My AI adventure
 

Hey everyone,

I've been working on getting information to become a PMN for AI...I feel like I've reached a wall. I've gotten replies from the National Headquarters saying they're going to pass my information on to the local Alumnae chapter however I haven't heard anything. It wasn't been that long so I'm going to sit for a bit longer before reaching out again. The part that frustrates me is I'm constantly being told I need a sponsor. Other than you gals I don't know anyone IRL that is Greek.

:confused:

Patience is a virtue...I'm into this process for the long haul. I'm committed, even if this process is going to take days, weeks months or years.

I don't really have any questions, just wanted to post my thoughts.

Thanks for listening and any advice or pearls of wisdom you can throw my way is greatly appreciated.

Greek life may not happen for you if you don't have a sponsor.

If you don't know anyone in Greek life, why do you want membership in a Greek organization?

I fall into the category of people who think that AI should be pursued by the organization. I am not at all in favor of sorority shopping, which is what it sounds like you are doing. An important part of the sorority bond is the common collegiate experience. In my opinion, AI should be rare, and reserved for women who, despite the lack of common collegiate experience, will acclimate well into the organization. It is not, however, a second bite at the collegiate apple. That ship has sailed, and the alumnae experience is very different, which makes me wonder why you would want to AI if you don't know any sorority alumnae.

Given that information, you might considering putting AI on the back burner and lending your talents to other community pursuits. I don't see this ending happily for you if you don't know any Greeks in real life and/or there is not a collegiate chapter near you in desperate need of assistance because there are so few alumnae in the area to serve as advisers. AI among NPC sororities is very rare.

The very few instances of AI I know of (across many GLOs, not just my own) all have had one common factor: the AI was someone who was very well known by the GLO, had done many years of service for the GLO in some capacity (e.g. worked with the philanthropy, supported a collegiate chapter, etc), and had other ties to the GLO. And in every case, the GLO pursued the AI, not the other way around.

Just wanting it (for whatever reasons) is not sufficient. victoria, IMO you may be far better off investigating other community organizations which offer membership and service opportunities.

You asked, so there's my advice.

I'm an alum of a small local sorority. After I graduated and had been working for a few years, I found myself wishing I had the resources of an organized alum chapter and a larger network that the national sororities have. I found much of what I was looking for in the Junior League. I would highly recommend this organization to someone who is looking for some of the things you mentioned.

I have been a lurker for a few years and I just wanted to say something. I'm an AI. While I do agree that it is not for everyone, I do not agree with how advice is given to people. No it isn't for people who never got the college experience and just want to relive college. No it isn't for people who just want letters. I also do not like people sorority shopping. However to say that it is a rare process and doesn't ever happen simply isn't true.

I am a legacy and my mother invited me to join as something special to share with her. Typically AI's do fit into five categories

1. Pledged but didn't initiate
2. Years of service to said GLO or philanthropy and AI is a gift for service
3. local sorority that was absorbed.
4. Legacy
5. Friend in XYZ invited you to join.

Ok so just because somebody doesn't fit into one of the above categories does not mean that AI is impossible and should not be pursued. Each AI story is different. People have different reasons for joining. Each case is not the same. You can't say that AI never happens and that only the GLO pursues it and not the PNAM. That simply isn't true. Each sorority has their own policy. Some AI pretty frequently. Some have certain rules for it. Some don't at all. If you look back at this forum there are tons of success stories. Each woman had a different reason and way she joined.

If somebody truly has something great to bring to a sorority then why not? Do I think sororities have the right to be selective? Absolutely. Just as they are in the college setting.

Give people a chance. There have been many great AI's serving each NPC. Don't beat it down.

So...you know that the OP doesn't fit into one of the AI categories, yet you are encouraging her to continue pursuing it? Please tell us what you suggest she do next.

I'm just speaking about AI in general. I have seen so many people post about AI and they are constantly told that they shouldn't even try and that it is impossible. Greek life is a great thing. People join in different ways. And that's ok. In other posts on this forum women used to post stories about their AI journey and other posters were encouraging and excited to learn where the OP ended up. What happened to that? Even though somebody doesn't fit into one of the 5 categories doesn't mean they shouldn't even try. Some of those stories are women who had no connections.

Is it possible that the OP might not be successful? Sure. But she can at least try. If she wants to pursue it then it can't hurt her to try. Maybe she should look into the Junior League, Beta Sigma Phi etc. But telling her to give up isn't the answer. I would suggest just focus on 1 sorority. That perhaps she relates to the philanthropy or maybe the values align with hers. Contact HQ or the local group and go from there. I had a friend who did that and Nationals put her in touch with her local group. She had no prior connections. It wasn't impossible for her. Is that going to be the case for everybody? No. She was lucky. It may not work out for everybody but it isn't impossible. That's the point I'm trying to make.

I think that Gamma Phi has a pretty welcoming policy toward AI, and our alumnae chapters even get "extra points" for sponsoring an AI. Our AC has initiated two AIs in recent years...both worked for the college where we had a new chapter. One got to know our resident CLC during colonization, and the other was a very close friend of an active alum. Both women attended schools without Greek systems, and both women jumped right into advisory positions with the chapter. In both situations, the AC approached the potential member. Sponsoring an AI is very involved, and I wouldn't be eager to do it for a stranger.

Thanks for your thoughtful posts, yellowrose26 and Sciencewoman. It seems to me that AI is looked down upon by some regulars on this site, as if AI seekers are interlopers. I don't understand that attitude. Whether an organization's decision makers approve of AI as a way to reward special women, or see it as a way increase the number of reliable members who will contribute financiallyand with service, that does not diminish the status of women who joined in college.
Yes, an AI's perspective within the organization will be different from that of a woman who joined in college, but so what? The experiences and perspectives of collegiate members vary enormously from campus to campus and chapter to chapter, too.
There is nothing wrong with someone's thoughtfully considering an organization that she already has a tie to. And, I see no problem with researching all organizations that are open to AI to determine if one seems to be a good fit. Some organizations make it very clear on their national websites that they welcome AI interest.
Strong organizations generally need as many good members as they can get, regardless of whether they joined as a shy, awkward 18 year old at a weak chapter or a sharp, polished 18 year old at a highly sought after chapter or a 30 year old professional woman who would fit in very nicely with an alumnae chapter that really needs more members to accomplish their goals - one of which is to help recruit more quality members.

I think Phi Mu is similar. I actually know of three women who were AI'd into my chapter while I was a collegian, and two were family connections, one was a prominent local businesswoman who was friends with a very active alumna.

I wouldn't know what to do with a woman who doesn't have some kind of personal connection to my organization. That said, I'd consider "friends in the org" a personal connection, and if any of my close female friends who were never Greek suddenly said "man, I really regret that I never joined a sorority", I would put the wheels in motion for them. I know several outstanding women through arts boards and such who I would love to have as sisters, even if they have never thought about a specific organization before.

So, for the PNAI's who are contacting headquarters and/or local chapters: do you not have any friends who were Greek women? That would seem to me to be the place to start.

The problem with having absolutely NO connection is that organizations don't really have a mechanism to vet these women. We don't do AI rush, and most alumnae aren't willing to go out of their way to recruit women they don't know from Adam to join. Alum chapters meet at the most once a month, so it would be difficult to get to know enough about a PNAI in that setting without a sister vouching for her. That is why having a relative, friend, prior relationship with the organization is so critical to success. Being a known commodity takes a lot of work out of the formula. Let's face it, alums are too busy running their lives to worry about vetting someone completely unknown to them. It's not worth the effort unless they are really desperate for some warm bodies (which depending on the area of the country does happen.)

It's also a disservice to the PNAI. Having a close friend in the organization can help answer your questions, serve as a mentor and really help you to get involved in the organization. My advice to you would be really ask your friends, see if anyone is Greek and open to helping you through the process. You really never know! It would be a positive for you to have a friend in your corner.

This. We've done it in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan where we have two collegiate chapters and very few alumnae. We really need those AIs to help with the chapters. The OP gives her location in her other post in the AI forum and it isn't a location where any collegiate chapters have a great need for assistance. I think that will add to her challenges.

Oh my gosh there's only one college chapter in the entire state! Crazy!

Well, that would help explain why she doesn't know any sorority women in real life.

No one has said it's impossible.

I don't see how your point is different from what others have expressed here. There are difficulties the OP faces - difficulties that might prevent her from being successful in her pursuit. But no one here has said she shouldn't try or that AI is impossible. They're painting an accurate picture of what she's up against instead of blowing sugar-coated sunshine the OP's way. She has a right to know that, because of her circumstances, her chances might not be that great.

Quite frankly - and obviously I am speaking about my org as well as others - I just don't get the "initiating women to be advisors" deal. Advisors by definition are people with greater knowledge than their advisees, and I don't see how a woman who was just initiated 2.5 seconds ago can be that. I think in this day and age, with email, texting and Skype, the concept that the advisors need to be THERE is ridiculous. Perhaps it's time for the organizations to catch up with technology, or to think outside the box.

And if this is happening - not in Hawaii (for anyone but AGD LOL) but in an area where there are AMPLE alumnae to serve in advisory roles - then the organization needs to address the real problem. Why aren't the alumnae who already exist stepping up? You need to fix that before you bring more women into the organization.

I want to preface this by saying that I completely agree with you. However, there are some advisory roles for which I think a certain level of real world experience would be just as, if not more so, valid to qualify a person to advise a chapter. The prime example that comes to mind would be risk management. Someone with a working knowledge of legal and insurance concepts but no sorority experience might serve a chapter better than say a journalist who was a collegiate member.

That being said, I shudder to consider an AI being recruitment advisor.

Financial advisers are another example of an advisory role that can well be served by those without collegiate experience.

33girl - I know our A&M- Corpus Christi adviser lives in Katy and does a great deal of her work through Skype.

But part of that is - we have these huge alumnae bases and we're basically saying "oh, we have NO ONE who is both 1) a sister and 2) accounting-wise/RM-wise educated enough to fill this role." It kind of makes all our claims of great networking/we help women to get into great careers, ring extremely hollow.

That's another good example.

Well, I don't know. I'm a general adviser, and I'm an AI. I always joke that those poor girls had no one else, so they got stuck with me. :-) I think my connections at the university (I was a part-time, later full-time employee) and in my fields (communications and coaching) gave me some perspectives that helped the chapter. But it really was a case of there not being alumnae in the area to serve.

I also had connections to the chapter - my sister was a former treasurer and president, and at the time I was asked, I was coaching one of the sisters. It was at my alma mater, so I was familiar with the chapter as well.

Was I the greatest choice of adviser? Probably not. But I did my best (and still do) to learn everything I could to be a good adviser. I read everything I could. I came to GC. :-) I connected with other advisers. I went to officer training. To me, being initiated was -- in addition to being a great honor -- a way to better serve this chapter that I had quickly grown to love.

When you have a chapter that's geographically isolated, with no nearby alumnae chapter, just knowing that someone cares enough to help you out can mean a lot.

You forgot 3) has the time/inclination to fulfill the role. Yes, we help women in their careers, but that doesn't always lead to the right alumna in the right place at the right time. I've been active when I could, but when I had small children and was going to graduate school I had to step back. It didn't matter that I was qualified - I couldn't fulfill the role anymore.

There's only one DZ chapter here in Maryland and, even though it's a small state, the school is over the river, through the woods and up in the mountains. It's frustrating because I would LOVE to be involved with a college chapter.

There may be only one DZ chapter in MD, but there are other NPC groups in MD. OldRow was referencing that there is only one NPC chapter in the whole state. As I said in the sorority strongholds thread, AGD owns Hawaii.

Ones of the reasons that Gamma Phi promotes AI is that we have found that these women tend to be quite dedicated, involved, and ready to help out. They don't see sorority membership as a "college only" experience. We have 300 women on our local alumnae list. That does not equal 300 women paying dues, showing up at events, volunteering to support our local collegiate chapter, etc. Personally, I see many benefits in offering this option. I also respect those groups who choose not to offer this option.

I seriously don't get how we can go on and on about how sorority membership is not just a four year commitment, and how the most rewarding years are the alumnae years, and then scoff at women who want to join as alumnae.

I don't think it's scoffing, but we more mature members who have served in one or more alumnae associations might have some valid concerns to address. I know my sorority has also recruited AI women in conjunction with a colony, but the last time I heard of it personally was in the 60's. Now I think the only way we actively seek AI is that all mothers of colony members are invited to join. That's not to say we don't have members join in any other method; we do. But it would be in the more commonly mentioned situations above - someone who is a big help through the university, a non-member advisor who has been a big help, close friend of a member who is very involved, etc.

But that being said, I believe I've read here that some NPC sororities while on a big push nationally have also pushed for AI to keep their alumnae in line with their collegians. And if an NPC sorority should get a chapter in BF Big Western State, I definitely could see them actively seeking out strangers to AI. But these again are FAR more the exception than the rule. These examples could serve to help the OP as she works toward this goal. Here's how you can be more appealing as an AI, not just "it can't happen no way no how."

The Georgia Tech AGD Chapter is initiating 2 AI's tonight. Unfortunately, I won't be able to be there, but hope to meet them soon!

I became a Tri Delta initiated as an AI almost 8 years ago. Although I wasn’t a “typical” AI prospect (i.e. I wasn’t a legacy, didn’t have family ties, etc.), I had rushed as an undergraduate and made it through Preference Rounds at Tri Delta and another very nationally-known sorority on campus. I ended up dropping out of recruitment after Preference because I got cold feet about making such a big commitment at the time. I eventually transferred from that campus as well.

I always wondered “What if?” and regretted losing out on a potential Tri Delta membership. About 10 years later I had moved to a new city, and the strangest thing started happening. When I would meet new people and talk would turn to college Greek affiliations, I would always say I was “almost a Tri Delt.” And I kept hearing over and over, “Oh yeah! I can see that. You’re just like the Tri Delts on my campus.” I took it as a compliment.

As luck would have it, a new Tri Delta colony was organizing on a campus in my city. With the “like a Tri Delt” comments and warm memories of the Tri Deltas I had met as an undergrad, I contacted Tri Delta’s Executive Office and offered to volunteer in any capacity to help them launch the new chapter. I was told that since I was not a member, helping out in any way was not an option.

Long story short: I learned about AI (or Honor Initiation as it’s referred to in Tri Delta), and the rest is history. But it wasn’t easy and it took a long time (years). What kept me going is that I “knew” that was the organization for me. I never pursued any other group, even the other group I had attended Preference at.

My point is this, and comes from my perspective as a result of my AI journey: I think if you’re going to “pursue” (I had that word) AI, it should be because you have some special connection to the people you know or have met in that group. Not because of their work with a particular philanthropy, not because their creed really spoke to you, etc. In my case, I felt immediately at home with the Tri Deltas I met as an undergrad. I continued to click with those I met and talked with on a national level. And apparently, complete strangers “recognized” me as a Tri Delta even when I wasn’t. THAT is what AI should be about, even if you’re “pursuing” it. It’s so hard to describe because it’s very intangible...almost spiritual.

I read a quote somewhere- maybe on Greekchat - that describes my situation completely: “Being a [insert group here] is not something you become, it’s something you already are.” And that was so true for me. Prior to my initiation, EO sent me some materials that would give me a background on the history and background of Tri Delta to prepare for initiation, and I literally got chills. Some of the material written by one of our founders could’ve been written by me! So I knew I was home, and that I always had been.

Good luck!

I agree to some extent and my last Chapter Advisor at one of our chapters up there was doing it from downstate, via Skype. She did go to that school, had family in the area and had to travel to the area for work a few times a year. That helped a lot. There are requirements though, especially with finance, that are tough to meet that way. To be bonded, we are supposed to have two signatures- one alumna, one collegian- on every check written. That is very difficult to do with only remote advisors. The person has to be willing to go that area at least once in a while.

There's also just a different vibe when they are advising by Skype. When I was a Chapter Advisor, I lived nearby and could drop in on events all the time. There was value in that. There was value in hanging out at the house office for "office hours" one night a week. Women would wander down just to chat about all kinds of things. I was able to pick up on themes and vibes that I wouldn't have been able to detect from a once a week phone call with the President or a once a month executive council meeting. There is value in being able to form a relationship, see people face to face, etc. I could see leadership qualities in certain young women and encourage them to reach for higher offices. I was better able to figure out what the chapter needs were.

We can give anybody the knowledge of how things should work. Having someone nearby to coach and mentor them on a more continuous basis has value. A woman who works at the University or owns a local business can serve as a mentor whether she had a sorority collegiate experience or not. Anybody can open a handbook and read the way things should be done. Advisors provide more than knowledge.. they provide continuity over many years and maturity to crisis situations. And, if you can find a combination of women who have experience with your organization to serve remotely and a few newer women who can be there locally, you can groom those local women to take over with time.

If we want to get past the "four years and out" mentality, I think we need to focus more alumnae membership. This is an area where the NPHC orgs are way ahead of us.

^^^
Yeah, this!
*nods emphatically*

This is like saying why is an apple not a potato.

We are talking out our butts if we say it's a 4 year commitment and then instead of impressing on our large alumnae bases that they need to fill that commitment, we initiate new women because we can't engage the ones we initiated to begin with. If women don't pay alum dues, don't volunteer, etc etc....let them know their membership is revoked and they're not an alumna any more. NPHC members value their membership more as adults because more is expected of them. Simple as that.

Also, regarding the NPHC (and please, any NPHC member rap my knuckles if I'm wrong about any of this), ALL 9 ORGS - the fraternities and the sororities - admit members at a graduate level. The AI policies of the 26 NPC groups are all over the board. If the NPC really wants to promote AI as an alternate form of joining its member groups, they need to get together and make some rules on it - the same as with sorority rush for collegians.

That's a WHOLE different matter than AIing Susie the manager at Hot Topic in Hilo because OMG WE HAZ NO ALUMZ.

With all due respect, I'm sure there were other sisters nearby who could have done a good job too. :)

That won't happen until everyone wants to AI Susie the Hot Tropic manager and alumnae groups are mad because there's no fair process to decide who gets her.

In other words, when Hilo freezes over.

I'm not saying it should be an either/or scenario. Yes, we should be more proactive in keeping alumnae engaged. (As an aside, I don't think threatening to revoke their memberships would do that; they're of the mindset that their membership is over when they graduate, so what do they care?) But also we should be welcoming qualified women into our sisterhoods who wish to pledge a commitment to our organizations but are older than teenagers. I imagine they'd be more committed alumnae, although I have nothing to back that hunch up, and alumnae associations or sponsoring chapters could take all the time they need to get to know the PNAM and vet her. It's not like there's a rush period.

The common bond between sisters should be the shared ritual they've all experienced and the values they strive to uphold, not a collegiate experience which is going to vary wildly from sister to sister anyway.

I'm not sure you understood my point - which was that even if you do have qualified alumnae in the area they may not be at a point in their lives when they can serve - thus an AI adviser may be able to fulfill an important role.

In my case, yes, there was a qualified alumna - namely my mother, who was an AI and had been a co-chapter adviser with me to a collegiate chapter.

No, I got your point. But this all goes along with looking at different ways advisors can advise, and more importantly, what we really are using advisors for.