Verbal Assault and Sexual Harassment...
 

At my stage of life, I'm not particularly offended by the use of inappropriate words (I think I've probably heard them all used in remarkably creative ways) but you all might want to consider this...

As you move into the business or everyday work world, the use of many of the words used so freely on this forum are grounds for legal action.

Running off at the mouth is a stupid reason to lose a job or, as a manager, get sued.

Maybe we should all try to wean ourselves away from gratuitous use of sexually connotative words and other unsavory comments. It's a hard habit to break.

Just a thought.

my parents are very conservative, extremely religious people. my mother believes that the work 'butt' is dirty. i however, am far from having a clean mouth. over the years i have developed the reflex to act in each situation as may be appropriate. when out with my friends i can swear like a sailor (i used to date one) but when in a parental, church, or professional environment nothing slips out. i think it's all a matter of knowing what's appropriate and when. :D

I disagree. We all need a forum to come to and vent, why not here? If one is not mature enough to know they must censor themselves in the real world, then the lesson they will learn will be needed and deserved.

The world is already far too politically correct. I feel its ebbing away at our first ammendment rights bit by bit. We all know when someone grossly crosses the line and the GC community is quick to jump on it... let's let the more minor everyday stuff go.

I've been the victim of both verbal assault (my ex boss and my ex husband) and sexual harassment (a former co-worker who was fired as a result of it). Neither is any fun. Both make the victim feel like they are 2 feet tall. But I don't think anyone on this board would mistake random venting, playful flirting, and sarcasm for either. The few times its gone too far its been handled and dealt with, if not within the community, by the admins.

Just my thought-
Amy

thank you amy! that's the general thought i was trying to get at, you just put it much better!

Read my comment again. I'm talking about the gratuitous use of words -- using them for shock value -- not to simply make a point.

Or just being crude.

I think there's a difference.

There is a difference.

However, part of maturity is being able to make the seperation. A mature person should know that comments/tone/colloquial language that is acceptable in a forum such as this is not as acceptable in a professional setting. If you're a mature person, you have the self-control to carry your tone in Greek Chat, or other more relaxed social settings, over into more formal settings.

Like Amy said - if you're not mature enough to make the distinction between a forum like this and a professional setting - maybe you deserve to screw up to realize it.

Collin

Delt Alum,

I understood your post.
My statement stands whether the language is used in a sentence colloquially (sp) or as an expletive out of emotion/passion/anger.

:)
Amy

Well . . . I mean, I'd hate to see anyone get fired either, but I can think of dozens of examples of times where a "10 dollar word" will get you in far more trouble than some random f-bombs or references to one's junk . . . think 'truck stop'

Life is situational - this is no different. Intent is key in a lot of ways - Chris Rock has shown all of us that using the f-bomb and other such language (FOR SHOCK VALUE NO LESS) can definitely be used to convey a point more effectively. Also, I'm sure I can sexually harrass someone, or insult them, or offend them, using the highest-level diction possible - see Winston Churchill for numerous examples of how to parlay this into everyday use.

I think that this sort of attitude leads to bad prescedent - that some words carry more weight than others, and it forces looking at connotation rather than denotation. If a person is sexually harrassing someone, it had damn well better be based on intent, rather than on a misplaced word - otherwise, we're talking about rarified piles of angus droppings.

Now, I realize that since I'm still in school, my daily language probably ventures more toward the gutter than most of you out in the workforce - but the facts remain that I can use words like "fuckers" and "assbag" and "dick" and even more, without using them in a manner DIRECTLY offensive to anyone. I also know that, in a forum such as this, this sort of dialogue may not fit every person's ideal of expressive language, but that this situation favors me as the speaker, as it is an implicitly colloquial environment - everyday speech is the norm. I see no reason to assume that people here carry their typing patterns into everyday life, especially in terms of 'occupational environment.'

Furthermore, I will continue to speak as such - from this point on, I entreat every person to judge me on what I have to say, and not on how I say it. Except KSigKid, who can go fuck himself - use the butternut squash douche bag, no lube.

don't listen to what ksigrc has to say, he is a total knob

Everyone says they understand what Delt Alum is saying, but I don't think you really do-Heck I could be reading it wrong...

When I was in college(F-so EASY to pick up) and until the time I married the "F" word was a part of my everyday vocabulary. It
felt very liberating to say "OH F-" "F-Off" "F-You" I felt like it was part of my freedom. When I got married the F word would pepper my conversation, but I noticed it wasn't like it used to be
There would be the polite laugh and perhaps a few others that used the word, but I really began to feel uncomfortable-it DID slip out at the wrong moments and when you are in "polite" company, it can have a real negative affect on more thn just the gathering. The men started talking about one of the wives in particular who could get really creative. The more she spoke that way, the more she turned people off. She became looked upon as cheap and vulagar. Vulgar is a word you NEVER want used to describe you in the "social" world...it is a killer. Most of us killed the "F" word at the point of that realization. Then comes KIDS---
nothing too hard to understand there.

So-I think it's rather "natural" for young adults to freely use the "F" word. I also know that it is SOOOOO hard a habit to break.
It WILL slip out, even when you are on your toes. It WILL brand you if you are in a generational mix---it can also HARM you socially and business wise. When you are in an social situation, the really impressive thing to do is say "F-U" in a way that no one but the receiver is offended. It's calldTHE VELVET GLOVE!

I really have to think on this one!!!!!:p

All of the words are in my vocabulary! Ever drive a police car and find out about your heritage? I never used a lot of BAD WORDS TILL THEN!

Yep I know them all! And in many languages well only that part! I little Ole Blue Hair Ladies who come in and talk like salt sea sailors!!!!! Or China Marines!!!!!!

AH WELL SCREW IT!!!!!!!!!;)

This is exactly how I read it.

Again - your point about generational gaps, differences in diction, and etc goes along with exactly what I'm saying. I assume it's a type of transition thing - you play one game until you're too tall to ride, then proceed with the next. The velvet glove is great - but I'm saying it doesn't relieve people of responsibility etc for intent and action, and that simple vulgarity isn't enough for me to drop the glass hammer on someone.

Never ever been hard for me to control at all. There is times when you say and times that you don't. The times are hard to explain.....its just someone has to be really dumb to ever get caught in a situation where you use the f word when you are not supposed to. It is used by me to my cloest friends that are in my age group.

I DO understand both DeltAlum and justamom. It has nothing to do with being dumb. When you constantly use the words "s---", "d---n", and "f--k", it becomes a part of your regular vocab. THEY DO SLIP OUT AT TIMES, no matter hard you try. I myself am expecially vulnerable to say it when I am mad, suprised, or disgusted. Fortunately, I have not had many dilemas with that....yet. What they are saying is when curse left and right it becomes a habit that is hard to break, that may cause you trouble in different social settings.

I remember when I was in high school I used to say the phrase "that's gay" left and right. People at my high school were'nt openly gay. But, people at my college are. I remember saying that in front of a gay person twice, because it slipped. :o. Since then, the word was deleted from vocab.

This reminded me of a story-
My son was in 5th grade and I walked by my bedroom. He was hiding behind the bed whispering on the phone to a friend. I heard him say. "Page 695....no, it's page 695.......P-U-S-S-Y....."
He had one dictionary and his friend obvously had a different one!
I don't think they found what they were looking for...

.

justamom,

That's really funny. And that's about when this whole thing starts. You say a word and then look over your shoulder to see if you've gotten in trouble -- then giggle. Makes you a real adult!

Since you all understand my post, I thought it would be good if I figured it out myself. Seriously.

Mom and Hoc may be closest -- but it goes beyond specifics, I think.

I will say that I started thinking about this stuff seriously a few years ago. I was a director-level manager at a big multi-national company (the pecking order is manager/director/VP). I had been having a friendly, kind of jocular, conversation with one of the managers who reported to me, a woman who was and is still a very good friend. When she left, I started really thinking about the kind of language I had been using and how it could have really caused me and the company a huge problem if my friend and I ever had a falling out. We didn't, but it was startling. I went down the hall to her office and appologized to her, although she said there was no reason to. I told her that it wouldn't happen again, and it didn't.

I had been a diversity instructor for a big company in years past, and here I was using inappropriate lauguage -- allbeit in jest and a spirit of fun. It was just part of the way we talk, but it was illegal in the broad context of business. Any someone else might have been deeply offended without my even knowing it.

In that same job, I had to write a letter of reprimand and later ask for the resignation of a really good guy and employee because he just couldn't keep his mouth shut in terms of jokes, etc.

Those were real wake up calls.

So, that's part of the reason. But it goes even deeper than than.

As I've thought about this over the past couple of days, I've realized that I'm disappointed in us.

As Greeks we claim that we hold ourselves to a higher standard. We swear a fraternal oath which probably talks about how to live better lives and help others and be good and model citizens. We are leaders. We set examples.

Then, in a public forum, we talk like a bunch of kids on a street corner.

Most of us will say that we aren't offended by the language -- and that's probably true -- but if only one person is offended we've misused this marvelous communications device we've been given.

Most of would say that we wouldn't use crass language in a large gathering. Well, that's what this is. We're just not looking each other in the eye as we do it.

And, before anyone brings up the inevitable, this is not a free speech issue. The First Amendment doesn't apply. Nobody is saying you can't say anything. Nobody is forcing any issue or threatening any penalties.

This is a matter of maturity and taste.

This is not a crusade. I'm not going to try to clean up everyone's language. Mine is bad enough -- at least in weaker moments. Maybe the next time you start to type F---, you'll just stop to ask if it's necessary to make your point.

In the end, this is not my problem.

I offer no solution. It's up to all of us to decide if one is needed.

My former Manager at the Jewelry store harassed me. He'd say things like "Amy's got a big ole butt" and then launch rubber bands at it...(even though my butt isn't THAT big LOL). The worst was when he was making a joke about what he and my mother did last night...I wasn't very happy about that (neither was my father).
Then he had the nerve to tell my roommate that if she dressed more professionally she'd make more sales. She doesn't dress inapproprietly, but she cannot afford Casual Corner suits and the likes, so he basically said that he should hire other women who were prettier to attract clientel.
The list goes on and on. Finally, when I quit, I wrote the owners a 3 page letter detailing specific events of harassment and his ugly ways. After I left, my roommate continued to work at the store. One night she was talking to someone and brought up my name, and evidentally the boss got so pissed off he told her to never speak my name again. Why? Probably because I got him in trouble...because for so long he had been harassing the women of the store and no one would stand up to him.
Unfortunately he's still there (been with the company 18 years). But I agree...it's a warning that sexual jokes and potty language can get you in trouble. You never know who may take offense! Plus it just isn't professional to go cursing in the office.

Hootie:rolleyes: