You have animals, he/she is allergic
 

Yes...the Jewish guy from the other thread? Allergic to cats. And I have 6 who are by my side 24/7.

Ugh- dating. If it's not one thing, it's another.

Everything I own is covered with cat allergans, I'm sure. He wouldn't even be able to walk into my house. Which makes dating awkward.

Everything else about him is great- I am definetly going to go out with him and see how it goes. If he doesn't get anaphylactic.

Anyone ever been in this situation?

Yes. I am highly (life threateningly) allergic to cats, and it has never ever not once worked out when I dated a cat owner. I'm not saying it couldn't, but if the end game is a long term relationship, can you imagine living your life without a cat? Because you'd have to if cohabitation or marriage happens.

I'm allergic to dog/cat/horse dander and we have 5 dogs. I have grown up with them and never knew I was allergic til a few years ago. We give the dogs bath, vacuum a lot, trained them not to get on the couch, and put them outside as long as possible.

I guess the best way to deal with the situation is talk about it and try to make it as comfortable for him as possible.

There is a wide range of allergic reactions, but since anaphylaxis was mentioned, I assumed she was talking about my kind of cat allergy. (speaking from personal experience, anaphylaxis sucks.) If its the kind of allergy where constant vacuuming and a Zyrtec make it manageable, that's a whole other ball of wax.

I hate cats and wouldn't date a man with cats. Most men of the African diaspora don't have cats so that was never an issue.

I love dogs except for small dogs. I believe that dogs shouldn't be permanent puppies. LOL. Anyway, I've dated men with dogs.

I say all of that to say that I wouldn't date a man whose body, car, or house smells like animals or have animal hair (or worse) covering them. Not only because it can make me sneeze and itch but because it makes me gag thinking about pets all over owners 24/7.

I would address the allergy issue ASAP. It really could be a deal-breaker and better to find that out sooner than later. Since, as stated above, it might not be a big deal, you might as well find out. But I can't imagine being in a room with 5 cats. First, because I agree with DrPhil and second because I would be an itchy mess. I can tolerate most dogs by not allowing them to lick me or when I do pet them only do so with one hand and immediately go wash. And contrary to what people think, allergies are cumulative. He will not get used to it. He will only get more and more sick.

If a guy tells me it's him or the dog, the dog wins.

Cat dander has a specific pH. A lot of people can be highly allergic to SOME cats, but not ALL cats. It makes no difference if it is a short haired cat or long haired cat. It depends on the pH of the cat's saliva. And of course, there are definitely people who are allergic to all cat dander, no matter the pH.

I am a professional pet sitter, so I am around many, many cats in my daily work. I also have several cats of my own. I have met 3 cats in my 20 year career that I was highly allergic to. I had to send the client to another pet sitter who was not sensitive to that cat.

Have you tried to see if your BF can tolerate being around your kitties?

Exactly! And can you imagine person A giving up a pet for person B? Every time they get in a disagreement: A says (or thinks) "I can't believe I gave up Fluffy or Fido for you."

I crashed with a friend who had cats one night, and woke up around 4am barely breathing. Cats are a quick dealbreaker for me.

HEE HEE HEE!! All I can hear in my head is Harry in SITC mocking Charlotte, saying "I gave up Christ for you!"

Yes but not for someone you are merely dating.

Not every pet owner sees animals the same way. I like animals and particularly dogs but I ultimately see dogs the same way the law in many (most or all?) states seems them. Dogs are property--property that can be loved but property nonetheless. As with any property a dog can overstay its worth and welcome if an owner sees more costs than benefits. That includes if a dog requires more time, attention, and special consideration than the humans. That's why I don't own animals.

To paraphrase Iota Guy, I feel you.

LOL!

My comment was really in context of my prior comments relating to the goal of a long term relationship, and I have a feeling that anyone who owns six cats may not view them as property, but more like family. The fact that a thread was started on the topic at all gives credence to the OP seeing them as family. The fact that the OP has started two threads relating to the same guy gives me the inkling that she's interested in more than just casual dating. But I definitely agree with you that it's no big deal if two people are casually dating.

I'm going to sound like one of those 1950s movies and say that "keeping it casual" is really a pointless thing because you never know how your feelings will change, and you may end up in a difficult situation. Set your boundaries before you get there.

Pets/no pets are a dealbreaker, and if someone has zero trouble getting rid of their pet to placate you, that should be a dealbreaker too. The next lifetime commitment they make that they break may be to you.

https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/i...UgeGjRrLO6LVSA

https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/i...EsGGdkg26GV0Rw

https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/i...pTUu82ojwGHq5A

Stephen King is brilliant with at least two movies that solidified how I feel about cats.

Yeah I was just giving a disclaimer because I don't want people thinking they need to give away animals for the hot woman or man they met last week. I don't know about *winter*'s relationship but my point was that some people would give up their animals for a serious relationship/life partner. It depends on what your deal breakers are.

On a larger topic, I encourage people who spend a lot of time holding animals at work or at home to make sure they don't smell like animals. Sometimes people are so accustomed to something that they no longer notice it. I have a colleague who used to have cat fur in her hair, on her clothes, in her car, and on her office chair. I consider that gross and apparently so did her Life Partner so things had to change.

I disagree and don't consider pets a lifetime commitment. I consider them property. My family has owned dogs over the years that I loved dearly (one we had for 15 years and he died a few years ago :() but they were still lower on the totem pole than my relationships with humans.

Amen! I'll leave it at that.

Maybe you think that way, but unlike other property, if you abandon or surrender it, other humans end up paying in some way (either through tax support of shelters, health issues from strays or unwanted litters). Unless of course you can find a vet unethical enough to put an animal to sleep judt because you're over it. But as you said, fortunately you are self-aware enough not to have animals.

And I am definitely not the only person in the world who feels this way. Not every unwanted pet is sent to a shelter, abandoned on a street, or euthanized. You spoke definitively about pets as though there is only one way to legally and humanely view pets; and as though someone who would give up their pet is a demon spawn who can't commit to anything. That just isn't true in a general sense beyond personal opinion. Sometimes people give up pets because the owners, themselves, or their loved ones (adults or children) can become ill and hospitalized due to allergies. It is ridiculous to risk the health of you or loved ones for a pet. Not everyone considers pets a lifetime commitment that surpasses the happiness, well-being, and relationships with humans. People need to do what works for them and go based on their relationship deal breakers.

Fortunately for both of us, we both love animals. Two cats and a dog. :)

YESSSS!!!! I thought of that too, especially since he is Jewish: "I gave up Christ AND MY CATS for you!*"

* I wouldn't actually give up Christ

Double Post- but if it got serious enough I would consider getting rid of them. I love them but my biggest fear is ending up alone. I want to be married. I want to have children. I'm 34. I don't want to NOT do those things in my life because of cats, should it progress to that point. My mom can take a few, my BIL may take one and the others- I will try to network with all the cat people I know (and I know a lot.). I've already been through this when I thought about selling my house last year.

:) Good luck with whatever you decide, winter. Do what works for you so you are happy and won't end up resentful.

Since you mentioned your age and not wanting to be alone: Don't depict yourself as some "cat lady" and don't turn this into a rush and an emergency. None of the things we are discussing in this thread are life requirements and that includes pets, marriage, and children. These are life options/choices. Every person who "opts out" isn't a lonely miserable soul just as every person who "opts in" isn't happy and fulfilled. Good luck doing what you believe will make you happy and don't go based on other people's assessment.

Wait, wait, wait, what about finding them another home?

That came off harsher than I intended. Of course many times when boyfriend is allergic, pets go with no problem to parents or friends and all is well - winter said this would be the case with her. But my point is that taking in a living being is a responsibility and you need to be responsible if your situation changes and not just throw them back into the system for the rest of society to deal with. My cousin has jettisoned 2 cats & 2 horses because of THE BABY....the cats she didn't even wait until the baby was born to see how they'd react, and the horses she took after her marriage when she should thought a little further than the end of her nose about whether she would have time for them. That's the kind of irresponsibility that grinds my gears.

ETA: this also extends to what happens after you die. Ask a trusted friend if they'll be willing to care for whatever pets you might have after your death and put it in your will. Again, this is about being responsible and not putting more burden on an already overcrowded shelter/rescue system. Don't just assume friends and family will care for your pets.

I used to have a cat. Then everyone in my life was allergic - my boyfriend, my mother, my brother, my three closest friends, etc. In the end, the cat went. Not because of the boyfriend, but because no one could come to my apartment. I won't own another cat.

Now I have a dog and that's a completely different story. A man wouldn't have gotten beyond a first date if he was allergic to or didn't like dogs. My dog is like my kid - and for four years she has been the baby and only child. Thank goodness hubby loves her too.

This is funny to me because my daughter has asked when she can have a cat. I have told her not until she lives on her own and that I will not be able to visit her if she does. My prediction is that she will have a cat from the ages of 18-25.

I'm in a similar situation now. My boyfriend and I are both cat lovers, but one of his is NOT accepting mine. She's terrified and doesn't seem to be getting over it after weeks of trying...and is not the kind of cat who could adjust well to a new home. So my cat is probably going to have to go to my parents. :( Luckily, this will only break my heart, and not hers, because she adapts well to change. I adore that cat and I'll miss her every single day if I have to give her up. But my future with a wonderful man has to come first.

I'm with 33 on the responsibility of owning a pet. Before taking on an animal, understand what the responsibilities involved are. If you're someone who might find themselves in a situation where taking care of an animal might not be feasible, you can probably find a shelter which contracts to take your animal back if something happens. I am general counsel (pro bono) for one of those shelters. Yes, I actually get to sue (well, mostly threaten to sue) animal owners who don't spay and neuter because it's in the contract :)

33girl is going to fight Kevin for recommending a shelter.

AMEN. My husband and I have already told my grandmother that we'll take her pomeranian if something were to happen to her while the dog is still alive. I doubt that will be the case, and honestly while the dog is a cutie I really hope she outlives him. She doesn't want to take him outside all the time so he's been trained to use the bathroom floor and then she just cleans it up. EW.

I've never understood the people that get a dog/cat/whatever and then say, "I'm pregnant! Can someone take my dog/cat/whatever?" I got my Gracie while I was single and from day one had her around other animals and children to get her used to any situation we might have in the future.

Some people are worried about toxoplasmosis, but that's not even that common. And it wouldn't apply to dogs.

I think that some people are all-or-nothing when it comes to this sort of thing. They can't multitask. I know someone who got rid of her BIRD when she had a kid. Really? A bird eats seed and you clean its cage once a week.

Sounds like an excuse to rid your house of a friggin bird. GACK. I totally do not get it about having a bird for a pet.

A lot of the problem with women ditching their cats when they get pregnant is because of their obstetrician. When the obstetrician says "just to be on the safe side, no cats", few women are willing to stand up to their OB and make the small changes or even be tested, in order to keep their cat.

Okay, I have to weigh in on the bird thing. I never understood how anyone could get too excited over having a bird for a pet...then I got Tiki Bob, only THE most awesome Pineapple Green Cheek Conure parrot ever hatched. I had no idea how interactive and affectionate companion birds are, and because they're flock oriented, they see their humans as that flock. They bond with you in a big way, which is something I didn't expect. Also, this guy sings, dances to country music, cuddles, talks, ride bareback on the dogs, chases the cat AND has his own Facebook page to show off his amazing shredding and chewing art. He once crafted a guitar from a cardboard pizza flyer and routinely makes starbursts from apple slices. He loves to tuck himself inside my shirt and ride around, and has accompanied me (undetected) to a University of Tennessee football game, a two day Zac Brown festival and on numerous trips to Target. Tiki Bob recently lost his right eye :( but is doing well as he embraces his inner pirate parrot.

Birds are not for everyone, and careful thought and research should be given before getting one, but they can make wonderful buddies. I love this guy and will most definitely be a crazy bird lady in my golden years.

I'm allergic to cats as well and one of my friends refuses to even put the cat in the other room or vacuum before I come around to her place. I think it's very disrespectful, the has a huge house, and I usually only stick to the living room and kitchen, can the cat really not survive 3 hours of not being in those two rooms? I get that she loves her pet, I'm the same with dogs, but if one of my friends or family members has allergies or is scared of said dog, the human comes first.
She's in my pledge class and always plans a lot of our dinners at her house, which means me and another woman can never attend.

Exactly.

To me that means she doesn't want you to attend. My family, friends, and chapter Sorors don't host events if they are unwilling to accommodate the guests when it comes to pets. Everyone would eventually stop showing up if they believed some people were being excluded for the sake of animals.

I'm starting to reconsider. There are plenty of men in the world who aren't allergic to my best friends...

I always put "must not be allergic to cats" on my dating site profile... The one time I didn't...

I don't know if it's that they don't want people to attend as much as it is ignorance about how allergies can effect people. I've gotten the side eye from people who think I'm complaining about mild reactions and that I shouldn't inconvenience a host, when it's actually that my throat closes up as a result. For so many people in the world, I believe that if they don't directly experience something they don't believe it exists.

If someone tells you they have allergies or they are afraid of pets, put the darn pets away. There's no need to get a doctor's note or make people have to practically plead for the comfort and convenience of humans. Insisting that pets and pet remnants take over your house regardless of the impact on humans screams intentional assholeness rather than cluelessness. Unless the person has an antisocial personality disorder.

:) Winter, are your pets really your best friends? Do they talk to you and listen (know and understand what you're saying) to you when you talk to them? Yes, there are men who aren't allergic to your pets but I think there's a larger point here than men. This is about conception of self and conception of pets. I'm not trying to beat you over the head but I find your posts in this thread interesting and they spark discussion.