Legacy's Parent at Pledging/Initiation?
 

College student X is a Legacy of your GLO through their parent and receives a bid to pledge. X's parent lives in the local area and has been an alumni volunteer for the chapters in the area on and off for more than a decade including running seminars at conferences of the local chapters.

Should the chapter invite/welcome the parent to the pledging ceremony? Should the chapter invite/welcome the parent to the initiation ceremony? On both, should it be up to X?

What is your purpose in posing this question in such a generic way?

Wouldn't this be up to individual GLOs to determine for themselves and really none of your business if it isn't your GLO?

I would not invite a parent to the pledging/first/beginning ceremony because I think it's important for X to begin their journey as an individual.

I would invite the parent to the initiation ceremony because by the end of the process, X should know how meaningful it is their they now share the bond with their parent.

Generally, the chapter should know whether this is something X wants without ruining the "surprise" if there is to be one. It's, of course, possible that they are not close to their parent and don't want them there, but the chapter should know that while getting to know X.

In my NPHC org, you have to be considered an active member who has gone through the risk management training in order to participate in or be present for initiation, so if the parent isn't active, it's really a moot point.

Well here's a generic answer :D

If parent would be invited/come to those things anyway in their volunteer role, then this shouldn't be any different.

If they wouldn't, it's up to X to ask. Parent-child relationships are a private thing. The chapter shouldn't assume or intrude.

At my chapter, the parent or older sister usually skipped the pledging ceremony. If the NM and the relative wanted it, they were absolutely invitged to the initiation and participated in some small way, that didn't disrupt the ritual.

We invite all alumnae to both events, so it would be up to the member to decide.

My answer would be "Absolutely!" If the legacy chose to pledge the same group as an actively involved parent, I doubt there'd be any parent-child animosity. I think the actively involved parent would expect to be invited to Initiation. I have never seen an issue with this -- it's always been a special moment and if there's any concern, ask the legacy first. The CP of the chapter I advise is the daughter of a Gamma Phi, and her younger sister also joined this fall. Mom was there for both initiations, and so were most of the older sisters or moms of the other legacies who joined this fall.

We always invited the legacy connection to initiation. Pledging - no. Often the mother or sister will come as a surprise for the initiate. It's left up to them to decide if they want the initiate to know or not.

Pledging - no. Initiation - absolutely. What Titchou said.

This same scenario just happened to a friend of mine. She emailed me to ask if she was permitted to go to pledging ceremony (yes, she is permitted); she said she planned to stand in the back as to not embarrass DD. Ultimately, she decided not to go since she felt this was DD's time to bond with the members.

Initiated Alumnae, particularly moms, grandmothers and sisters (or as Titchou called it, the legacy connection) are encouraged to attend.

Alumni are welcome anytime we have any sort of ritual. In fact, our candidate (pledging) ritual is by far my favorite ritual. Short, blunt and to the point. And it's a great experience for our new members.

Although I agree that the question is worded oddly, I can answer this one personally for Alpha Delta Pi:D Legacy family members are absolutely invited to initiation, even when they technically would not be considered a "legacy" under our legacy policy: my chapter has aunts and cousins come and surprise their family members during the ceremony. I've told the story before so I won't repeat it, but my mom surprising me during my own initiation was one of the most moving moments of my life. Our pledging ceremony is fairly short, on the other hand, and I've never seen alumni invited to that.

As an alumna, I participated in an important part of my younger sister's initiation ceremony. It was one of the favorite memories of my entire life. Her chapter welcomed me with open arms when I asked if I could be there.

My chapter never had alumnae come to pledging, I suppose it is possible though. But there were several years where alumnae (moms) came to initiation to pin their daughters. I always liked that.

We always loved when we had alumnae participate in initiation, for all of the reasons noted above. I don't recall alumnae ever participating in/observing pledging.

I have 2 eligible nieces (legacies for Alpha Xi Delta, at least for now) and if either of them pledged, I would absolutely plan on attending the initiation. And I'd be buying her a rockin quill! And probably her first set of letters, a laveliere...

Ditto for us, though in my experience, pledging ceremonies tend to be chapter-only occasions. But not initiations. It's quite common for chapters to let not only their own alums but also alums of other chapters who live reasonably close by know when initiations will be held. It is also quite common to invite other chapters in the province to initiations.

Pledging is usually down with hardly any notice, so I know of only in-house legacies whose connection was at the pledge ceremony.

However, I would be absolutely horrified if the legacy connection was not welcomed to the initiation!

I don't see why not. TBH, I'd be very annoyed if I had a daughter and she pledged AEPhi and I weren't invited to her pledging/initiation. I might or might not go to her pledging ceremonies (as others have said, it's a good idea for the NM to start her journey herself, bonding with her pledge sisters), but I'd absolutely want to be at initiation and have her pinned with my badge.

One of my pledge sisters has an aunt who is an AEPhi. She was invited to our initiation as a surprise. It was awesome to be there at that family moment. (AEPhi does not consider nieces to be legacies, but none of the aunt's own daughters went AEPhi, so while she did not get to share the bonds of sisterhood with any of her own daughters, she did get to share those bonds with her niece.)

My chapter also had an in-house legacy a couple of years after I became an alumna. Obviously, the older sister was at her younger sister's ceremonies - she was required to be there as she was an active member of the chapter.

Reason for odd wording...
 

The reason is that "X's Parent" is me. My oldest is currently rushing Alpha Phi Omega (co-ed service fraternity) at University of Maryland (about 30 minutes from hom). He didn't want to rush his first semester, but this semester seems lighter to him so he decided to rush (We found out when we wanted him to come home this weekend and wanted to get picked up after the rush event). When he was asked by brothers how he found out about Alpha Phi Omega, he told them that it was how his parents met.

If he gets a bid, neither my wife or I feel that going to pledging is quite right, but initiation would be.

Just curious as to whether most people thought that combination was about right from the chapter standpoint...

Just my two cents. My daughter was a legacy and pledged my GLO, but at another school. I wrote a recommendation and thought that everyone knew I was an alumnae. However, as initiation grew closer, I didn't hear anything about attending. Friends from my alumnae group told to contact the president and ask to come. It was lovely and they kept it a surprise. So, if you don't get invited, remember to ask if you can attend. Collegians aren't always focused on that.

I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT SINCE 2002!!!!

I was thrilled to not only attend my daughter's initiation but I also got to be involved in the ritual. I will never forget that night. I was so proud to pin my badge onto my daughter who was now my sister!

naraht congratulations! What a special experience this will be.

Yup, I expect so. Note, he was up front about being a Legacy, when asked how he found out about Alpha Phi Omega, he said that that was how his parents met.