Having a hard time getting over one I got dropped from?
 

Hi there, so I just went through sorority recruitment and thankfully got into a great sorority on campus. Recruitment was 2 weeks ago, and I'm still having a hard time getting over one of the ones I didn't get into. The one I got in to at the time was one of my bottom picks. I fell in love with some of the others on campus, one in particular. I totally fell in love with it. I felt so at home there, so comfortable, the atmosphere was incredible and the girls I talked to were outstanding and I just loved everything about the house and the entire group of girls and everything. I was dropped after sisterhood day by them and was devastated. There was another one that I loved, too, and got dropped by them after philanthropy day but it didn't bother me as much as this particular one. And in a way, I feel like I'm almost grieving the loss of it. I can't help but just go through pictures after pictures of girls I know who got bids from them or just girls in general in that sorority and just wishing I had that. I even had a dream the other night that my sorority let me switch over to theirs...it's hard. I love the girls I've met in my sorority so far, I do. But I'm just having a hard time getting over it.

I really am trying to appreciate what I have but I'm just having a really hard time with it right now. I keep thinking what if, and what I did wrong, and why I got dropped, and trying to adjust to this sorority when really I wasn't feeling it from the beginning and have some general dislike about it that won't ever change. For example, I really don't like our color and the entire house is painted that color, so I can never get away from that. I don't like our hand signs and I hate a particular word in our name and want to cringe every time I say the full name of the sorority I'm in. I know it just sounds shallow and I'm probably going to get some rude responses saying how I should be thankful I'm in one and all of that. I'm just having a really, really hard time adjusting to what I feel like I lost and having a hard time seeing what I've gained. I just can't even go around campus without seeing a ton of girls walking around in the other sorority's gear and just always thinking about it. Any advice would be great, please. Thank you.

Just to clarify, though, I'm not unthankful or unappreciative. I am so happy these girls wanted me and have met some absolutely incredible ones. It's more of just wondering what could have been and being upset over that and wondering what went wrong and why I got cut when I felt like I had found my home there.

You are absolutely right that some of what you're saying does sound shallow....BUT I think it is also somewhat normal. IMHO it is ok to be disappointed that you didn't get your first (or second) choice. That said you need to look at the positives so you can move forward:

1. You yourself said you got into a great sorority on campus. What about them is great? Focus on those positives. Go to all the NM events you can even if you don't want to. Participate with your new sisters even if you don't want to. If you don't participate and if you sit back waiting for it to get better you're just creating a self-prophesy that you're not happy and it's not going to get better.

2. Social media creeping (and I know that's what young ladies do) is not going to help you right now. You may need to go cold turkey on that for a little while.

Here comes the tough love part: you are NOT a part of those houses that dropped you. That ship has sailed for this year at least. They are NOT an option. Thinking of what could've been is not going to help you at all. This is the part where you need to wipe your tears, put on you big girl pants, and move forward.

I'm not going to say it is going to be perfect in X amount of time. It may never be what you want it to be. I can tell you though if you don't at least make a good hearted effort you won't know what you may be missing out with your new house.

You need to let that other chapter go. It's water under the bridge. They are NOT an option for you and rejected you. Rejection is hard, but continuing to obsess about being in that sorority instead of focusing on what you have will not help you in any way. The superficial parts of sorority life are just that...superficial. There are many loyal sorority woman who don't love the color of their sorority. I know an AOII that doesn't like red, but she loves the symbolism behind it. When you learn why the founders chose those colors, symbols and letters it will have more meaning and won't be so irritating (even if you wish they picked a less obnoxious color! ;) )

Just realize that recruitment is a huge act...a highly choreographed play. Some chapters are better at it than others. They know how to make you want them, but it doesn't mean they want you or that you'd be a good fit. Recruitment is a very artificial way to make friends. I mean really, how many friends did you make that ran up to you screaming and chanting before leading you to a chair to chat for 20 minutes then putting on the cheesiest play you've ever seen that everyone has to pretend was really awesome but in any other situation they'd be embarrassed to be a part of? See what I mean.

You've got an opportunity to make real friendships over the next 6 weeks with women who WANT you to be their sister. Give it a real try. Put the other chapter aside. Put in a real effort. Give you and the chapter a chance at a lifetime of wonderful memories. If you don't feel it by initiation, drop out. You can't do anything for a year anyway, so you have nothing to lose.

All of our chapters value the SAME things - sisterhood, philanthropy, leadership, social enrichment and academics. The colors, symbols and ritual are the only real differences. I understand that you are upset...FFR can be extremely humbling and hard to understand.

I was the woman bawling on the lawn on Bid Day because I was so upset. I had a hard few months, but was committed to getting to know women in my new member class and older sisters. The more that I hung around, the more that I knew that I was in the right place. I love my sorority more every single day.

Did you go through FFR to be Greek or an XYZ? You owe it to yourself and the sisters who offered you a Bid to go all in with an open heart and open mind and give it a chance. Go talk to your New Member Coordinator or whoever it is working with new members. Or maybe someone that you connected with during FFR? There are people there to help with the transition...you just have to ask.

Are you a freshman? Have you just moved away from home for the first time, along with going through sorority recruitment? Many students have trouble adjusting to college, and what you're associating with the other sorority may be part of a larger "feeling out of place" emotional response. I think it would be very healthy to make an appt. at your student counseling center to talk about your feelings. Trust me, as a professor, sorority advisor, and mother of a college-age daughter, these are very common emotions to have.

I have to admit that I am just sputtering over this. YOU ARE FRIGGING KIDDING ME!! Do you remember NOTHING that you said prior to rush?? How you had a low GPA and were not sure that any sorority would give you a bid? How you were open minded & would be so happy to accept a bid to any house?

Which window did all of those statemetns get flung out of?

Apparently you took not a WORD of our advice last time. Why ask us for more?

BTW, ladies, remember to QFP!

BTW, ladies, remember to QFP![/QUOTE]

I'm sorry I'm clueless, but what does QFP mean?? Thanks :confused:

quote for posterity!

Thanks, lol, I would have never figured that out :-)

QFP is very helpful, especially when someone goes back & removes or edits their posts later.

Ditto Thanks from me too! I had no idea what QFP meant.

This thread is a great example of how everything on the Internet is public (I continuously remind my teenagers of this).

It is very easy to be swayed by the first post on this thread. Once I saw the QFP post, I looked up the earlier posts from the OP, and agree with thetalady's comments.

Dear NGSU - it's hard, but put your whole self into your new experience because you don't know what the future holds, and you don't know what the future would have been if you had joined the other sorority. It was just your fantasy/imagination. Resilient people are successful people, and resilient people try to make the best of their situations and if it doesn't work they try something else.

An example... Sometimes I still kick myself that I didn't go to a college that had more to offer; I could have, but didn't. But my life has ended up being great! although of course with ups and downs. I met a not so great boyfriend in college and this ended up in my going to grad school in the Midwest where I met my husband of many!! years. I've had interesting careers, travel, children etc etc. Have had struggles and what-ifs but have been blessed in many ways. Who knows where I would be if I had gone to a different college?

You never know... maybe one of your new sorority sisters will become your best friend. Maybe you'll be a strong support for a sorority sister who's going through a hard time. Maybe there's an important role in store for you. Maybe someone's relative will help you get a great internship, or your connections will help someone else. Maybe if you had joined the other sorority someone would have stolen your boyfriend. You never know! You might have had such high expectations and then had a big letdown, like many of the posts on greekchat.

Just give it your whole hearted best. In the long run if it just doesn't work you can pour yourself into other activities.

Best wishes!

Grief about loss of the wished-for outcome is normal and expected.

However, if and when the grief becomes all-consuming, seek out professional counsel. If you are already at the all-consuming stage, it is time to make that call.

Someone (ahem) had the presence of mind to QFP.

OP, you said you would be happy with a bid from six of the seven sororities on your campus. I wonder if you received and accepted a bid from any of those six, or if it was the seventh chapter? Is that the source of your discontent?

Or is it for more reasons than that, which others in this thread have mentioned? I do encourage you to seek some support. Obsessing over what you cannot have is a surefire way to make yourself miserable.

Yes, please DO let us know if it was the seventh chapter where you accepted a bid. If not, I would suggest you stick with it until some time passes and your're not being led by your emotions anymore. Sometimes it takes a few months to process these things and realize that you are not in such a bad situation after all. Good luck, and keep us posted.

I agree with this advice. Given that ngsu has posted about past emotional concerns and troubles unrelated to recruitment, I am standing by my advice to please seek professional counseling on campus.

I think this goes beyond recruitment disappointment or "the grass is greener on the other side of the fence."

I don't think you're talking about my beloved Alpha Xi Delta, but our very unusual middle letter generally grabs women 1 of 2 ways - love it or hate it. But knowing what I do now about the meaning behind that particular letter, it kind of amazes me that no other sororities use it. I do have a guess about which sorority you're talking about (and by the way I have an idea about what school, so tread lightly). I love its colors and I'm sure that particular letter has very special and significant meaning. Besides, colors and letters make a ritual, not a sisterhood. You are foisting negative meaning and stigma where it doesn't exist to others.

My advice to you is suck it up. You are dealing with buyer's remorse and it will pass.

The grass is always greener...

Rejection is hard, especially in a time of your life when everything is in motion. New town, new state possibly, few friends and people who truly know you.
To have the feeling you click somewhere (remember, they might just be very good at rushing!) and not be 'accepted' is always hard. But please keep in mind that, although you had bad grades, these girls still wanted you and took a chance on you. They liked you so much the grades didn't matter. Now you have the chance to love them so much the others don't matter.
I agree with the social media aspect of things, don't look at the pictures and post of the other sorority. In life and social media always know that you're comparing your life to other people's highlight reel.

I truly hope you soon forget about the other one and dive headfirst into your sorority experience.

Or ... every time I see the quatrefoil hand sign, I think how difficult that is to do & how impressed how the women master the sign. And the 2nd word can MISTAKENLY be pronounced as the sound a farm animal makes.

If it's this GLO, this organization is growing at hyperspeed and has more new and upcoming chapters than almost any other GLO in the nation. They are going fullthrottle strong and you should be proud to be invited to join.

Whichever group it is, give it a chance for you to fall in love with them.
They have (obviously) already fallen in love with YOU.

I'm a sophomore, so I think that's what makes it harder is getting to know so many girls throughout the year. I ended up transferring, so I already kind of went in knowing a thing or two about sororities even though I knew the least about this one, overall. This sorority is the one I knew the absolute least about.

That doesn't mean that I have no right to be upset. My GPA was actually not low at all even though I was told on here it was. It doesn't mean that I shouldn't be at all disappointed. I went through rush and fell in love with a sorority and really, really liked others a little more and am just disappointed. I'm thankful that I got into one, yes. Do I love the girls I've met so far? Yes. But that doesn't mean that there's not a part of me that's upset.

But you guys are right, they could have just been good rushers.

Exactly! Thank you very much. :)

It's really not that bad. I'm not totally beyond myself over it, because like I said I am thankful that I got into a sorority and I love the girls that I've met and that's not what I have the problem with. The problem more is about being upset over not getting into the other one and wondering why and not knowing what I did that was wrong. It's just the what is and the could be's.

No, it wasn't my bottom choice. I actually had transferred this summer and I'm not even at that school anymore. It just wasn't one that I had fallen in love with during recruitment, and it didn't really start to grow on me until pref day. I'm loving the girls I meet, but it's just still hard to wonder why and try to get over it.

But thank you to those of you on here that have truly been sweet to me and not try to embarrass me or be rude towards me. I'm very appreciative of that.

There is very likely nothing you did wrong. They have to release X number of women. At some point, the reasons can be almost indistinguishable. Maybe there were 5 of you left and they could only take one more so they threw a dart, flipped a coin. Who knows? No one will every tell you. You need to accept that you are never going to know - and you really don't want to. Honest. It just wasn't in the cards. Keep this in mind:

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change those I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Take care.

You're not the first to feel this way. You will not be the last.

There is nothing you can change about your outcome with the other chapter, so at this point it's best to focus on what you do have. Overtime it will hurt less.

Good luck and enjoy your new member period!

I have to agree with my sister here. The OP has shared about her past troubles and may struggle with how to keep things in perspective.

Yes, it stings when something that was hoped for doesn't come to fruition. However, agonizing over it doesn't change what's happened. My sincere advice for you, ngsu, is to lick your wounds and then go make the very best of what your sorority has to offer. If after a few weeks you are still struggling with these thoughts, I do earnestly encourage you to seek out counseling at your campus health center. There's nothing wrong with chatting with a neutral third person who can help you sort out your feelings and put things into perspective.

Best wishes to you.

That particular horse left the barn a while ago... the OP has made it quite obvious which sorority this is, too. How hurtful, if any of her sisters read her comments.

I am clueless as to what school or what sorority this girl is talking about, you all are good!!

? I must totally be missing something...

Regardless, there are things about my sorority that I was a little "eh" about at first, but then you learn more and find out the meaning behind things, and suddenly you can have an entirely new perspective. Colors are colors, and letters are letters, but what it all comes down to is with whom you share those colors and letters. Your sisters make the sorority, and every single chapter of every single sorority has something great to offer.

Edited for clarity, you've given yourself wonderful feedback.

At birth, you are born into a nuclear family WITHIN the family of man.

You have now been accepted into a sorority WITHIN the family of sororities called NPC (National Panhellenic Conference).

A personal caution on would-be's and could-be's - you can spend your entire life mulling them over and eating away at every decision.

I pledged my sororityand knew it was absolutely THE right sorority for me. It seemed to me to be the best choice on my campus and certainly the one and only choice for me. So much so that I ISPed. (And so much so that I ISPed and ignored my legacy chapter. The chapter, by the way, that my mom was the chapter advisor of. :eek:) Yes, I was *that* PNM. Suzy freaking Snowflake dusted in glitter with a big bow on my head.

Then a few months into school, I started to hate the school. I realized I'd made a horrible mistake and picked a university where I would never finish. And then I started to second guess my choice of sororities and wish I'd waited to go through recruitment "where I belonged". I transferred to the school of my (second) choice) and for a few weeks, forgot all about those vows of sisterhood and lifetime loyalty I'd made. I was too much of a princess and felt like I should have had a choice in where I belonged and what I was/was not too good for. I started in my head playing the "if I'd come here last year and gone through rush, I'd be an XYZ, not a GPB" game in my head. I for a few weeks forgot about the "where I belong" thing and started to get in the "where I think I deserve to belong" game.

A bunch of stuff happened to me, comeuppances and all that stuff. The kind that makes the glitter fall off and the snowflake to melt into a big puddle of dirty water. And guess what? My sisters - the ones who were there who loved me just because I was one of them - picked me up, dusted me off, and made me into a better version of myself. In the 22 years since, I've never once forgotten it. Never mind that I'd gotten it in my head that I was somehow better than that. Never mind my arrogant childish behavior.

To think *I* was this ignorant 19 year old twit who almost turned my back on a sisterhood that FOUND ME. That found me and saved me from my stupid self. That lifted me up and supported me and turned me into the sister I was today. Thank GOD that brat did not get her way and I had a second chance to realize how much my sisterhood means to me.

So yeah... you may have a hard time getting over it. But buck up buttercup, GET OVER IT ANYWAY. To not may mean missing out on the chance of a lifetime. And you do NOT want to be sitting here playing the what if game years from now. In fact, you need to take that game and THROW IT IN THE TRASH. Adulthood is all about sometimes taking a leap of faith and being happy with the road you chose, consequences and all. And 99% of the time, those leaps of faith will have you on the exact path you are supposed to be on. And you WILL learn in time to get over the hurt, get over yourself, and keep on walking with your head high on the road you chose with the ones who chose you.

(And if you cannot do that... if you cannot accept that sometimes in life, there is a greater good and a greater path and that other people sometimes have a role in guiding us where we need to be, well... do yourself the favor and don't initiate. Greek life probably isn't for you if it's still all about your individuality and personal fulfillment at all costs....)

I'm sorry.. I couldn't help but laugh at this :)

Can I just say - love my sister jenidallas . . . love our sisterhood . . . and hope the op catches a clue.

(High-fives Jenidallas)

Wonderful post....all of us "buttercups" need to buck up every once in a while....:)

This made me chuckle pretty loud too!:D

First, I already said I've transferred so nobody knows what school I go to or the sororities it offered. Second, even if I went to the same school, nobody still knows what sorority it is. And, I've never talked badly about my sorority. I'm mostly saying I'm having a hard time with the what ifs and a few general things in my sorority that have nothing to do with the girls themselves. So a) nobody knows who I am, what school I go to, or what sorority I'm in and b) I've said multiple times how the sorority has great girls. All I'm saying is that I'm trying to get advice to move on from the what ifs and could haves from the sorority I fell in love with during recruitment.

I've gotten some great advice on here and I really want to thank you all! It helps a lot.

You have to get over the other group...plain and simple. They didn't invite you back and you will never know the reason why.

You are looking at emotion, not logic. Emotionally, you are upset/hurt/wonder/going over every detail to find out why you weren't asked back. You are torturing yourself by going over and over the outcome. Logically, that other group isn't an option and you have to accept it and move forward. You have been invited to join a great group of women, and that is that.

Bottom line...it's over with the other group...the ship has sailed. You have to stop beating yourself up for something that can't be changed.

You guys have been so great to me. Thank you for your advice! I'll stop thinking about what ifs and just appreciate the wonderful sisters I have instead and not worry about the minor things. :)

Good for you, ngsu! I think that you will be a great asset to your chapter. Head up and move foward!