Advice on rushing again?
 

I posted a few days ago, asking a question about rushing twice, if you haven't read that post, please don’t, because I wrote it just when rush had ended and I was in a whirlwind of emotions and not able to think logically.

Since then, I’ve come to my senses a bit more, but first, let me tell you all what happened. I decided to rush spring semester of my freshman year, basically with the intention of meeting a new group of people, joining a community, and making lifelong friends. I did not realized how emotionally invested you become in the whole process though.

By the end, I definitely had a top choice, and 2nd choice, and a 3rd choice. I was convinced that my number 1 choice was the perfect fit for me, and when they dropped me on pref night, I panicked and dropped out of rush completely, which my Rho Gamma recommended I do. (Although I did get invited to my 2nd and 3rd choices pref nights). Maybe it was my stubbornness, bias, and disappointment, but as hard as I tried I wasn’t able to feel a “connection” to either of those sororities that night, as I had with my top choice at previous events.

Basically, the advice I was given/what I’ve decided to do is to come back in the fall, when rush is informal, and when incoming freshman aren’t even allowed to rush. I was told to attend all of their rush events, and the sisters would already know me from when I had rushed previously. It is not abnormal for sophomores to rush at my school, nor is it abnormal to rush twice.
I also decided that it would be a good idea to come out to as many of the sororities’ events this semester as possible, and overall try to genuinely befriend some of the sisters.

Nevertheless, I do understand that this does not guarantee that I will get a bid, it is simply one of the only things I can proactively do to potentially increase my chances.

On top of that, I thanked the sororities that invited me to their pref nights, basically telling them that since what happened during pref night was so unexpected to me, I was simply not ready to make such an important decision so quickly, and that I’d come out again in the fall. Although I thought they replied to my messages very kindly just to be polite, the girls in those two sororities stopped giving me confused/angry looks on campus, and began smiling at me and approaching me after I sent out the message.

After reading the thread about going with your second choice, I’ve decided that I’d be more open the second time around. I wish I had seen the thread before pref night, but even so I’m glad I did. There are only 5 sororities on my campus, and i thought that if I didn’t click with a sorority immediately that they weren’t for me, I didn’t realize that like with anything, things like that usually take time. Also that where you THINK you belong might not be where you DO belong. So, since I’ve met some great girls in all 3 of my choices, I’ve decided to stay in touch with and try to get to know them all, and hopefully through that have a better, and more informed opinion of where I could fit in come next fall.

What are your guys’ thoughts on this? Have any of you/anyone you know been through an experience similar to this?

There are a myriad of threads here that would probably be helpful to you. Quite a few are stickied at the top of the Recruitment forum. Read through them when you have the time. There is one entitled "I didn't get my first choice" that might be helpful to you and other PNMs who that happened to.

I am glad to see another post from you. It seems that you are gaining a healthy perspective concerning your experience. I hope that you will continue to work through your feelings.

Good luck.

You are far from the only PNM who has experienced this. Recruitment can be one of those things you have "to live it to believe it." By that, I mean people often go into it with no idea of how emotional it can become...and getting released from your favorite HURTS. The shock and disappointment can override your better judgement. Such blows can be difficult for an adult with a lot of life experience; you are a young woman who may just be getting her feet wet in the world of disappointment.

That said, it sounds like you are turning this into a valuable learning and growing experience. I saw the first thread and you clearly have a better perspective on everything. Being honest with yourself often leads to that! I think that contacting the 2nd and 3rd chapters was a considerate and smart gesture. Your plan for moving forward is good -- continue getting to know the women in all sororities and visit their open campus events. In addition, keep your GPA up, present yourself well, get involved in some activities and don't rule out the other sororities that weren't in your top three.

I hope you have a great recruitment this fall and find a great sisterhood!

* Earn excellent grades and come into the fall with a stellar GPA.

* Get involved on campus. This will boost your resume, and it is a great way to make friends. You'll also stay busy, and it will help you move forward from the disappointment after recruitment. (Hint Hint: find out what activities the sorority women are involved with outside of Greek Life to get to know them and make friends.)

* Make friends with sorority women. Don't be a creepy sorority stalker and be unnatural, but make an effort to talk to Greeks and get to know sorority women. They're in your classes, and they are involved on organizations on campus. It's a huge help to have advocates in the chapters when you re-rush because they will promote you to their sisters.

* Consider getting alumnae recommendations. I'm guessing with 5 sororities, recs aren't the norm for your school. Don't kill yourself to get them. But since they aren't the norm, they'll help you stand out even more.

* Don't embarrass yourself socially. Watch how you conduct yourself in public. Sorority members are public relations ambassadors for their "brand," and they don't want members who have a reputation for being falling down drunk, making scenes, stealing other people's boyfriends, or being indiscreet about their bedroom activities. I'm not telling you to sit in your dorm room and not have a life, just make sure you're not acting like a drama queen. Don't bring negative attention to yourself. I've seen a lot of girls wait to rush or rush after a semester, and their reputations for partying or working their way through a group of guys precedes them. Stay out of the rumor mill!

* Save your money. Sorority members must pay monthly dues, so consider how you're going to pay if you join.

* Be open to membership in ANY of the sororities. With informal, you do have a chance of getting multiple bids. Don't count your chickens before they are hatched. This could be your last chance to join, so be open to all of them. Once you've accepted a bid, work really hard to get to know people and be involved. There are plenty of girls miserable in their first choice chapters because they expect everyone else to come to them and keep "rushing" them. Make the effort! You get out what you put in.

* Enjoy your college experience. Stay busy and work hard in school. You're here for an education, so make the most of it! Good luck!

It sounds like with a little rest and reflection you came around to understand. Unfortunately with rush you don't get any do-overs. You can rush again, but that's not the same thing as getting the opportunity for your first bid.

Follow the advice given above and next time be more open-minded to the opportunities you are given. Good luck!

However, only do this if you know that other potential members submit them and/or the sororities actually review them. I didn't even know what a rec was until I found Greekchat a year or two after I graduated. If my chapter received a rec, we wouldn't have known what it was or what to do with it. It might actually end up working against you if you're on a campus that doesn't use/receive recs at all.

I think this is so interesting -- until I began reading this site, I just assumed every campus was similar to my own in terms of requiring recs (apologies for my assumption to all of you who may understandably view my region as over the top!).

Yea, I think while you're in school you're still very much "in your own world." People tend to assume that nearly every other campus is similar to their own. I know I did. I didn't think there was this crazy world of formal recruitment, and rounds, and recs, and skit days, and huge bid days, etc.

My campus was completely different, as we didn't even have formal recruitment (while I was in school). There was a period of about 10 years where numbers for all of the chapters was so low that they did away with formal and we only used COB. However, they're now using formal again, but they still don't receive any recs. It's just not that cutthroat and competitive, so there's really no need.

None of the sororities on my campus require recs, thankfully, because none of my family was ever part of greek life, or anyone we know :)

I'd bet that if you start asking around, you'll find you DO know women who are sorority alumnae. You just didn't think to ask.

Even in the South at small schools with formal recruitment, recs just weren't that big of a deal. You might see them, they're nice to see, but most people don't have them so they can't hold that much weight.

In my opinion, a rec at a non-SEC or less competitive recruitment is simply a matter of making the PNM more visible. If an alumna took the time to write a letter of recommendation, you're going to remember that girl's name and maybe take some extra time to get to know her.

At the SEC schools, not having a rec is one way to weed someone out.

In either case, a rec won't guarantee a bid. A chapter can't possibly reject a woman because an alumna sent in an official sorority form endorsing her for membership. At worst, they throw it away because they don't know what to do with it. (But I certainly hope they have advisers and handbooks to properly guide them). At best, they remember the PNM's name and when she comes through the door, there is a flash of recognition: Oh, that's the girl who came with a recommendation. It's like being the girl who is president of a campus organization, or the girl who holds a pageant title, or the girl who has a reputation for being a drunk and making a fool of herself. It's just a bit more recall.

I'm not going to press someone to seek recs if they have no interest. My point is that even on a campus where they are not the norm, they have value to help promote the PNM. Other sororities perhaps may also factor them in as part of their selection analysis, and perhaps others do not.

Thanks for all the comments! But none of the sororities require recs, nor do we have anywhere to submit them, etc. But what do you guys think of the whole me getting more involved and getting to know the sisters (or at least have them get to know me by name and like me as a person), in terms of increasing my chances in the fall?

First, no sorority "requires" recs. Further, any alumnae recommenders will submit recs to the sorority itself. That is par for the course, and you would learn that if you took the time to research recruitment. So it's not that there isn't anywhere to send them. There is a place to send them. Nor is it a matter of them not being required. It's that you have made it clear you're not getting recs and that is fine. You don't have to and it won't likely affect you at your school and in your situation. However, you're not in a sorority, so you really can't say that recs are this or that for any of the sororities at your school or where they should be sent. You can simply choose whether or not to get them. You've opted not to. It will probably be fine at your campus and with informal recruitment.

Yes, get good grades, pad your resume, get to know Greeks, and don't embarrass yourself socially. We can't tell you your "chances," but this is general advice we give to EVERY PNM to go into recruitment with top grades and activities, and a clean reputation.

This drives me nuts! Did you ask all your teachers,school counselors, principals (you know, they all went to college)? All your adult neighbors? Everyone at church? Your parents' friends, co-workers, boss? Your coaches? Your employers? Your friends' parents? It's possible that you don't know anyone who was Greek, but it's not probable.

That was probably my error -- she may have said that since I used "require" in my earlier post. Sorry!

It is possible that with only 5 chapters on her campus, she might not find women in those 5 chapters. In our area, if you needed a rec for DPhiE, AEPhi, SDT, Gamma Phi, Phi Sig, or AST you would have a hard time finding one. There are not many alumnae in the area from those chapters. I helped a friend search high and low for an AEPhi rec and we just couldn't locate one.

This is my point - there are places where recruitment simply isn't "researched." Even now that my campus does formal recruitment, there is information about what to wear, the rounds, but that's about it. And all of this info is given to the PNMs when they show up to the first night of recruitment. I'd wager that about 90% of the students that are part of Greek life on my campus never saw themselves joining a fraternity or sorority before arriving at school. They don't plan months in advance.

It's just not the same everywhere.

We don't know the OP's campus, and therefore, we can't really judge her based on what she's saying regarding recs.

She just said they didn't know anyone...not anyone in those 5 groups. I was addressing that point.

Don't split hairs. There really are schools where they aren't required, so your statement just serves to throw fear into the argument. It's obviously not one of the super competitive schools so arguing with her about whether she does or does not know any Greek women is just argumentative.

OP, you probably do know women who are Greek, you just don't realize it. But I think as opposed to worrying about that, getting to know the Greek women on your campus and being involved, getting good grades (all that stuff that has already been mentioned) is a much better use of your energy.

That's basically what it's like at my school, many of the sisters I met during recruitment said that they didn't come to college expecting to join a sorority.

Also, my parents moved to the US from a different country, so none of their friends that live here have been part of Greek life. While it is possible maybe some of my neighbors/teachers may have been, I live in the North east..so I don't think it's as common as it may be to know alumnae in southern states with more of a Greek influence.

At the chapter where I advise, I've yet to see a single rec come through. As a collegian I don't recall ever hearing about one or seeing one. These campuses do exist. I'd say that about 15-25%, depending on the year, of the women who are placed are international students who likely hadn't heard of greek life before.
In contrast to IndianaSigKap's post - I'd have an easy time in my area finding an AST, TPA, AEPhi, SDT, Gamma Phi, Phi Sig rec.... but I have a student currently searching, and AOPi, Phi Mu, ZTA, ADPi, Theta, PiPhi have been seemingly impossible to come across thus far.

Concise advice on how to obtain recommendations:
http://www.uapanhellenic.com/index.p...d=15&Itemid=32
(The advice comes from the Unversity of Alabama but applies to any school.)

There are definitely AOIIs in the Boston area.

I didn't go thru your whole list but AOPi's and Phi Mu's national web sites both list alumnae chapters in Boston with a link. Would imagine most of the others do also.

Thanks for the insight. I feel bad for hijacking the OPs thread (as I think the OP sounds like she's come to her senses and I would like to wish her well in her next rush attempt!)

Thanks to everyone who has offered suggestions to me here as well as through PM. I truly appreciate the advice :)

That's what we're here for! It's what sisters for each other - and we are all sisters in a more global way.