Reasons NOT to pledge a sorority?
 

I am a senior in high school on the West Coast, and know very very few sorority women. However, I will be attending a very competitive SEC school next year, and I'm trying to weigh the pros and cons of going through recruitment and potentially pledging a sorority.

What is sorority life REALLY like? I've read countless stories and threads about the amazing benefits of being part of a sisterhood and the opportunities, but what are the pitfalls?

I might be touching on a sensitive subject, I don't know, but I value what the people on this board think are negatives more than a GDI who simply resents the greek system. Thank you!

It can be expensive, especially in the SEC. Make sure you have the funds to pay for a sorority before you rush. However, in my opinion, it's worth the money.

I don't know that a board full of people who are GREEK would have much to tell you about not joining the organizations that they cherish :confused:

I can think of a few.

1. Do not accept a bid to a sorority if you are already struggling academically in a serious way. Meeting the minimum GPA doesn't always mean that you are a-okay. You know if you just squeaked by. Sorority life can certainly boost a woman's academic performance as she learns time management and gets support from sisters, but the time that a new member will give to sorority activities might be better used in focusing on her studies.

2. If you absolutely know you are not going to be able to pay the dues, do not join.

3. Sorority chapters are operated under the leadership of college women. These women often do an amazing job and successfully plan and execute wonderful events while maintaining the basic day-to-day chapter operations. However, they are young and learning. Drama does happen. Meetings are not always smooth and easy. If you truly cannot tolerate drama and meetings that are not perfectly efficient, sorority life might put you over the edge.

4. If you are terrible at balancing work and play, think hard before joining. This isn't exclusive to Greek life. Always look closely at your strengths and weaknesses in the area of responsibility and time management before taking on any big time commitment if you aren't good at having a full plate. Be honest with yourself, but also, don't be afraid to push yourself a little. Sorority life might push you to develop those skills.

Okay, this might not sound totally PC, but here it is.

I would counsel any woman who has a problem with alcohol, drugs, anorexia, bulimia, etc. to really think long and hard before joining a sorority. If she is prone to fall to the temptations, then she will have to be very careful about where she pledges.

Every chapter is different. In some chapters you would rarely find these things a widespread problem. Are there individual sisters with these issues? Yes. But the chapter as a whole doesn't subtly and not-so-subtly encourage them.

There are other chapters where a woman struggling with these issues would be walking into a very unhealthy situation.

Can you tell from the outside during recruitment what the chapter is really like internally? I'll leave it to others to debate that issue. I just know if I had a daughter or a friend's daughter who was thinking of recruitment and who struggled with these issues... I don't know if I would encourage her to rush. At the very least I would have a REALLY frank conversation with her.

My two cents. Your mileage may vary. :)

If you are not a joiner, accept commitment with enthusiasm and/or aspire to leadership, it's probably not the place for you.

You have to understand there will be things you don't want to do and sisters within the house you cannot stand. If you can't suck it up, this is not the place for you. MOST of the things asked of you and most of your sisters will be awesome, but some girls go ape-shit over the first negative thing in their life and the first response is to bail.

If you are on a sports team that is going to require every spare minute of your time or the real (and only) reason that you're going so far away from home is to spend every minute of the day with your boyfriend, sorority probably isn't going to work. Yes, you can be on teams, have time-intensive majors and have boyfriends, but they can't control so much of your life that meetings, parties, mixers etc. get brushed aside.

I think it is REALLY healthy to think about these things in advance. I think you will find that yes, all of these things will work for you, but it comes as such a surprise to so many girls. If you can spend some time thinking about what kind of college student you want to be, then you can be prepared for rush, and hopefully some time will be spent on what kind of sisterhood you want to be part of and whether or not status and tiers mean more to you than lifelong friendships. Good luck!

You will have to accept that a certain amount of conformity is involved. You will be expected to dress and act like an SEC sorority girl. No wearing a nose ring or dying your hair purple or acting like a slut.

When you join a sorority it is a life long membership. Be prepared for that and the responsibilities that come with it.

You have to have good time management skills. There are a lot of events that are mandatory. Some events you wont want to attend but you have too. Being in a sorority is a big time commitment.

If you don't like being told what to do it probably isn't for you. It takes a lot of work to keep a Chapter running. You will be expected to pitch in and help.

If you don't have good morals and values it probably isn't the place for you. We hold our women to high standards. If you don't have high standards you will be in standards.

Sorority life is expensive, however, if you break it down by events and things your getting with your dues it is a bargain.

You will grow more then you ever thought you would with sorority life. It is a life changing experience.

You will be an ace interviewer when you go out to get a job. After doing formal recruitment for 4 years you will be able to talk to any body. Recruitment is like a job interview.

Greeks tend to hire Greeks. There are a lot of us out there in a position to hire and network. I would hire a Greek- especially one that held offices over a non Greek all day long.

Borrowing because this is so excellent!

I want to point out the fact that you qualified your post with this:

to any other potential sorority women who may be reading this thread and freaking out.

There are most definitely some purple-haired nose-ring-wearing sorority women outside the SEC. (Probably a slut or two as well...actually those are everywhere, some just cover it up better.)

This is a huge generalization, but basically the more preparation you have to put into rush, the more rigid the rules/time constraints/$$ obligations are going to be. Yes, EVERY chapter has rules. However, it's a given that a chapter with 200+ women (like those in the SEC) is going to have more rules than a chapter of 40 women - just because there is no way that everyone's going to know everyone intimately and understand/ask/counsel on their motivations for doing things.

This all being said I'm going to throw in a few more that apply to ANY chapter.

-If the only reason you're joining a sorority is to "network" don't bother. Join professional organizations instead.

-If you have a boyfriend/fiance and are going to refuse to participate in any activity that involves socializing with men, don't bother.

To OP: You should at least go through recruitment simply BECAUSE you are coming into a new culture from the west coast to the SEC and decide if you want to pursue sorority life. It will help you to meet new people and you might feel more secure being part of a group, IMO.

Drama queens (you know who you are :rolleyes: ) need not apply.

I should also mention that if you realize during recruitment that you would have a problem with dues or rules or recruitment and this is not for you - please drop out of recruitment. Don't make a scene on bid day or right before initiation.

Joining a sorority is the second biggest commitment you will make after school responsibilities. School first, Sorority Second - and sometimes it will feel like sorority is first.

OP: You seemed a little hesitant to post your question, but you've created a great thread. As a previous poster said, it is really healthy to think through these things ahead of time. There is good information here. Best wishes to you!

Good advice by LowCSharp - I love the McDonald's in France analogy. BUT you need to start NOW getting your ducks in a row.

From what I have learned on here, the whole "recs are the end all be all" scenario is foreign to the west coast. So you may have a hard time finding recs and getting these women to understand how important they are for your success.

Start compiling a list of women who are alumnae of the groups on your campus, reaching out to them to let them know you are planning to go through recruitment, etc. It may take a while to find 3 - 5 for each house and have them mailed in by July 1.

1 or 2 recs per house is fine for my SEC school -

I would add to all of these wonderful and insightful comments that if you don't value women--women as friends, leaders, colleagues, then sorority life will be frustrating. If you only hang out with men, find friendships with women silly, difficult or a waste of time, prefer to be the only girl in a group of guys, then seriously think about spending your college years deeply immersed in a women's organization.

If you cannot tolerate being around people--I'm not talking introversion, but really if you prefer to be alone, Garbo-style, then consider carefully. Sorority life is a community experience.

Actually, the introversion point is a good one - especially as it relates to living in the house.

I am a huge introvert. I love people, but if I don't get a few hours a day to myself I really suffer. I lived at home and commuted during college. I didn't realize it at the time, but it was the best thing I could have done in terms of being an introvert. When rush sessions were done, I hopped in my car and drove fifteen minutes to my quiet room in my quiet house. When chapter and standards were over, I decompressed on my way home to my quiet room. If I had lived in the sorority house and had roommates to deal with... Wouldn't have been optimal at all.

If I had been in a sorority that required me to live in, I don't think I would have enjoyed it. But because I lived at home I was not required to live in. I hadn't really thought about this before, but a big introvert in a busy sorority house could be a recipe for some serious challenges.

I am going to disagree on this. I know several women, myself included, who always had a ton of male friends. For the most part, my only female friends were from the sorority. I remember my sorority sisters looking at me strange because I would study with a bunch of guys. Sure, I had friends from my classes but most were guys. And, yes, to this day, I do find some of the women friendships from the sorority silly. But, there are others that I love.

In a way, I am agreeing with you but in a different way; I joined a sorority because I wanted a diverse group of friends, to reach out to women friends.

^^^^Like you, I have (and always have had) a lot of male friends. I was really speaking of women who don't really like having women friends and/or when they do have women friends tend to undermine them, one-up them, or engage in passive agressive behavior. This is an interesting thread.

I work in an all male and sexist environment, and sometimes get raised eyebrows when I wear my pin, or mention sorority life. Get "elitist" or "par-tay" comments. I always say, "yea, an organization that provides leadership training, interview and life skills, training in manners and etiquette, and grounding in how to engage in effective philanthropic initiatives.... yes, that's to be ridiculed for sure!"

I think these are pretty extreme examples, but BadCat25 is onto something there. Joining a sorority involves a certain level of conformity. No, we are not going to make you give up the person you are and be exactly like us--that is a patently false stereotype. But if you have a problem with having rules and regulations control certain aspects of your life (like when and how you can speak in a chapter meeting, what is appropriate behavior while at a fraternity mixer, and how you must dress for the sister side of recruitment, for example) is a problem for you, then sorority life is probably not for you. If the idea of having someone tell you that you can't wear that color of nail polish for philanthropy round and that your dress is too short for pref and dancing on the pole at the party last night made the chapter look bad...well, that's something to think about, at a bare minimum.

My chapter had a sister choose to disaffiliate because she felt that there was too much structure (i.e. being given super-reasonable, room-for-self-expression dress guidelines for recruitment, being expected to attend a meeting at the same time every Monday, and being reminded that her actions reflected back on the chapter).

Just some food for thought.

Out of state PNMs who are going to highly competitive schools like those in the SEC not only have trouble finding recs, but like you alluded to here, the recs they do get may not be as helpful because they may come from alumnae who dont know how to write them.

I helped a PNM get recs from some Panhellenic friends of mine a few years back - PNM was going to Alabama. At a later date, one of those rec writers joked to me that she found that girl's rec in a pile of junk - she had never mailed it. The rec writer was from the upper Midwest and knew about recs but had no idea how important they are at Bama, and that she screwed this PNM at her sorority's chapter.

I think when a PNM is in a situation like the OP's, she might mention to her rec writers that recs are absolutely essential at her school. The writer likely will not know that.

No offense intended to you, and complete offense intended toward the rec writer in this instance-- what an irresponsible person to promise, not follow through, and then laugh about it later. That is an atypical scenario, but I agree with your statement that it is up to the PNM to follow up with her rec writer on the deadlines, to check to make sure the rec was mailed, and to follow up after recruitment as a courtesy.

So to the OP: don't join a sorority if you're one of those people who doesn't follow through on her promises. Per the above example, they can't all be weeded out, but sometimes people like that can really harm a sorority working toward a common goal.

Regarding the bolded, depending on where you are on the West Coast, there may be SEC sorority alumnae living in the area. I am in the Bay Area and there are quite a lot SEC sorority alumnae here. Greeks, in general, tend to be involved with their college alumni associations.

So not only could one contact west coast panhellenic alumnae groups, try contacting SEC Alumni clubs or chapters in/near your area as well. There should be a listing of chapters on the school's alumni page.

Also, University of Southern California (USC) alumnae know all too well about recommendations. And they don’t all live in Southern California.

Part of my point is that the rec writer was from a background where recs weren't essential, so she didn't really understand that what she did potentially really hurt this PNM. She was thinking of recs as something nice to have but not all that important. If your rec writer went to a place like Bama they know how important it is. Just because someone is an alumna doesn't mean they know a lot about the details of recruitment, or recruitment at different chapters. This was a group that doesn't have much presence here, so a PNM would struggle to find anyone to write a rec for them. I felt so bad about it all. Anyway, just sayin that local PNMs might have an easier time securing strong recs than out-of-staters, although that is a generalization.

Great idea, TSteven! I love this!

HQWest -
My suggestion regarding 3 - 5 recs is an insurance policy against the alum that irishpipes referenced. I always tell my pnms to get more than they need because you never know who is not going to come through for you. And, 3 - 5 would be typical for Arkansas and others in the SEC - especially for an out of state girl who needs to land on the radar because no one in the house knows her.

OP: There are a lot of SEC Information Threads on Greek Chat that are school specific. There are even school specific Rush Stories written after the fact. Go read some of the threads about your school, and see if that help you to have more specific questions for us.

There are quite a few alumnae from SEC schools even in Portland. I'm on Alumnae Panhellenic and it is rather surprising how few are from the Oregon schools.

I'd be curious to see how this individual handled a job post-college. :) Dress codes, expected to be on time, actions reflect on the company/org...

Gee-ess
- if I had 5 recs each for 1400 women I wouldnt have any place to put them? Someone still has to read them?

Asking 2 each so you have a back up is probably fine - you might ask for more if there is one special group, and you know lots of members

Well, all 1400 aren't going to get 5 recs each. But I would say at Alabama, 1000 of them have at least one. It isn't all that difficult to do with the recruitment team, alums and a computer....anything else and I'm giving away private membership stuff but it can and is done. Remember, at these schools, the recruitment team is there all summer - along with alums.

Yes, all 1400 don't get 5 recs each. All 1400 don't get three each but there is a good number who DO try to get that many. Three each for at least half of the total number of pnms is not unusual at all. And, I would say 98% have at least one. That's a lot of recs. And, at Arkansas, those recs are all recorded and compiled - not going into too much detail - but like titchou says, those chairmen are there all summer getting these things organized. Of course, what every chapter chooses to do with recs - how they utilize them during recruitment - is up to that individual chapter.

And let's remember this pnm is coming from out of state - her recs will be crucial unless she has strong ties to her school already.