Rushing with a baby on the way?
 

I want to rush for a fraternity next fall but I'm unsure if I'll be able to manage basically having a family at home. What do you all think? Will I have enough time?

I'm just going to school right now, I'm not working by the way.

As someone who is currently a million weeks pregnant. I'd be pretty pissed if my SO thought he'd have the time for a Fraternity.

Are you married? Do you live with the baby's mother?

You're going to have a child, you aren't working to support it and you want to join a fraternity? If your SO didn't kill you for this, how would you pay for it?????? Ludicrous...and I ain't talking about the rapper...

I could afford it all without a job atleast for now. Well that's why I'm asking this question. I guess I'll take that as I won't have time.

I live with the babies mother but I'm not married.

In all honesty...
 

I believe you need to do a bit of soul searching. Providing a stable life for your child, his/her mother and getting your education should be much higher on the priority list than joining a men's fraternity. I sincerely doubt you have any clue about the time commitments of a newborn or said newborn's mother. To answer your question directly, no, you don't have the time.

My 2 cents:

1) I doubt you'll have time for a fraternity with the baby and school and prioritizing your relationship with your girlfriend. And paying fraternity dues with student loans is dumb when you'll have more important things to spend your money on.

2) I doubt the brothers would be able to relate to a guy with a kid on the way.

Ok, let's say you have the money and your partner is ok with it.

It depends a lot on the school you're attending. If you are going to a very traditional school like Big 10, SEC, Pac 10, you are going to be required to attend a LOT of fraternity functions, and spending a lot of time away from your family.

If you're at a largely commuter school, fraternity life may be less "busy" but with fewer members in the chapter, each is asked to give more of themselves, and everyone needs to be there. You're going to have times where you need to drop everything due to your child and even the most laid back chapter will get tired of that quickly.

Also, some chapters require you to live in the house at some point.

Also, with what extra time you may have, you will want and need to focus on academics. The glaring misspellings and grammatical errors in your posts raise some concerns. A baby will take away time from your studies, the latter of which should come second to your family.

I'm going to try to say this nicely. But it's time to grow up. A fraternity should be the LAST thing on your mind. This has got to be a troll. No one is this stupid.

Even if you do get a bid (very unlikely), the attitudes within the Greek community at your school will be along the lines of, "WTF?" to "Ewwww...creepy!!".

There would be difficulties relating for everyone involved, since most active fraternity and sorority members on college campuses are single with no children. Once you cross a threshold like parenthood, even if you're college-aged, you can never go back because your life will never be the same again.

Probably true for most schools, but there is always the possibility that the OP's school (and the Greek system at that school) has a larger than usual percentage of non-traditional students where something like this might not be quite as out of the ordinary.

That said, and as a father, I'm in agreement with those who say joining a fraternity should be very, very low on the priority list at this point. If a student with a baby at home has time to be really involved in a fraternity, then he's likely doing school or family—or both—wrong.

As MysticCat stated, there are different types of schools and different types of Greek systems. There are also schools and Greek systems where it is not too uncommon for people with children to pursue membership and be active members (and who are able to balance their life in a healthy and effective manner).

OP, go based on the culture of the school and how you feel about your ability to balance it all. If you are accepted into a GLO, always remember the world doesn't revolve around you and you aren't the only person in that chapter who is busy with other obligations. Make sure you don't subject the members of that chapter to dreaded phrases like "I can't participate in XYZ...I have a child...I have a 'family'...you wouldn't understand...." Remember that you are the one who pursued membership and you could've easily been passed over for another prospective member.

Amen.

How old are you?

Wow. I didn't think grammar and punctuation would matter on an online Greek forum lol. Maybe you shouldn't take yourself so seriously.

Anyway I do not think I need to get my priorities in order based on the information I had before this post. I was told by my friend in a fraternity at my school that there's chapter meetings once a week and sometimes events.

I do not know how it's like to have a child or if it could be managed. That's why I made this post. My thoughts were maybe someone has had a child here as well and would be able to give me their opinion. They did! So I don't think inquiring about this would make me not prioritized.

Maybe even the opposite since I wanted to make sure I would be able to manage before just jumping in.

Thank you for the kind replies. For the others, your grammar may be on point but your reasoning skills are poor.

I have a suggestion. See how things play out after the baby comes. You may feel completely differently when you hold that newborn in your arms.

And I do think you would benefit from reviewing what you write before you hit "post" or "send" or "submit". We are all prone to writing (or typing) grammatical errors. And if we rely on spell check or autocorrect, that can lead to all sorts of problems. Using a phone creates even more complications. Example: what you wrote that I just quoted has several mistakes, suggesting carelessness on the part of the author.

It amazes me how people say "it's just online, why should I bother with correct grammar?"

......and then use Wikipedia as a scholarly source.

When all anyone has to go on is your written word, carelessness with it will leave the impression that you are a careless person overall.

OP, something to keep in mind as you go about your business. You came here. Greekchat didn't seek you. You want to be in a GLO. A GLO isn't pursuing you. In other words, you are the initiator in all of this. You are also the nonGreek-with-a-baby-on-the-way in all of this. Be careful not to get snippy with people from whom you seek advice, membership in their GLO, and possibly even a huge favor (such as benefit of doubt). Get over yourself and good luck.

That's generally true as far as it goes, but based on my experience and observations, it doesn't got far enough. Those may be the "official" must-attend things, but there are likely other, more informal get-togethers And activities that matter as much if not more than meetings and official events, because they are where bonds of brotherhood are really built. And then there's the significant work that has to be done by members between meetings to keep the chapter running smoothly.

Let, I can understand the desire to have as normal a student life as you can and not miss out on opportunities that you may never have again. I can also understand the desire not to have life be nothing but school and parenthood—everyone needs to take a break from time to time and have outlets.

At this stage, here's the advice I have: If you and your SO decide together (and it should be something you decide together) that the benefits of fraternity membership are worth the time and energy away from her and the baby while you're a student, then just be sure you also discuss how she will also have regular time for herself. And as AZTheta said, do not be surprised if once the baby comes, you feel quite differently about how you want to spend time that you're not in class or studying.

Spend the time with the baby and on your relationship
 

Spend the time that you would have spent on a fraternity with your baby and girlfriend (making an assumption that she is your girlfriend). You will never get that time back. If you and the mother are together, focus on making it a lasting, permanent relationship--it will make your life less stressful and chaotic if you can stay together.

Sorry that you were offended by others correcting your grammar, but remember your audience when you are addressing anyone. You came here to ask advice, why wouldn't you want to present yourself in the best way possible? We're not your best friends and this isn't text messaging. A stronger level of formality is appropriate.

There's my motherly advice for the day! ;)

From your posts, I can assure you that my reasoning is far superior to yours. The questionable judgment and poor grammar (continuing in your second post) suggest that you are neither a strong student nor prospective parent. Good luck to you on your journey on the road to adulthood.

Sheesh! :rolleyes:

I completely agree with what others have said about how one writes, even in an online forum, to ask a question like the OP did contributes to readers' favorable or unfavorable perceptions of the questioner. But really, you know nothing about the OP other than what you've gleaned from 3 or so posts, which may or may not be a reliable indicator of his abilities as a student or parent. With no other evidence to go on, his posts suggest nothing other than some carelessness in writing a few posts and uncertainty about what might and might not be doable after parenthood.

Poorly written posts can create a less than favorable impression. Ditto unnecessarily judgmental posts.

We know nothing about his grades and potential parenting.

Since the OP is already an adult, may I ask what pinksequins means by "good luck to you on your journey on the road to adulthood"?

He may chronologically be an adult, but his posts and responses about priorities do not indicate the maturity ond judgment for patenting. He responded poorly to the suggsstion by another poster that he think through his priorities. There is quite a learning curve in front of him.

You have no clue what what learning curve is in front of him. Gathering information to make a decision about time commitments, which is what his "poor response" said he'd been doing, sounds like someone having at least some handle on things to me.

Meanwhile, I think you've lost the right to assume you know anything about how strong a student he is based on his writing.

LOL. I thought that was intentional irony to drive home the point.

As a fraternity man and father, I would suggest the OP follow mystic's sage advice and react accordingly.

As a non-parent myself I am continually amazed at how few parents completely lose their minds from raising children. I personally wouldn't take on one more responsibility for at least the next 3 or 4 years and make sure your relationship with your mother is stellar so that hopefully she will be part of the team. It really does take a village and a bunch of drunk 18 year olds are NOT going to be in that village.

DubaiSis... have you switched teams on us? :D

I had to read that sentence more than once to figure out what DS meant. :D

See? We are all prone to making/typing grammatical errors. Such as my writing "completely differently". What the hell was I thinking when I wrote THAT? It's awkward at best.

Even if it might be acceptable, it trips the ear. Anyway...

Characterizing a fraternity as a bunch of drunk 18-year-olds is really offensive. Please stop.

This.