New Badge; Alumni Sister; Need Help
 

Hello Ladies,

This is the fiance of a Phi Mu Alumni. I am an alum of LXA.

Short Backstory: She can't find her badge or our lavaliers. We moved recently and they are simply gone.

Christmas time is here and I have bought her a new pearl/ruby badge because at the end of the day, I'm awesome. It need to be engraved. I know her chapter, I can get her initiation date but one thing remains: her initials.

Since I'm the one having this engraved and we are set to be married, I thought maybe to have her "new" initials engraved rather than her initials at her time of initiation.

Should I have her old initials on there or her soon to be "new" initials engraved?

What a sweet gift! I'd do the new initials.

ETA: Just realized this is in the Phi Mu board. Sorry for crashing.

Sorry for the crash. The one vintage badge that I got engraved with my info has my initials with my maiden and married name so it says AMFD. It's a thought. :)

I recently ordered a new badge and I went with my new initials.

Well, I'm crashing too, but here's my $0.02:

I'd probably be inclined to use her unmarried initials, especially if you are giving it to her before you're married. That's the name she was initiated under, those are her initials when the gift is given, and that's still who she will be, even if she takes your name legally. To me, it just seems a little more traditional for some reason. (Perhaps it's because in the part of the cemetery where my family is buried, you see three or four generations of women whose stones use their full maiden names, followed by "wife of . . . .")

One alternative: hold off on the engraving until after Christmas and ask her which she would prefer.

Since it sounds like you won't be married prior to having the badge engraved, I would go with her current initials.

Unmarried initials. I don't know of anyone who has their married initials on their badge (though my sample size is admittedly small).

I agree!

(...and this is a very lovely and thoughtful gift.)

I also have my maiden initials on a post-marriage badge, along with my initiation date. I think that's more typical for replacement badges over the years.

Perhaps if you want to tie in your marriage and since she's also missing her lavaliere, you could consider getting a necklace with her letters on one side and her married initials (or even married name) on the other? Some of the Kappa pendants I wear the most are the ones that don't scream Kappa, but still have special significance & the letters are there if you look.

If in 100 years someone is trying to find the owner of this badge, her married name is going to make the search process much harder. I'd go maiden. If you're spelling out her name I'd go Mary Smith Jones, even if that's not how she's officially going to have her name. I don't hyphenate or compound my name but on Facebook, for instance, I use both so that people can find me in a search.

Looks like the consensus is maiden name.

And the one Phi Mu who has posted said maiden name.

Looks like I was the only one suggesting new initials but the others have convinced me. Go for her current initials.

And the other consensus is that LCAGuy is awesome. :)

Whatever you decide to do, I think you are a very sweet fiance!

I agree with the consensus that LCAguy is a very thoughtful fiancé. I hope she appreciates your very sweet gift.

Phi Mu speaking
 

First, I want to say how incredible of a finace you are. This shows you put a lot of thought into her gift. Also, I love that you got her rubies and pearls and didn't go for the cheapest one you could find. I'm not sure if she had rubies and pearls before but, who doesn't love a blinged-out badge?

Second, I don't know of one Phi Mu Alumna (not alumni--plural is alumnae) who has her married initials on her badge. Even if she goes from Mary Laura Smith to Mary Laura Kline, at conventions they would refer to her as Mary (Smith) Kline and by her chapter of initiation. This way, people can say, "Oh, Mary Smith got married. She is now Mary Kline." Definitely stick with her initiated initials.

Third, I have to ask (if you feel comfortable answering) where she initiated--the chapter? I love hearing about fiances who realize how important a sorority can be to a young woman. I agree with what everyone else has said---You are pretty great! Good luck!

I see the consensus is Maiden Name. Done and done. Things Remembered in the mall does a pretty good job with this kind of thing.

Her original badge was not jeweled at all, in fact, I believe it was a gold gloss (instead of solid 10k). Unfortunately, a plain Jane 10k badge runs $156. I wasn't going to pay that large sum for a plain replacement (hence the above and beyond). My badge for LXA as a plain one is $10.

Her chapter is Delta Iota, Baldwin Wallace University.

Thank you all for the replies. It really helps. Obviously getting something engraved for me is easy since I always keep my name :-)

Eta Beta
 

Sisters of Phi Mu,

Before I have the engraving removed and the new one completed, I am looking for some information on the previous owner.

Not personal information, but maybe just some information about the chapter it came from. Maybe some of you ladies are stewards of the past and know something about your history that may help.

The original engraving is as follows:
Eta Beta
T.A.I.
1-19-1958

Does anyone know anything about this chapter? To be fair, I believe that it is supposed to come from Washington. However, it would appear that the chapter doesn't exist any longer.

I also wanted this on the boards so that there is a record that a wonderful woman with the initials T.A.I. had previously owned this badge.

Any info would be helpful since I think it is important to pay homage to our past and recognize those who came before us :o.

Original Engraving Thoughts
 

Pardon the crash because I am not a Phi Mu sister:

If I were to acquire a vintage badge, I would want to retain the original engraving on it, even if it meant that my own information would not fit on the badge (in addition to the existing information).

How do others feel?

Yeah, that is such a tricky subject. I know that a lot of people feel that the original information should stay on vintage badges. I had one of my vintage badges engraved with my info because somehow it escaped the original jewelers with no engraving. The rest have the original information intact so I can remember the age and history of my special badges.

LCA Guy, I'll wait for some of the Phi Mus to chime in, but I'd probably wait and let your fiancé decide if she wants to remove the old engraving. I know you've put so much thought and love into this gift, but it may be upsetting to erase history in this way. :(

As as Phi Mu, I personally wouldn't remove the name of my sister from her badge. But that is me. I would be honored to wear it and continue her legacy.

*crash* Personally, I would not remove engraving from a vintage badge. I have an early 1900s Dyer that I adore, and have researched as much as I can about the woman who wore it. And I own another badge which belonged to a woman who had a very interesting life (putting it politely). Amazing what's on the Internet!

Agree with AOIIAngel that I would leave it up to your fiancé as to the engraving.

About badge pricing: You could probably get a plain goldfilled badge for around $30.00 (I'm guessing/approximating). The price you quoted for a plain, non-jeweled 10K badge sounds about right. A standard plain 10K Theta badge is $165.00.

As others have said, I would also keep the letters of the other sister on it. That's just me. For the record, the Eta Beta chapter of Phi Mu was our University of Washington chapter which was installed May 3, 1917. The chapter closed in April 1996. Something VERY INTERESTING about this chapter is that we are preparing to re-colonize it (in Fall 2013, I think). It's an interesting little piece of history and I think it would be great to keep this badge with the same initials on it. Good luck!

Update:

I gave her the badge for Christmas and she cried. It was probably the best present of the year.

Engraving was removed and her information was put on it :-)

AOII is recolonizing Spring 2013 and Phi Mu is slated to recolonize sometime between 2014-2016. :)

AWWWWW, mass good fiance points coming to you. As a female I say this gets you out of at least one which flowers/cake/invitations discussion. :)