Considering quitting
 

Hey all,

First off, I've been a long time lurker here. I do have another username that I occasionally post under, but I've created this one in order to disassociate myself from my house. I generally avoid saying anything negative about my house EVER, but I’ve been so distraught that I just need a place to anonymously vent.

As the title of this thread indicates, I've been considering dropping out of my chapter. It's something that's been on my mind for a long time, and I'm finally nearing a breaking point.

Greek life at my school is rather unglamorous to be honest, but I do really enjoy being a part of it regardless. My chapter, however, is what you could call "bottom tier" and maybe rightfully so. There is an overwhelming lack of drive and motivation within the chapter to excel. I see all the other houses on campus doing amazing, wonderful things academically, philanthropically, and socially. Then there's my house that gets by on the bare minimum. I feel that my chapter doesn't live up to our national organization's values, and it's very disheartening.

I’ve been doing my best to keep my head up and lead by example, and be the change I want to see in my chapter, but I don't know how much longer I can keep it up. I've never felt loved or embraced by my chapter. I've never felt supported, understood, or cared for in the least. In fact, some days I feel downright hated. I graduate at the end of this school year and I've been trying to tough it out, but right now I'm not sure if I can even get through the rest of this semester.

The one thing that's kept me in the game this long is that I always remember that I made a lifelong commitment, and I take that seriously. I feel guilty for entertaining the thought of quitting for that reason.

If anyone can relate and has some advice to share, I'd be happy to listen.

I wasn't sure what to say until I read the statement in bold. Am I reading this right; are you saying you're graduating in Spring 2015? If so, stick it out! Alumnae membership is so much different, and I really think you'd regret dropping out. Your sorority is so much more than your one chapter. You're in school for only 4 years, but your membership really is for a lifetime. Many people here will speak fondly of their collegiate membership, but I think most would agree that alumnae membership seems to pull the whole idea of a sorority together and truly makes you understand what a sisterhood is.

I know it may be difficult now, but you're a senior - focus on school, graduation, getting a job, etc. Be involved with the chapter as well, but don't go overboard. No one wants to see their chapter struggle, but it's time for the younger members to step up.

I would really urge you to not give up on your sorority as a whole.

How much of your thinking at the moment is senioritis? I too thought about dropping out my last year. Keep in mind your chapter is not the same chapter you joined over 3 years ago-- those who were already in the house when you joined are gone, the women behind you in school bring different attitudes and background. You may be outgrowing the collegiate experience, but you will find the alumnae experience is very different. When you graduate, dues in the alumnae groups are FAR less than you are paying now, you will meet women from all over, if/when you move to a new community you have an easy contact to begin to meet people, etc. Hang in there. Graduation will be here before you know it and you don't want to miss the opportunities that will be out there for you.

DaffyKD

You have senioritis. Lay low and find others (Greek or not) to lay low with. Also, in the case I know of personally like this, HQ didn't accept the person's request to self-terminate.

i have no idea which organization you belong to, but I can say this with absolute confidence....your national org is amazing. Stick it out. You will be glad to be an alumna. I loved my active experience, but it was 4 years out 40 and counting. (yes, I'm old). Good luck to you.

I agree with both of these statements - I was sick of sorority by the time I was a senior and wanted to drop -but I stuck it out and I'm glad I did. Your sorority is so much more than just your chapter and even though your org may be "bottom tier" at your school, there are many top tier women alums that you haven't met yet. Alumnae membership is way different and lots of fun! Does your org give you the option to go early alum?

I'm not sure if I have the option of early alum, but I'd like to look into it. Problem is I'm not comfortable talking with any of the officers in my chapter about it, but I'll see what I can find out from other resources.

I also if my financial aid allows, I might not have to take a full load of classes next semester, thus forcing me to become inactive or an alum (I'm not sure which, I'm not familiar with the process)

Please don't think that any of the posters aren't taking you seriously. No one is doubting your feelings right now. Many of the most active alumnae posters on GreekChat had bouts of senioritis. I admit to using the back door half of the time during my last term.

Yet, looking back, I'm so glad that I stuck it out. Your national organization and the sisters (both of your own sorority and other NPC greeks) will be there for you when everybody else disappears.

It's only a few months. If you have to use the mantra of "if I can stick this out, I can do anything," do it. Just try it - you will be happier in the long run!

A friend of mine was a member in the bottom tier house on campus and is now chapter adviser to the top tier house on campus (the chapter has improved greatly).

It depends on what Greek Life means to you. If you are part of the 4 years and done crowd, drop. If you joined something because you wanted lifelong connections, stick it out.

Is there a chapter adviser? That's probably your best bet.

I don't know why people are suggesting it, though. Early alum is for women with extreme circumstances, not for women who just don't feel like paying dues their last semester.

The mention of wanting to become an alumna early because of financial reasons is just rude. The OP never mentioned money in any way. It was not even implied.

Senior year is really, really stressful. Time to start making plans for the next chapter of your life. STICK IT OUT!

Remaining a member of any GLO has implications on your life down the road that you might not even be able to imagine right now. How about the day when you might have a daughter going to college who wants to rush? How about your best friend (who you haven't even met) has a daughter that asks for a recommendation to your GLO? You move to a new city where you don't know anyone, but you see a woman wearing your sorority symbol at Starbucks? A new chapter opening in the city (where you don't even live now) contacts you and needs advisors?

You CAN do it!

Okay, replace "pay dues" with "attend chapter" or whatever else you associate with remaining a member in good standing. The point is that I'm not aware of a single NPC organization that allows this just because someone is dissatisfied with her chapter. It's bandied about on GC like an obvious solution, and to the best of my knowledge, it's very, very rare.

If you're planning on having an unusually heavy class load in order to graduate next semester, I would look into requesting an inactive/associate status. I wouldn't quit when you're in the home stretch.

I'm also guessing that from your "unglamorous" comment that your chapter and the Greek system as a whole are small. In those circumstances, it's REALLY easy to get annoyed (and the constant "on" of social media just makes it worse).

If you do drop to part-time student status, you may become an automatic alum in some groups. If you don't feel comfy asking anyone associated with the chapter, contact your national headquarters. Actually, contact them anyway as there as many variations in this type of situation as there are NPC groups (pretty much) and you need correct info.

She is saying the opposite - that she might only have (example) 9 credits when a full time student has 12 and therefore her group's policy may compel her to become an alum while still an undergrad, even if that was something she didn't want.

Oops. I completely misread. Thanks!

STICK IT OUT!

I think it is a part frustration and part senioritis, but like the others have said, the alumnae world is so different-less time consuming, less drama, less competition. Most of the time it doesn't matter what chapter you are a member of in the alumnae world-you are a sister, and that is all that matters. Heck, the majority of us get excited when we see a sorority member period, be she a sorority sister or Panhellenic sister, and alumnae Panhellenic chapters are very welcoming. You will be missing out on wonderful opportunities of support and connections if you throw in the towel.

If you take below the required minimum hours set by your sorority you may indeed have the option of taking early alum status, so we are talking a matter of mere weeks before that might happen. You can make it until Christmas, right?

If you don't carry a full load next semester, that takes care of things for you in a way - don't you need to be full time to be active? There might be something you can do. Talk to your advisers or regional representatives.

Thank you for the encouragement everyone! I definitely needed it right now. I'll stick it out, and probably take 33girl's advice and lay low. I'm really looking forward to experiencing alumnae membership, it was a big factor for me in choosing to join a sorority actually. For now I'll uphold my organizations values to the best of my ability, and see what my options are next semester.

Great! Just take it one day at a time. When you're in college, a year seems like such a long time, but if you can get through this, you'll be fine. Try to see the bigger picture if you can!

FYI, my daughter is a young alum, newly married, and living in a town where she knows few people. She is already realizing the value of joining an alumnae chapter and has also joined the alumnae Panhellenic. She asked me to tell you to try to stick it out.

You've been given great advice. It's been ten years since my initiation and the bonds I've already made as an alumnae have been amazing. I recently moved and being able to become a part of the alumnae advisory board of a chapter and an alumnae group have helped me find a place when I initially moved knowing no one in the area. There are so many benefits to the life long part of your membership that one semester should not ruin that.

Your last year is hard because you begin distancing yourself from a lot of your normal college pursuits and focusing on your future and where you'll be after graduation. Lay low, maintain the friendships you have and value and focus on enjoying your last semester.

I've moved 7 different times since graduation across 3 different states. Most of those moves I met new friends through my job, but the most recent move (and last for us) was with a 6 month old when it was determined that I would become a stay-at-home mom. The best friends that I have made in this town are ones that I met through my alumnae chapter. Twenty years ago I never, ever would have fathomed the impact that my sorority membership would have had on my life. I can honestly say that the past 7 years as a alumna have had just as an important impact in my life as my 4 years as a collegian. I can not imagine my life without the friends that I have made in this town through my alumnae chapter.

Hang in there for a few more months. It is SO worth it!

I sent you a PM.

For what it's worth, there's a lot of good advice in this thread: http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...=112480&page=2

I did start it, but I really appreciated all the advice given.

My chapter had a specific ammendment in our Constitution addressing the different member statuses and their requirements.

It was mostly used by last semester seniors with internships or other large academic projects.

However there were sisters who used it simply to distance themselves from the chapter and the reason it was allowed is because the girls who would petition for this simply because they're sick of the sorority but still want to be am alum.

Honestly it got approved everytime because no one wanted to force someone who didn't want to be there, to be there.

*Dues still have to be paid in all of these situations.

If dues still had to be paid, was the difference in attendance requirements? Because I know there are chapters that require less of seniors and so on, but I'd be surprised if national organizations weren't requiring women in college to remain collegiate members until they leave or graduate. My point here is that alum status pretty much means you have no further obligations to your collegiate chapter, and it gets bandied around on GC far too often.

(And yes, my org has an "interim" status for women with personal emergencies or internships far from campus, but it is not granted without good reason and it's certainly not "alum.")

Your GLO does actually offer early alum status for particular situations. I know because I've had friends who have taken it during a particularly tumultuous time on their campus regarding certain events. I won't go into detail but, it can be done. If the case of the one poster who said money is still expected but, sisters are not forced to come to events, I think that sounds like a decent idea to keep membership. I wonder if more GLOs offered that, they would actually keep people from terminating membership as often? I just wish we could get ladies to realize that membership is for a lifetime. I think early alumna status should be considered for various reasons but, not in the case of the other thread where the young woman is on the brink of losing membership. Too many people offered up the early alumna status thing as if she even has a choice. When they want to kick you out for poor/ risky behaviors, chances are you will not be given early alumna status.

My issue is with the idea that senioritis or burn-out or what-have-you should be a reason to jump right to alumnae status. How is that fair to the women who remain and contribute to the chapter while Suzie Snowflake just doesn't want to anymore?

Sure, there are extreme circumstances that organizations should be flexible with. I think, for example, my chapter allowed live-outs if you got married or pregnant. Fine. Extreme financial hardship? Illness? Okay, let's find ways to work with women so we can keep them as lifelong members. But the ones who want to go "early alum" just because? Nah.

Perhaps the solution is for chapters to take a look at the obligations for seniors, on the whole (and maybe that's what you are suggesting above?). If individual chapters decide to lower attendance requirements for all seniors or let seniors live out of the house, or whatever, that's cool; that's what works for them. For example, in larger chapters, if you have enough women to fill all the committees with sophomores and juniors, then maybe you don't require seniors to be on a committee. In my own chapter, seniors didn't have to attend all of recruitment work week...they could show up on Wednesday already knowing the songs and stuff from previous years.

But if your chapter needs seniors to attend events, be on committees, and so on, because it doesn't have enough people to operate otherwise, then I don't support the idea of ducking out. I don't think it's worth it to allow that just so that we have someone as an alumnae member later on.

Yep. I was trying to suggest something like that but, didn't consider the smaller chapters. With that, you are absolutely right. I think National/ International Headquarters of the various GLOs would benefit from thinking about seniors or 5th year seniors based on campus total. At smaller commuter schools where 30 women make up an entire chapter, this idea of allowing seniors to duck out because they are "sick of" being sisters would not work. In larger chapters, this may help. I would argue though, that even in smaller chapters, if sisters have to choose between being there for everything as seniors or completely dropping, chapters face an issue with some seniors possibly dropping out--making it just as bad if not worse than allowing them less time to do stuff as a senior in the sorority.

I think this is a worthwhile discussion for various GLOs when we push commitment of sorority membership. While it is for a lifetime, we must also remember that senior year is a time where young ladies are cementing their futures by completing class requirements, preparing applications for graduate/ professional school, preparing for active or reserve military commitments, job hunting, etc. A senior's time commitments look much different than the commitments of freshmen, sophomores, and juniors. Adding other things onto this last year of college may make it difficult for young ladies with tons of stuff already on their plates. I'm not saying we should allow them to shirk their duties. I'm saying we need to all take this into consideration.

As I've said before, I'm not really keen on the idea of reduced requirements for seniors organization-wide...it can snowball into an attitude of being involved senior year isn't cool, and as stated above can really be a hot mess for small chapters. Plus for some majors, senior year isn't the toughest one and therefore the academic angle really isn't an excuse. It should definitely be a school-by-school basis.

It's been a while so I'm fuzzy on the details. However, we had 2 different statuses, both required dues to be paid . The difference was just how much you had to attend. And some other requirements.

Also you could ask for this status at anytime (exp: internship Jr yr) but you can only do it once.

If you dropped to part-time then you were eligible for early alum. Or if you left school.

Not an NPC org obviously, but our national bylaws allow a collegiate member to transfer to alumni membership if the member has paid eight semesters of per capita tax (national dues) or if the member "leaves campus for one or more professional semesters (e.g. student teaching, internship, study abroad)." In the latter instance, the brother is returned to collegiate status upon return to campus. Alumni status means no dues to pay, but it also means reduced ability to participate in the chapter.

FWIW (which I know may not be much).

I completely agree. We had "Senior Status" for a few years. It was a disaster. Practically every Senior would request status for their last semester. The budget tanked and chapters complained. We no longer have Senior Status.

We have a senior agreement in place with our actives that outlines mandatory events as well as provides some additional senior programming. The actives still have to pay dues. I find that it's a good thing. I could also see where it could be a problem in a smaller chapter.

Right, and this is my point about "early alum" status -- your chapter still needs you!

I think that individual chapters can get creative, but budgets and attendance requirements vary so much that I don't see how an org-wide "senior status" can work. I think you could get creative with the money, but it's tough. Maybe you pay a live-out fee that includes meals at the house (we did!) and you could pay less by opting out of meals your final semester. Maybe your chapter's philanthropy happens in April, and you don't have to buy this year's t-shirt. These things are chipping away at very small dollars, though.

Obviously, we're not an NPC organization but OPA has both a "Leave of Absence" status and an early alumna status. The early alum status is automatically granted when requested in the member's final academic semester. LOA status is only given one semester at a time, and the member must petition the chapter standards board to get it. It's routinely given for semesters when you are still an enrolled student but away from campus, like a study abroad or internship. Or it might be granted in unusually stressful circumstances like the member is recovering from a serious illness and making up a great deal of missed classwork in a short time. It depends.

We don't have a flood of people who opt for the early alum status, but it's a welcome option when people are frantically finishing up graduation requirements, interviewing for a job, applying for grad schools, and just figuring out their future life plans. And since our chapters don't have the financial obligations that many NPC groups do (read: no chapter house) the implications to the chapter are really just about missing those sisters' company a little earlier than we would have otherwise.

I'll echo the other comments about sticking it out. I won't ask whether your school's formal recruitment is in the fall or spring, but to give yourself a sense of purpose until you graduate, try to bond with the newest members, whether you already have them, or if they are coming next semester. They aren't necessarily jaded or apathetic yet, and inspiring them is probably the best way to attempt to energize the chapter.