Rushing a second time?
 

I'm a second semester freshman, and our formal spring recruitment just ended. I was completely confident and extremely happy with how everything was going for me (and honestly surprised because I never considered myself sorority material), until last night, which was pref night. My absolute top choice, which had invited me back the last two nights, dropped me. I was devastated. Even though I was invited to the pref nights of my 2nd and 3rd choice, all I could think about was how my top choice, the sorority i thought I fit into perfectly, had dropped me.

My Rho Gamma told me to go to the events I'd been invited to with an open mind and try my best to see if I could fit in with these girls.
I tried, i really really did. But as all the other girls were crying about the instant connections they made with their sisters, about how much they loved their sorority, I tried to picture these girls as people I could call my sisters, but all I could think about was that other sorority had become so close to my heart.

After pref night had ended, I decided that maybe it'd be best for me to drop out, and give my likely bid to someone that wanted it more than me. I just knew that had I accepted a bid from my 2nd or 3rd choice, that I wouldn't be as happy, and that I'd have the constant thought of "what if?" I didn't want to join a sorority and grow to like the people; I wanted to join a sorority loving the people.

After much comforting by the lovely rho gammas, I was told to rush again in the fall. At my school, freshmen are not allowed to rush in the fall and rush then is informal. Although fewer people are taken in, I feel as though I might have a chance the second time around. What do you guys recommend I do until then in order to potentially increase my chances of getting a bid in the fall?

No harm in trying informal or seeing if any of the chapters now still have spots to fill. I don't know what campus you are at, but with 5 sororities, it doesn't sound quite cutthroat. I wouldn't worry about the chapters you cut after prefs. Some sororities may have a cut once, cut always policy, and others may not. You can't concern yourself with that. You can only put your best foot forward.

Keep your grades up, make friends in the sororities, get involves on campus and don't embarrass yourself socially in real life or on Facebook. I can't tell you what your chances are, but unless you have a ton of friends pulling for you in your number one choice that dropped you before prefs, it's probably not going to happen there. You'll have a better chance with the others.

No one knows why you dropped out or if you were extended a bid. They could have assumed you ranked another sorority higher, or dropped for financial reasons, family emergency, medical emergency, etc.

If anyone asks why you didn't pledge this spring, keep it short and sweet. Just tell them things didn't work out as you hoped, but you're excited for the opportunity to go through recruitment again and very much want to join a sorority. Then compliment their chapter and and ask them questions about their experience as a member. If you're at a recruitment event and you are interested in them, tell them! They don't want to waste their time extending bids to people who aren't going to accept. It's like dating. Put yourself out there, but don't be awkward or creepy about it.

For now, call the office of Greek Life in the morning and tell them you didn't pledge but you're interested in being considered by any sororities seeking to add additional new members in their spring class. See if there's an opportunity.

Honestly, you turned down 2/5 of the chapters on campus. Are you just holding out for the one group? I doubt that is going to happen, and going through recruitment with one group in mind is about the worst thing you can do to yourself. You need to be honest with yourself and your options. That one group may not be an option for you. We often tell PNMs on GC to think about recruitment like that group doesn't exist. Unfortunately, you already released yourself from recruitment. Next time around, you may want to consider giving the other groups more of a chance since an "instant connection" only happens to a small proportion of women who find their homes in sororities every year.

Are you looking for a bid? Or are you looking for a bid to your top choice? There's a difference.

You had a chance to receive a bid this semester, so I don't believe that you'd need to change much. Unless, of course, you're looking for a bid to your top choice. In that case, you might need to meet more sisters of that chapter, or raise your grades, or work on your social skills... or be a different person altogether (which is clearly impossible).

Don't focus on this chapter. They dropped you. Maybe it was a "close race" and you just slipped through the cracks, and if you tried again, they would bid you. However, they may also have simply not wanted to extend you a bid, and there's nothing you can do to change that.

Two chapters invited you to their preference ceremony. They gave you a chance and saw something in you that made them want to call you "sister." You didn't even attempt to return the favor.

Just because you didn't cry or get emotional at pref doesn't mean that they wouldn't make great sisters. Pref is one night, one ceremony. Heck, I didn't even cry during my alumnae ceremony when I was leaving my collegiate chapter, and I loved my college experience and all the sisters that I have.

Friendship/sisterhood isn't instant. It doesn't just "click" at pref, or at your new member ceremony, or at initiation. It's something you work on. It's not magic.

I hope you go into informal next semester with an open mind.

In a Greek system like this, not only are the women in the chapters close, but the whole SYSTEM gets to be really, really tight. Everyone knows everyone or is separated by only one or two people.

With that in mind, really think hard about whether you want to rerush.

I can appreciate what happened but I must say that I think you made a mistake. This is one thing I hate about formal rush - you get so wrapped up in the process and the horse race that you lose sight of what the desired outcome is. You had a 2nd and 3rd choice so presumably at some point you saw them as viable options. This is where a couple days delay before preference parties may have softened your opinion and maybe made you more open to the options you had in front of you.

Keep in mind that not every girl has this weepy "I found Jesus" moment during preference. You assumed that since you didn't have that moment that you hadn't found a match. I would contend you just went in with the wrong attitude and didn't give them a fair shake.

I would spend the rest of this semester really looking at the sorority girls around you and deciding if you want a real sisterhood or if that one chapter is really the only viable option for you. Next fall, the most selective chapter on campus may well NOT be rushing. If you want to be in a sorority you may have to act like they aren't even there and focus on the other 4.

Thanks for all your comments. I guess I just felt really strongly about one of the sororities that really ended up appealing to me. I had done my research about various sororities in advance, and had had that one in mind, but agreed to keep an open mind to all of the sororities when I met them.

Even with that open mind, the one sorority that I had read about earlier really made me feel comfortable like none of the others. Maybe I am a little biased, I don't know, but all I know is that after every party with them, I'd come out smiling without realizing it, and think about how great the girls in that sorority were for the rest of the day. That must mean something?

I guess I just thought at compared to the other sororities, that one in specific had the most girls that i felt were like me, humour wise, interest wise, etc.

I'm still keeping my options open for next year and I'm not going go specifically for only this sorority again as I've decided, because that's irrational, but I definitely don't think that trying again will hurt. All of the sisters I've talked to from there even after bidding have been so nice to me and seem to genuinely like me, so it wouldn't hurt to try again?

You aren't getting it.

^^^jinx, buy me chocolate? (Happy Valentine's Day!!!)

#1 Some chapters are really good at recruitment. They make everyone feel like they belong and they are special. It would be rude not to be nice to you after recruitment. They are being classy. They may like you a lot but obviously thought other people fit better into their sisterhood. Like =/= think you'd be the best sister for them.

#2 Some people aren't very good at evaluating the kind of person they themselves are and where they'd best fit in. Sometimes they want to join the sorority that's more full of people they want to be like rather than what they're really like. Those people usually don't realize that this is what is going on in their minds, but the sororities are much better at seeing this because we know what it's really like inside with us.

There is no harm trying to rush again, but it's possible you will have the same or even worse results. Your #1 may still not want you and your other two choices may cut you early because they know you didn't want them last time around. If you can be super honest with yourself and be emotionally prepared for that happening, they go for it.

I know you probably mean that there is no harm in trying again; however, I read this and think about the emotional toll that being cut again will feel. It might be even worse if the chapters that you cut last year decide to drop you the next time around. Being cut from recruitment entirely certainly does hurt emotionally in a way that dropping out of rush does not.

It sounds more to me like you're wanting to try again for this ONE sorority. Good luck with that, hope it works out, but I'm telling you that your chances are slim to none. Yes, there's still a chance, but it is practically nonexistent.

Recruitment is like dating. You were dropped before prefs. This means they weren't "into you" as much as you were into them. Unless you manage to ingratiate yourself into this chapter this year (and not in the awkward and creepy way of a hanger-on, but as a true friend), as well as punch up your resume (make great grades, get involved on campus) and don't embarrass yourself socially, then you may have a shot. But again, that's the extreme exception to a pretty solid rule.

You had a couple hours, at most, of interaction with a few members of the entire chapter of this sorority. You were not invited to prefs meaning they did not contemplate you for a bid. Take the hint.

Good luck.

This is exactly it, this "thing" about them. It is meant to help them be a strong recruiting chapter, but it crushes those who are not chosen. It's best to go through recruitment with the attitude that the chapters that invited you back are the ONLY on on campus for you, because in the final analysis that is your truth. Best wishes OP!

I can see where PNMs are coming from with this. Maybe they were huge leaders in their small town high school but they were cut from the groups that are the known leaders on campus solely because no one knew them. Maybe they went to such a huge high school that they weren't able to show what awesome leaders they were. It may or may not have occurred to them that yeah, they might be able to turn the currently less involved sorority around--but right now, they want to jump into a sorority that's known for their campus involvement. And on most campuses, there are some like that.

I also don't believe for one instant that "the sororities know where you'll fit in". They are not magic and/or all-seeing, they're quite fallible. Every year, members of various sororities at big schools tell me that they usually have no idea which girls they kept until they walk in the door for the next party. It's kind of like they submit their votes and some giant machine cranks out the lists and here are these members all dumbfounded because they thought they had enough support for their favorites to keep them. Apparently not.

Not to mention that on big campuses with over 100 members, the girls aren't cookie cutters. Some people would have us believe that to join AB or CD at Big SEC school, you must have gone to a private school and been on the dance team and have a 4.5 and know 75% of the members. Not so.

There is often no clear rhyme or reason why a PNM is cut.

You didn't even make it to prefs with this chapter. It's not like it was even close. You are the textbook case of a tunnel vision, closed minded PNM. I know it hurts to not get what you want, but that's life. Sometimes you just have to reassess and see where you stand and what is realistic. I'd love to have a high powered job in NYC, but I'm not turning down the job that is suited to my skills and back ground here because I can't have that job. Does that make sense? You end up biting off your nose to spite your face. In the end, the only one who loses is you.

So THIS. I trusted the process that on bid day, my 100+ member chapter and I had done our duty and brought home the class of 60-80 new members that was best for the chapter. I had met a handful, at best, during recruitment. Oftentimes I didn't remember rushing them because we had over 1000 girls coming through our doors. In fact, the other day, a sister posted on my FB wall, "Hey, first gal who rushed me at ADPi..." It's been YEARS since that recruitment, and even at that time I had no recollection.

When I was a recruitment counselor, I remember talking to a fellow counselor in another sorority. I reminded her that she had rushed me and I LOVED her sorority and was sad at that time to not be invited back. She laughed and told me she was a terrible rusher so that it was likely her fault because no one she rushed ever got a bid. She made a great impression on me, though, and I loved her and her house!

Anyway, I trust our membership selection to bring in the best girls for our sorority. It was not my job to hand pick each young lady. My job was to make them see what a great chapter we were and how much I loved it, and to convey my impressions through our private membership selection. Release lists were made up, and I had no idea was on them for the very most part. Each day new lists were read and we would cheer for each name. On Bid Day, the final list was read and it never disappointed. Sure, there were a few tears for a rush crush that went elsewhere, but overall, the process works... even at the biggest chapters where you don't get meet everyone.

So all of the rho gammas told me to rush again in the fall, as thats how many of their sisters got into sororities they didn't get into in the spring. Although rush is fairly competitive at my school, Greeks are only 5% of it and it's not taken as seriously as it is in other universities. I messaged the sorority presidents thanking them for the honor of being invited to their pref night and that I just wasn't ready to make a commitment so quickly. They all encouraged me to come out again in the fall, you can't say that means nothing.

In terms of trying again with my top choice, I understand that the chances aren't very high, but as fewer people rush in the fall, and the fact that I've already started getting in touch with a couple of the sisters I really connected with at rush, I'm going to do my best to genuinely get to know people in the chapter, as well as in the other chapters.

I will never take the pref invites I receive for granted, and will definitely be much more open minded next fall at rush.

Honestly, I'm glad I dropped out, because if I had not and had impulsively taken a bid in my despair, I probably wouldn't have been as happy. After reading all of your posts, I'm realizing that maybe where I thought I'd fit in isn't where I DID fit in, and that I should have given the other chapters another chance. So that's exactly what I'll do in the fall. Keep in touch with as many girls as possible, and i think that in itself will make me excited about joining any of the sororities!

What it means (the responses from the presidents) is that they are classy and have good manners. That's all that it means. Don't read anything more into it.

Don't overthink your situation. Simply do the best you can this Spring semester, and good luck next Fall!

Good luck! That's the attitude.

The Rho Gammas told you to rush again in the fall: Keep in mind, they probably say this to every girl who didn't receive a bid. And while that may have been how some sisters got into sororities in the fall, that doesn't mean they were invited to their top choice, and that doesn't mean that some of the girls who were told to rush again ended up bidless once more.

You messaged the presidents, and they responded by telling you to rush again in the fall: Read above. Also, since you messaged them (and possibly never met them during recruitment), they might not even remember/know who you are. Or maybe they do, and they're just trying to be nice. I mean, what response would you expect? "No, you shouldn't come back out for recruitment. You'll never get a bid." That's not likely to happen.. anywhere.

Fewer people rush in the fall, but fewer bids are also given out. And maybe your top choice won't be recruiting at all in the fall. I don't know how things work at your school and if any chapters are near/above total, but if they already have too many members, they won't be able to take on more.

You should always try to genuinely get to know sorority members, but don't set yourself up for disappointment. Keep in mind that you could meet members of your top choice, have a great semester, and get a bid in the fall. But you could also get to know them more, have a great time, get attached, and then not receive a bid, which would probably be more heart-breaking than not receiving one during formal.

Just be realistic and realize that things just might not work.

I'm glad that you're open to taking a bid from one of the other groups if they offer it, but keep in mind that these will be the same groups that you turned down this semester. The bold concerns me. If you receive a bid from your 2nd or 3rd choice, are you going to assume that you won't be happy?

First of all, there are numerous girls who go through recruitment (many of whom post here on Greekchat) who ended up with their 2nd or 3rd choice, and while disappointed at first, ended up loving their chapter and couldn't picture themselves anywhere else. You really don't know if that would have happened to you.

What you should do: Really analyze why you didn't accept a bid from your 2nd and 3rd choice. Was it because they "weren't for you," or was it because you built your top choice up so much in your mind, you just thought that #1 is better than #2, and you wouldn't "settle for less" by accepting a bid to anyone other than #1?

"Doing your research" really isn't viable in an NPC situation. Yes, you can find out that maybe this group supports Alzheimer's research and you feel a tie to that because your grandma had Alzheimer's....that's nice, but it has SO little to do with how women are chosen in NPC rush.

Unless your "research" consisted of g---k r--k and other sites like that, where you read that this group was the most popular and that was not.

This isn't that.

At small campi with small chapters, some women would not fit at all in some chapters, some women would fit in every chapter, and some women would not fit at all in ANY chapter. You CAN'T always find something in common with someone in smaller groups - at least not enough that you can go beyond thinking of them as friends and start thinking of them as sisters.

So yes, at these chapters, the sororities usually do know where the rushees will fit in - unless the rushee is being completely fake.

Quoted from Tapuz: "As I later found out, my favorite Rho was actually a member of my top sorority, and she expressed her deepest regrets, admitting that she thought I was the perfect fit for her sorority".

quoted from ASTalumna06:"The Rho Gammas told you to rush again in the fall: Keep in mind, they probably say this to every girl who didn't receive a bid. And while that may have been how some sisters got into sororities in the fall, that doesn't mean they were invited to their top choice, and that doesn't mean that some of the girls who were told to rush again ended up bidless once more.

You messaged the presidents, and they responded by telling you to rush again in the fall: Read above. Also, since you messaged them (and possibly never met them during recruitment), they might not even remember/know who you are. Or maybe they do, and they're just trying to be nice. I mean, what response would you expect? "No, you shouldn't come back out for recruitment. You'll never get a bid." That's not likely to happen.. anywhere."


I also wanted to emphasize these quotes. It would be a very cruel person who would tell someone "No, you should not rush again. It will be a waste of your time. You won't get a bid." Nor would a Rho Gamma say,"You are really not Gamma Gamma Gamma material-that is why my sisters dropped you before prefs." That too would be cruel. Those were kind responses to soothe the disappointment you experienced when the only choice in your eyes did not invite you back. I point this out not to be mean, but to help you see that you are still looking at this experience with rose colored glasses, i.e., you are hearing only what you want to hear. I don't want to make you paranoid, or feel bad, but I do hope that you can assess the situation more realistically in a few weeks.

I hope that you will give fall rush a try, if you can truly go in with the attitude that you could be happy in any of the chapters (because with the right attitude, you can!). Heed the advice that the other GC'ers have given you.

I was invited to their pref nights, that should mean something? I don't know if I would have received a bid because I dropped out but I think I could have.


I guess it's the second one, I was probably a little too sure of myself, and I'm beginning to realize that now.

My Rho started tearing up as I was talking to her about my disappointment...and she even texted me about it the next morning.

The fact that they would have offered you a bid during FR does not mean anything in the fall. They may not even have open spaces in the fall. Yes, they like you reasonably well, and you should get to know them better, but we keep explaining to you that the system doesn't not mean that everyone gets a bit wherever she wants.

Look, you just suffered a major disappointment. Take some time away from it, and come back when you can be a little more rational. It's okay. It happens to all of us.

That's her job. She's a Rho.

Trying so hard not to be annoyed. It's only the second day of Lent.

tapuz, pay attention: all the RCs (Rho Gammas) I know (in every sorority, not just mine) are very compassionate, sensitive and empathetic and are disappointed for ALL the pnms in their groups who don't get a bid. I've listened to them, wiped their tears, etc. Like I told you above, don't read anything more into it. Stop defending/overanalyzing. It's not getting you anyplace. Take off the rose-colored glasses, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move forward.

^^^I agree with the above-mentioned posts. Almost everything about recruitment is ultra fake, superficial, etc. Like the others said, NO ONE is going to tell you the truth or say anything to hurt your feelings to your face. The answers you're receiving are soft-pedaled to smooth things over. I'm sorry this happened to you and good luck next time around.

I am sure that she was genuinely feeling bad for you. When I was a rush counselor one of the girls in my group asked to speak to me privately. She and her HS best friend were roommates and had promised each other that they would only pledge the same sorority. As rush progressed, they found themselves being drawn to different sororities. She was so upset and crying so hard that she could hardly catch her breath because she really, really liked her favorite and her best friend did not. I started tearing up myself, because she was a sweet girl that i had come to like and I hated that she was so upset. I had no vested interest in her decision, because my sorority was no longer in the running with either girl. I just wanted to help and make her feel better and I guess I did. She ended up pledging her first choice, and her bff pledged her own first choice, and as far as I know they were both very happy in their decisions.

Now I have to know if the 2 pledged their favorites!

Also, a recruitment counselor is disaffiliated and has nothing to do with her sorority's recruitment decisions during that period.

When I was a recruitment counselor, I grew very close to "my girls." I was devastated if any of them didn't receive a bid and would have loved for them to have been part of a sorority. I absolutely encouraged them to try again, but it wasn't because I thought they would get a bid from my group and I had no say in that matter. I said it because I had come to regard them as friends in that short week during recruitment, I was sad that they were sad, and I believed that they would be an asset to a sorority based on their interest and personalities.