I think I made a mistake.
 

OK, so I went off to college in a new city not that long ago and I went through NPC rush and initiated into a house. All the while being told that I should have waited and weighed more options. Being eager to make my own decisions and do what I felt like doing, I dove headfirst into Greek life. I'm just now realizing how much of a mistake that was.

Going Greek in general wasn't a mistake, but joining an NPC sorority was. I initially felt good about my decision and it was decent for the most part. Now I've realized that that was not where my heart or head actually was.

I fully believe that I should have waited and tried to become a member of the NPHC sorority that would've been legacy to me.

I was so eager to be a part of something that I just blindly joined an organization. The women are wonderful ladies, but a lot of things happened during my time there that shouldn't have. I was pushed to do things that I wouldn't normally have done. I was encouraged to party instead of study. Things like that happened a lot while I was at the school.

I now realize that Big Sisters are supposed to guide you. They're supposed to have your best interest in mind. They're supposed to educate you and help you. That didn't happen for me. I feel like they didn't care about my academics. I feel like I was just another girl to party with.

I hate that I was so impressionable and naive.

I wish I would've listened to my dad and focused on my grades so that I would've been a great candidate to continue the family legacy.

I'm not at that school anymore and there's no chapter here. I would'nt have joined it anyway.

I wish I could start over and try again. I've seen people say that I could technically disaffiliate from the NPC and attempt to join the NPHC if that chapter decided to have me, but I'm not even sure about that whole process.

I feel like another sorority wouldn't want me anyway.

Basically, I have no real idea what to do about my situation.

Does anyone have any suggestions? :confused::confused: Anything would be appreciated.

We all make mistakes and must deal with the ramifications. You seem to be blaming your lack of academic achievement on your sisters (although it doesn't sound like you are being much of a sister). You are old enough to understand the concepts of studying, and getting good grades, it's up to you to do that, not those around you. If you are so easily persuaded by your peers maybe you aren't mature enough to be in college? In other words, put on your big girl panties and suck it up.

I can't speak for NPHC sororities so I don't know if you would be allowed to go through their intake process or not. But I don't think your lack of maturity and loyalty would merit their praise.

I completely understand that I had a hand in what happened. I thought I made that clear, but I guess not. What I'm saying is that no sister should push a new, younger sister to go out drinking instead of studying. A lot of things happened that I did not and will not go into detail about. Those women should be blamed for their behavior?? Especially when it has been clearly stated that these women want their little sisters to prosper and live up to a certain standard.

I take responsibility for being naive as I said. I take responsibility for making the wrong choice and joining the organization. I take responsibility for allowing this to become something that I regret.

Also, I spoke in past tense. Maybe you missed that. I've changed as a person and that is what brought about the realization that the people I surrounded myself with at that point were not a positive influence on me.

I don't find telling me to "suck it up" helpful, but thank you anyway.

I can't speak for whether an NPHC group will or won't be interested you in a member, but I can tell you this much: DO NOT LIE ABOUT HAVING BEEN INITIATED INTO AN NPC. The world is too small and the internet too big for it not to come out at some point.

The bolded is correct if you are talking about an NPHC sorority. You cannot disaffiliate from NPC or another NPHC and join an NPHC.**

You will hear those old wives tales of people successfully doing this but those are quite rare and old stories. You have a very small chance of successfully doing that even if you transfer to another school. DeltaBetaBaby's post explains why in addition to the power of paperwork and "background checks".

Your only option is to join a sorority that allows dual membership with an NPC sorority. NPHC sororities do not allow dual membership.**

Lesson learned. Good luck to you. ;)


**A GC NPHCer can tell me if I'm wrong about her sorority.

Thank you. I'd never lie about it. I can just imagine how much of a fiasco that would be.

Thank you. I've never witnessed it, but I came across a thread on it here about it a few days ago. It was really interesting, but I figured it was just all talk.

Since you are already a member of an NPC sorority, I encourage you to see positivity in the experience. There is a reason why you pursued NPC instead of NPHC. You now claim to have acted too soon but you acted nonetheless.

All of our GLOs consist of humans who say and do dumb things. They all consist of humans who do not abide by our organizations' policies and procedures at all times. College students can be especially annoying. Post-college, we all have something about us that annoys someone else. One thing that you will hopefully learn from your "NPHC thoughts" is that membership is for a lifetime. You need to think beyond the immediate and think about what you want to do when college is long gone. You may be able to see yourself loving and participating in this NPC sorority even if some of the sisters and practices annoy you. You may be able to see yourself being an active NPC member after you graduate. As long as your health and life are not in danger, it may be worth a try. Since we have an active diversity thread right now and you are making the NPC/NPHC comparison, I also wonder whether you feel some type of exclusion or isolation as a woman of the African diaspora. If you feel excluded or isolated, what changed since you felt so warmed and welcomed as a PNM?

Just some things to think about.

It's a lot of things. People like to put up a front for PNM's. I hate to say that, but in this case, it's true. After my new member period was up, so many true colors started to show. I do appreciate the women that I've met/bonded with and I don't think that they are bad people, but I can't get past the behaviors that I once just chalked up to them being cool big sisters. And part of me going NPC was because I thought I wouldn't fit in with an NPHC group which I now realize was the dumbest way to look at that ever. I've been told things like that and made fun of for not being "black enough" for years and it sucks that it took this long for me to see how stupid the people saying those things to me were.

I think the organization is a great one, but I still don't think that I should have committed to it. Aside from what color the founders were and all that. I just think that I was too eager to defy my parents and that's part of why I ended up pledging. I felt like my reasoning was sound two years ago. Now, not so much.

I also feel like I wasn't there long enough to really strengthen my ties to the Ritual. I left after two semesters. What I remember of it is great, but the fact is that I don't remember much. And it's not like I have a Ritual book or any materials where I live now. This is just an odd situation. And at the time, I never fathomed that I would leave the school that I was at. I'm glad I did, though. I'm in a much better environment at this point.

I also didn't realize that this post has been made by like 50,000 other people. Wow. Sorry about that.

I don't really feel like I deserve those letters at this point. I don't want to make a mockery of them by trying to force something that's no longer there. Maybe things will change, but I don't think they will.

A third option - pay whatever alumna dues you agreed to at your initiation, and do nothing else. I'd venture to say that's what the majority of alumnae do, unfortunately.

I'd bet most don't even do this.

I wish I had bookmarked the thread about the lady who had joined an NPC as a collegian and then joined an NPHC as an alumna. She was like a student affairs professional and everything. Crazyballs.

I remember this! I feel like something like that would be totally impossible now due to the Internet and social media.

When I joined my NPC sorority, there were plenty of people who told me that it was fine and that I could join a "real" (read: AKA or Delta) sorority when I was ready. LOL. I knew even then that wasn't going to happen. Even now some family members don't take my membership seriously.

This is it: http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=128777. Unfortunately, the OP was not QFPed.

Dammit, how did we not QFP?!?!?!?!

Oh, I remember that one. The gist of the OP's original post had to do with how wonderful the GA was, how everyone loved the GA, and how the GA outed herself as having dual membership. And what could the OP do about this? Angst. Angst. Angst.

note to self: QFP. Always. Can delete a QFP if circumstances so dictate, but can't make a post reappear after it's been deleted by the OP.

I just re-read that thread and it's hilarious how it devolved into a discussion of bad sodas...

GC didn't QFP?! Was GC too shocked to remember our duties?!

When people come to a public board to divulge such info, even if anonymously, that person has probably divulged to someone else as well. She was unashamed. These are warning signs to the GLOs that don't permit dual memberships.

Almost commented, it's takne me a few days to process this. But don't want to go on a rant, so I'm just going to sit in a corner over here and observe.

I remember this thread. I did a little GC sleuthing to try to figure out the OP's school. :p

Did you figure it out? I feel like I was so close, but had the wrong woman in the end. I need Huck and Olivia to help me. lol

oooooh. ok!

Sigmadiva is evil. LOL.

I feel as though we've all seriously dropped the ball lately when it comes to QFPing. When I first joined GC, I remember people immediately QFPing, even if they had nothing to say about the thread, every single time there was even a slight chance it could turn into a train wreck.

Let's remember to QFP, people! K thanks :)

Um, blaming the "older" sisters for what YOU chose to do is not taking responsibility nor is it being mature.

Did they put a gun to your head and force you to go out? Did they put a gun to your head and force you to drink?

Unless the answer is "yes" to those questions, you need to grow the hell up and stop blaming your sisters for the CHOICES that YOU made!

You CHOSE to go out an party. You CHOSE to drink. You CHOSE not to focus on your academics.

You want out of your sorority and you want to put the blame on them instead of yourself.

If you hate it so damn much, go to your standards advisor, turn in your pin and all your letters and resign your membership.

You aren't going to get any sympathy here, because you are blaming your sisters and that chapter for the choices that you made.

The greek life director has been at Arkansas since 2008.

Just realized we came to the board right around the same time. I clearly remember all the QFPs. I don't think those members who were really good at it don't post as often anymore.

I have stated that I am not there anymore several times. Do you have a reading problem? I can't go turn in anything to anyone. Your anger is not needed. You need a hug and a nap.


This isn't something that you have to be rude about. May god bless your angry soul.

Since you are now an alum, I don't see the point in resigning your membership - unless it's to "make a statement" and it wouldn't really do that anyway. Why not just fade away like so many alums do? Just don't respond to anything.

While I understand that you were coming here in peace, an annoyed response to someone who wishes to depledge or disaffiliate and reaffiliate is very common. You would understand ASUADPi's response if you had love for the NPC sorority that you joined and encountered someone who also joined an NPC sorority but didn't love the sorority like you did. You would also understand ASUADPi if you had joined an NPHC sorority and encountered someone who also joined the NPHC sorority but didn't love it like you did. You admitted that you did not research and think about the issue of sorority affiliation as you should have but I agree with ASUADPi that you put much of the blame and onus on the NPC sorority rather than on yourself.

Let's be honest: There is a reason you probably haven't shared this wish to disassociate NPC and join NPHC with many people off the Internet. You know the types of responses you would receive. You could have researched your NPHC options by contacting NPHC chapters or NHQs but you chose a more anonymous message board instead. You claim you would tell the NPHC sorority that you were once NPC but I think if you were truly so forthcoming, you perhaps wouldn't have needed Greekchat advice in the first place.

Good luck to you. :)

.... I know it's been a while, but it's still nice to have Dr. Phil's perspective back in action on here. :)

When calling other people out for perceived rudeness, being rude yourself sort of works against you.

Being rude to me isn't going to change the fact that you are blaming your sorority sisters for the choices that you made.

Being rude to me isn't going to change the fact the you will never be able to join a different NPC.

Being rude to me isn't going to change the fact that some NPHC chapters will not let you join because you are a member of an NPC.

If you truly hate your sorority so much, resign your membership! Turn in your pin, turn in your letters and call it a day!

This is another thread that highlights the importance of researching. :) All councils and conferences stress the importance of some type of research. We all stress the need to think honestly, critically, and adult-minded (even if you're in your late teens). Think about how GLO membership pertains to your college life, personal life, and life after college.

GreekRegret, if you feel you have missed the boat on GLO membership, find other ways to be active on the campus and larger community. That can include events with other racial and ethnic minorities. Just do not give people (non-friends) the speech that you gave us. ;) Been there, done that.

sigmagirl2000 heard that I pay $500 for compliments. :p

Here is what I suggest: (And I am not saying it with a tone, but I'm a pretty straightforward chick)

Remember why you originally chose to become a member of your organization. Really think about it. Remember back to your initiation and how you felt. Think about the young lady who could have taken your spot, and was crying because she was dropped from her number one choice. Think about all those times you could have simply told the Big Sisters that you were going to stay in and study, and catch the next (inevitable) party. Think about all of the things you could have declined to do when you were pressured. While I think Big Sisters should be a support system for you, they are not your academic advisors, your moral compass and they aren't...well...YOU. You have to make conscious decisions on what you will do for the well-being of YOU. Don't think that if you had been initiated into a NPHC organization that you may not have had sisters pressure you in the same way.

The reason so many people here are not really sympathetic to your plight is because many of us made a vow to be committed to our organizations for a LIFETIME, and we take it seriously. It is a priviledge to be chosen and initiated. Many people will never get the opportunity you have. I suggest you make lemonade with these lemons. Fall in love with your organization. Go become active with the alumni chapter, and help other young ladies to fall in love with it. Use these feelings/experiences you had with your big sisters and guide someone else in a positive direction.

Good luck...

You don't pay your invoices. WHERE IS MY CHECK?

Dr. Phil. You are the BEST GCer ever. Where's my check? :D

You are very wise. The grass always seems greener on the other side, but humans are humans. You can find the same issues wherever you go. Learning to love the one you're with is an important life lesson.

Remember that cashier's check from the Dear Sir or Madam to God be the Glory Bank of Nigeria? :mad:

What had happened was...agzg stole your cashier's check. :eek: Fight her!

You seem to indicate that your grades have really sucked. You need to concentrate on bringing up your grades and not on which set of letters are on your chest. Grades come first.

You don't get a "do over" on choosing a sorority. Once you initiate, you have made your one choice. If it was the wrong choice, you make the best of it or quit.

If your grades are okay, you can start adding other activities. Slowly. Making sure that your grades are still okay. There are lots of other things that you can do that are meaningful and will enrich your life that aren't NPC/NPHC sororities. Find them.