Why so much hatred for Alumnae initiates?
 

Hello, I have been on here for a few months now reading all the alumnae initiation postings and it seems that there is a general theme that many members spew that is just plain snarky and mean towards people who want to be in a sorority/fraternity.
I have been seriously considering doing AI for some time ,and just not for a cute t shirt with letters ,but for the bonding experience sisterhood could offer me way past my college days. I went to a greek school and I partied with Greeks ,and had many greek friends, but I just could not commit if I wanted to graduate and work at the same time.
Because of finances, work, grades,etc..... I felt I missed the one thing I always wanted, a special bond shared by a select few. I'm not at the age to party ,nor do I want to ,but I am of age to impart life lessons and wisdom as an sister/advisor (could do ) and still feel like I am apart of a group socially that comes together because of membership and philanthropy .
I just don't understand why members here slam potential members. I mean seriously is that what your groups taught you?
From what I understand membership does not stop at graduation. There are many who wanted to join ,but couldn't. So this is an avenue that they can bring a wealth of experience as alumnae ,and that groups could possibly benefit from.
I just hate reading the negativity that is hashed around on this topic. You all should embrace interested candidates instead of isolating yourself from them and looking your nose down at them.


Eagle Scout mom!

There are a lot of alumnae initiates as members here who are a valuable asset to both their organization and this community. That doesn't mean we take kindly to sorority shopping among AI potentials.

I didn't know if I should QFP or WTF this one.

I'm lane swerving, but it's Friday night . . .

Eaglescout_mom, welcome to Greek Chat. FWIW, I've seen lots of discussions on GC about AIing in NPC sororities, and I have rarely seen anyone look down their noses at AIs. What I have seen is sorority members defend their personal opinions or the positions of their organizations that AI is an honor to be bestowed, not an activity to be sought, however sincere the seeking. I have seen them object to a blanket characterization of how AI works, when in reality it works differently for different sororities. And, to be honest, I've seen many object to the idea of AI as an "oh well, there's always AI" sort of consolation prize for those who didn't pledge in college rather than a significant honor.

A friendly word of advice, sincerely offered: In my experience, opening posts from new GCers who are not Greek themselves that essentially ask "why are you so mean?" and that tell women who in many cases have been members of their sororities for years if not decades how they should conduct sorority business rarely end well.

-- MysticCat (an Eagle Scout)

This is quite possibly the best lane swerve ever.

There hasn't been an AI post on here for months.

And you're already "apart" of a group.

Are you insinuating that I've been a sorority member for decades?!:eek:

Yea, I was wondering if I missed one or two along the way. I don't remember a recent ("negative") AI thread...

You say that like there's something wrong with being a sorority member for decades! (April will mark my 3rd decade)

Grammar cops here: apart means separate from. A part means to be included in. If you are apart of a sorority, you are in fact not a member.

AI is just fine. I think my sorority uses it in a very innovative way. When we colonize a new chapter, we invite all the girls' mothers who are not already affiliated to initiate with their daughters. I've also heard of an NPC sorority sort of seeking out women for AI because of a need for alumnae support for a new chapter in a (relative to their base) remote chapter. But in general AI is reserved for women like one I remember. My chapter initiated the chapter advisor, a non-member graduate student who was really helpful in an era of rebuilding. She didn't seek it out but had become very intertwined with the sorority.

But hey, if you're friends with members of NPC sororities, ask them. Maybe one of them will be willing to go to bat for you.

And finally, what was the point of this? Sometimes it's clear a person is just looking for someone to blow sunshine up your skirt. But you don't like us, so why would you want our approval?

You're reading through several years' worth of posts. A number of years ago we seemed to have a bunch of potential AIs come here wanting to pad their resume. We did not take kindly to it.
Every group has their own method for doing this.
You must understand, though, and it is NOT a common procedure. You don't just pay your dues and get a badge in return mail.

You should take a look at community based fraternal organizations like Lions Club or Beta Sigma Phi. AI in an NPC is not common.

That's cute!

I was sitting with an Alpha Kappa Alpha and Kappa Alpha Psi at our back to school picnic this week, along with a new faculty member. When the AKA found out that the new faculty member hadn't pledged in college, she literally hopped up and said, "I'm going to get 'pseudonym' to meet you!" and she ran off to find this faculty member who is her soror (and whose office is right by mine). I admit I'm curious to see if anything further transpires.

Which reminds me, I need to get back on the mission with that other faculty member who was wearing the Gamma Phi pin....

Now, now. :D I said many of whom have been members for years if not decades. (And I wrote it before I saw your post.)

But, as AGDee says, not that there's anything wrong with that.

— MysticCat (30+ year Sinfonian ;))

There are very few AI threads that have been posted on GC over the years that I haven't felt had some kind of negative vibe or snark involved. But, I freely admit that I could be wearing my own bias on my sleeve when I see negativity, and that very likely, none was meant at all. But, from my personal perspective, I generally agree with the OP. That does not mean I necessarily agree with the OP posting as she did - since she is new and may not necessarily understand all the nuances and history on this board.

At any rate, I will say that I always have a bit of a chip on my shoulder on GC about being an AI, because of the attitude I've seen displayed. That has NEVER, not once, translated into how I feel among my sisters in real life. I have felt encouraged, welcomed, honored, and respected for my contribution to my sorority.

I have no doubt that many of you will disagree, but the fact remains that from my perspective as a reader of thousands of threads on GC, GC members, probably unintentionally, tend to treat AIs as second class citizens. Unless it's the so-called "this is what AI is meant to be" kind of situation where the woman has been BFFs with everyone in the organization for 30 years.

This is by far my favorite post in this thread.

WTF. Definitely.

As an outsider, this is also what I have observed.

As another outsider, my sense is that it is almost always unintentional, but reminders of how things can come across are never a bad thing.

I could care less if a woman shops around as an AI. It's up to the individual groups to determine if she is a good fit or not. But it's dumb when someone is an AI and then starts posting on GC like she knows everything, having not had the collegiate experience.

Apropos of nothing in this thread, I love your avatar, amiblue?.

That avatar's got some joy-joy-joy-joy down in her heart.

And just a mite of roomatiz medicine.

I'm not sure I understand what you are saying. It is my understanding (which is based on almost solely on the the GC postings) that AIs are often already involved with the organization. Yes, some do "shop around", but the majority are women who are known to chapters ie mothers, area alumnae etc. Even those who do "shop around" tend to be involved more than Sorority Sue. I would prefer to listen to an AI member who has experience with chapters than a collegiate alumna who hasn't thought about her membership in ten or twenty years.

Sorry, this was a hasty post. All I'm trying to say is that the reason that some of us GC'ers raise an eyebrow at AI's is that there have been some around here that were trainwrecks in the past, that's all.

I know two AI's to my group, personally, one of whom was initiated into my chapter when I was a collegian, and they are both wonderful and contribute a lot.

Agreed. With one or two exceptions, I have never thought it was intentional.

I agree that GC members in general should refrain from giving advice about things they have no knowledge of. That's dangerous, regardless of the person's background. But AIs can and do have experience that makes the equipped to discuss certain topics on GC. Some AIs were once new members, but had to drop for some reason or another. Some were in a local sorority and had a very fulfilling greek experience in college. AIs can be chapter advisors, national officers, Fraternity/Sorority Advisors for an entire greek system, etc. To think that they should keep quiet solely because of their AI status does them an injustice.

Thanks! I was feeling a little old and feisty.

We had a rash of shopaholics on GC (with no prior connections to any groups) who were ever so anxious to share EVERY DETAIL of their journey. This also happened to be at the time when moderation for the AI forum was, shall we say, more laissez-faire than it should have been. A different moderator would have probably said to them "um hey, do you REALLY want to post this?"

AIs in my group (that I am personally acquainted with) have ranged from fabuloso to detrimental to the entire organization, so all I can say is if you haven't gotten the latter of that, you are super duper lucky. Then again, we can say the same thing about sisters initiated in college. It's just that AI is so rare that the sample is smaller and the impact of each person tends to be greater.

Quoted for truth.

I think one of the issues is that the people who come here looking for the AI experience don't understand that, in NPC, the person does not seek out AI, the sorority will seek them out.

How much less could you care?

:p

"I couldn't care less."

^^^That is one of my biggest pet peeves. I always want to correct people that say they could care less because that doesn't make any sense.

From Mignon Fogarty (Grammar Girl):

People say they could care less when, logically, they mean they couldn’t care less.

The phrase "I couldn’t care less" originated in Britain and made its way to the United States in the 1950s. The phrase "I could care less" appeared in the US about a decade later.

In the early 1990s, the well-known Harvard professor and language writer Stephen Pinker argued that the way most people say could care less—the way they emphasize the words—implies they are being ironic or sarcastic.

Other linguists have argued that the type of sound at the end of "couldn’t" is naturally dropped by sloppy or slurring speakers.

Regardless of the reason people say they could care less, it is one of the more common language peeves because of its illogical nature. To say you could care less means you have a bit of caring left, which is not what the speakers seem to intend. The proper "couldn’t care less" is still the dominant form in print, but "could care less" has been steadily gaining ground since its appearance in the 1960s.

What Should You Do?
Stick with "couldn’t care less."

Personally, I prefer "I don't give a ****".

Not to go off on TOO much of a tangent, but my current biggest peeve is saying that when you mean who.

How do you handle the asterisks in real life? :)

AZTheta: I don't give a **** if it rains today.
Perplexed person: Um...that was scary...security!!!!!

This thread is probably over so I shall say one of my biggest pet peeves is people who use "...and I" and "...and me" interchangeably. Since elementary school my parents have said "if you can say 'we' you use 'I'. If you can say 'us' you use 'me'." I can't think of any exceptions to that rule but the Grammar Giants will probably find one. ;)

Argh, yes, that whole post was kind of a mess. I could NOT care less.

And there are indeed some NPC groups where a woman may seek out AI. That's cool, if that's their thing, especially in areas where they have a smaller alumnae base. The point is that a lot of hatred towards PNAI's comes from GC trainwrecks of days past.

DrPhil - I have a lexicon of facial expressions, shoulder shrugs, eye rolls, and on and on. But I'll save those for YouTube.

We have not had any truly memorable trainwrecks in a very long while.

And what a shame that is...