Relationship Dilemma Question
 

You have just been offered a promotion and a significant raise. However, with this promotion and raise, your company is relocating you to another city and state. You are in a relationship that is fairly serious. You tell your mate about the new job offer and he says that he is not willing to leave your current city of residence. What do you do?

A. Turn down said promotion and raise and stay in city with your man.

B. Dump him and move on up to the East side:p.

C. Other

Hi Sorors and Sisterfriends,

Well, Well, Well,
I think I would have to pack my bags and leave. I say these things because although we are in a serious relationship, we are not married or even engaged for that matter. If it is meant to be when it will be. And since it seems that he has his MIND MADE UP, I would have to go. I can come and visit and vice versa. But to give up on a big job promotion for something that isn't all that... well let's say permanent could come up and bite you in the butt especially if you stay in your current town of residence and you struggle to find a job that is paying you at the same rate you are about to be promoted for. You may resent your decision. This is something like I am dealing with now, graduation is right around the corner and I will be relocating (law school) because I have goals and I have a purpose THAT I WILL SEEK TO ACCOMPLISH. Sometimes if you love something you have to let it go...if it comes back then it was meant to be.

Sorry if it sounds harsh:(

B

Why because you have to do what you gotta do. Nothing personal.

I wouldn't "dump" him per se. But, if he was the only thing making me think twice about taking the new job, then I'd take it. If he is really trying to be with me, then when I tell him about my promotion and possible move, he will do one of two things:

1) Drop to his knees and propose to me (to give me somewhat of a valid reason to give up the job and stay with him)

OR

2) Tell me that he will support my decision either way and give me a VALID reason as to why he cannot leave town with me.

If he doesn't do either of these, then I'd leave town on the first thing smoking!!!!!! ;)

I think that I would go, but I wouldn't just pack up and leave. I would tell him all about it and explain to him why I felt I had to go. I think that if the relationship is that serious, and I can totally trust my man, the relationship can withstand the distance. That is, until he is in a better position to join me. In a relationship, it's allabout compromise, and if he is not willing to go along with the long distance relationship, then the relationship is not all that it seems to be.

I agree 113%
 

Personally I don't like long distance relationships; however, if this was "serious" then I guess I would have to reflect on the relationship and evaluate it to see if its worth keeping and trying the distance. Of course, I would tell him about the promotion and the relocation. Most importantly I will pray about it. Only God can give me the answers on what we can do. We (me and my mate) will make a decision over whether to endure the distance or if we should take a break from each other. It has to be a mutual decision, weighing all possible outcomes. Whatever is meant to be in our relationship will happen. We will just have to trust God.

I'd say, take the job and keep the man. If after a year and he hasn't attempted to seek employment where you are (especially if the new area is more progressive and the potential to earn money is greater) or mentioned of his intentions to seek employment there or marriage, LET HIM GO!

At least give him some time to show his intentions. A year could be too long for some, but allow him AND yourself enough time to ration through your emotions. Who knows, after you have been away, you may feel that the relationship you all had wasn't what you wanted. :confused:

my $19. 20
 

i personally can't stand long distance relationships either; i need that physical and tangible aspect. but i have realized that having a great, healthy and stable and trusting relationship with someone is a rare find. i found my (hopefully) life partner two years ago while i was at school in d.c. and he was at school in philly. we struggled and still struggle even tho i am in philly now. before i got my job in philly, i didnt know where i was going: cali, nyc or back to d.c. but the thought of breaking up with him was never a thought. we discussed commuting, flying back and forth to see each other, even him moving where i was after he graduated from law school. but breaking up???? heck no.
i guess it depends on the relationship and the people. after two years of being 200+ miles away and surviving, my relationship could withstand another long distance moment even though i hope we never have to go through that again. :)
and now that i think of it the thought of not taking a job that shipped me somewhere far never crossed my mind either. so i have to go along with others who have said 'KEEP THE MAN AND THE JOB'

I TOTALLY agree with everyone else. The promotion, you KNOW you've got. The man, you got, but you don't KNOW that you got him--get what I'm saying.

Sisterfriend, I can only IMAGINE what stress this must be on you. Only YOU know what your REAL relationship is with this man. But you've got to remember that you need to take care of YOURSELF first. You don't want any "I wish I WOULDA's , SHOULDA's , or COULDA's". Just do what's right for YOU.

GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS !!!

I guess I'll go against the grain here...
 

It really depends on the situation. It depends on WHY he won't move. And it depends on how happy I am with the company that I work for. I weigh my options like this. If I am in a fairly serious relationship, I want to be with and see that person, A LOT. So a LD relationship wouldn't work for me, because I'd be lonely. If I KNOW in my heart that this man cares for me, I'd probably stay. Because I can talk a bunch of stuff of how he should come with me and all that, but where is the compromise in that? Especially if I know I can't handle the LD portion of it. No sense in moving and being miserable because I'm away from my honey. Now if it is understood that I move, and he's following me some months later, that's different, ok, cool. But I have learned a lot in the past few years about jobs and companies. They care a whole lot less about you than your mate. I have a man who is taking care of me, has my back, and we're doing fine as is? Then the promotion and raise would be nice, but isn't necessarily needed. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. I'd stay with my dude. If we don't work out, oh well, no resentment on my part, it was my choice.

C
 

I would take the job regardless. If he wants to be with me, then he will either move with me (esp if MY job had better potential) or try a long-distance relationship. Even if he dropped down on one knee and proposed (and I accepted!), I would STILL go with the understanding that he would follow in a specified period of time.

Well, ba-bye...
 

I would definately take the job and we would just have to try the long distance thing and if that doesn't work out, then it wasn't meant to be after all.

there isn't any doubt that i'd take the job and leave the man. i'd be receptive to trying a long distance relationship, but that would only last so long. eventually he'd either come to me or we'd go our separate ways.

c

I would take lots of things into account. How serious is the relationship? Is marriage in the picture? If so, I would think one party would have to make a sacrifce for the other. If the relationship isn't at that stage, I would try the long distance. I've been there and done that- and it sucks- but if it's meant to be it'll find a way.

I'm gonna jump on the bandwagon and say, "take the job, lose the man."

It's a lot easier said than done though, especially if he's a GOOD man! But, if it's meant to be, you guys will end up together.

Hello fellow greeks,

I know this one was for the ladies, but I wanted to throw something in.

For all of you who said that you'd "bounce" on the guy, I say GREAT!!!! That is an excellent decision. If you aint married (but you're supposedly serious), and he has not even given you any thought to your relationship and how it might be impacted by your leaving, then the heck with him.

If it's meant to be, it will be!!!!! If the situation were reversed for me, I'd do the same thing as you woman would do. After all most of us work at jobs where we hope to advance someday. We don't want to be stuck in the same position for all of our lives. Right!!!! A man (or woman) is definitely not a reason to pass on a good career opportunity (unless there is a really good reason).

Oh, if he's a good man, then he will weigh everything before he decides that he does not want to move and is not willing to move with you.


Six_Three_Sigma

Answer: C
 

I would also say take the job and see how the relationship works out. If it doesn't work out, you still have a wonderful job and a way to support yourself.

Now if it were some trifling man, definitely B.

;)

Do YOUR thang girl!!!!!

If I was in this particular situation I would first evaluate our relationship. If the relationship is STRONG I would still pursue my promotion and pray that our relationship could withstand the distance and the stress that come along with being in a long distance relationship and ole boy would have X amount of time to get his chit and move with me and my promotion.

On the other hand if the relationship is not amounting to NOTHING then get your bags packed. You won't be alone because you have Sorors in every city you go and GOD will NEVER leave you or forsake you so you are set with or without ole boy...PUHLEEZE BELIEVE when the weather hits HOT I'ma be HOT like FIRE trying to road trip to see you!!

I'd leave, after all you are not married to the guy. There is no telling where the relationship will be in the future. You may not even be together. I'd regret not taking the promotion if the relationship did not work out.

Definitely C: Other
 

I'd really have to do a lot of analyzing for this one.

First, I would look at the relationship side of the problem. I'd have to know how serious my relationship is and if if has the potential to get more serious. In this day and age, love, and I mean true love, doesn't come easily. And, I don't know if I'd be willing to give that up so quickly. Money isn't everything. Also, I'd have to consider why my man won't come with me. If he has some vested interest in the town where we are, like a sick family member or a business he owns.

Then, I'd have to look at the job side. If the only reason that I want to go is for the money, then I'd probably stay. Money isn't everything and my happiness is worth more than whatever the new company would be offering me. If this was my dream job, or a major promotion, like from cashier to store owner, then I might have to go. And finally, I'll see exactly how far away it is. If it's anything less than three hours, then there would be no conflict between it and my relationship. Me and my man could see each other as often as we wanted to.

Ultimately, I would have to weigh my reasons to stay against my reasons to go. Whichever side has more, wins. Knowing me, I'd probably take the job and still try to make my relationship work.

Re: Relationship Dilemma Question
 

C-ya next life MF!:D

Whoa,
That's a complicated issue. That would be a really hard decision for me and I wouldn't expect my mate to follow me just like I wouldn't think that he'd expect me to stay and miss out on an opportunity. I'm not with the long distance relationship, so if one decides to leave, I say dump him. I gues it depends on what's most important to you. If I'm pretty comfortable and making a good living where I'm at, than I would stay with the love of my life, because these days a good man is harder to find than a good job. This guy would have to be someone I've been with for awhile though not just someone I've had some whirl wind romance with and I think we have something serious, when we may not.