Can one girl ruin a new sororities reputation?
 

Hi Everyone! So me and my roommate are both in sororities and we got in a small little argument about sorority reputations. My sorority is new on campus (We just colonized last week) and so far the reception from the rest of the Greek community has been great. Everyone's been so helpful and nice to us. Well, there's one girl in my sorority that has a really bad reputation. She does just about everything that is looked down upon and has been kicked out of numerous fraternity parties. A lot of the girls in the colony don't want to associate with her and are hoping that she gets kicked out ASAP.

Now, my roommate told me that she is gonna give our a sorority a bad reputation and that we are gonna be known as a bunch of sluts and drunks like she is. I am the total opposite of that and I tried to argue that since pretty much no one in my sorority even wants to associate with her, that the only reputation she's ruining is her own. I told her that it takes more then one bad girl to ruin the entire sorority, especially since we're so new on campus. Also, it's not like we picked her to be in our sorority in the first place. Technically, we were all just randomly thrown together.

Anyway, basic question: Can one girl ruin an entire new Sororities reputation all by herself?

Yup.
There is a girl who was a collegian member of another org the same time I was a collegian. She was so active in the chapter that she was always associated with the org. The problem was that she was also kind of a personal trainwreck. Even sadder is that we've been out of college for 5 years and she hasn't changed one bit. People still see her as a member of her sorority (even when she posted a picture of her sister driving WHILE chugging a beer) and the chapter paid for it.

Yep -- people on the outside will associate the actions of any member (or even imposter) with the organization. It's like how if you receive bad service at a restaurant, you blame it on the restaurant instead of just the individual waiter/waitress.

Accountability is very important in the overall health of an organization, so if there's a member who's not living up to your organization's standards, the issue better be addressed before the damage spirals out of control.

Do you have some sort of colony adviser? Have you spoken with her?

You know what else is looked down upon? Airing dirty laundry and publicly calling a future sister a slut and a drunk.

Take care of this internally.

One member can influence public opinion, sure. But don't you think dozens of strong, intelligent women who possess qualities that were obviously admired and desired by the colonization team can influence one woman?

Instead of refusing to associate with this troubled new member, embrace her. Show her some love. Lead by example. Help her to be too busy with building friendships, finding her niche, and making good grades to have time for making trouble with the fraternities. I have often thought that some women are selected for membership based upon what they can give to the chapter and the organization at large, but some women should be brought into the sisterhood for what the chapter can give to them. You are new to Greek life, but many, many women will attest that the sorority experience made them better people. The structure and the support brought out the best in them.

In this case, I would advise you to set aside your concerns about reputation and remember why you are there--to form meaningful relationships among women. Despite the differences among GLOs, every sorority was build--to some extent--on that very concept. Consider talking to an advisor. I hope that you or someone associated with the standards process can speak to this woman with compassion and help her to find her way. She sounds a little lost.

+1

The answer to this question is obvious. If you have to ask, it only serves to demonstrate how clueless you are. If you are that clueless on any subject, you need to talk to your advisers before you go posting your problems online. Go handle your business.

You have no idea as to the lengths some will go to on GC to out you. You stated you colonized last week. How many chapters do you think colonized last week? Not too many I'd imagine.

If you were a little farther along in your colonization process and officers had been chosen and committees had been formed, she could be brought before the judicial/standard board and one outcome might be termination of her membership.

Talk to the young women from your national office who are working with your colony-in ZTA they are called TLCs-traveling leadership consultants-(I don't know what sorority you are in, so cannot say what they are called in your sorority)and have other concerned members talk to them too. They are there to guide you and teach you how things are done in your sorority.

I promise that your colony is not the only colony to have this problem (and I would be willing to bet that sororities on your campus have also had to deal with it).

I want to add that this sort of behavior must be nipped in the bud. When you bring in your first class of new members, they will emulate the behavior of your actives. If you have actives who make poor examples of themselves, this problem will only multiply.

Members like this are a cancer. You either have to fix them or get rid of them in short order or they will spread.

It's painful in the short term, but in the long term, you'll be better off.

I agree with this. If the sorority adviser/support staff have no idea about this girl, they don't know to sit her down and chat about her behavior and she won't change. Given a chance, she might. EVERY chapter has a wild child, so expecting everyone to be a church mouse isn't reasonable and holding her past against her isn't either. If she continues to behave in the manner described after being warned by the powers that be, then there are likely procedures to deal with her. The key, however, is to let the advisers know the colony's concerns.

People like this usually get weeded out of colonies well before chartering (like when they realize how much work it is). I wouldnt worry about it. If your campus (or your "friend") would honestly condemn and stereotype a new colony after one week, THAT is the real problem on your hands.

:mad:
Since you have already posted very specifically where you go to school and what organization this is, you have really done damage with your posts here. You are immediately identifiable to anyone on your campus, advisors, and sorority sisters.

If you think that the women in your organization were "just randomly thrown together" then you have a LOT to learn. Colony members are chosen carefully. You are the foundation upon which this organization is building a whole new chapter. Treat your sisters as the special girls that they are, not just "randoms" off the street.

You certainly have advisors working closely with the chapter. Go to them with your concerns and keep your hands OFF the keyboard.

Oh, wow. Just, WOW.

I think I see clearly what is going on here.

And I give a +1 to Leslie Anne, Kevin, AOII Angel, oh - to EVERYONE who's posted sage advice on this thread.

OP every sorority has challenges and issues. Handle them internally.

Sheesh. Why do people spill everything on the internet to complete strangers? Not just collegiates, but mommys (and the occasional daddy as well). Holy COW. Shut UP already.

Like!

I'm sorry about all this. I just feel really bad. I'm not gonna lie that when my roommate said "the drunk sluts" comment it got me a little and made me mad. I agree with LouisaMay that we should try to help her with her problems instead of condemning her. I really do love my new sorority and I just want us to get off on the right start. I know that not everyone in the chapter are gonna be "complete angels" but I couldn't help but be a little worried. I posted on this board to settle an argument with my roommate, not to talk down about my own sorority. I'm really sorry if I offended anyone reading this

Then consider this a lesson that wanting to settle an argument with your roommate is never a valid excuse for airing your sorority's laundry in public.

And it's not anyone reading this thread who is owed an apology -- unless some of your fellow colony members are reading this thread.

I'd report her actions to your advisers and standards committee. They will deal with it from there.

I think I'll depledge GC.:eek:

She's in a brand spanking new colony. I doubt that they have either of those things. (Either of those things that are familiar with campus norms and mores, anyway - one campus's slut is another campus's awesome socialite, one campus's sweetheart is another campus's uptight prude.)

Again, this is a non-issue. The girl will probably drop and the problem will be solved.

LIKE.

33, our colonies would have advisers all over the place. This is a standards case. WHICH DOES NOT MEAN that the dirty linens need to be aired in public!

Well if that's the case, shirellestar is more likely to get kicked out than Susie McSluttypants. Her actions are visible and recorded. Honestly, it just sounds like the OP's roommate is a bitch who likes stirring up trouble.

And like I said - what the advisor from Evergreen State thinks is okeydokey is not going to be what would fly at Ole Miss, and vice versa.

It should be noted here that Evergreen State does not have a greek system (and likely never will) - so if your advisor is from there that would be a problem .... http://www.evergreen.edu/ :confused:

I was just trying to find two colleges as far apart from each other in outlook as possible for the sake of example. Obviously I succeeded.

No problem, 33. There isn't a real winner in this situation in the long run.

A chapter is only as strong as its weakest member.

I respectfully disagree.

Strong chapters have the means and procedures to handle membership issues and can address situations as they arise.

And I agree with you... Good, strong chapters deal effectively with their issues.

She outed herself.

Awww, you all really are making me feel bad. I really am sorry. I didn't mean to say anything wrong. Everything was totally unintentional. :( Idk, what else to say, I would take it back if I could

These may be harsh words, but they need to be said:

You're an adult; you created this situation. There was intention in what you posted, regardless of the motivation. WE didn't make you feel bad. You are responsible for your own feelings.

Next time you want to get advice about a problem, remember to edit what you write with the thought in mind that you have previously posted your school and your affiliation. Better yet, write it out and stick it in a draft folder for 24 hours. Let this be a very important lesson.

Refocus on YOUR sorority, your sisterhood and on the exciting experiences you're going to have this year. Let that help you put things in perspective.

I still stand by my comment upthread about people spilling everything online. It's really time to practice some restraint, and if the shoe fits, then put it on and start walking.

I agree. From now on all venting goes into my diary. I know that I caused the problem and now I have to deal with the consequences and criticism. There's no way I can undo what I wrote, all I can do is apologize, which I've already done. I received a lot of good advice from people who also seem to understand so it wasn't all negative. There's definitely going to be no more GreekChat for me though, that's for sure

No one said you had to stop posting on here. Just be aware that the internet is smaller than you think, and that your situation (a newly colonized sorority) is rather rare. Even if you had been discreet in your location, it's likely someone would have outed you (whether they said so on here or not).

ETA: I wouldn't automatically assume the woman who inspired this whole thread is "troubled" because she likes to drink and sleep around. Different strokes for different folks. If that's not something the sorority can stomach, ask her if she would consider changing her behavior, but don't feel pity for her if she doesn't.

Just to set the record straight - I have been involved in 3 colonizations and I can assure you that you were NOT "all just randomly thrown together."
Your alumnae went to extraordinary lengths to select women who are outstanding in every area and who can work together.
That said, sometimes surprises take place. But you owe it to yourself, your sisters, and your fraternity to make an effort to get to know each sister. If you suspect problems, talk to an adviser first.

Thanks for this. Enough pearl-clutching and slut-shaming.

I kind of understand what she means, even though the way she worded it seems to have really upset people. That is...the new colony members were chosen by people who aren't part of the campus community and don't KNOW this girl. The other colony members didn't choose her as someone they are like. Outsiders did. It's the same concept as "OMG, we don't like Hortense either, but we HAD to pledge her because her mom is a past national president."