up realizing that it actually was the chapter for them once they gave it a chance. You don't really get to know these girls during recruitment so if they decide to take a chance on you, you should at least try to give them a chance.

Clemsongirl hit the nail on the head.

I can't stress this enough - not just for recruitment, but for life. Life is all about getting to know and talk to people you haven't met. Be the person who could talk to a brick wall if necessary, and you will succeed.

Average conversation:
Rusher: "Where are you from"
PNM: "Philadelphia"
Rusher: "What do you like about Philadelphia?"
PNM: "Not much. I'm actually from the suburbs so I don't go into the city."

Better conversation:
Rusher: "Where are you from"
PNM: "The Philadelphia area. I miss it, but am so glad that I chose to go to this university."
Rusher: "What do you like about Philadelphia?"
PNM: "Well, the cheese steaks of course! But I really like the history of the city. Have you ever been to Philly?"

Excellent example, MaggieXi!

elizey7, Do you see what's going on here? From conversation #1, there was so little offered back that the Rusher has to scramble to come up with a follow-up question. In conversation #2, the PNM has given her Rusher a number of things to talk about -- why she chose that university, cheese steaks, history, and going to Philly/travel.

Get it? People want to hang out with other people who are fun and interesting.