Is Greek right for my dd?
 

Wanted to get some opinions on whether some people with experience think going Greek would be a good option for my daughter. Below is info/ description of her.

She wants to go to a large university and be part of a nationally ranked College Dance Team. This will involve many hours of practice and performances.

She is truly gifted (IQ 148) and gets impatient with demands that she sees as not being "logical".

However, she seems to be fairly out-going/ social in an independent way.

She would really enjoy participating in the philanthropic activities of a sorority.

Overall, she is attractive and physically fit.

She plans on going to Med school- so I am not sure that some of the political connections made in a sorority would be of as much value to her as someone majoring in other fields.

She will likely participate in Honors program and do intern research

Even though she is "geeky" because of being smart, she is also very hip because she does all types of dance- including hip-hop. The summary here is that she is very unique and I just don't know if her uniqueness plus other commitments would result in her not enjoying Greek life.

Also of note is that she can not afford a semester of bad grades due to the rush week and expectations put on her when she is a new member. Not sure if this is a factor or not or if the sororities would be considerate of her commitment to academics, dance team, and research.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Also of note is that she can not afford a semester of bad grades due to the rush week and expectations put on her when she is a new member. Not sure if this is a factor or not or if the sororities would be considerate of her commitment to academics, dance team, and research.JLCo

This jumped out at me so I will address this. No one can afford a semester of bad grades.Whether your daughter's goal is medical school or something entirely different will be of no concern to the sorority. All the new members are treated the same, and the sorority has the same expectations for them all, no matter their intended major. If you or your daughter are expecting special treatment, then greek life might not be the best activity for her.

There are plenty of sorority members whose goal is medical school. They have learned time management and value their sorority membership as well as academics.

I don't know if Greek Life would be right for your daughter or not. She would need to go through the process and see if it is right for her.

Does she have good time management skills? She will need that in order to participate in a sorority, be on a nationally ranked dance team and take pre-med courses. My niece had to choose between the sorority and the dance team at her university because she didn't think she would be able to handle it. Another thing to consider would be the events she would miss while practicing for the dance team and dance team commitments.

All sororities value good grades. I don't think rush week will impact her grades especially if recruitment is done before school starts. If recruitment is during school she will need good time management skills to stay on top of reading and assignments during the week.

It is not so much the connections that are valuable in Greek Life. It is the life lessons that you learn. It will help her tremendously with her social skills. Most members of Greek Life can ace an interview because they have had 4 years of recruitment experience that mimic the interview process. I would think the social skills she would learn would aide her in having a good bed side manner which would be important in her chosen field.

I think Greek Life is a wonderful experience for most every one. I would certainly not discourage it if she feels like it is something she wants to pursue. It is a time commitment though and she needs to know that going in to the process. Good luck to you..

I'm thinking it's a decision, she as an adult, will need to make? Why is Mommy on here trying to decide for her? Each university has a unique Greek Life scene. She should be a big girl and make her own decisions.

This can be really hard to answer without knowing your daughter or her choice of college. (Which for privacy you should not put on here.)

Maybe the better thing to do would be to ask some of her friends?
Does she have friends from high school or cousins that have gone on to college that are now in sororities?
Would she benefit from having a built in peer group when she starts on campus?
Would she benefit from being encouraged to participate more in on campus activities, social events, or philanthropy projects?
Would she just like to meet some other people with similar ideals and interests?

Some schools allow athletes, flag, dance team, and band members to have reduced recruitment schedules so that they can participate in both. Some schools don't allow freshmen on the dance team so that's a moot point.

I can show you sorority women of all shapes sizes and colors that are on the dance team, in the band, homecoming queens, that run track or are on the basketball team. We have elementary ed majors, art majors, business majors, engineers, pre-law, pre-med - you name it. (And that can be just one chapter....) :)

Because of her uniqueness?

IMO, let her go through and see if she wants to be a part of a group. She can always drop if she's overwhelmed by it.

Everyone is unique. Your daughter is not any different or more special than anyone else.

"very unique"
:eek:
My English major soul is righteously indignant. Forgive it, please.

Hahaha, if you click on a thread that has "dd" right in the title, you get what you deserve, AA.

JLCO, your daughter is the only person who can decide if going Greek is right for her. She does this by signing up for recruitment and going through the process, and ultimately bidding a sorority to become a new member. She can drop out at any time if she decides it isn't right for her, but she is the only one who can make the determination. If she's interested, let her ask these questions. Greek Chat is a great resource for her, as is her university's office of Greek Life/Panhellenic.

All sorority members are unique and valuable, and have diverse school commitments and majors. Grades are a top priority and sororities have GPA requirements to maintain membership. However, members must learn to budget their own time accordingly. The sorority will not do it for them. If members don't meet minimum GPA requirements, they can be put on probation until their grades improve or ultimately will have resign their membership. Sororities recognize that academics are the reason why people go to college, and members with consistently low GPAs that fall below chapter standards will not be allowed to retain their membership.

Consider that whether or not your daughter joins a sorority, she will still attend college parties and likely fraternity parties. She will have a sisterhood with her dance team. She will be exposed to a variety of new experiences and decisions no matter if she is in a sorority or not.

I have several sorority sisters and friends who went on to med school. I also knew several Greeks who were on the football team, dance team, in the theatre program, etc. Other sisters worked full time concurrently with full time college enrollment. Like I said, all of our members are unique.

If your concerns are less "is Greek Life right for my kid" and more of "what are her chances of getting in?" We have no idea-- it is up to the women who are in charge of membership selection in the respective sororities at her university.

So if she wants to try it out, I say go for it. The worst thing that can happen is she doesn't get a bid, but she will have given it a try and developed some good interviewing skills in the process.

If the OP is for real, then ^^ this.

I know, right? That's right up there with "a little bit pregnant" in my book.

This, too.

Sigh.
I guess I thought this was a troll. I'm still hoping that's the case. Please, oh please, let this be a troll.

Greek Life
 

Thanks for the info. It sounds like she might like it because I think she would "benefit from being encouraged to participate more in on campus activities, social events, or philanthropy projects?..". I have heard of some people doing sports and being in a sorority and wanted to get some input on this.

It is pretty clear to me that at BEST, this is the special little snowflake asking these questions posing as her mother.

Student athletes, like any sorority member, are expected to maintain the minimum requirements of membership and follow the proper channels to get excused absences if a legitimate school activity (games, practices, etc.) prevents them from participating in a mandatory sorority activity. It is very doable. That being said, most student athletes don't pledge Greek organizations because of the dual time constraints and the fact that their sports team is like sorority all on its own. The same is true of band members, theatre majors, etc., where those student groups spend a lot of time together. Those student-athletes/band members/dance team members who do pledge sororities are valuable members that the chapter proudly cheers on and brags about!

My sorority had a few girls on the cheerleading squad and dance team. Some held office in the sorority, lived in the house, went to social activities and philanthropy events, and certainly missed a sorority event here and there due to their sports obligations, but overall I would say these women got the most out of their sorority experience... just like any other member with various commitments! In fact, most sororities require their members to be involved with at least one other campus activity outside Greek Life (which dance team certainly would be) to maintain balance and nurture their personal interests. Pretty much every sorority member is juggling classes, sorority obligations, and other campus commitments. Some are working and interning, too.

Basically, if your kid rushes and get a bid, it's up to her to make friends, meet her commitments, pay dues/tuition/room and board, and manage her time. She's an adult now. I get that you may have some input if you're the one controlling the purse strings, but a sorority isn't going to turn your daughter into a raging party whore alcoholic who will fail out of school and never become a doctor. She can be successful or fail all on her own. Individuals make their own life choices, not the organizations they join.

There's no harm in her rushing. Most sororities hold recruitment before school starts, they all have GPA requirements and several require members to put in study hours at the library each week.

OP...your daughter sounds very talented but please remember that the majority of women in the Greek community are top notch people. When someone comes here and basically says "I am not sure but my daughter might be too awesome to be Greek!!" you will not make many friends.

With that said, it truly depends on what YOUR daughter can handle. I am very familiar with one of the most competitive Greek Systems in the country and it boils down to what everyone has said. Time management. Their are girls here that are cheerleaders, dancers and pre-med pulling 4.0s and hanging out on 6th street on Thursday night. There are others who major in "less" intense majors that are at the library every night trying to keep up. It all depends on the individual. It is my experience that more rigorous the course load in High School the better off the student in college is Greek or not. So if your daughter has been academically pushing herself in HS (ie, high GPA, high SAT or ACT) and balancing her dance she will probably be fine. If she is going to attend a large state university in the SEC or Texas, start with your local Panhellenic and start gathering recs. It's not too early and they have already started coming in for Fall 2013.

In closing, keep in mind that even if she wants to be Greek doesn't mean she will be. (Some houses here will release girls on GPA alone...some wanting 3.75 or higher...so some girls can be on the chopping block before recruitment even starts) She needs to polish her communication skills, make connections with active Greek women at the University she is focusing on and enter recruitment with an open mind.

- this is a BBS and casual language is the general rule here. Look-up a definition of “uniqueness” in the online Webster dictionary and you will find it. New words are constantly used and coined in casual conversation and in informal written prose. I suggest you look-up etiquette for posting on BBS because the general rule of thumb is not to correct casual language use. Last time I checked this forum is not for the submission of a formal paper.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/unique

unique

adjective \yu̇-ˈnēk\




Definition of UNIQUE

1
: being the only one : sole <his unique concern was his own comfort> <I can't walk away with a unique copy. Suppose I lost it? — Kingsley Amis> <the unique factorization of a number into prime factors>

2
a: being without a like or equal : unequaled <could stare at the flames, each one new, violent, unique— Robert Coover>
b: distinctively characteristic : peculiar 1 <this is not a condition unique to California — Ronald Reagan>

3
: unusual <a very unique ball-point pen> <we were fairly unique, the sixty of us, in that there wasn't one good mixer in the bunch — J. D. Salinger>
— unique·lyadverb
— unique·nessnoun

I am using this word in the sense that she has an unusual personality that is associated with highly gifted individuals.

Here is an excerpt from a gifted website that I think accurately describes her personality and personality traits common to exceptionally gifted: “ ..show incredible intensity in energy, imagination, intellectual prowess, sensitivity, and emotion which are not typical in the general population”.
I think the real issue is that some people can't accept that some people are genuinely gifted and that they really are different. My daughter dances 25-35 hours/ week, puts in minimal time studying and is first in her class out of 700 students. She does all this while being advanced by 2-3 years in math and science courses and will have taken 13 AP courses when she graduates.
However, it is the intensity of her personality that makes her unique- or if you prefer- "unusual" compared to other teens her age.

qfp

.show incredible intensity in energy, imagination, intellectual prowess, sensitivity, and emotion which are not typical in the general population”. JLCo.

How does she get along with people, especially when meeting people for the first time? Does she hang out with her dance troupe outside of practice or performances? Does she have a large group of friends? Does she "play" well with others?

Pinapple-
I don't think my dd is too awesome to be Grrek... just not sure if she will fit in with her personality type and if she would be able to do everything she wants to do at the same time...
Also- we are looking at some large universities in the SEC because they offer very generous scholarships to those with high GPA and test scores. However, we live in the Midwest. Any suggestions on making connections since we do not know any former alumni?
Thanks!!

This struck me as odd. Often we are asked to do things that don't seem "logical" in the course of life as part of learning and growing, and this isn't relegated to sorority membership. Are you talking about hazing? Or doing "silly" things like ice-breakers or hanging out with sisters to get to know them better?

I think that you need to step back and let your very special snowflake figure it out for herself. It's a choice that she needs to make. Only she will know if sorority recruitment (one week in most cases) and/or membership is worth the time and energy commitment. Sororities usually look for well-rounded members. Successful students make for successful members. School is first, and if she doesn't think that she can handle membership on top of her studies and other interests, then she needs to make that decision

OP, I hate to break it to you, but there are a lot of gifted college students and a lot of college students who have danced competitively their entire lives. And they went on to become MDs, PHD's, you name it. And they're in sororities!

I can think of three chapter sisters off the top of my head who were premed, honors program, and dancers. One in particular does advanced neuroscience research for a living now and is a professional dancer for a major NFL team. She was the cutest thing, lived in the sorority house, was captain of the school dance team, graduated close to a 4.0, got into a top medical school. My own little sister was a double major in molecular and micro biology, danced her whole life, lived in, was philanthropy chair, and went to tons of social events. Another girl with similar credentials went on compete in Miss Florida.

I appreciate that you consider your child special and unique and talented. But she's going to college next year. There are a ton of kids there who will blow your child out of the water academically, intellectually, and talent-wise. They're all hypothetical sorority material. So is your daughter.

I'm not really sure what else to tell you, except that I get that your knickers are in a snit and you probably won't let your daughter rush solely because of a few condescending remarks made by a group of strangers on a website.

ETA: if you are leaning toward recruitment at the SEC schools, start contacting everyone you know (teachers, church friends, parents of her friends) to ask if anyone knows alumnae of the sororities represented at her school and how to contact them for recommendations. You mentioned that you have Greek relatives, so reach out to them, too. Also, locate the Alumnae Panhellenic nearest to your hometown. Finally, read the thread linked in my signature. There's a lot of info about recs in there.

:rolleyes:

Good freaking grief. Get off the dang computer because you are digging yourself deeper and deeper. If she's so dang special and gifted as you say, then she should be able to figure this out herself.

.show incredible intensity in energy, imagination, intellectual prowess, sensitivity, and emotion which are not typical in the general population”. JLCo.

How does she get along with people, especially when meeting people for the first time? Does she hang out with her dance troupe outside of practice or performances? Does she have a large group of friends? Does she "play" well with others?

Sorry to quote myself, but I would really appreciate if JLCo would answer my questions. It might help us better understand your daughter and her situation.
_____________

I'm sorry, how long have you been on this forum? You should know better then try to dictate to people who have been around almost as long as the site are to the proper behavior here. She helped shape those proper behaviors. Also, I read it as a joke.

Really?? That thought never even crossed my mind. I think that's even worse! Heli-parenting has become so commonplace that kids pretend to be the heli-parent? Lord help us.

This message board is unique. If you come off as an over controlling mother of a snowflake you will be ridiculed.

"This struck me as odd. Often we are asked to do things that don't seem "logical" in the course of life as part of learning and growing, and this isn't relegated to sorority membership. Are you talking about hazing? Or doing "silly" things like ice-breakers or hanging out with sisters to get to know them better?"

To answer your question- yes she can be viewed as somewhat odd compared to other teens her age. She is silly, creative and has a very liberal attitude. We live in a very conservative republican suburb. If you watch her favorite commedy video I think you will understand how creatively different she can be compared to her surroundins @ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwUX4c.

Not sure she would be patient with hazing- although she can be tolerant and loyal to her friends even when she does not agree with them. However, part of the intensity factory is not wanting to waste time doing silly things. I get the importance of doing silly things from time to time but I am not sure she gets it.

As far as social life is concerned- she hangs out with the dancers at her studio and occasionally with the kids at school. She does not seem interested in going to parties much. She states the parties are boring compared to dance. I guess only those involved in competitive dance would understand that these dancers have tons of fun at their studio.

Oh lawd. Have you ever watched a movie with your hand over your eyes but your fingers spread apart, with magical thinking that your powerful hand will protect you from the train wreak you are witnessing?

^^ this!

Can you please explain what you mean by "silly things"?

I just wonder if she's unique enough to wear sequined stockings?

sequined. Pink.

Are you trying to tell us your kid has Aspbergers or something and wondering if she can handle Greek Life? Honestly, she just sounds like a normal smart kid. I wasn't into parties in high school either, was in AP/gifted classes, and had other extracurriculars that I preferred to spend time with like yearbook and drama club. I think it makes sense that you have an intelligent kid who likes to spend time with her dance friends-- the girls she spends the most time with.

Sororities do not allow hazing. The isolated incidents of hazing that are reported come as a result of sorority members deciding to take things into their own hands. If any member feels at any time she is being hazed, she should immediately remove herself from the situation and report it. Sororities nationally have a zero tolerance policy for hazing.

So it sounds like what you are really saying is your daughter is socially awkward, you blame that on her high IQ, and aren't sure if she will get a bid because if it.

JUST TOO FUNNY! She missed the point ENTIRELY amidst the epic flounce! :D

As it relates here I would be referring to hazing- or what I have heard about hazing. Please keep in mind that I had no interest in joining a sorority- so please be patient with my ignorance on the matter. I am primarily basing my assumptions on what I have heard or read on the media.
She gave me a specific example of what she considers a waste of time yesterday. She is very impatient that the student resource time designed to help students get their homework done has been turned into counseling sessions by their school guidance counselors. She was told that she needed to draw a poster during this time after they had a presentation. She told me she did not complete the poster. Instead she pulled out her homework and completed her homework.

OP. I think what people are trying to say is we get that you want us to understand that your daughter is gifted. Many Honors Programs at State U attract and recruit these kids. Your daughter's stated IQ at 148 places her in the "gifted" category and even if she were to obtain a few more points and be considered a genius, she would be 2% of the population instead of around 6-8%. So even if she were in the top 2% that means at the average State U there are 100 other "genius" people just like her and 300-400 gifted kids. That is the problem in college. You go from wicked smart in HS to above average in college. But I assure you, someone in that school will be smarter, a better dancer and have a better personality. So approaching recruitment from the humble side of life is important. I know many people in our state's top honors program and I have NO idea what their IQs are (once you start college, HS GPA, test scores, etc are NEVER discussed) but they are brilliant and each have unique talents that make them who they are. But what is even more awesome about them is they are humble and enjoy being friends a diverse group of people who learn from each other.

Hmmm, I was in a very competitive company in high school and often had my weekends devoted to rehearsals, shows, traveling etc. I definitely had close friendships with my dance friends and some are still my best friends. However, I still definitely had friends at high school that I hung out with, went to Prom, had dates, etc. I never was a big partier, but I still had friends at school

FWIW, I think she's right and the guidance counselor is a moron. Unless the poster was for a grade, that counselor was interfering with time allocated for homework. I'd be more concerned if she was given an assignment for a grade and blew it off because she decided she simply didn't want to do it.