Boy Not Calling: Example
 

Part 1.
Its like last September and I go out to the local watering hole . . .

So I am sitting next to girl A talking to her and listening to her entire life story before realizing that she is dating the bartender . . or she thinks she is, he's just like whatever.

So across the bar I see this fine looking blonde thing . . . at this point I was 3 drafts and 3 shots into the night. and i notice that she is next to an acquaintance! Happy Happy Joy Joy thats half the battle right there!

She has looked over a few times so I make my approach (smoothly knocking some chairs over aong the way).

As I get closer I notice that certain parts of her anatomy are larger than they apeared from across the room. As a side note I have noticed that alcohol diminishes the effectiveness of my contact lenses.

So I am like ok, maybe 10-20 pounds over her ideal weight? About 5'6, natural blond hair (going by eyebrows) nice tan, skin could be a little better. Left ear is a milimeter off from the right, but she still ok.

Great personality, we are laughing, talking, flirting, and she did the whole walk away talk to another guy walk back thing also.

Didn't feel a hell of a lot of physical attraction until she let me smell the perfume on her neck . . .

So end of the night comes and I didn't ask for her number.

Part 2.
I am thinking the next day that I shoul have asked for it . . .
so I go back out to the same place and lo and behold our slightly overweight blonde with the nice personality is there.

So again we laugh talk and the end of the night comes by and I ask for her number, she gives it to me and watches me put it into my cell phone. Mental note: Never program cell phone in front of girl, because you lose all deniablity pertining to losing a number.
she gives me her itinerary for th next three days i.e. i won't be able to reach her until mid week, but she has a machine.

Interlude: I don't call. I thought about it, but I really wasn't that interested. Maybe if she had been more available for the first two days . . . Us guys don' have a notoriously long attention span, its why we are so evil with the remote control.

Part 3. Naturally I walk into that place a week or so later and see her sitting there with some friends. Mentally I'm like damn . . . but I really don't believe in being placed at a disadvantage by a feeling or someone else, so I put on my confident social faceand strolled right over. I opened with a: hey how are you doing? I just stopped by to have a drink and see if you were here.

So we talked for a while with her work friends there and one of them joking around was like this is her boyfriend, referring to one of the waiters. Which was awesome because if the subject of the phone call ever came up again i could claim drunken confusion and say I thought she had a boy friend and didn't want to poach on his territory. The perfect out.

Male strategy note: If you are ever confronted with a girl that talks to ou baout not calling her, just say that someone mentioned she had a boy friend. Easy.

End of story.

Moral: sometimes we don't call because we just don't want you. ITs nothing personal you just weren't that important and the mental connection you thought you had with us was primarily alcohol driven.

Thought I would share because e have been having a lot of boy/girl discussions. OBviously there are other reasons we won't call, but this might be the most common one.

Happy Hunting.

James,
Are you ever going to call? The first few times I gave my number out to guys and they didn't use it, I was crushed, then disappointed, and then began to expect it. Then it happens; you meet someone and it just clicks and you are off and running. I love when that happens. Phone calls galore. :D You'll meet her one day, James. Hopefully, one day I will, too.

You are hoping to meet her too Cream? How egalitarian of you.;)

I'm not switching teams! :p I mean you'll meet her and I'll meet HIM!

and sometimes that is why I don't pick up the phone or call back b/c I am not interested. When guys ask for my phone number I feel bad and usually am honest-mistake number 1 (I'll have to work on that). So..... If you call a girl and she doesn't call back, maybe give it one more try but please after the second try do not call back that is called stalking.

Usually phone numbers at the bar is not very cool cause than the next day your freinds might say dude we tried to warn you, either that or you forget her name so don't even bother calling.

Exactly!! :D

last week one of you girls was complaining that some guy didn't call you back after he had already called you twice and was shot down both times.

Because women are obviously insane and desperately in need of medication . ..

Whereas us men are basically noble, understanding, honest, romantic creatures that just want to build quality relationships that are made impossible by beserk modern women that turn into emotional vampires.

Its a hard life for men . .. *sniff*

Yeah, we may be insane and in need of medication, but.....

it was YOU MEN who made us that way......;)

post hoc ergo propter hoc

I hate college dating but I think it is worse once you graduate because I am dating this guy that is 24 and graduated from George Washington University two years ago. I graduate this May. So he works a lot and just got a promotion so I only hear from him about every other day. So if I call and leave him a message he pretty much calls me back, but I hate that I have to call him first. Last week I freaked cause four days went by and no call (this is a long distance thing too!) so he finally called and when he did I finally just straight up asked him why the long wait turns out he had to work from 5AM til 11PM every day. He was so busy i felt so bad. He told me to call him at work whenever I wanted though cause that always makes his day.
Moral of the story: If you like a guy that has a career that is that important to him be prepared to make the phone calls but make sure he is cool with that.

the way I figure it, you can't really be upset if someone you met in a bar doesn't call, or gives you a fake #. They spent what, maybe an hour, while drinking, talking to you? They don't even know you, know what they are passing up.

Now, say you're at a small dinner party and spend the whole night clicking with someone who is a friend of the friends having it and they don't call you or blow you off when you do call-- that isn't cool. In a setting like that, you come with references--ie: the interested party knows your friends and can call them to ask about you, check your 'references' so to speak.

I'm personally finding that the older I get the more I only want to date people that come with references. You have something in common as a starting point, and having that something or someone(s) in common you both tend to treat each other with more respect knowing that your friends are looking out for you...

Of course I say all this as someone in my early 30s. The college thing is certainly MUCH different. But its also MUCH easier to meet people when you're in college than when you're older--and the older I get, the harder it seems to meet people. My friends and I ask all the time WHERE are all the intelligent, educated, tall, cute, funny, single guys hanging out--we'll go there! ha ha


:)
Amy

Amy,

Don't come to Atlanta, cause I snapped up the last decent one about 8 months ago! :D Seriously, it IS hard to find a good guy once you're out of school. The bars are full of guys looking to get lucky for the night, and the good guys seem to stay home all the time, because my girlfriends and I could NEVER find them no matter how hard we looked. (And trust me, we tried!) :D

All I can say is that I got really lucky when I finally found mine. He was right under my nose the whole time... We work together. :)

LOL Seriously, if we hear a bunch of guys in an apt watching sports we're tempted to knock on the door and say A HA there you are! LOL

But you've got to figure, those good guys are wondering where the normal girls are too!!!

My solution is this: it should be every happily coupled's job to host a dinner party once a month where they expose their single friends to one another.

Though even this doesn't always work. I've summarily rejected each and every guy my best friend and her husband have intorduced me to!!! LOL I keep telling them they need to make new friends, maybe one day I'll like one of them! ha ha

Amy,l here's an idea...
 

Are you a member of a gym? I just joined one a couple of weeks ago, and I'm beginning to think that all the cute men are there on the stairmaster instead of at the bars! Since I'm already taken, I haven't talked to any of them in depth, so I don't know if they're "good" guys... But you could give it a shot! :D

Be careful -those "pretty boys" at the gym sometimes play for the other team (at least in Austin). My married friends are always introducing me to their single friends and I have yet to find one I am interested in. My best friend is dating a 22 year old in medical school-I definitely am not going there (though I did go out with his roommate briefly). I want a guy that is at least my age or older-but finding one that is stable and that has a good job is somtimes hard to come by.

lol Karen, I was just about to post the same thing. There are lots of hotties to ogle at my gym, but alas, MOST of them are gay. Still so nice to look at though!

One of my vet friends is sooooo hot he could be a model easily, but once he opens his mouth you know he is playing for the other team. He cracks me up, defintely has the XX chromosomes-nice to drool over though. Man he is hot!!!!

You are soo funny! There are a lot of Pretty Boys here in New York, and many of them do play for the other team.
When I read about how bad dating is in college, it makes me laugh because I had about two dates when I was in school. :(
My theory is when you are ready it will happen. My only advice is BE NICE!

Wierd update on this post about the blonde I never called . . .

It turns out that the joke is actually on me.

I ran into her a few months later and she had dropped that annoying 20 pounds and looked a lot better.

And of course now she had a BF right? Well it gets better.

Listen to this:

We are talking one night after she has one too many drinks and it turns out that she kind of likes girls also . . . and she has picked up a girl in a bar (usually one of her long term friends actually) and taken the girl home with her to share with her boy friend.

That's a threesome for those of you that weren't paying attention.

I was like WTF? :eek: I mean thats pretty wicked isn't it?

I was thinking, I didn't call you? With that kind of Spidey-Sense I am not going to be very sucessful.

My interest in her shot up 2500 percent, I said: How come we never got together? And she replied logically: You never called . . .

So the moral of the story boys is . . . CALL You never know what kind of experience you might be missing out on . . . I mean that is like a Penthouse Magazine Letter I blew.

Here's one for the BIZARRO BEHAVIOR COLUMN:

Last July--that's 2001-- I met a guy in Cabo. We had fun. We exchanged #'s. He never called. I called him. He never called back. I dropped it.

LAST NIGHT HE CALLED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OVER A YEAR. I screened it, seeing his name on caller ID.

message was : How've you been? What are you up to?

What am I up to you freak? PACKING FOR MY TRIP TO HAWAII W NEW BOYFRIEND. lol

Sheesh.

People's oddities will never cease to amaze me.

:)
Amy

You should call him back and just see how he handles the whole year of no-contact thing . . . he might even do it well! lol I would like to know for my own notes.

" You never know what kind of experience you might be missing out on . . . I mean that is like a Penthouse Magazine Letter I blew."



...... and sometimes......... SOMETIMES.......... I think you might be a pretty cool guy to date.........pessimistic, don't-trust-the-world-or-anyone-in-it James......sometimes, your intelligence shines through just enough to cover up your super-freakishness....... man, that just about does it......

OMG You're going to Hawaii with your new boyfriend!!!:cool: :D Does he have a brother?

Ahh.... the good old to call or not to call debate. And also to call back or not to call back, lol.

For me, when I meet guys, I can usually tell within 5 minutes of meeting him whether or not I am gonna give him the number. I NEVER give out a fake number. That is kinda hurtful to a guy. Even if he approached me wrong, I either politely brush him off, or tell him I have a man.

If I do give a man my number, it is only because he has taken the time to get to know me and has held my attention for long enough that I am relatively sure that we can have another decent conversation. Nearly all of the men I have given my number to have called me. The key is not to get your hopes up about every cute guy you run across. Spend a little time observing, then decide whether it is worth it to give out your number. Also this cuts down on "stalkers" which I had to learn the very hard way about, lol. A few number changes later, and I think I have the formula down. ;) :D

James...sucks for you. :p ;) :)

hmmm
 

Lots of girls like to eat salmon so don't fret.

-Rudey
--Seriously, I was referring to sea food.

I just might call him--after all, I am kinda curious and my friends who went to Cabo w me are VERY curious.

But I will wait a few days. lol NO RUSH.

Edited to add:

I think it had to take some guts to call after so long...especially since he never called back then. But he was in the middle of a messy divorce, so I was not too surprised to not hear from him them. Friends think he's doing some karmic cleansing by calling now, recognizing that I am a nice girl and he should have called then, esp since I was recently divorced myself and could relate to what he was going thru and offered only friendship and an understanding ear if he needed to talk.

lol Yes he does, but his brother is already married. :) Has been for like 13 years.

We're gonna be there for a week! I can't wait!!!!!!

Have so much fun! I've never been to Hawaii. I went to the Bahamas last year with my ex, and it was great. I learned to scuba dive. :D

On a personal note, Amy, you need to date men who have straight, single brothers located in NYC. ;) lol!

As for Cabo man, make him sweat it out a little. It is a little odd when someone reappears after a year long absence.

lol Cream. :)

Thanks, I know we'll have an amazing time, we're both total beach people. He's teaching me to surf, so we'll get to work on that some and really just have a solid week alone together to bond and get closer. :) I cannot wait. We'll book the ticket tomorrow and I'll be bikini shopping this weekend, because, of course, the ones I ordered last month from VS are backordered. Have the top to one but no bottom and the bottom to the other but no top--and the 2 do not match at all. lol

On another note, when I met C I was looking totally grubby--no makeup, ponytail, and was drunk as hell. lol SOmething to the less time you spend getting ready the better quality of guy you meet theory! ha ha

:) I was in Antigua a year and a half ago and that was amazing. Haven't been to Hawaii in 15 years, so am really looking forward to it!