Bridesmaids- Who pays for hair?
 

Hello there!

My younger sister is getting married (yay!), and she has some questions about who pays for what. Unfortunately i don't have any experience with this and we aren't close with our mother. All of the bridesmaids are paying for their own dresses, but who pays for the hair? She wants all of the bridesmaids to have their hair done at the salon. I personally think that *if* she wants it done professionally at a specific salon, she should at least offer to pay half of it, as they don't have the option of doing it themselves or going to somewhere that might be less costly. I'm not a bridesmaid (which I am perfectly ok with!), so it doesn't really affect me, but I do feel for the bridesmaids!

My girls paid for their own hair. Personally I just couldn't afford to pay for it. I did make appointments for everyone at the same salon so we could be together, but told my girls that if they wanted to go elsewhere, they could, but it was up to them to call and cancel the appointment I had made for everyone.

In other weddings I've been in, I also paid for my own hair.

That seems fair to me, as you did allow them to go somewhere else! One of the girls said that there is $35 price difference between her regular salon and the one my sister wants, but she is adamant that they all go together. This is why I think she should offer, she isn't giving them another option. But I could be entirely wrong!

It really depends on your sister. I've been in weddings where the bride required a hairdo and we paid for ourselves, and I've been in others where the bride paid.

I always say there's no right or wrong way to have a wedding, just many, many ways to piss off your guests. (That includes attendants.)

ETA: You don't have a dog in this fight, since you aren't an attendant and therefore unaffected. Stay out of it and keep your sanity. The maids should talk to the bride.

The bridesmaids have come to me to try and talk to her :( Would it be fair if I gently suggested that she look at a few different salons to see if anyone can do it for less than $100 per bridesmaid?

I am paying for my bridesmaids' and the moms' hair. We are staying at the resort our wedding is at after our rehearsal dinner the night before, so I am paying for a team to come out to do everyone's hair in the morning. Plus, there aren't a whole lot of salons in the area I would trust to do wedding styles. The services come as a package, so it was easier for me to just pay for it. They paid for their [expensive] dresses, and shoes, some of them have to travel from far, etc. I figured it was the least I could do.

Does $100 for a bridesmaids' hair seem steep to anyone else? I know the salon I go to typically doesn't charge that much (for a bride, yes) and it's a pretty upscale salon.

That seems really steep, even in my area. My salon charges 100 for a bride and 65 for bridesmaids. OP, where do you live?

No. Tell them to put on their big girl panties and ask her themselves. They agreed to be bridesmaids, and part of that is dressing like little clones for the bride. It's part of the costs. The Maid of Honor or any bridesmaid should approach the bride.

Look, they can all get together as a group and tell her, "Look, we can't afford this. So either we go to a different salon or you pay the difference/pay all, Bride, or we're just doing our own hair and you have to deal with it."

You should not be involved. MYOB for your own sanity's sake. Brides are crazy. Don't get involved in unnecessary drama. All that will happen is that she will get pissed at you, bridesmaid stay silent and agree with her that you're a terrible person. There is nothing to be gained. This is the bridesmaids' problem.

If you aren't close enough to your own sister to be in her wedding, seriously, she doesn't want your opinion.

I don't live there anymore, but Boston. She has a taste for the expensive!

$100? Yikes.

Wow.

As many of the other posters already advised, there are no set rules for something like this, but it's an awful lot to ask of bridesmaids to pitch in and extra $100 for what is most likely a ton of hairspray and bobby pins. I have a feeling (based on what you said) that they've already shelled out quite a bit for a dress/shoes if your sister has 'expensive' taste.

I'm with adpiufc... I'd put the ball back in the bridesmaids court to tell you sister if she would reconsider other options.

On that note, I paid for my bridal party to have their hair done, but I only had two attendants and I hired a stylist to come to the resort.

I follow your logic, but sister, this is a bit harsh. My sister that is ten years older was not in my wedding (nor I hers since I was 12 at the time). That does not mean I would not appreciate her concerns. BTW my sister just two years older was my MOH.

I think $100 is awfully high. The bridesmaids should get quotes themselves and present them to the bride, suggesting a different salon or requesting that the bride cover the difference in the price.

Personally, I look awful in an updo and tend to think that women know their best look. I'd rather have them do what they want with their hair. But I'm pretty low maintenance.

Unfortunately both sides have come to me asking for help. I will just suggest that they take some time to calm down, and then grab a coffee or something and just lay out what they are feeling. Weddings always seem to get people very worked up.

For what it's worth, she did ask if I wanted to be a bridesmaid, but I am doing my phd on the west coast and we decided together I would do a reading at the wedding instead because I would not be able to help out too much.

Smart course of action. They're big kids. They'll sort it out. Focus on your PhD!

I think this is first time I've thought, "Where are those books to read? Looks like a great time to read 3 today!" :)

:D

One of the best takes on being a bridemaids.

I think adpiucf has the best advice in this case. If the bridesmaids don't handle this themselves, they may end up letting this little issue harm their friendships. They may resent her for making them pay more than they want for this event. Brides tend to forget that their friends don't want to spend all their money on their wedding, too. Your sister may come to you crying "can you believe how selfish my bridesmaids are being?" That's when you can put in your two cents that she's being unreasonable. I'd put the ball in the bridesmaids' court to start the conversation, though. They need to let your sister know how they feel so your sister doesn't think you are meddling.

Thank you for reminding me how I will never be in another wedding besides my own kid sisters.

(I like my sister in law SO much better now that she's no longer a bride!)

$100 is way too much for a HAIRDO (unless they're all getting matching cut and color). Your sister needs to quit being a bridezilla and let them go to someplace cheaper. Or better yet - does she really not have ANY friends who do hair and can do it inexpensively? Most people do.

I was matron-of-honor in my niece's wedding two years ago. She had someone to do hair and make-up, but it was completely optional. I was the oldest attendant there by more than a decade and decided to take advantage of the option -- I paid $60 for hair AND make-up. Plus, my hair was long and styling included a French braid followed by some loopdy-doopty, swirly up do. That, with a full make-up session to boot, seemed like a deal at $60!

To be fair, $100 for an updo sounds like a lot, but for a metro region like Boston/NYC/Los Angeles/San Fran, things just cost more. I agree that it is ridiculous, but that's the reality. People also seem to upcharge for weddings! I once had the option of a $100 updo for a wedding in a big city, but the bride didn't care if we had our hair done professionally or styled it ourselves. So I did my own.

These areas are more expensive, and they definitely have more places that are pricier, but that doesn't mean you can't find a deal. I grew up around Boston, and I know there are places in Boston and the surrounding area where you can get an up-do for much less than $100.

The best wedding I was ever in was my cousin's. His wife did the bridesmaids' hair (and her own). And the day before, we all put together a fancy cupcake tower and made cupcakes, and she used to work at AC Moore doing floral arrangements, so she put together all of our bouquets (while we assisted her). We had the best time doing all this stuff together, and we definitely saved a few bucks.

ETA: Sometimes, up-dos aren't worth it. Like others have said - many times, it's just a bunch of hairspray and bobby pins, and the bridesmaids end up looking like someone is pulling their hair the whole time if they're done too tight.

Some people just look better with their hair down, or when they do it themselves. They obviously know their hair better than anyone else. I was in a wedding once and had my hair done, and the hairdresser styled my bangs and LOADED them with hairspray. They looked awful and curled in a weird way. No hairdresser has ever styled them correctly. I ended up brushing them out and doing them myself. And I kind of wish I could have just worn my hair down.

But the up-do is seen as "the thing to do."

I kept it low-key. I told my bridesmaids, "Do whatever you like with your hair. As long as it's clean and nicely done, do whatever you like." My three bridesmaids had very different hair - one with thick straight dark hair, one with short curly dark hair, and one with long thin blonde hair. If any of them had chosen to drop $100 on an updo, that would have been their choice. (None did.)

My thinking is that, if a bride dictates that her bridesmaids have a specific hairstyle that costs a lot of money, she should at least chip in if not pay outright. A wash, cut, and updo can be damn expensive.

But-But-But it's HER special day! How dare you be so selfish?!

/has way too many bridesmaid dresses


FWIW, the most fun I ever had as a bridesmaid getting ready was with a bunch of bridesmaids and friends who were there to hang out and help us get ready. There were about 15-20 of us. We all did one another's hair and makeup and the guests oohed and ahhed and wanted to know what salon we'd been to. :)

I completely agree! (Then again, with my English background, I always assumed that the bride would pay for everything, UK style.) I've felt very taken advantage of as a bridesmaid. It's one thing if it's a low key backyard wedding where they are clearly trying to keep it as budget friendly as possible, but when it's a huge wedding, well, that's something else. I was once told by that bride, "I would rather spend it on myself." Thanks for that, nevermind the $1500 I put out for everything. Needless to say, I don't agree with the whole "You have to do what I say because I'm the bride" for every little thing*, and if I end up like that, I will take a long hard look at my life.
*I understand for the bridal gown, ceremony/reception location, big ticket issues, this is fair.

This is exactly how I feel about shoes and jewelry for weddings. If you want me to wear those nude pumps from Steve Madden, you had better be paying for them.

When our daughter was married last spring, my wife and I footed the bill for a hairdresser (and her assistant) to come and set up in a large room furnished by our hotel. We paid them both a set fee, but it was understood that each bridesmaid, mother, or sister would then tip them. (But no amount was set.) They did the bride, six bridesmaids, two mothers, and a sister doing whatever that particular person wanted. This was the bride's hairdresser who had already done a trial run on her.
I know we paid them a good amount, but each lady was VERY generous with tipping. But even so, a $15 or $20 tip is way less than the cost of a complicated hairdo.

We also had a local restaurant cater chicken salad sandwiches, fresh veggies, and bottled water. Oh, and apparently, there were some bottles of champagne cracked as well!

It was not cheap, but something we wanted to do. Everyone was happy, the ladies had a fun afternoon bonding, and the hairdressers were generously rewarded for their outstanding job. The photographer took some GREAT pictures of all the ladies getting beautified.

And the guys hung out in our rooms, watched a little TV, and waited till our wives/GFs returned to help us with our tux studs and bow ties!

I was in a wedding once where the bride wanted us all to have up-dos. Fortunately, she paid a hairstylist (or it was a friend, I forget. Either way, I didn't have to pay). My hair is long and UBER thick. I was in the chair forever - and I ended up looking like Marge Simpson. A simple French twist would have been way better.

When I got married, I just told my MOHs to do whatever they wanted with their hair. They both have different styles. My sister and mom both wanted appointments so I did make them for them since they were out of towners, but they paid for their own hair.

I just don't think the clone thing is necessary. I didn't have the MOHs have matching shoes, either. I just told them silver, preferably strappy. And they both looked lovely. :-)

You're right! It shouldn't be. I had my two bridesmaids wear whatever dress they wanted as long as it was black. They both had polar opposite body types (short/tall, stocky/thin). If I had them look like clones, they'd have come off as clowns.

Bingo! This is really the problem - it's seen as "normal" to have every bridesmaid looking exactly the same. But of course, everyone is different. This applies to both body shape and hair. People need to be more realistic about what would look good vs. having their bridesmaids all wear exactly the same thing and style their hair in the same way.

To be fair, I have seen weddings with "clone" bridesmaids that did look lovely, but they were also all very similar in build, coloring, etc.

Also, I love the trend I've seen of the same dress - usually in black - with different colored shoes/bouquets. It's usually very vivid colors and they really pop!

oops, I'm hijacking. :-)

I'm not saying that you can't have "clones" (or that it can't look good), but the very definition of clone means that you'd have a duplicate or replica of an original. If all of your bridesmaids have the same build and hair, then it wouldn't be crazy to have them all wearing the same thing, and therefore, be "clone-like."

If, however, they're all different heights, different sizes, and have different styles/lengths of hair (like in Low C's post, for example), it would seem reasonable to consider how ALL of the bridesmaids would look in what you pick out, and possibly consider mixing things up to make everyone look good.

I like this, as well. I've also seen the bridesmaids dresses in white or off-white, as opposed to black. I think it looks sharp.

One of my sorority sisters actually had all of her bridesmaids in yellow, and they each had a different colored bouquet. It looked awesome. I'll see if I can track down a picture...

Found it! Love this pic and the color combo! My 4 sisters in the middle :)

Plus, you'll notice my sister to the right of the bride has on a different dress than the rest of them... because she was pregnant at the time. The dress that the other girls were wearing would not have worked, so the bride was smart enough to change things slightly.

http://photos-f.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos...24973802_n.jpg

Chicagoan here, and I'm on board with those who think that $100 is a bit high. My hair along with my bridesmaids was $65 per person. My mom's salon in the burbs, which goes after a slightly upscale customer, charges $65 for regular up-do. (She bought it after my wedding, if anyone was wondering why I didn't just get it done there lol) Don't get me wrong, there are places that EASILY charge $100, but there's lots of other options at nice salons.

I think there's a billion variables that play into it, many which have already been mentioned in this thread.

I personally did not pay for my bridesmaids, but I think I was being pretty reasonable:

1) I had a stylist and make up artist come to my house and gave my maids the option to get their hair & make up done at my house. If they were loyal to a particular salon or hair stylist, I totally get that and it was fine by me. (One maid did her hair and make up on her own and looked great!) I made sure to give them a few months notice with the prices so they could budget/decide if they wanted to do it or not.

2) They were allowed to wear whatever hairstyle/make up they wanted.

3) I let my bridesmaids wear whatever shoes and jewelry they wanted, as long as the shoes were silver and as long as the jewelry was silver/white gold or silver colored. None of my bridesmaids went out and bought jewelry for the event and I think only 1 went out to buy new shoes, only because she's a shoe addict and was going to buy herself new shoes no matter what lol

4) Only one had to travel from out of town, so for the most part everyone had low transportation costs. The one who did fly in didn't have to pay for a hotel since her parents still live here.

5) Alterations for their dresses were taken care of.

6) We supplied a little continental breakfast/brunch with bagels, muffins, mini sandwiches, fruit and mimosas for everyone.

I think if you have trade offs, it's reasonable to ask them to pay for their hair. If they've already been shelling out lots, it would be really nice to cover them.

I think this statement gets to the heart of the matter. When I picked out bridesmaid dresses - I had a pricepoint in mind, because what are the odds they will wear the dress again? Slim to none. As for shoes, I asked that they match their dress in one of three different colors. I'm going to cover the cost of getting their hair done. Fortunately for me, it's not $100/person - yay for Omaha! I'm not covering manicures/pedicures - but I'm also making that an optional thing on Friday afternoon thing - so that if they don't want to come, it's not a big deal.