Giving letters
 

I know this may seem kind of silly, but I'm a little confused...my boyfriend REALLY wants to wear my letters. Specifically my lavaliere. When my sister got a "Fiji" lavaliere from her boyfriend, it was a big deal to our chapter. I tried to explain this to my boy (who's not Greek), but I think that he simply sees it as just another neclace. I wear one of his, so I guess he only sees it as fair. Can girls even give lavalieres to their boyfriends??? I'm so confused.

Yes, they can give their letters to their boyfriends BUT your fraternity may have some regulations about who can wear your letters. I know that some will only allow men engaged or married to initiated sisters to wear letters. Check with your national by-laws.

When my (ex)boyfriend dropped me, he wanted me to I guess do the same...but I really couldn't give my letters to anyone because they mean so much to me. I do know girls who have given their boyfriends their letters, so It is possible. I guess it's just a personal preferance.

At our chapter, we definetly could not give our letters because if they did something really stupid (or illegal) or got really drunk and made a fool out of themselves - we did not want our letters brazen across their chest for everyone to see. :O

I've only heard of one of our sisters lavaliering her boyfriend, and they were engaged. I have NEVER heard of a guy wearing letters on a sweatshirt, etc...even if they were a sweetheart. To say people would have looked at them funny would be an understatement.

It kind of concerns me that your boyfriend is ASKING you for this....if anyone (guy or girl) wants to lavalier or pin their significant other it should be because they want to, not because their s.o. pressured them into it.

It concerns me that you would even ask a question like that.If you truly love your organization you wouldnt allow anyone that didnt pledge your organization, except maybe your brother organization, to wear your letters. Those are sacred things that must be earned, in that case any old blow joe could wear your letters.

Guys, dont jump on the girl she was just asking a simple question. So, anyway, I do have to agree on the fact that if your boyfriend does something "unacceptable" wearing your letters will do somewhat "bad things" for the sororities rep. I know we SHOULD NOT judge another sorority by the mistake of one person, but we all know how people love to gossip and will jump at the chance to start something because of one little mishap. So, use your personal judgement...and always ask the president...she will tell you. If your guy has a serious problem of wanting the necklace, buy him something else with the letters on it, such as a picture frame with a picture of the two of you. Or a party-shirt. Im sure you allready gave that to him (the shirt) Anyway....like we said..use your personal judgement,if it doesnt feel right, then it probably isnt. ok?

Dear Oregon Alpha Xi -

I'm an Alpha Xi Delta from the University of Florida, and from what I can tell (remembering my pledge education and looking at the manuals/info I had when I was on the exec council), here's what I was told about our letters ...

Only initiated sisters can wear/have/possess certain symbols, including
* the Quill (pin)
* the crest (this includes on clothing, glassware, jewelry, anything)
* the lavaliere (in any form, the standard letter shapes or the letters engraved on something)

our rules on the lavaliere may be something that was just my chapter's custom, because I knew other sororities that let their pledges/new members wear lavalieres (DG does at UF I know for sure), but I am pretty sure that it's a national rule

Regarding letters on clothes:

Obviously date function/philanthropy t-shirts can be worn by anyone - half the fun is seeing guys wearing shirt from your events.

"Block letter" shirts (the shirts with the embroidery)had more complicated rules. Originally when I pledged, only initiated sisters could wear them. Then the rule changed so we gave them to new members on Big Sis Revealing night. But I'm still pretty sure that these are reserved for members only.

Maybe it's just not done at my school, but I have NEVER heard of a girl giving a guy her letters. Maybe it's a little old-fashioned, but it does reflect that guys give us promise rings, engagement rings, etc. so they give us their lavaliere, not the other way around. And a lot of married guys don't wear wedding bands, but women almost always do. Fraternity guys that have girlfriends in sororities here just end up with a lot of date function t shirts from her chapter and that's about it.

If you think about it, fraternities don't normally wear lavalieres, but sororities do. So it follows that when a relationship gets serious, the guy gives the girl his letters to wear on her necklace with or instead of her own.

So, a long story, but the short answer is that I am almost positive that (sorry!) your boyfriend CANNOT wear your lavaliere.

TFJ forever!!! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

Xi love,

G8Ralphaxi http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif


[This message has been edited by G8Ralphaxi (edited February 16, 2001).]

Hey G8RAlpha Xi!
What wonderful advice you just gave to your sister Oregon Alpha Xi! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif That's what I love to see on this board! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif Now I'm verclempt....Talk among yourselves..........

soror6 http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif

Hey UF Alpha Xi Delta...do you know Jessica harold??? Shes an AXiD there. If you do tell her kinny said hey.

Hmmm....as has been stated there are different traditions in every sorority and within every chapter of that sorority. I would ask the national, and if possible the chapter, if that was permissible.

LOL!

you forgot to give a topic http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif

aww gee, thanks http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif much appreciated!

brooklineu -

I doubt that it would be proper to wear anything from a sorority of which you were not a member. T-shirts, jewelry, but lavalieres and pins especially. There is a lot of special meaning behind the symbols, jewelery, and paraphrenalia of every greek letter group.

Whenever I see anyone wearing my letters (T-shirt, pins, lavalieres), I almost always go up and introduce myself. If it turned out that she wasn't actually an Alpha Xi Delta, it would upset me, because there is NO WAY that she could ever appreciate what the letters meant.

BTW, that's why it's such a big big big deal to give your boyfriend/girlfriend your letters - you are putting them on equal status with your letters, your sorority/fraternity to which you have made a life long committment.

love and hugs all around,

G8Ralphaxi http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

I will say this, maybe its different for black greeks. But it is safe to say that we do not allow anyone who is not an ACTIVE member of the organization to wear the letters. I mean you can always break the rules. You could wear them only at home, or something like that. But it is considered disrespctful to wear letters you havent
"EARNED". I mean maybe you being her grand-daughter you might give you "legacy" privileges, but I know her boyfriend shouldnt be wearing her letters. I also know many organizations dont even allow people who arent members to even touch their letters.

Brooke--It would DEFINITELY be taboo. Lavaliers are treated nearly the same as badges. Maybe if your character, that's why you asked right?, had some other paraphanalia w/ letters. Like maybe a pillow or afghan. She could then have those displayed in her room as a reminder.

When it comes to letters, they'd have to be on a party or philanthropy tshirt for us not to freak about non members wearing them. Once we had a newly initiated member lend her letters to a roommate because the roomie was cold. The chapter pretty much flipped out. The consensus was basically let her freeze or hunt her down a different jacket/sweatshirt.

Hey I am interested in AXiD! What does that quill mean?

Okay I need to bring this back up again because Im faced with a dilemma, however let me share my point of view first =)

I guess it's different not only among chapters but in the atmosphere of the campus too, in general. I'm here in Northern Illinois U and a lot of women (actually I don't even think that all of them are Greeks) wear their boyfriend's letters( from rush shirts, philantrophy shirts,hats,even the embroidered-on-sweatshirt kind). Likewise, i have seen guys wear their girls' letters too, be it on a shirt or hat. I thought it was kind of sweet too though. Also, girls here also lavaliere their boyfriend just as they lavaliere them...although I have yet to actually SEE a guy wearing his girl's lavaliere (they probably just keep the necklace in their wallet, bulletin board, whatever).

Now, I have a couple Sammys stuff my ex boyfriend gave me (hat and some shirts)and for awhile i felt proud and touched when he gave them to me. However, now that we're over, someone in the forum advised me to give back his stuff (especially the hat and some shirts, but not party favors/shirts etc). I also have his lavaliere and I've been waiting for him to say something about giving it and the other stuff back but he hasn't (and we still talk almost everyday as friends). I didn't wanna appear rude and offer to bring them back myself coz I don't want him to take it the wrong way, coz he might think I'm throwing all away what he shared in the past, but I'm still concerned in doing what's right and proper. I would ask one of his brothers about it but they all live so far away and I never see them unless I go to their school for a formal or something...Is there a Sammy in this forum who would care to give me advice on your rules regarding stuff like this?

I will admit that he has some of my stuff, but nothing major. All he has are formal favors, a shirt (not the embroidered kind)and other souvenirs. However, I also gave him my lavaliere. Now I didn't ask for the lavaliere back because this is how I felt: A lot of stuff has happened between us (we're actually each other's first gf/bf)and since I understood that you only give a lavaliere (if your chapter/nat'ls rule allows it anyway)to someone who means as much to you as your GLO, then he's the one. Coz even if we're over now I don't think I have the heart to give something that has such value to me as my lavaliere to anyone else, even if I met another guy, no matter how terrific he is...and I thought it would be weird to give it to someone knowing another guy had it in his possession before. (by the way, my ex didn't wear it, he actually put it up his bulletin board in his room along with pictures of us--he called it his "shrine") My other question is, is it right to feel that way?

The Quill is our badge and is significant of our open motto: "The Pen is Mightier than the Sword"

Take a look at this link to our national web page and you can see a picture as well as the motto:
www.alphaxidelta.org/insignia.asp

Gammazetagrl - If you guys are still such good friends why not just mention it. If you have questions, I'll bet that he does, too. It doesn't have to be some serious conversation. That's my 4 cents worth (it's only worth about a 1/2 cent but a girls got to make a living.)

Thanks AlphaXiGirl...Im seeing him sometime this week and I'll have a talk with him...I'll let u guys know.

This is a little bit off the topic, but I always wondered something about letters. Can a guy lavalier you even if he is not affiliated with his chapter for a reason like quitting school? I know that when you're a member, you're always a member...but I was wondering if the rules changed when you aren't an active member anymore.

I wouldn't see why not, if he left in good standing he is considered an alumnus.

Keep a few things in mind---Are the actions and personality of this guy one that you would want others to see your letters on?? Will he represent them well?? Will he care about them as much as you do??

Good point sleigh! well said. Im glad I don't have regrets about my ex. And to the rest of Greeks planning to give letters to their significant others, give it some good thought, although I know you guys have great judgment...that's why i love visiting this network, coz you guys always have interesting stuff to say.