What does it say in your by-laws?
 

Hello, ladies!

I have a question for all who are active members or recent alumni. I know that many sororities move members who get married into "alumni" status by default. However, does your particular sorority have any rule that you cannot initiate a married student (and would this perhaps be different between chapters, or would it be a rule made by headquarters)? I am trying to get a list of which sororities prohibit married students from joining so recruitment goes as smoothly as possible and my special situation doesn't cause any confusion to any party involved. :)

So far, I've only been told by a friend that Delta Gamma does not initiate married students. If anybody could confirm or deny this, that would be appreciated. What about your sorority? :)

I believe Pi Phi allows married students as active members (one of my sisters got married while still in school and remained active). But really, don't worry about it. This is something that is the actives' jobs to worry about. Wear your wedding ring during rush, and then no one will be confused. Don't make a huge deal about it, but don't hide it. The end.

I believe Alpha Phi allows for initiation of married new members. If a collegiate member gets married and wishes to take alumna status instead of remaining active, she may. This is what one of my chapter sisters did.

This is absolutely not true. Your best bet is to put it on your recruitment registration and recs and then those who can't take you will release you. It isn't a "special" situation and no one will be confused if you do that.

thanks for the responses thus far! I actually ask because one of my closest friends made it all the way to having a bid in her hand, only to be pulled aside by her rho gamma/alpha zeta/etc right before the ceremony to be told national headquarters had declined due to martial status. Her husband was the emergency contact on her application, so it was documented. Definitely just want to avoid that issue entirely. Thanks for the great advice everybody! :)
If anybody else had information on their sorority, please post! :)

:confused:

I am not aware of any rule that would prohibit an AEPhi chapter from pledging and initiating a married woman.

Me too

It may be that they have to get permission and that permission was denied for whatever reasons but that doesn't mean that there was a rule against ANY married PNM. You and she may not know the whole story. Just be up front and the groups will handle it from their end.

Excellent point! I was comforting a crying friend. She could have very well not heard the whole situation or understood due to her heightened emotions! Our she may not have been told the whole story.

Which ceremony are we talking about here?

If she was told this on bid day, it's hard to believe. Even if a sorority had a rule against this, I can't imagine national headquarters had gone through every new member's information for this one particular chapter, contacted the chapter, which in turn contacted the rho gamma, who then contacted the new member, all within a day or two. I guess it's POSSIBLE, but something sounds off here.

Is your friend telling you the truth? Did she maybe not want to feel completely humiliated, so she made up some technicality as the reason she didn't receive a bid? Again, I'm not saying it's not possible, but I don't believe there are any sororities that restrict married women from joining. A chapter may have an unwritten rule against it, but I don't think there would be such a rule at the national level.

But I've been proved wrong before :)

Bid day ceremony!

Is it bad that was the first thing I assumed too? I felt bad, but I heard some pretty wacky stories across the board that week, to be honest. It wasn't until one of my classmates mentioned it after witnessing it that I fully believed it. I then saw the apologetic emails come through for a couple weeks after the situation occurred from her rho gamma and almost-sisters. The school completed recruitment within a week, if I remember correctly. I believe the last round occurred the night before the bid day, so it's possible correspondence didn't occur.
But it's good to know that so many people don't see this as any issue at all - across the board! I don't know if that's because things have changed over the past 6 years or if it was just a poorly-dealt-with precedent at the school. Or, like you mention, it may have been an "unwritten" thing.
I, too, found it to be a bizarre thing for nationals to initiate, as the mission statements often talk about the inclusion of all types of women. But I thought it may have something to do with an "alumni" status if anything at all. Thanks so much for your feedback; it's much appreciated! :)

If you are rushing at a campus with sorority housing, be sure to take that into account. If you are able to be initiated into a chapter with a house, they will likely have live in requirements... requirements that will NOT include bringing a husband along! Being married will not be an acceptable reason to get out of your obligation.

Thanks for that! My husband and I have heavily discussed and researched over the past year. We have definitely decided it's a perfect fit for me and for our situation. My campus has so many different options! :)

OK, first class in terminology. Women graduates of sororities are "alumnae" not "alumni."
The singular for the female is alumna and for a male is alumnus. If you are talking about a woman, such as myself, who is a grad of a school which has both genders, then yes, I am an alumnus of the University of Alabama and belong to the Alumni Association, and an alumna of Delta Gamma who belongs to the local Alumnae chapter.

(contented geek girl sigh)

How do you and your husband know that sorority life is a perfect fit for you? I can't even imagine being married and being in a sorority! It is hard enough to have a serious boyfriend or fiance. Not only are there long required hours spent with your sisters especially when pledging there are also a lot of mandatory activities where your husband will not be welcome or included and some of those will include a lot of other men and parties. I'd feel pretty horrible if my spouse kept going out without me like that. I think when you're married you are in kind of a different place.

Like others have said, even if a sorority technically allows a married lady to join it doesn't mean she won't be immediately cut for that reason. You should be very honest with all the houses when you rush and really think hard about the time and emotional commitments needed especially as a new member because I think you are probably not as well informed about that as you think.

Perhaps at the chapter your friend received a bid from, it is uncommon(or not allowed) that a married PNM would be offered a bid, and perhaps the chapter sought special permission from the chapter's National office to offer her a bid, which was ultimately not allowed by the National officer they contacted. She might not have been able to get back with the chapter until bid day. National officers have a lot on their plates everyday, which is magnified during recruitment.

I ditto what others have said-be very upfront on your registration form and with your rec. writers (if you need them for your college) that you are married. Wear your wedding ring to the parties, be frank in your discussions at the parties, and hopefully that will prevent similar disappointment for you. Better to not be invited back to a chapter during recruitment, than to have your membership revoked because the chapter did not know that you were married, and it is against their policy to pledge a married woman.

My husband and I are very well aware of all the time commitments and activities, courtesy of many friends. It is appreciated that so many people are speaking up to make sure this is a good decision, though. He just graduated and accepted a job with a global rotation program next month and will be working out of the country almost 8 months of the year. He is very easy going about not being invited to things.

Um, wow. That kind of condescending attitude will be more detrimental than a wedding ring ever would.

I agree with everyone who said be upfront and definitely wear your ring. Sorority members and PNMs are instructed not to talk about men/relationships during rush, but this is a little different.

I apologize, it was just a joke. It's a popular way every body from where I am from discusses puppy love. I certainly don't appreciate the condescending attitudes I have received or judgements of my relationship as I have integrated back into college life; I would never purposely do the same to others. It was meant as a joke. My apologies.:)

and thanks for the feedback. It's definitely a discussion to be had and knowing whether to have it during or after rush was a big question as well! :)

Um, ok.

Local joke. Apologies. I have deleted it. Sorry for any offense. :)

Wait. Your husband will be gone for 8 months out of the year and you're going to be going to fraternity mixers and whatnot? How old are you anyway and how long have you been married?

I understood exactly what she meant about the boyfriend/husband difference. Honestly, not every married couple spends 24/7 with each other!! My husband and I have our own separate lives, and we are very happily married. The first several years of our marriage he had a job that took him away from home about 90% of every month, and I went out with my work friends quite a bit. Including the men that I worked with. We trusted each other and there was never jealousy about what we were doing when the other wasn't around.

It sounds like the OP has a similar relationship with her husband as I have with mine. If so, her marriage would not in any way be a hindrance from her joining a sorority, provided the members are interested in and able to offer her a bid.

I think the OP is seeing a sorority as something to fill her time while her husband isn't home. And in some ways, that's not a bad way to look at it. But on the other hand, after 8 months, when hubby gets back in town, will her sorority membership and duties become an inconvenience?

I do know what you mean about husbands vs new boyfriends. I always hated when my friends would drop me for some dude they started dating.

I do wonder how old the OP is, and if that and the general experience gap between her and other members (who are looking for fratbro dates for formals) may be a bigger hindrance.

OP, these are just musings. We may know (some varieties of) sorority life, but only you know your life, situation, and marriage. I say go through recruitment, but go with an open eye and mind to some of the things we point out as possible stumbling blocks for you (beyond simply getting a bid).

OP, no one has been condescending to you. People have expressed their opinions. Here's mine:

Please be aware that during the new member period, your membership can be fairly "easily" terminated; it is very important for you to be totally upfront from the get-go about your marital status. It could be most unpleasant if the chapter found this out after the fact.

Also, understand that sororities are voluntary membership organizations and that they each have established and follow their own constitution/bylaws/policies.

And what your friends tell you, or you research and read, really doesn't matter; it's your own actual recruitment/membership experience that counts.

I wish you good luck!

Are you sure about that? While you are indeed a member of the Alumni Association, and you and your former male classmates are now alumni, I think you alone are still an alumna of the University because you are female and there is only one of you. The fact that the school is co-ed doesn't affect the fact that as one female you're an alumna. It's only in the plural that mixed groups take the masculine form.

And we could point out that historically, alumni is pronounced a-lum-nee, while alumnae is pronounced a-lum-nie (as in pie). My Pi Phi mother-in-law still pronounces them that way.

#alli'vegot

This is what I thought, but I didn't want to correct her without being sure :):o

I would think that by yourself, you (Titchou) would always be an alumna. If in a group - as a member of an association, a graduate of a university, etc. - it would depend on the makeup of the group; all female = alumnae, mix of male and female = alumni.

Quite correct.

alumnus = one male
alumna = one female
alumni = a group of males
alumnae = a group of females
alumni = a group of males and females (even if there are 1000 women and 1 man in the group, they are still collectively referred to as alumni)

<----- 7 years of middle school and high school Latin :p

Technically, I can call myself an alumna or an alumnus of Alabama but since they only have an Alumni Association I can only be a member of it. I can't make it Alumnae. And alumnae rhymes with "knee" not "pie." You've got that part backwards. 3 years of Latin and 30 years as a Catholic when they only used Latin....not to mention the Delta Gamma crib sheet....

I have however heard it - back in the day - pronounced alum-nay...but then you can get into the whole hard c/soft c thing too.....is it vee-chee or vee-key????? Only Cesaer knows for sure....

I always understood that TECHNICALLY alumni = alum-nee, alumnae = alum-nye, but I admit I had two years of Latin I was terrible at (technically three years, but the first year was a high school Latin 1 class I took for fun and barely counts).

As to veni vidi vici, I learned that in Italian it's veen-ee, vee-dee, vee-chee but in Latin it's wee-ne, wee-dee wee-kee.

How can people say "this is how to pronounce Latin words"? No one has ever heard it spoken that is living today (I'm not attacking you personally, angels&angles! OK?). The written language form is all we have, and we all know that written language is nothing like spoken language.

I could get into a long linguistics post, but I won't. No one cares except for the other SLPs and linguists on GC. They already know what I would say, anyway. *yawn*

No, but it's an Alumni Association because its members include males. That doesn't make every member on alumnus. A male member is an alumnus, a female member is an alumna, and collectively they are alumni.

Classical Latin and Church Latin are often pronounced differently, the latter having been influenced by later European languages, primarily Italian. But in both, the single vowel "i" is pronounced "ee" (or somewhere between "ee" and "ih"). So, alumni = "alum-nee" in Latin. Pronouncing it alum-nie (to rhyme with "pie") is an anglicization, much like pronouncing Phi "phie" rather than "phee" as it would be in Greek. English speakers have modified the "i" to an English long-I sound rather than using the "ee" that the letter represents in Latin or Greek, because we don't think "ee" when we see an "i."

As for "ae," in Classical Latin that represents the diphthong that English speakers consider the long-I sound, as in "pie." It's a diphthong of "a" ("ah") and "i" ("ee"). In church Latin, "ae" is pronounced more like the English long-A sound -- "ay" as in "pay" -- which is also really a diphthong of "eh" and "ee."

LOL. True.


The written form is all we have of Classical Latin. Church Latin is still used daily. ;)

Or we could go back to the Great Vowel Shift and really gum up the works!

Oh yeah, absolutely. I'm just parroting what I was taught. I think it does have something to do with linguistics and what we "know" was spoken in similar languages at the time. And also getting the rhyme and meter of Ovid's work and similar to mesh. I find it fascinating.

I'm really not sure when it was decided that there was no "v" or "ch" sound in Classical Latin. Fairly recently (last 30-50 years maybe), I think.

Ha! Very true.


I know from relatives that the no "v" or "ch" sound was being taught at least 100 years ago. My understanding is that the "ch" sound in Latin is the product of Church Latin. Church Latin tends in many respects to follow the rules of Italian, and in Italian, "c" before "e" or "i" = "ch."

Back in my voice major days, we had to take a class in Latin pronunciation. The people who had taken Classical Latin in high school always had a harder time getting the hang of Church Latin (which was obviously the main focus, given the amount of sacred music in Latin) because of the differences. And on the flip side, people who had learned Church Latin first had a harder time getting the hang of Classical Latin.

Unless they took Latin in a Catholic school in which case the nuns just made up their own rules and we had to do it the church way.

This thread is very entertaining. We women are all collectively alumnae who belong to an co-ed university alumni association. You can say you belong to the alumni association, or say you are an alumna of the university. Whatever works.

OP, do what is right for you and go through recruitment.

Got it! Thank you :D

ps the one year of Latin in 7th grade helped with the four years of Italian in college AND with every standardized test involving vocabulary that I ever had to take. Ciao!