How to Act in a House you Don't Like
 

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How do you act? Like a lady - the way you should always act. Kind, gracious, and lady like.

Whether you suicide or not is up to you. The computer won't move you to the bottom - it will kick you out altogether if you don't get that one bid. So be prepared for that. Suicides are not eligible for quota additions so if you aren't far enough up on your choice's list, you will be dropped. Sorry if that sounds harsh but it's the rules. So you need to decide if you would rather not be Greek than in that group and go from there.

Good luck!

I doubt preference will be a problem. You'll probably be dropped like a hot potato by the house you are worrying about, so no worries!

One member? Pshaw. If you didn't accept her invitation to informally rush she'll probably be the first to blackball you. Worry more about the difficulty of getting any bid as a sophomore. Make sure your grades and campus activities are stellar. Those are factors you can control.

It should go without saying that you should be polite. Sure, you don't want that house - but what you don't know is which sororities members of that house are close friends with, and being rude in recruitment to one house can have unforeseen consequences in other houses.

I can not imagine the Auburn recruitment counselors, who are trained so intensively, being stupid enough to tell girls the lie that suiciding would drop them to the bottom of the list. That would be a surefire way to ensure massive Bid Day drops by girls who got an unwanted choice.

So, you go to American University? I can't wait to see how your recruitment goes since you don't even know how to act towards people whose house you don't want to join without coming on a website to ask. This ought to be a nice recruitment story. ;)

What I would do is try to find something about them that you DO like. The idea of mutual selection is really only true at final bid matching so I would be gracious and yes, enthusiastic about every invitation you get. And I know you didn't say that last house was bad, but we all know all the euphemisms for THAT chapter.

My suggestion for a person going through a second time because she got cut from everyone the first time around is to get over yourself. You see yourself as an Awesome Alpha or a Beta Beauty, and you should have considered yourself lucky to get an invitation to the Goodenough Gammas.

With the way RFM works and forced cutting early on in the process, girls with guts are taking the Goodenough Gammas and ending up with positive Greek experiences. And then guess what? The GGs become the Prettygood Pis. They may not overtake the AAs or the BBs but with a couple solid pledge classes they can lose their status as THAT chapter. And depending on your school the GGs can unseat the AAs or BBs. I have seen it swing in just 5 or 6 years.

So to repeat, get over yourself and be nice to everyone. And more than that, be appropriately honored because nobody HAD to invite you.

Yep. I like you a little bit more each day---as, if you didn't know I already liked you. You said it in a much more creative and less snobbish way than me. Agreed.

Go in and be your best self just as you would in any other chapter. Remember that since last recruitment the chapter you didn't connect with has changed tremendously. One group has graduated and another has come in. The culture within any chapter can change dramatically with one pledge class. And it goes both ways. Chapters you may have loved last year, may not appeal to you as much this year because you may have clicked with the older girls and now those girls have graduated. My best advice to you is to go in with fresh eyes. You never know which chapter will surprise you.

Actually I had no idea, but thanks!

I was a member of THAT chapter and time after time we had full parties of girls who liked us but chickened out at the end because of that stygma. It did take a long time, but my chapter is now one of the 2 or 3 most competitive on campus. My chapter is the one girls cry about when they get cut. Who knew? And a couple of those AA chapters from 20 or so years ago are way NOT that anymore. They haven't quite made it to THAT chapter status, but you don't get to stand on your laurels forever.

OK, that's a different thing. Be gracious. Don't bring it up but don't lie or play dumb either if it's brought up. Come up with a good and polite reason for why you declined the bid if you should be asked by that or another chapter (which shouldn't happen, but just in case). And the answer you initially gave us was a big ole fail. So don't say that.

An appropriate response would be that you were overwhelmed by the process of rush and at the end didn't feel confident that you were ready to make that kind of commitment. And isn't the weather lovely today? Answer the question and then move on.

Oh and DO NOT talk bad about this or any other chapter now or at any time during rush. It will make you look bad and could cloud someone else's judgement which would be a shame.

No QFP yet? For shame, GCers, for shame.

AU is not a large Greek system and finally opened for expansion, with a new group coming on this Spring. As others have said, be polite (which should go without saying). There is a colony option, but be aware that colonizing groups may be very sselective as they need a to establish a solid foundation for the new chapter. Good grades, good extracurriculars, and good manners are important for any recruitment.

Thank goodness you QFP'ed! I was thinking someone might do it after a couple posts, but I kept reading and scrolling and no one had done so.

Remember to QFP, people! :)

I think it sounds like the OP thought that she didn't get invitations or a bid from the sorority she liked because the one she didn't elbowed them out of the way, but that's not how the system works.

Thank you, Titchou. It is always amazing to me that people have to ask how to behave in public.

As for the rest if the OP's misunderstanding of how bidding works...

1. The group you wanted last year just didn't like you that much. You weren't high enough on their bid list to make the cut. Period. End of story. The members that called you wanting to know what happened didn't help the matter any, but members don't get a look at the bid list order in most organizations.

2. You don't know that you were top of "that" chapter's bid list. Your position on their list had nothing to do with why you didn't get a bid to your top group. For all you know, you could have been DEAD LAST on their list. You cut off your nose to spite your face by turning down a bid handed to you by the only organization that wanted you, but that is water under the bridge. NO chapter gives bids to everyone. You aren't at their membership selection meetings. All chapters release PNMs. The PNMs may not admit to it and may say they dropped out, but all groups are selective.

3. Hopefully you've done something to change between then and now to make yourself more attractive to the groups that have already released you since you have already burned your bridge with the least competitive group on campus. Be gracious and polite to EVERY group. Good luck, and realize that you were the cause of last year's results and not "that" group.

OP, the computer program will search for your first preference. If you are high enough on #1's bid list you will receive a bid from your #1 choice. If that doesn't work, then the computer tries to match you with your #2 choice. If you are high enough on #2's bid list, you will receive a bid from your #2. If you do not match to #1 or #2 and you attended three preference parties, the computer will try to match you with your 3rd choice. If you did not receive a bid from #1 or #2 it is because you were not high enough on their bid list before they reached quota. That is why you received the bid you received.

It has nothing to do with how badly #3 wanted you, or if you were at the top of #3's bid list. It has more to do with the position you placed your top preferential choices, and your position on their bid lists. They pledged quota (the maximum # of PNMs they can pledge during formal recruitment) before your name came up.

AUGreekPNM - do I understand this correctly?

1. You go to a small mid-Atlantic college now and went through recruitment there this year.
2. You are planning to transfer to Auburn University and go through recruitment there Fall 2014.

Is that correct?

No, she's at American University and planning to stay there and re-rush.

No, I go to a small public mid-Atlantic school. The AU part has nothing to do with my school, they're my initials. I've never attended Auburn or American, nor am I planning to. I didnt really think that my initals would be mixed up as a school. Sorry for any confusion.

I deleted the original question because it didn't come out right-basically I'm giving rushing another chance and want any advice on how to act in the chapter I turned down so it's not awkward and I don't seem rude. I definitely don't view myself as being better than any chapter!

Well, then, we've answered your question! Good deal.

But you would still not accept a bid from the chapter whose bid you rejected last year, right? Not that I think they would ever consdier extending another bid to you.....

Yep I think I'm good! Thanks everyone and sorry again for the confusion.

If I felt the same as last year than no. But as mentioned on other threads, if I feel differently this year and they give me a bid, I'll accept it. I'm trying to go in opened minded and not expect anything.

Quick clarification: are you meaning to say: if they make you feel differently during recruitment? You've been at this campus for a year, wouldn't you know more about them than what a PNM is able to glean from recruitment? Are you solely basing your opinions of organizations on a campus you have been at for a while off of a few days and pageantry?

I know them a little bit better and am friendly with a few of the girls. However I want to get a sense of how they are as a whole-how they interact, if they seem excited, etc. The same goes for all the sororities I'll be rushing.

I am thinking that as a sophomore re-rusher who was cut by all but 1 sorority, you may not get to leisurely observe all these groups and decide what you think of them. Your choices may be extremely limited early on.

It's the Mid-Atlantic: Depending on the school and what actually transpired, maybe yes and maybe no as to limited choice.

lane swerve/

Something about this thread is strange. Not sure what. That is all. :)

/lane swerve

The OP removed some of her posts so the thread does not exactly flow...

The problem is she initially came off as massively entitled but when called out she backed off. Then when called out further her story pretty much flipped. So even if you had the whole story you'd still be scratching your head.

And this is why we QFP. I can't do much with a broken arm. Someone else can step up. Or not.

Exactly. Either GCers are too generous at the strangest times or GCers are bored. Or both.

I read all of her posts. Stop trying to make everything about you. :p

<---ironic thread hijacker

First this: :confused:

then this: :mad:

then this: :p

and this: :D

love you to pieces. It IS all about me, we all know that, it's okay I'm used to it.

That one gave me a chuckle. I'm on a break from mind numbing training so that gave me an especially vigorous chuckle.

Be polite wherever you are. All chapters and members deserve the same courtesy. Find the qualities in each person you speak with and you will enjoy yourself all the time. Panhell love...

Unless you're at Kappa or AOII at your school, right?

Ha, exactly what I was thinking.