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The key is whether or not you ACCEPT the bid. Once you ACCEPT the bid, you are bound to them until the NEXT FORMAL RECRUITMENT PERIOD. Usually ACCEPTING a bid during COB entails going to the Greek Life office and letting them know that they have extended you a bid and you have accepted. Normally, someone from the chapter will excort you there. Now, if they are giving a large number of bids, not just one or two, they may have you sign something they will take to the Greek Life office and you wouldn't have to go.

Either way, you have to sign before you are bound to them. It can get a little tricky to be diplomatic enough if they offer before you are ready to make a decision. Just be ready to tell them that you are looking at all your options and try to find out how long you have to decide. They may put a time limit on you. Keep in mind that you have no idea what will happen with the other groups and the one in your hand may be the only one you receive. So give this a great deal of thought and be ready with a nice, polite, loving answer...whatever it may be.

It makes sense that you would want to look at as many groups as you have the opportunity to meet before making a deciision. Don't feel pressured to sign anything prematurely. If presented with a bid, you can say that you are flattered but that you will need to get back to them. If they ask why you can kindly explain that visiting and getting to meet all of the (open) houses is important. You like them but owe it to yourself and them to confirm that. No long explanation is needed, jusdt a thank you and let me get back to you. Let's cross the deadline bridge if and when you get to that. I am going to suggest something else with which other GCers may or may not agree --- if the hard sell really makes you uncoomfortable, you might kindly decline this next event (Oh, that is so nice but I cannot make it.). The risk is that they may (or may not) move on to other PNMs.

Also, tons of women never have the "AHA moment" during recruitment! You are making friends, and genuine friendship takes time. In fact, I would argue that having the "AHA moment" sets you up to be disappointed once you get into the daily life of the chapter. We call that "unicorns pooping rainbows syndrome" around here, and you may be much better off thinking, "yes, I like these women and these are the beginning of real friendship" than "OMG these women are the greatest thing that ever happened to me and everything is going to fall perfectly into place with no effort from me or them."

You are DEFINITELY on the right track wanting to meet as many groups as possible!!

Agree with pinksequins that if a group is giving you the used car salesman treatment and pressuring you to sign right away, just say no. Any group that is advocating you not looking at all the options open to you might not be one you want to be part of anyway.

I so agree, 33. It may very well be that there will be no "aha" moment with any group, but at least Confused will have the basis to say: "Okay, no 'aha' moments, but based on my visits I can go with ABC without wondering if I chose too hastily". She has a basis for comparison which she currently does not have and understands that she lacks.

Confused, please take a deep breath and continue with your plan. You are on the right track. This first group may be the right group, but as you surmise, you won't know until you see other groups. If they really value you, they will give you time with the bid. Also, take a moment and do some research on this board about your school. DO NOT TELL US THE SCHOOL (emphasis in the nicest way possible in an abundance of caution). Learn for yourself whether it is one where sophomores rarely get bids or is it one where there is either an upperclass quota or a good mix of freshmen and sophomores in NM classes. You might -- based on good due diligence -- decide that COB is a great opportunity to visit houses with the expectation of going through formal in the fall. This approach carries a lot of uncertainty, so do your homework. Optimally though, you will find the group for you this Spring. Good luck!

Confused, also if you are good with humor, you might play upon the car sale example. When offered a bid, be gracious and say "Thank you, but, hey, I need a bit of time and to kick a few other tires first! But I will definitely give it careful consideration". This may work if you can pull it off. If they nevertheless push you for a hasty decision, there is nothing wrong with saying, "Thanks, but I am just not ready yet for a bid."

Also...don't use excuses. Don't say you have to discuss it with your parents/boyfriend/whoever, don't say you have to double check the financial situation, don't say you have to analyze your class schedule. Just simply and honestly tell them that you want to explore your options and aren't ready to commit to one group yet.

Even if it turns out that this isn't the group for you, you'll be helping them out by showing them that hard selling is a turnoff.

Is it possible to say "I am so humbled. When do I have to let you know my decision?"

It's ACCEPTED, not OFFERED. A chapter could offer you a bid without ever having even spoken with you. How could you be tied to that?

My word of advice: Never rely on ehow. ;)

This is true if you decline a bid in formal rush. You're not going through formal rush, so different rules apply.

Better to freak out and be sure than to not get the information and be stuck afterwards. :)

Glad it is sorted out for you. Good luck!

Sen, your suggested answer was lovely. : )

Amiblue -- I think you mean "informal" the second time (to avoid any misunderstanding). : )

No, I meant formal rush. I said "you're not going through formal rush, so different rules apply."

What you can do is, if the events are from say 7-8, go to one event from 7-7:30 and the other from 7:30-8. Again, if a sorority gets upset that you want to go to multiple events, it might not be someplace you want to be. You have the right to explore all the options open to you. Just say that you have another engagement and excuse yourself politely.

Depending on the campus...possibly. Especially if those two groups are in competition with each other. I like the suggestion of going to one for the first half and one for the second half. On my campus, COB events were usually more open house than parties you had to go to for the whole time. Some chapters are different though, and run a bit more of a formal COB.

Since the Greek Life office gave you such great info before, why don't you call and ask them about this? Ask what people normally do in order to attend both. Or maybe there will be a second event that you could attend. The GL office on YOUR campus knows best what works on YOUR campus!

I would just attend one event from 7-7:25ish and the other from 7:35ish-8. Hopefully that gives you time to get from one house to the other.

Like 33girl suggested I'd politely say to the first house that I have to leave for a different engagement now and compliment them on their event. And for the second house, I'd just apologize for being late and say I had a previous engagement.

I would also have emailed the recruitment chairs of each chapter a couple of days before the parties to tell them that I am very interested, but I have a time conflict they should know about. That way I over all my bases, but I wouldn't say directly I was going to the other house.

This sounds perfectly gracious! Best wishes for COB to OP!

Any fool would know, but the socially polite way is to not blurt out the obvious. If they are uncouth enough to ask or have the temerity to be offended, then we have a whole different set of issues.

Breathe --- and stick with the game plan of using Spring recruitment to see if you would prefer to go through formal recruitment. While there are many advantages of informal recruitment, the disadvantage is staggered schedules. Keep the mantra of "Thank you but since I did not go through formal recruitment, it is important to meet as many houses as opportunity permits.".

That said, do not say anything about awkward or not "clicking" --- it rubs many the wrong way including on this board. Decline the bid that you wish to decline. For the other bid, since there are events at other houses next week, you might say that you are flattered but still have met only two of 100 houses. You might have to decline this bid and see what next week brings and thereafter you may find yourself going through formal next fall.

Whatever you do, do not feel pressured into accepting a bid as it will prevent you from fall recruitment. If you have to, just decline graciously. You might not receive a bid come fall from that chapter, but there may be 10 other chapters where you will.

Lastly, if you can, stop imagining scenarios. Use Sen's gracious line about to consider a bid. If the deadline is this this weekend, then you may need to decline. And be sweet but honest: "I like ya'll, but I only met two houses. I am feeling rushed in my decision which makes me a bit uncomfortable.". Then decline and move on. Accepting a bid to avoid hurting feelings is the wrong reason to accept.

I'd also like to remind you that rush is like dating. There are always more guys out there and you can't date every one "just to be sure." If you like chapter 2, then accept it. If you want to wait another week or so, that's fine. But it's ok to make a commitment once you're happy. The beauty of informal rush is as soon as there's a match you can STOP, and get on with the business of building lifelong friendships. No, that doesn't mean you necessarily accept the first offer you get, but you can be happy forever with who you've got without having considered every last option.

I wish if there were going to be this many groups open bidding (and apparently bidding enough women that they're having events) that they'd get together and figure out a schedule so parties wouldn't overlap, and set a bid day. It's such unnecessary stress on the PNMs when it's a free for all, and I'm guessing the chapters probably feel it too.

You are wise to step away from posting here to think quietly about your next move. Your schoolwork needs to remain paramount, too.

If you want to belong to a sorority, you have two already who have offered to help you do that.

If I wanted a pair of shoes I could walk a block from my house and get them at Dollar General. It doesn't mean they will be the ones that fit the best or wear the longest.

She's already told groups she would attend their events. To follow through on that commitment is the polite thing to do. I'm not sure why these sororities are trying to buffalo women into signing a bid before they're ready when they know full well there are other events going on.

33, I've seen this strategy and it is particularly stressful on PNMs, particularly those PNMs who have not participated in formal and are trying to give every house a chance.

Confused, B-R-E-A-T-H-E. It's okay. Now, per your other posts, it appears that the decision to decline one bid is pretty straightforward. As to the next decision, a couple of items to consider. First, there is no way in the universe to be completely sure about anything (the man to marry, the school to attend, the job to accept, the house to buy, whether the alternative minimum tax bracket will whack you). You simply have to make a decision on the best available information. Second, as you surmise correctly, your best available information is rather limited at the moment. Your choices accordingly are:

1. Accept and fully own the decision -- no "what ifs". Your attitude has to be "I like them, and listening to my gut, I like them. End of story."

2. Decline and attend the other groups' events. This means that you may not have another chance with the bidding group (at least this Spring and who knows in the fall.). It is the decision that you would rather come up empty handed this spring (but hopefully not) and give fall formal a shot.

If you have invitations/parties with the other five houses, then, yes, you will have to make a decision with limited information. Don't panic -- your moment of cclarity may come in the shower or standing in line at the dining hall.

She accepted those invitations before she was offered a bid. It is not her fault that they waited a week to have a get-together. OP is under no obligation to attend those parties, as there is no guarantee that attending any one will culminate in a bid. However, should she accept the bid of the sorority that she likes, she should send an email to the chapters that have invited her to events this coming week, thanking them for the invitation and informing them that she will not be able to attend as she has accepted a bid from ABC sorority.


OP, we can't( and shouldn't ) tell you what to do. As you mull your possibilities, consider how your campus treats sophomores during formal recruitment-should you turn down these bids to attend the parties this week, only to not be offered a bid, or want to join a sorority from this coming week that does offer you one.Good luck!

FWIW, I have seen many campuses where informal recruitment was held over 2-3 weeks. The chapters set their own timetables, within that allotted time.

In response to why the first two sororities have already offered bids, they may have only a few spots to fill and want the pick of the crop. Why should they have to accommodate those sororities that chose not to hold parties a week later?

Look at it this way....you don't have 48 hours to accept or decline a bid during formal recruitment. You do have that luxury in informal.

Life doesn't offer guarantees. There is no guarantee that attending the university you chose to attend is the absolute best choice for you. There is no guarantee that the major you choose will enable you to have a successful career. There is no guarantee that you will love what you do for a living. There is no guarantee that you will get married. There is no guarantee that if you get married you will have a successful marriage. I could go on and on, but you get my drift.

Accept the bid to the sorority you like or don't. Membership in a sorority is like life itself- it is what you make of it.

They gave you 48 hours to make up your mind. They could have demanded a decision right then, but they want you to join, so they gave you time to think things over. Use that time wisely, but don't overthink it. You can drive yourself crazy.

COB
 

FSUZeta, I totally agree with you because I see the sorority's side of it...we have a few open spots so we are going to go out right away and bid the top women out there. I know that does not work with a PNM's wish to sit back and evaluate all possible options...but that is the nature of COB.

I work with several chapters who are currently pledging new members through COB and I always urge them to be agressive rather than wait weeks or string along 3-4 events before bidding their new women.

If campus doesn't have a formal informal recruitment... no one should blame sororities for being on top of their game. Early birds get the best worms.

As for giving 48 hours...that's the max allowed to be given to a PNM to decide on COB bid at my campus... it comes from Panhellenic. Wouldn't come as a surprise if it's a NPC standard at other campi.

Not necessarily, They know who went thru and who didn't.

Confused, your posts indicate that meeting as many houses as possible is very important to you. Your choice sounds more like one between informal now or formal in the Fall. Choosing the latter means just looking at groups now with the goal of pursuing a bid in the Fall. You do not sound at all comfortable with the bid in front of you because you haven't seen the houses. If that is truly the case, decline and go see as many houses as possible now and look for a bid next year. The current houses may or may not consider you next year, but if you graciously decline with, "Thank you, but I have decided instead to go through formal recruitment next fall since I missed it this year" you won't burn bridges. You can still visit houses. Then be friendly to every member in the two houses that you encounter -- always wave or say hi. Make every effort to meet women in all of the sororities so that you are better prepared in the Fall. Stop worrying about recruitment structure as that is a pointless worry.

Sororities would not be under the assumption that girls doing informal recruitment went through formal recruitment and dropped. They would remember you from formal recruitment, since chapters tend to keep track of those things.

If a PNM is going through informal recruitment, the burden is on the PNM to familiarize herself with the chapters and figure out where the best place for her would be. I cannot speak for anyone at your campus, but I can say that I was under the impression that PNMs who came to our informal events were at least reasonably sure that our chapter would be the best match for them. Having said that, I must admit that my chapter only extended informal bids to PNMs who were already friends with sisters. Because of this, we also knew that the sisters we gave informal bids to were only rushing our chapter, whether they had done formal recruitment in the past or not.

ConfusedPNM, no one here can tell you what to do and I urge you to consider what is best for you and go with the decision you won't regret. From reading your posts, you don't seem comfortable accepting your either of the bids you received without giving the other chapters consideration. That's my impression from reading your posts. If that's the case, I hope that you can find a gracious way of phrasing the fact that you will be declining a bid from a sorority that you may still be interested in becoming a part of in the future and that you eventually find your home.

I got the impression from the OP's posts that these were full blown events inviting many rushees, not a situation where the sorority had 2-3 spots that could have quickly been filled by friends of sisters with little fanfare. If that's the case and they choose to have multiple large events for so few spots, they are extraordinarily inefficient.

OP, do you know nothing about the sororities from the fall semester? Have you met women in some of them? Have you seen them involved in activities that are important to you? Etc. I know this is all happening fast, but also try to use whatever information you have from prior to IR.

Confused, good luck with your decisions. We understand if you want to remain mum until informal is over.

All chapters have some nice girls and you will like women in all of them. Formal recruitment is an entirely different experience. You won't have time to just visit around and have less structured conversations. It will be rapid and you'll be herded thru. Whether or not that environment allows one to feel a stronger connection, who knows. You are the only one who can answer your questions. We can't.