Asking girls if they want to COB, without coming on too strong?
 

My chapter decided to take a few COBs this semester, and we were told to email the recruitment chair really soon with names of girls who are interested and who we think would be a good fit.

There's a girl in one of my classes who I think would honestly be perfect. She's a freshman, and I know she didn't go through recruitment because she isn't on the mass-rosters we all got. I don't really know her well at all, but she's one of those people who you can tell just from meeting is a genuinely kind person. Like when you're talking to a PNM during recruitment, and even though you only talk to her for 3 minutes you see something special in her and just know you NEED her in your house. She's super sweet, has a kind of poise about her, and is one of those girls who is very pretty but either doesn't know or doesn't care.

I'm doing a group project with her, along with 2 other girls. We all met up for an hour today to work on the project, and the whole time I was just thinking "I want her in my house!"

But since I don't really know her well I don't want to be too forward in asking her about COBing. I don't want to make things awkward. Maybe she doesn't like sororities? Or can't afford one? And I don't want to come on too strong and have her think "uhhh, what? i barely know you!" Any ideas?

See if she wants to have lunch or coffee after class and just bring up your sorority in conversation. Ask if she has ever thought about joining a sorority. Get a feeling for whether she might be interested and if so, let her know you'd like to submit her name to the recruitment chair, then follow up with your recruitment chair.

When I was a sophomore (after having a disappointing rush experience as a freshman), a friend that I got to know from the college choir approached me about COB after choir practice, but I didn't even realize that it was COB. She just said, "My sorority is making s'mores in our dorm tomorrow night. Could I come pick you up? It will be fun." That was it! She came to my dorm and walked me over. We had a great time! It was totally low key and didn't feel like I was being "recruited" at all.

THIS is the way you do it.

Allow me to swerve into your lane a little bit. COBing is much more like the sort of recruitment fraternities do outside of your top schools where formal recruitment fills the roster. You might not want to be so direct until you learn her real reason for not rushing.

The NIC has a 5-step model for individual recruitment: 1) Meet [her]; 2) Make [her] a friend; 3) Introduce [her] to your friends; 4) Introduce [her] to your [sorority]; 5) Ask [her] to join.

It sounds like you're sort of in the middle of step 2. How you likely joined and how you're attempting to recruit this lady are two very different paths. She may not understand the benefits of Greek life, so as Louisa says, it's best if she just not know you're recruiting her at all. Don't bring up the whole sorority thing until she's had an opportunity to see and experience how your sorority has benefited you. You don't have to draw her a picture, she'll see it for herself. Once she's had that opportunity to see how it's benefited you and you've introduced her to a few of your sisters, then you can start addressing directly the benefits of Greek Life, give her a house tour, show her how it's so much better living in your sorority house than the dorms, then if your chapter is willing, let her know she's got a bid and close the deal.

While the lane swerve isn't EXACTLY on target, it does provide a nice framework from which to make a personal plan. COB is (I think) still more organized than some fraternities' informal rush, so she will be invited to a party of sorts. Having her show up to an evening hanging out with friends and then somehow getting a bid can be as awkward as giving the hard sell up front.

I'd rephrase #3 as Invite her to a COB event to meet sisters and 4-explain the virtues of membership. There's no point in giving the hard sell of #4 if she doesn't pass #3 AND it won't overwhelm her too early if you do it in this order.

If you invite her over as a meeting friends kind of thing (#3) and she asks more questions, then her interest merits you jumping ahead to #4 even before the party.

I didn't even realize that it was COB. She just said, "My sorority is making s'mores in our dorm tomorrow night. Could I come pick you up? It will be fun." That was it! She came to my dorm and walked me over.

Excellent (IMHO) ! That way the woman being COB'd didn't have to find the sorority dorm on her own, and didn't have to worry about "making an entrance" on her own, either.

This is so important. When I was advising a colony that was doing some COB, I stressed that someone ALWAYS pick up the guest AND take her back to her dorm/apartment. No need to make them start out feeling awkward by arriving at an event by herself! Plus you can use the time in transport to create a bond with the girl and put her at ease.

As someone who only COBed, and learned the hard way the best way to do it, I wouldn't agree with this point entirely. Yes, for the most part, sorority informal recruitment is more "formal" than fraternity informal recruitment, but the way to recruit best is actually very similar. Especially in a situation such as this.

Because the OP knows nothing of the PNM's interest (or lack thereof), befriending her is key. The sorority can wait. Introducing her to members outside of an official sorority event puts less pressure on the PNM and makes the possible transition to membership less stressful. Friendship first, sorority later is a great strategy, and one that, in my opinion, isn't used often enough.

This is how I was recruited! I probably never would have gone on my own. Having a sister invite me and then meet me at my dorm to take me to my first event was essentially what got me there. From then on, I kept going and never looked back.

As I've said on here before - those 5 steps Kevin posted are on point, but they do not take 5 minutes. Sometimes they can take a year or more! This is what rush is 24/7/365 really means - yes, maybe you are over total right now but that doesn't mean you shouldn't keep yourself open to cultivating friendships and possible sisterhood with great people all of the time. You never know, that over-total you have now may end up being under-total next semester for reasons completely beyond your control. The last thing you want is to be in a "we need to get x number of women by y date" and have to begin from scratch.

Ideally, you want to get it to a point to where the PNM is so comfortable with you that SHE asks YOU how she can get a bid.

And it can be that you'll make a great friendship with someone, but your sisters can't stand her, or vice versa. That doesn't mean the time creating the friendship was wasted.

My best friend is one of my pledge sisters. She was a sophomore when one of her friends at church invited her to come to the house several times for lunch. She was introduced to sisters and pledges, given a house tour and then at the end of the last lunch invited to join. She tells me she had no idea that they sisters were rushing her or considering her for membership. Was a very relaxed way for her to get to know everyone as she had had no intention of being part of the "Greek scene" until she was asked.

Make it casual, friendly, and definitely not "in your face." Some girls are still influenced by the stereotypes regarding Greek Life and want no part of it until they see it for themselves.

DaffyKD

Yes! With the RFM recommendation that campuses re-evaluate total annually, we're seeing a trend that more chapters who've traditionally never had to COR find themselves a few under total and then are totally stymied about what to do. This is why I have all of my chapters, even the stronger-recruiting ones, keep a wish list of unaffiliated women they're developing friendships with.

IMO, this is an issue even without the CORing part.

NPHC swerve:

Most of our UG membership is invited to membership as upperclassmen, which ideally cuts out that "all my friends are my sisters/Sorors" feeling. Most NPHC Greeks are also involved in a bunch of stuff as upperclassmen before membership as well-you just balance it out.

With respect to COB/R... Ill only speak for Sigma, but it's rare that a woman, interested or not, is going to feel "rushed." Introducing you (or getting you acquainted) is going to be personal and direct, but from the beginning Im aiming to earn your friendship first.

I compare it to the difference between (lord am I dating myself) being a contestant on Singled Out or The Bachelor (hell even Flavor of Love) and navigating the dating world on your own (courting and building a relationship, them mutually deciding what's best).

Even for the NPHC orgs that have larger pools of candidates showing interest...like COB, those candidates would've had at least one opportunity to connect with a member one on one. I highly doubt an interest shows up to one of our rushes not having make a connection with a member or introducing themselves for the first time to everyone.*

But...I'm just telling you what you may already know.

*of course varies by campus, region and org.

They need to bring back Singled Out.

That is all.

Singled out without Chris Hardwick though. Dude is still a douche and I have to tolerate him when I watch Talking Dead every week.

This is a good thread. :) The group I advise does something similar. (We don't hold COB events, they are invitation only).

I belonged to a chapter that was in the middle of open recruitment all the time.

Stuff that worked:

1. Holding study groups at the house and invite the women you would like to COR to study with your group.

2. Dinner. Our recruitment budget/food budget included space for inviting PNMs to dinner. We just told the recruitment chair that we were bringing someone to one dinner and that she was a PNM. Our cook was always way better than the dorms.

3. Every sister should belong to at least one outside organization. No one should ever say "But the only people I know are my sisters!" Cheer-leading, theater, band, sports, professional organizations, Bible study, Neuman Center, whatever, are a great way to meet PNMs who you have something in common with.

Thanks for all the ideas! I'm on spring break now, but when I get back to school I'm going to really try to get to know the girl a little more and sort of befriend her while we're working on the project.

I simply cannot recommend this post at Fraternal Musings highly enough.

You're already so far through the process ...