honeymoon fundraising
 

Has anyone ever seen this?

One of my facebook friends (who will be my SIL's SIL) and her fiancee keep posting a honeymoon fundraising link.

Etiquette wise this seems incredibly tacky to me. I don't think it is appropriate to ask people (on facebook no less) to donate to your honeymoon, when some of those people may be going to your wedding and be giving you a gift. Unless you are counting them donating to your honeymoon as your gift.

I'm not sure what their expectations are (donation in lieu of gift).

Donation in lieu of gift would seem appropriate. Maybe donations in lieu of a wedding shower would be fine as well. Adding a wholly new tradition where people are expected to give you stuff seems on the tacky side.

I think it is tacky too. If people want to give money as a wedding gift, then the couple is free to use it however they see fit. But directly asking for money to fund the fabulous honeymoon trip that must be above their means (elsewise, why would they be asking for $$ for the honeymoon fund) makes me clutch my pearls.

+1. What, the money dance with the bride didn't want none of dat?

It is tacky...repeated FB requests? If you're so inclined, money as the wedding gift seems like a good solution. These folks are probably going to return registry gifts for cash, anyway.

I was invited to a bridal shower for a 3rd cousin of my husband's, in which we were asked to bring money for a "money tree" they were creating. The invitation came with a "cute" little poem about the money tree, and a hand-made envelope made out of paper with money printed on it.

I didn't go. I envisioned the bride and guests sitting around while the bride opened each envelope and oohed and aahed over the amount of cash each one contained. I wasn't really sure that would happen...maybe we were supposed to bring a standard gift as well, and she'd open the money tree enveloped later. But just the thought of opening the envelopes added to my abhorrence.

Anyway, I had my MIL and SIL take a gift from her registry, and skipped going myself. It turns out she didn't open the envelopes there. The participation level was lower than expected.

Are you freaking kidding me?

That's just awfully ... awfully ... annoying.

I attended an Italian wedding where the bride carried a string purse at the reception and men put cash in the bag to dance with the bride. I had never seen this done before and I was sort of :eek:

TonyB06, is this what you were referring to?

My friend (she and her fiance both have great jobs and are not at all hurting for money) is doing this to finance her 2 week honeymoon to Greece. I think it's the tackiest thing ever. Receiving cash/checks as wedding gifts and using that towards your honeymoon is fine, but asking people to "buy us a gift card for this 5 star restaurant!" is so tacky to me.

Don't even get me started on the money dance.

My mom and stepdad recently went to a wedding for a couple who had already lived together for years, so they didn't want all the stuff that people usually put on a registry. Instead, on their wedding website, they were able to set up a "pay for our honeymoon" section, which allowed guests to pay for different parts of their trip (in lieu of a physical gift/check, which they clearly stated). They had things like the hotel and different excursions listed with the total cost for each. Guests could pay for an item in part or in full. I believe this couple was going to Thailand? and my parents bought them an elephant ride.

In a situation such as this, it's perfectly acceptable to have people pay for the honeymoon, but the situation described above.. uh, no.

Oh, and the other cool thing about this couple's wedding website - you could request up to 5 songs for the DJ to play at the wedding. That way, he would have songs set up ahead of time, and there wouldn't be tons of people running up to him all night with requests.

This is a tangent but Live-in and I are attending his best friend's wedding in two weeks and they put on the invite "write on the response card your guilty pleasure song" (mine was "Call me Maybe"), and that's now their playlist for the event! I thought it was fun. Now, getting a DJ to play all those songs has proven pretty tricky - they're on their second, because the first refused, saying "I don't let people do my job for me, you might as well set up an iTunes playlist" - which was weird because typically the DJ is the MC of the event.

Ack! Clutching pearls too! Well (looking down), clutching Auburn beads.

yes I've seen it, and yes its beyond tacky- but good Lord seriously don't get me started on what ISN'T tacky on FB these days... everything from begging for money for honeymoons and weddings to personal fundraising for medical expenses... people honestly have ZERO SHAME any more!!!

didn't finish :D --- the absolute WORST I have seen on FB was the bride who listed all of the things that "those of us invited to the wedding"- SHOULDN"T BUY HER!!! Including such items as picture frames, small appliances, and coolers...

Yep. It happens a lot at Black receptions as well. Usually you give the money to a bridesmaid or someone who is holding a container, before you dance with the bride. Or you pin the money on her wedding gown, or whatever she's changed into.

If I want to make a transaction, I'll go to PNC Bank. Not that I haven't done it for brides I really like (it is a festive occasion), but it just makes me feel some kinda way about it. :confused: :)

As you should. It is misogynist and treats the bride as property.

It is incredibly tacky.
Posting it on facebook is just...beyond tacky.

I have seen HM registries with the flights listed as something that people can buy the couple. If you can't afford to fly to your honeymoon then maybe you shouldn't go.

I don't see why a HM registry is any tackier than a standard gift registry. Either one is pretty much saying "we picked stuff out for you to buy us."

Regular registries can become tacky when they are pimped out on facebook or on wedding invitations.

This is reason number 678 why Facebook has become a constant reminder of everything tacky, facepalm, and pearl clutching worthy about our world today.

I had a "friend" who randomly posted in numerous Facebook statuses that he was fundraising for a service trip overseas.. to Africa, I believe. I thought he was part of some church group or social club that was trying to plan a big trip together. I was expecting a cookie order sheet or something to be posted that would assist him in raising funds. But oh no... this guy just wanted his friends to send him money which he would supposedly save and spend to go to Africa by himself. Uh.. seriously?!

Surprisingly, no one ever liked or responded to his posts.. :rolleyes:

Don't even get me started on dollar dances, and the like. Ugh. They're extremely annoying and tacky, they're a disruption in the middle of the reception, and they're not even really worth it. I've gone on rants about this on GC before, so I'll stop here.

One of my APhi sisters is getting married next month and was just asking opinions about the dollar dance today. While I don't really like the tradition, the older generations around here pretty much expect it to happen. One friend had a suggestion of donating the money from the dollar dance to a charity.

Also, in my neck of the woods, the groom dances too. My poor husband danced with all of my great aunts. It was kind of sweet though.

Oh yes, this is what I've always seen. And then there's the one guy who thinks he's hilarious by paying to dance with the groom...

Over here, couples will more often than not request money for a honeymoon in lieu of wedding gifts, especially if they've lived together for a number of years.

DH & I have been over here for a couple of years now, and been to a fair amount of weddings, and only one couple had a gift registry.

I've never seen the request go up on Facebook before, that in itself is pretty tacky.

Speaking of buying a gift card for a 5 star restaurant. The DH and I are going to our friends wedding in a few weeks. I thought it would be a great idea to get them a gift card for a restaurant we know they are going to on their honeymoon instead of a gift (Our Idea. That way, they'll know we're thinking of them on their trip). So I looked up the info online and gift cards started at $750!!! Not, $75, but $750! Yikes! Yeah, we decided that they can pay for their own meal and we'll figure something else out!

Back to the OP. It is extremely tacky. The DH and I didn't get a honeymoon because we couldn't afford it. A lot of people don't go on honeymoons. One day we will and it'll be that much more satisfying when we pay for it ourselves.

$750 for a dinner gift card? Are they serving the food on China with Silver settings you get to take home with you?

How on earth would a couple spend that much on dinner in one night?

I didn't even mention the upgraded gift card for $800! According to DH, who is a professional chef, French Laundry (in Napa) is THE restaurant in the US. I hope it's one of those places where "you get to keep your dish" that's encrusted with gold.

I looked up their menu and its a choice of two prix fixe starting at @270 each (9 courses each)!!! Then of course, there's wine. I hope they have doggie bags!

Money trees used to be advocated as a good option if the husband or wife (or both) was in the military, so out of necessity they would be moving around a lot and therefore couldn't take lots of gifts with them. In that instance, it makes perfect sense. But just asking for money in a regular circumstance? No no no. Tacky tacky tacky.

And the dollar dance is pretty common round these parts as there is still a lot of "old world" influence. Basically you are paying for the shot you get, not to dance with the bride.

If you want to finance your honeymoon and have lived together forever, as KKG Caroline mentioned, then register on Ammazon where you can buy the house stuff you need. The wedding I just went to? They used my Ammazon gift card for a thermostat. Then they can use the $$ for their honeymoon. That's fine with me. But asking for $$ for your honeymoon outright is pretty much like asking for your rent/gas/light payment, IMO.

Asking for ANYTHING on Facebook would probably cause me to skip the wedding altogether. That's kind of like the girl who sent wedding invites to people at work 2 weeks beforehand saying "we haven't had the response we wanted, if you would like to come [and of course bring a gift] we would love to have you."

Including a honeymoon registry along with the other registries I don't have a problem with. But blasting it on Facebook seems mighty impersonal. If someone ASKS you about your registry on Facebook, then sure, answer them with all the places where you're registered. And there are regional/cultural differences in what people like to give as gifts. For example, the Greeks in my hometown liked to buy linens (sheets, towels, etc.), but nobody else did. Others prefer the china/flatware/crystal, I think because of its permanence. I'm all about travel, but it is a single-use item, so for some it absolutely doesn't belong as a wedding gift. And then there are the people who buy picnic baskets... And then you just hope you can figure out what store it's from.

For me what makes it tacky is for my SIL and the bride to continue "sharing" the link all over facebook. Yes, we understand that you and your fiancee live together and have a house, you don't need much, but don't go blasting all over facebook that you want us to pay for your honeymoon.

Create a wedding page with a link for people to donate in lieu of gifts.

The thing is my SIL continues to share the link and then say she is getting them a gift!

I've never seen it at a Black wedding, and I've been to my share all over the country. The only wedding I've seen it happen was at a Filipino wedding. The bride didn't want it, but her parents did.

My opinion on this stuff is highly documented on GC. Do y'all remember my tantrum about the treadmill?

And here I was a chump for dancing with all my elderly relatives, for free, because they were my guests.

We went to a wedding recently where they opted for an iTunes playlist instead of a DJ because (a) it was a lot cheaper, and (b) DJs have a habit of making it about themselves instead of the music. They asked a family member to introduce the wedding party and make the few other announcements that were needed. Otherwise it was just an iPod. No one missed the DJ.

As for the topic of the thread—tacky beyond words.

I really hope that they didn't have one with all those stupid props, but I think that's not really the bride and groom's thing.

Props?

We received 3 picnic baskets for wedding gifts. Hopefully 3 picnickers who visited Goodwill felt they were getting a good deal. I tried keeping one for a while, to carry potluck items in, but it just didn't work well.

The same money tree shower couple had some items on their registry that raised my eyebrows...a lot of sporting equipment and alcohol-related items (decanters, shot glasses, etc.).

No, but now I feel the need to find it.

We're at that age where friends of our older boys are starting to get engaged. Of course I still think they're ALL too young, but when more and more are college and grad school graduates I guess maybe they aren't. I just hope we never see a honeymoon cash grab from any of them, because Momma AOIIAlum will give them an earful.

I'm on board with tacky!

I think the difference in this scenario only is the fact that the bride is repeatedly posting about it, asking for donations.

Agreed.

The next morning after my wedding I found $200 in a bank envelope in my bag. After texting around I had come to find out it was from my uncle--it was our wedding gift from him and he was going to give it to me during the dollar dance. Little did he know I was anti dollar dance so he just gave it to my mom to put in my bag. I made a mental note to acknowledge it in my thank you note.

He passed away unexpectedly a month later. The last time I saw him was my wedding. I know there's no way I could have known, but I still feel so guilty that I didn't have that dance with him. I barely talked to him with all the other busyness of the day. :(

I found it and bumped it on the Random Wedding Thread. It was an espresso maker and a treadmill, along with hiking clothes for their Macchu Picchu honeymoon.

I'll never forget my cousin's Amazon registry and his wife (who barely anyone in the family had met) registering for a stripper pole for strip-aerobics. I sent them a vacuum HOSE attachment.


Some things should be left off the registry.

My mom got married over the summer and was determined to have a wedding under 2 grand. We got the bands from a pawn shop, decor from Ebay, did the ceremony on the courthouse steps and walked to a local restaurant for dinner. Everyone had a great time and only about $2500 was spent. She's in her forties so she definitely doesn't need any of the things on a registry so we just didn't make one. Everyone brought cash and she pretty much made back what she spent. They didn't even go on a honeymoon! But they also didn't go into debt.

I just think it's tacky when it's "expected," per say, especially with my generation of social media.