Dropping my sorority
 

After not feeling satisfied with recruitment my freshman year, I eventually joined a chapter in August (this is my sophomore year). At first, I was really eager and excited about being a part of something so much bigger than myself and really immersed myself in all that greek life and my sorority had to offer - I met a lot of people, I did a lot of community service, I got a lot of cute t-shirts (ha!), but something never really 'clicked' for me. I think this was a result of a combination of things, from personal family stuff to my anxiety being horrible, and more specific to my chapter, there was not a very strong sisterhood at all, which was what I was really looking for. To avoid going into too much detail, the girls were not very nice. At the end of this semester, I knew that I needed to reevaluate, and after a lot of consideration, I am fairly confident that this chapter is just not for me.

I thought about transferring to a different school with my chapter, because I am not entirely happy at the university that I attend and there are other universities in my state with better programs for my major, but I am not positive that I will be able to transfer for financial reasons. If I can not transfer, I suppose what it is going to come down to is me dropping out of my sorority.

I don't want to ask anyone in my chapter how to go about this because I am not sure I will be dropping the sorority all together, so I figured that this would be a good place to ask! (this community has been really helpful for me before :p)

I assume the person I should get in touch with is my chapter president, correct? Will I need to go through standards and signing contracts, etcetera? What is the general procedure for dropping out, and what is the appropriate etiquette? Any help would be MUCH appreciated, I am slightly stressing about this already :(

QFP

I'm not going to try to talk you in to sticking around because you seem to have your mind made up. However, it's been ~5 months, some of which was Thanksgiving and Winter breaks. Do you really feel like you've seen all this group has to offer in the short time you've been around?
If you end up quitting, so be it. But don't expect the girls to still want to be friends.
If you stick with it actively participate. Don't be a deadbeat and blame the chapter because "it never clicked" for you.

Exactly.

Keep in mind that the chapter will change, too. Seniors will graduate and new members will come in. I assume you've already been initiated, so I'd say you should give it another semester or two before you decide to drop. Make an effort to befriend the sisters and especially the new members next semester. Take on a leadership position or join a committee. Get involved. Everyone here is going to tell you the same thing; you get out of Greek life what you put into it.

True, it has been only ~5 months, but if I'm not in love with it then I'm not comfortable paying upwards of $2000 to continue to be a part of it.

The reasons that I wanted to be a part of greek life do not align with what I feel that this chapter has to offer - end of story. That does not make me a deadbeat and I am not blaming the chapter, there is just a serious disconnect there. I don't want to be in a sorority just for the sake of being in a sorority.

I am asking if anyone knows the proper procedure for dropping is.

If you don't feel comfortable talking to someone in your chapter about this yet because you haven't ultimately made a decision, I would recommend maybe sending a private message to someone that is in your sorority here on GC. At least that way you can get some information specific to your organization. Not every sorority's procedures are going to be the same, so advice offered may not be correct if it comes from someone outside of your particular sorority.

I've thought about this a lot, and I would love to see my chapter change an be successful in the coming years. Something I've thought about a lot is coming back in 10 or so years and seeing my chapter flourishing and have an awesome sisterhood, but when it comes down to it, it's just not a worthy investment in terms of time and money right now if I'm unhappy. I'm in a committee, I've organized events, I attend everything, I've met a lot of great people (especially alumni - I am in complete awe of some of our advisors), and I still just feel like there is something missing.

Maybe it IS me. I'm not sure.

I want to love it, I genuinely do, but it's just not something I can force, and I hate feeling this way about something that I feel like I should be crazy about.

I figured each sorority had different procedures - I will look into this. Thank you! I've tried looking it up in my sorority's bylaws and handbooks but haven't had much luck.

Contact your regional/area collegiate person (adult alum) or your HQ's collegiate services department. Either should be able to tell you the procedure and any options you may have based on your particular situation. Please be sure to give them all your pertinent information.

Lane swerve/

The username made me chuckle.

/lane swerve

You have been around for 5 months. There are people who have been around for 50+ years. Do try to put things into perspective before doing anything rash. You're throwing away your collegiate experience as well as a potential experience as an alumna.

Do I recall that this is the second sorority that you pledged? If so, then perhaps you are right that sorority life might not be a good fit for you. You feel the way you feel.

ETA: please do not transfer schools thinking or hoping that another chapter will be different. Please concentrate on what is best for your education. That is the MOST important thing, not a sorority.

Hm, nice call!

Sympathy is where in the dictionary?

Putting the confusion aside (not sure if you are transferring, want to resign, or what, based on all you've written):

If you are a Kappa Alpha Theta, feel free to PM me and I can explain the process of resigning your membership. Your options are limited and you need to act quickly if that is your choice. There are financial responsibilities and obligations that kick in as soon as the semester starts.

The individual chapter's by-laws likely do not address this, because it is in the (inter)national constitution/bylaws. Does that make sense?

lol, I'm glad :o I'm not very good at choosing usernames, obviously

No, I haven't pledged another sorority. I had below a 3.0 in high school (laziness and arrogance, woops) and so I was cut from recruitment heavily my freshman year. My college GPA is well above a 3.5. I think that in general I am a good fit for sorority life because I believe in my sorority's ritual and what historically it aims to instill in women - but like I've said, I don't think this particular chapter fulfills.

Also, I am not looking into transferring specifically for the sorority; there are a multitude of different reasons that I'm interested in transferring (better opportunities for my field, closer to home, etcetera) and if I do, I would want to look into transferring chapters as well.

I am almost positive that I want to resign at this point, but I want to talk to someone about what my options are. I'm not a Kappa Alpha Theta, but I appreciate your willingness to help! That makes perfect sense, I will try to get in touch with an advisor as soon as I talk to my parents about my decision.

I see. Sorry for the confusion! With all of the Aug 2012 posts deleted, I was confused about the posts titled "Dropping Out." I wish you the best with all of these big decisions!

You say you are in awe of several of your Alum Advisors. Have you talked to any of them? Not about the procedure but on how you feel? It is my experience (over 30 years a member) that many of the more active Alumnae I've known were not the "super member" during college. Many of us, me included, didn't really fall in love with our Fraternity until after college. While the college experience was fun, most of the time, I really didn't connect that deeply with many of my chapter sisters. It's the sisters from other chapters, other parts of the country, different ages, that have made me really feel like I fit in. For me at least, it took more than a few years for every thing to sink in! I'd hate for you to give up on something now that might have great meaning for you for many years to come.

I know that unhappy members have been a part of every organization for decades, but it seems to be much more prevalent today. Some of the new members act like they are joining a health club. They are "really into it" for the first few weeks and then decide they aren't getting their money's worth. If we're not happy all of the time, if it's more responsibility than we thought, if we don't get along with everyone... then just quit. That's the answer.

Greek organizations are for a LIFETIME.

No need to be patronizing. I already came to the conclusion on my own that I should probably cut my losses and quit. I asked for help in how to determine what the appropriate procedure is for dropping.

This is something I am VERY interested in, one of the main selling points for me joining a Greek organization was the alumni connections. However, I'm not sure if it's an option for me since I was just initiated this past semester :confused: I guess it's just something I'll have to discuss with an advisor once I take that step.

I haven't, even though I really think that is going to be my first action that I take once I return back to school. It's slightly intimidating because I don't want to disappoint them, but at some point I'm going to need to discuss this with someone who can give me a more definitive answer, and if not, some guidance.

Missing out on connecting with women all over the country after college is one of the things that I will really miss if I drop, from day 1 of recruitment this is something that I expressed serious interest in to my chapter. :( I am going to look into what steps I can take to be granted early alumni status - if possible. I think that is the ideal situation for me.

Sounds to me like you want all of the privileges and none of the responsibilities.

I would very much doubt that you would qualify for early alumnae status.

Well you're certainly entitled to draw whatever conclusions you want, not that it accomplishes much or helps me in any way.

I've gotten the answers that I needed.

Shyeah. Methinks this was where the problem started. To spell it out, maybe if you would have stuck with it and given the chapters a chance who gave you a chance, they would have been the "nice" girls you wanted. Some girls think they can choose and/or stick with a GLO strictly based on ritual and mottoes and philanthropy and networking opportunities, but NPC recruitment just doesn't work that way.

If you're not transferring next semester, contact your national headquarters and they will let you know the proper procedure for self-termination. As others mentioned, do this ASAP before you and/or the chapter are on the hook for another $2000.

You know, it's about the lifetime experience, not 2-3 years of college. Seems to me that you are more interested in the wedding than the marriage.

With regard to the comments you've received not being exactly what you asked for, It shouldn't be a shock that sorority actives and alumnae that are so involved as to be posting on an internet forum would try to encourage you to not terminate your lifetime membership.

Also, future women considering dropping may do a search and find this thread, so the comments are for them as well.

Well, I don't disagree with you there. Even though my dissatisfaction with recruitment the first time around was due to heavy grade-based cuts, I am sure that I joined the wrong chapter for me - but that's a whole different story there.

Thank you for answering my question!

It's not people trying to discourage me that grated on my nerves, I am more irritated by the patronizing tone. I wouldn't expect that on a very open and public forum of Greeks.

OMG everything I typed was just lost. Damn you greekchat.

Ugh

I don't want to retype it all. Pineapples, I had a story for you, if you wanna "hear" it, feel free to PM me.

I know you aren't a theta, if you are an ADPi please feel free to contact me. I do know women in other chapters, if you need a recommendation of who to talk to please feel free to contact me.

You should have access to your chapter's bylaws. They should have something about dropping your membership or even a leave of absence.

If not, I would say ask to meet with your new member educator and chapter president privately. Yes, they'll try to talk you out of your decision. If they don't, you really are making the right choice.

You'll likely need to write a letter to the chapter. It doesn't likely need to get into the why but it needs to clearly say "I've decided to end my membership". The chapter may, or may not, need to take a vote. You may need to sign some forms. You'll need to pay any outstanding dues, including the rest of this semester.

pineapples, please - you need to contact your own sorority. Either locally, or your headquarters.

I'm repeating this because other NPC sororities may or may not offer an early alumnae option. And it isn't solely a chapter decision, it may well be a national/international policy.

We don't have any idea whether or not you'd qualify for early alumnae status; your only option may be to resign. So let the side convo(s) go. And DON'T WAIT UNTIL YOU GET BACK TO SCHOOL if you are dead set on resigning. Do it NOW. (caps for emphasis).

ahhhh okay. I'm going to get in touch with someone today. Thank you SO much - I really do appreciate your help.

I've checked and rechecked the bylaws with no luck.

I hope my chapter doesn't need to vote me out, I'm not a big fan of having attention on me, I was hoping I could go out quietly :eek: thank you!

From my sorority, I've never heard of a member who wants to self-terminate having to be voted out by the chapter. (Whether the national org accepts her termination is another story) Every group is different.

In AOII you have to. Don't know why, but you do. It's an awkward discussion every single time.

You also understand, I hope, that you will have to turn in all your jewelry (badge),stuff with letters, etc, you'll never be allowed to join another NPC group nor an alum group and your daughters/granddaughters/etc will never be legacies. Just so you know how all-encompassing this decision is. Like I said before, it sounds like you just want the wedding and not the marriage.

As a chapter adviser, my advice would be if you are considering transferring for educational reasons, and have the possibility of affiliating with a different chapter of your same sorority, honestly that may be your best bet. It's very easy to dole out arm-chair advice about sticking with it and it's a lifetime commitment...yada, yada, yada, but we all know that sometimes the face that a sorority puts out during recruitment is not an accurate representation of what they are truly like once the big show is over and you get to the nitty-gritty of getting to know everyone. The attitude of the chapter with every new incoming member class can result in a shift in direction, so-to-speak, so it's not entirely unreasonable to think that maybe what you signed up for, wasn't what you ended up getting.

In Delta Zeta, you do not HAVE to affiliate if you leave your original school of initiation. So if you pledged/initiated at one school, found it didn't work for you and you wanted to switch, you could, and if you did not affiliate with the DZ chapter at your new school OR they didn't have one, you would become an alumna. Now, if you chose to affiliate, the DZ chapter at the new school would have to vote to accept your petition, so it's not a sure-thing, but it is an option.

It seems that you are very interested in the sorority, and in continuing your commitment that you made when you joined your particular group, but just not this group of women, and the above option, if it's possible for your sorority, might be the best way for you to retain your membership to continue as an alumna but not be in a chapter that you didn't mesh with as well as you expected you would.

Don't know if you are a DZ, but if you are, I'd be more than happy to answer any questions you might have.

co-sign

If you are transferring anyway, you are most likely to be an early alumna. You don't have to do anything at that point. You can decide whether to affiliate or not later. Since you are transferring, you might want to hit the pause button and sit with it for awhile, before you disaffiliate.