depledging and joining a different sorority
 

In september I accepted a bid from one particular sorority. After spending a couple of weeks with the girls however, I feel I don't really fit in with my pledge class. Also when I was going through recruitment, there was one or two other sororities that I loved and felt I clicked with better.

My question is about the whole rule of the calendar year. I have not become initiated yet, so if I drop out now, will I be able to go through recruitment next fall? Or is it one calendar year from the day you dropped out of the sorority? I'm a little confused on the rule and I want to make sure I can recruit next fall.

The rule is from time of accepting the bid. If you accepted a bid from formal recruitment and drop before initiation, you will be eligible to participate in the next formal recruitment. So, in practice, from one fall recruitment to the next, even if the bid acceptance day is off by a few days or so.

However, depending on the campus, your chances of getting a different bid (or any bid) the second time around may be greatly reduced. You'll be competing with new freshmen and with women who haven't participated in recruitment before. You need to ask yourself, what's changed this time to make me a more attractive candidate this time? Are my grades higher, is my conversation more polished, have I made friends with women from chapters?

Before you quit your current sorority, be SURE that you can accept that this may be your one & only opportunity to be Greek. The chances of pledging next year are very slim. Take us very seriously when we tell you this.

You need to really, really think about the fact that those other sororities that you loved so much did NOT extend a bid to you. The chances that they will offer you a bid next year are incredibly close to zero.

What you feel matters very little, unless the feeling is mutual. Have you become friends with members of these sororities? Do you spend time with them? Have any of them sought you out to express to you that they are sorry you didn't pledge there?

If not, you really need to stay put, stop thinking about other sororities and think about the one that you are part of NOW. Your pledge class is immaterial - many people (at least if GC is any indication) do not form their closest, longest-lasting sorority relationships with their pledge sisters. Concentrate on the sisters you DO click with.

is there a certain reason the chance of you getting a bid the next year is really low if you depledge?

Honestly, if I were you I would abandon the idea of re-rushing. As some very knowledgeable women upthread noted, it's not very likely you'll get a bid from another house.

My advice (and take it for whatever it's worth!) is to stick it out with your sorority unless you're really miserable. When you graduate, you'll have the opportunity as an alumna to meet many, many other sisters and I bet you'll click with at least some of them.

I think the sororities would see someone who depledged as "damaged goods" (for lack of a better term). They might wonder if you depledged that other house, will you depledge them as well? Or they might think you're a whiner or a troublemaker. Not to say that you're any of these things! But that is how you may be perceived.

And at competitive schools, many sororities may automatically cut you simply for being a sophomore, before even looking at you or your resume.

[QUOTE=lizz2152;2186093]is there a certain reason the chance of you getting a bid the next year is really low if you depledge?[/QUOTE

In addition to what other posters said, your chances are also less because you have already been through recruitment once and been cut by those sororities. Therefore, it is very rare to get a bid once you've been passed over by a chapter in the previous recruitment.

LOTS of reasons, but this is going to sound harsh. I apologize in advance, but you want to know the possible reasons....

1. the sororities you are after didn't want you as a shiny new freshman with a pretty clean slate. They are probably not going to want you more as a sophomore. This is the number one issue.

2. the sororities are going to see you as a big quitter for depledging. They do NOT LIKE women who depledge an organization to go after another group.


3. You have a whole year to make a mistake on campus before rush next year: drinking too much at a party, saying something nasty, dating the wrong guy, dating too many guys, too many pictures on your FB page with a red cup in your hand, etc, etc, etc. Sororities will see all this. Their members are everywhere.

There are many, many, many more reasons. There is not just 1. I bet we could go on for pages....

YOU GOT A BID and a SISTERHOOD! Please cherish & appreciate it! They liked you, they invited you to be their sister. How many women got nothing at your campus? I just can't understand throwing it away for no better reason than you don't think you fit in after a couple of weeks!

I must agree with the seasoned veterans' responses mentioned above. If you go through the whole process again and still don't receive a bid from your house of choice, then what? And you will have missed the rest of your freshman year not really "fitting in" anywhere if you drop out now.

In September I accepted a bid from one particular sorority (that I consider lower tier and didn't plan to join and only put down on my bid card because I just KNEW I was destined for another sorority.) After spending a couple of weeks with them, however, I feel that I don't really fit in with my pledge class. (I am so much cooler and cuter and skinnier than they are and some of them are fat and don't date/OR they are all drunken whores and I wear a purity ring given to me by my Father). Also when I was going though recruitment, there were one or two other sororities that I loved and I felt I clicked with better (they were cute and had mixers with the cool frats/OR they were all Evangelical Rhodes scholars like me).

Yes. Depledge. Now. Whatever your reasons, you shouldn't be initiated into a wonderful national women's sorority feeling as you do. How do I know they are wonderful? Easy. They ALL ARE. And they deserve better. Go through recruitment next year and let us know how it goes.

Hahaha, oh, this post took me a minute, but well done.

Wait a second! Did the OP mention anywhere in her 3 posts that she goes to some SEC school or even a competitive campus? No, she didn't! Yet you're making blanket statements that may not apply.

My campus was competitive but not to an extreme. Off the top of my head I can think of a DG pledge who depledged and became a Kappa, a Kappa who became an Alpha Phi, a KD who became a Sigma Kappa, an SDT who became a KD and a DG who became a KD (Me).

We don't know her campus.

All this talk is so condescending and could be entirely inaccurate.

Signed,
Damaged Goods

I think that it won't fly for her, no matter how uncompetitive the school because 1) her reason is super turbo lame (I don't get along with my pledge class - I think people assumed that she is at a larger system if the only people she knows are her pledge class) and 2) there are other sororities I liked better and I know that if I rush again they will see my wonderfulness.

It's one thing to say "I pledged this sorority and I'm not happy. I quit." and then make the decision down the road to rush again, and another to say "I'm not happy because I know the other groups would be better." If she finds herself spending more time with the XYZs than her own sisters, then by all means, depledge and join XYZ at the earliest opportunity. But she hasn't given any indication that is the case.

She really hasn't given any indication of anything. There is so little information given I don't see how so many people could come to any conclusion at all.

My question to the OP would be, have you actually taken the time to get to know your sisters? Because it sounds like you expect people to come up to you and be like "omg your so and so, I'm xyz". Dude doesn't work that way. You have to put forth a little bit of effort.
If you aren't willing to put a little bit of effort into this, I can guarantee a new sorority isn't going to help that flaw in your character.

As for quitting and rushing again, remember that YOUR favorites were just that. Just because YOU clicked with them doesn't mean they clicked with you. Recruitment is a mutual selection process. You rank, they rank. Sometimes it matches, sometimes it doesn't.

Many girls feel that they don't fit in. It does take time. I didn't feel like I fit in with my pledge class in many ways. It took me the better part of a year to really feel like I was a part of my chapter. It took time, hanging out at the house, getting involved, using my gifts to help the chapter, etc. It came in stages, a little at a time, until I knew I was an integral and important part of my chapter.

While you might really wish to be in one of the groups that you loved, they didn't invite you back and/or extend a bid to you. You have to really think through what will be different next fall to make them WANT you. They will remember you. What is going to change about you in the next year that they will change their mind? And something has to change because they felt that you wouldn't fit into their chapter.

If you truly are unhappy then you should resign. But really make sure that no sorority membership FOR LIFE is better than making the most of what you have. Because you may end up with nothing in the end.

My school's recruitment is pretty competitive. Not SEC competitive but it's a large school in the south. There were a number of girls who went through recruitment every year who depledged the previous year. Many, if not most, got bids. My sorority took two of them one year - and we were definitely not a lower tier house. To tell her that she will never get a bid at another house is not correct. It depends so much on the school. It also depends on her. If she has zero social skills, she won't get a bid again. But, if her reasons for depledging are truly because she doesn't fit in...well, there's a chance she could get a bid somewhere else. The girls my sorority took became friends with a lot of girls in my chapter after they depledged. They hung out with us during the year and got to know us. When recruitment came around, it was a no-brainer to offer them a bid.

To the OP, you know better than anyone else on this forum what your campus culture is like. If you think you could easily get a bid somewhere else next year and you don't see yourself ever fitting in with your current chapter, then depledge.

At some sec schools they do

Well, let's just say at Ole Miss sophomore bids for women who rushed as Freshman, and accepted a bid, then dropped are scarcer than hens teeth. I suspect it's the same at Alabama as well.

Even if it appears this way, unless you have actually sat in on membership selection sessions for all three sororities (which the only way you could do this is while wearing your Cloak of Invisibility), it is unadvisable to make statements like this. "My friend in XYZ told me so" is hearsay and doesn't hold up. Your friend has no idea what may have occurred before or after her.

Strictly speaking, no you can't "testify" to it. As 33 girl noted, unless you are an advisor to that chapter or otherwise personally involved in chapter operations, you have no personal knowledge of the way it is with her chapter; your knowledge would be based on what you've been told by your daughter or others. That testimony would be inadmissible as hearsay. ;)

I go to a large school, but its not a huge greek school. I'm not sure what "sec" is but its a school in the south, but not as big as ole miss or anything like that.

If you don't know what the SEC (Southeastern Conference) is then your school isn't in the SEC. ;)

Seriously? You never heard of the SEC and you go to school in the South? :confused:

????? You may want to edit that....I have NO clue what you are trying to say.

She's trying to say that her daughter blabs private membership selection information to her, and she was trying to act like an expert on their MS rules.

ElvisLover, your join date suggests that you're fairly new to GC. I don't know if you were in a GLO when you were in college, have been a long-time lurker who recently joined GC, or if you are here secondary to your daughter's membership in a "top three sorority" at MSU. It matters not to me, other than it is a frame of reference in understanding where someone is coming from when they post.

Either way, a good rule of thumb to stay out of hot water around these parts: please don't comment on membership selection or repeat things that you've been told, but have no first-hand knowledge about or have not personally experienced. What happens all too often is that myths get perpetuated, or misinformation gets passed off as fact, and it's damaging in all sorts of ways. No one should be posting information related to MS here, as it is likely that the person/situation referenced can be readily identified. This could potentially have repercussions, because membership selection is confidential chapter business, and considered by many (if not most) chapters to be ritual-related.

There are precious few anonymous situations any more, thanks to the Internet. Please take this in the Panhellenic spirit in which it is offered.

We all have a tendency to think that either 1-all NPC sororities function exactly the same or 2-they all work 100% differently. And many times we think those things simultaneously. And many of us have been caught saying something we shouldn't have or sharing something we think is common knowledge or SOP, when it very clearly is not whether from chapter to chapter of a sorority or across all sororities. And I, for one, have also been guilty of assuming NPHC member intake or fraternity rush has 1 iota of similarity to NPC. I've learned a lot from being here, and you will too ;)

When in doubt, wait and see what someone else says first.

But I think the variety of responses here could be boiled down to this: while it is POSSIBLE that the OP could get a bid the second go 'round, I wouldn't plan on it. Without some solid extenuating circumstances, many chapters (although certainly not all) will see a de-pledge or a rushee they cut last year as not worth a second look. If she is set on doing this again, she needs to work very hard at making herself a more desirable candidate next time. That's grades, extra-curriculars, leadership roles, friendships, spotless reputation, active social life, etc.

I don't care. You obviously don't get the point. It has nothing to do with rules. You took information that was obviously not meant for you (as you are not a member of your daughter's organization) and blabbed it on GC. If you can't accept that this type of information is Membership Selection information and not for dissemination across the internet, then you have a problem with judgement. I doesn't bother me if you think I'm mean. You obviously don't think much. Consider the consequences before your type. And by the way, deactivating your PMs so I can't respond back to you after YOU started the conversation with me is so adult. Kudos.

Since I can't reach you on PM, I didn't break my daughter's or anyone else's confidence for that matter. I was only trying to help the OP, as recruitment can be brutal at any SEC school. Also, what I stated on GC wasn't "stupid" and I'm not "wrong" about anything. Just being truthful, like any reasonable adult would be. Try to be a little more patient with the newcomers around here, and I'm not mad at you, I just said I didn't like your meanness.

You are funny, and I'm starting to think you are a troll. You know when you quote someone, it's not okay to change the quote. And YOU can reach ME on PM. I haven't turned mine off. You, however, have deactivated yours. Let's be honest, Ms. Honest Adult. LOL. Personally, I don't like your dishonesty and lack of judgement.

You deactivated yours to begin with. This is just rude and uncalled for Oh well, I'm arguing with an idiot, and you've had more experience, so you win.

Like I said before, when you argue with an idiot, they drag you down to their level and beat you with experience, as you have.

My PMs are not deactivated. They have always been open. Now I'll call you a liar. You have lied about this entire event. You lied about who told you that your daughter's sorority cuts second time PNMs. You said that an upperclassman just told you that they cut upperclassman. LIE. You specifically said that you knew they cut a girl that rushed a second time. It's so hard to keep up with your own lies sometimes, isn't it. Maybe I am being mean. It's pretty obvious that you aren't very smart. I should just let you go. It seems that you are living vicariously through your "popular" daughter who pledged at "top 3" chapter at Miss State. Good for you. Now go play on CC with the other moms that never went to college.

With all due respect, you are sounding very immature and like a drama queen. AOIIAngel is one of the most helpful and most knowledgeable ladies here. You should probably get off the internet for a while to simmer down so you don't embarrass yourself or your daughter any more. I know if I were your daughter I would be mortified if my momma acted this way online.

You did talk about private membership selection information for her chapter. It might not be top secret coming directly from their ritual but it is private. Your daughter shouldn't have shared it with you and you definitely shouldn't have put it out on the internet. Because you are not a member of that sorority. You are not a member of that chapter. When it comes down to it, you really don't even know for sure since it's something someone told you. You aren't there to witness it and never will be.

I specifically tried to PM you several times and had no record of it ever going through. Like I said, I'm new at this. I have not lied about anything, so it's not hard for me to keep up with anything. How rude of you to say that I'm not very smart. And you think you are? I have no idea what CC is and you don't need to inform me. Incidentally, I went to college and have a master's degree. How presumptuous of you to assume I never went to college. But, hey, let's keep this up. It's more fun for everybody to fight in public!

:rolleyes: How old are you? You act worse than my littlest sister.

Old enough to have gone through college and grad school. Your guess.