Dropping ADPi, Can I join another?
 

Hey guys,
So I recently pledged Alpha Delta Pi and went through "alpha initiation." However, I recently found I don't have any connection to the girls and there not quite my cup of tea (Still a fabulous sorority though!). I am looking to drop, but still want to be in greek life. I was wondering if I drop, can I join another sorority since I am only an "Alpha" (ADPi's term for pledge), and haven't gone through full initiation? Any help would be great, thanks!

As long as you haven't been initiated then you are eligible to join another NPC sorority. You would be eligible for recruitment at the next formal recruitment period. If you'll receive a bid if you go through recruitment again is another question entirely. At many campuses non-freshmen and especially those who depledge are at a disadvantage in recruitment.

You will have to wait until formal recruitment next year, but you will be eligible to rush again at that time, since you have not been initiated.

Yes. You can drop and join another sorority, but you can't join another sorority until next year's recruitment. Good luck!

So you pledged an ADPi chapter of 20 women? It must be the smallest ADPi chapter on the planet if there are no women you can connect with after something between 0 weeks and 8 weeks. Because I've always known who I would be best friends with for the rest of my life in that amount of time. And it's a fabulous chapter of women you have nothing in common with? I can only read from that that you are NOT fabulous. But won't the other sororities also be too good for you?

Can I just say how much I LOVE your response to this? I think you are saying what many of us are thinking.

QFP
DubaiSis, I adore you

^^^^love this!

Not that I want to "scare" the OP, but doesn't it tend to get around when a new member drops a group and then goes through formal the next fall? Does it depend on the school on whether that can be a negative or not?

But I'm sure I can speak for all of us when I say that none of us would want a girl who doesn't like our chapter to initiate. If you don't like ADPi I say drop, but I also say you need to be very well aware that recruitment may not be as successful next year for you.

If the chapter is as small as suggested, it is quite possible that there isn't a good fit. In such a case, it's often better for both the chapter and new member to part ways. Of course, that doesn't speak to whether the OP will be successful in securing a bid elsewhere in the future nor does it answer the question of why the OP was not able to discern the lack of fit earlier. In any event, the chapter and she aren't a good match for whatever reason. That's perfectly okay. Both parties can move on.

Ok, so I totally understand that formal would be incredibly hard for me next year, but the fact of the matter is that I don't have a connection with any of the girls in my sorority. I feel bad for dropping, but I'm not enjoying it and I don't see any other option. If one of you guys have a suggestion for me that would be great instead of just being just the catty sorority girls you guys are proving yourselves to be. Thanks

QFP

I'm getting good at this! :p

Interesting. OP, I was noting that sometimes there really isn't a fit and that it is okay to drop. I'm not sure that qualifies as catty. That said, I actually appreciate that you used the word "catty" rather than "caddy" like some posters. At least you know we aren't on the links.

My suggestion is find activities in college that aren't sorority. You probably didn't understand what was involved with a LIFETIME commitment to ADPi. It's way more than letters and getting to make out with the best guys. And the friendships aren't instant. So whatever it was you were thinking Greek life was going to be will possibly be attainable through other venues. And you need to learn to be more discerning about what you want and what's going on around you. And because I might have been too subtle the first time, if your chapter is NOT 20 women and is in fact 50 or 60 or more, then you are patently wrong. There ARE women you are compatible with; you just haven't found them.

Actually pinksequins, I should have clarified that not all the girls were being incredibly rude about this matter. I actually did appreciate what you had to say, I'm sorry if you felt my comment was being directed at you!

Thanks. There is good advice on beoming involved in other activities on your campus. It will enable you to meet Greeks in a different setting, for one. We don't know your campus (and don't tell us!!!), so your future opportunities are not known. Good luck!

I'm sorry that ADPi on your campus wasn't a good fit for you and I hope you find a group where you connect. Like others said, this may be another NPC sorority, a non-NPC sorority, spirit organization, religious organization, service organization, etc. Sometimes these things happen and it's good that you realized it before initiation.
Good luck in your search!

Now I'm officially pissed.

You come onto a forum and start going off about how you don't like anyone in a sorority, which you then name, and then ask if you can drop and join another one.

Then when you are told 1) you CANNOT join another sorority for a year (seriously did you NOT listen when you were told about the binding agreement prior to signing your bid card?) and 2) that depending on your campus and year in school that recruitment next fall could be tough for you. You were told "go ahead and drop out".

So because you don't like our answers (which are the truth) we are "catty sorority girls".

So now I'm going to be the "catty sorority girl" that you insisted I (and every other panhellenic sister on here) is....

"yes, special snowflake you can drop out of ADPi because you are only an alpha member and join a new sorority right now. That pesky binding agreement rule between all the 26 national sororities doesn't apply to you".

Hahahahahahaha :'D that was fabulous. Obviously I totally understand that I have to wait to join a sorority, that's a pretty obvious thing... The only reason I named ADPi is because I wasn't sure if I still had my Panhellenic eligibility since I was technically "initiated" as an alpha member and no other sorority at my campus has that. So you definitely need to settle, I have been very appreciative of everything most people have had to say (especially pursuing other activities outside of a sorority!) and will totally take their advice into consideration. No need to get pissed, it is not that big of a deal. I never talked crap about the sorority, I just don't feel like I fit in. Wow. Calm yourself.

And DGs are "initiated" as Pi Alphas, etc, etc, etc. We all have some sort of formal pledging ceremony. You are not different. What was binding was SIGNING the Bid Card, not the formal pledging ceremony. Sorry you didn't pay attention when you had the opportunity to sign it.

Yes, you may quit but you do need to understand this may be your only shot at being Greek. If that's OK with you, it's certainly OK with us.

And we never, ever, ever like it when someone comes on here, says they don't like/fit/love/whatever their group and then NAMES IT! Very bad form, my dear.

@titchou, I apologize, I am not a legacy for anywhere and am still very new to this whole greek system. I guess ya'll are right, I should never have mentioned the sorority name and for that I apologize. I guess I just felt the need to clarify, because I was just worried about the whole "initiation" thing. I definitely understand that formal next year would be super hard, and thank you for helping me understand that it was for signing my bid card.

You are the one who posted that we were being "catty". What did you think would happen? Did you really think you could call us "catty" because you weren't getting the answers you wanted and no one would call you out on in it?

We all understand that our chapters may not be everyones cup of tea, but to come on this forum and giving names is a whole other issue entirely. You could have easily said "I joined a panhellenic sorority during formal fall recruitment and I'm just not feeling it". Instead you said "I joined ADPi and I'm just not feeling it".

As a non-initiated member of a sorority, I don't think you are going to quite understand the LOVE that one has for their chapter and for greek life in general.

I would be saying this even if it wasn't ADPi you were talking about.

I agree that she shouldn't have posted the name of her sorority.

But, maybe I'm being too pragmatic, but I wonder if we (as in GCers) aren't a little overzealous at times about people who want to drop. Being in a sorority can be a major time commitment and major financial commitment. If someone isn't enjoying their experience, why make them feel ashamed about it? I believe in the lifetime commitment, but I am not so sure how well that is communicated or how meaningful it is to someone who is 18 and unhappy.

Just my personal opinion.

ASUADPi, come on. Stop being so serious over this--I mean, this special snowflake is clearly too good for anyone. :rolleyes: No, for real though, I'm with my NPC sister on this one. You know I stand behind my macon magnolia sisters. The girl is being pretty tacky by thinking she is too good for an organization and going as far as calling it out. Consider your organization lucky that this girl wants to drop out. I wouldn't want this young woman as my sorority sister.

I don't know that it's trying to shame someone, so much as it is being realistic.

If you're in a chapter of 100+ people, it's very unlikely that with today's shortened and sanitized pledge periods you've met and gotten to know everyone well enough to know if you "fit," and dropping may mean that you won't get another bid, simply because you're a year older. This isn't a "for sure" thing, but the person considering needs to think about this. They also need to realize that in every chapter of 100+ people there will be people they just can't stand. In other words, chapter #2 is not going to be filled with 100 soulmates. That just doesn't happen.

If you're in a smaller chapter and you've met everyone and don't fit, that probably is legitimate, but you also need to know that if the other groups thought you would "fit" you would probably have gotten a bid there to begin with. It sounds awful and condescending, but the sorority actives do know better than the rushees about things like this sometimes.

This all being said, using real names of groups is tacky and she could have found a more discreet way to word the Alpha initiation question.

I love you als463 :)

I agree wth pbear and 33Girl -- sometimes there simply isn't a good fit that has little to nothing to do with snowflakedom. This can be particularly true, as 33 points out, in smaller Greek systems where chapters can have distinct personalities. Rather than have someone as a member who just isn't feeling it, it could be better to just call it a day and move on. It seems the OP recognizes her options and is making an informed choice. She also seems to recognize that naming a group might not have been the best idea.

OP, let's call it a day and good luck with your endeavors.

Right back at ya' ASUADPi! :)

You need to stop using the word initiated NOW. You have not been initiated. You went through a pledging ceremony. Completely different thing. You have not been initiated in ANY way. Do whatever makes you happy, but you will probably need to do it without being Greek... and that's ... OK (said in my best Stuart Smalley voice)

Ok, I'm probably going to get a)flamed for this or b)told to stay in my own lane, but where in the op's original post did she ever say that she felt "too good" for the sorority chapter or that the chapter didn't get to hook up with "the best guys"? All she said was that she wasn't feeling connected and did not cut down the chapter in any way shape or form. (Should she have named the sorority? Probably not; but newbie's make mistakes.)

I saw nothing about her stating that she was too special, too good, or more "fabulous" than the chapter. I saw nothing about her saying that she hadn't met her best friend yet. She simply stated she wasn't feeling the connection. Should she have explained further? Yes. Maybe the actives all like to drink and party and she doesn't. Maybe the actives all like to have Bible study and she's an agnostic. Or, vice versa. We don't know.

Why does GC automatically assume that if someone doesn't feel a connection with a sorority/fraternity that the said organization is the smallest and least popular group on campus? That the poster thinks they are too good for a group? Maybe the group is one of the most popular on campus. The op might have gotten all caught up in recruitment and tent talk, accepted a bid, and then found out she's not really a good fit. (And please don't tell me that that doesn't happen. I've read the rush stories where y'all have talked about friends who ended up in top groups and dropped out or realized later they didn't really like the other members.)

Do I blame the op for her 2nd response? The comment about catty? No. The first 3 responses were straight and to the point. They didn't read into the situation or make assumptions. After that, the assumptions and the dogpiling began.

Sometimes new posters come on here and make some truly unbelievable comments and remarks - and, I have no problem with the answers they get (and have given some myself). Sometimes new posters come on here with honest questions that they should ask their own organizations, campus, panhellenic, but don't realize that or know who to ask. IMO, the latter happened here. But people made assumptions that made the poster defensive and she struck back. I'm really having a hard time blaming her.

Let the flaming and stay-in-your-own-lane comments begin in 3..2..1...

I completely agree with you. Naming the organization was a bad choice, but people have not felt connected to all of our chapters for one reason or another. I was surprised to see this thread go beyond the first three posts.

I hope you don't get flamed, LaneSig. I'm with AOII Angel - I agree with everything you said here.

ADPi calls our new member ceremony "Alpha Initiation," and she is new to Greek Life, so I can understand her confusion as to whether she's been initiated.

OP, talk to your new member coordinator and chapter treasurer about dropping (you'll need to be paid up before you drop so you don't have collections agencies calling you and you probably give the sorority a short signed and dated letter stating, I, NAME, am cancelling my alpha membership as of DATE. Signature) and stay off Greek Chat because you're inciting a riot here. :)

As others have cautioned, you may not get a bid anywhere the next time you rush, depending on individual sorority policies and politics. But if your heart's not in it and you don't want to make the effort to get to know your sorority better to see if you might fit, you should drop. As your (current) sorority sister and as a Greek woman, I'm glad to talk with you more about this on private message if you like and if you think it might be worth giving it a shot to get to know your chapter better. :)

I also agree. I originally thought I was crazy for thinking this was blown way out of proportion. I didn't even think that her naming the org was that big of a deal, as she never said anything bad about her chapter. It'd be different if she said, "My chapter is full of drunks!" or "I've been hazed and I want out," but she didn't. She politely said she didn't feel she fit in with the chapter. No big deal.

Thank you for swerving, LaneSig!

Completely agree. I'd rather have members who want to be there than ones who feel miserable or that they don't fit, and they deserve to be someplace where they are happy. Greek Life lifetime commitment once you've been initiated in full, but your new member period is your time to test the waters.

Before you take that final step and resign from your chapter, please read this thread: http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=136124 She too was thinking of dropping, for different reasons, but still was questioning her decision. You might/might not gain a little insight but what harm does a little extra reading do?

I agree with those who said you should sit down and talk to your New Member Educator. Her job is to assist you during your new member period, not just make sure you learn the Greek alphabet, know your founders, etc. You are not the first member of that chapter to think about dropping and you will not be the last. Your very best friend in the sorority my not be a member of the chapter right now, she may join the next new member class or the one after, you never know.

My last piece of advise is from a woman who is not only old enough to be your mother, but possibly your grandmother. Close GreekChat, work on your studies and think very hard if dropping out is what you really want or if the fear of commitment may be creeping in. You are making a lifetime decision and that is scary. You wanted to be part of the Greek system, you did the work to make sure you were successful in your search. Now you have to think about whether or not you want to devote the necessary work to bond with the other members, if a lifetime membership is what you want, will you regret leaving in a few months? TALK TO YOUR NEW MEMBER ADVISOR and make sure you are very comfortable and happy with your ultimate decision. Good luck!

DaffyKD

I had dinner last night with three Greek alums: an AXO, a Tri Delta, and a Kappa Sig. We were at a restaurant just off-campus. it's very popular with university students. A large group of Theta actives came in and spotted me. They all came over to our table. I was delighted to introduce them to my friends and to state their Greek affiliations. One of the actives turned to the others and said, "AZTheta really means it when she says she has friends in every Greek group." We all laughed. It's not that I don't have Theta friends, because I do, but I sure do like (and socialize with) all my other Greek friends!

OP, whatever you decide, please know that membership truly is for a lifetime and that your friendships will extend to others who are Greek regardless of their letters.

And one thing I want to mention that you need to know about is financial. Please know that you may not get back all of the fees, etc., that you have paid so far. That is not how it works in my organization. There are many fees which are paid upfront at the time of pledging that cover many items you don't even think about. I'm not saying this to upset you, I just want you to understand that it's a little more complicated.

I wish you the best of luck, whatever happens; and I hope it works out for you.

Thank you all for your responses. I really do appreciate all the advice and you have given me a lot to think about. I have set up a meeting with my new member educator and plan to go from there. I really do apologize for any anger I may have caused as it was not my intention, I was just hoping for some advice. Thank you guys, have a wonderful day.

As in, "stay in your own LaneSig"?

Same here.

Thank you, LaneSig and others. I concur. I did not detect entitlement or snowflakeism either.